MAY 2011

The hardest part of losing Hailey was losing a piece of himself. Mike started getting back into his old routine of going out, getting drunk, and fucking some random girl. Only now, he had to get himself completely annihilated to even touch another woman.

“You shouldn’t do this,” Jeff told him quietly.

“Do what?” Mike slurred.

“That girl,” Jeff nodded at the sloppy blonde, fumbling her way back to Mike, “Or any other girl for that matter.”

“Why?” Mike snorted before finishing off his drink.

“She’s not going to be any good,” Jeff made a point, “You’re not going to be any good,” another good point, “And you’ll regret it, just like you have the past like two girls.”

Mike stared at his best friend in an alcohol induced haze, “What’s it to ya?”

“Hailey’s my friend and you’re my friend,” Jeff was somehow sober as shit and it pissed Mike off, “You two belong together,” he put his hand on his shoulder, “Like if there are any two people more perfect for one another, I’d be damned if I could find them.”

“She left,” Mike argued.

“You could have stopped her, at the very least, you could have told her how you felt or even come to see her off. You blew her off like it was nothing man, she was hurt.”

“She,” Mike pointed his finger in the tall blonde man’s face and waved it around, “She wanted to cut her lossessssss,” Mike was mad and drunk, “the night she told me she got the job and was leaving. I fucked her and left, that’s all she was Cartsy, a fuck.”

Jeff’s blue eyes narrowed and he grabbed his captain’s arm, “You’re drunk, you’re mad, you’re sloppy as shit, and you’re a fucking prick. Go home Richards.”

For some reason Mike listened. He grabbed the equally sloppy blonde and got a cab to go to his place.

After stumbling up to the door and opening it with her attached to his neck, Mike pushed her inside and against the wall. He started assaulting her body with his lips but stopped when he saw a bracelet on her wrist.

It was some cheap little sterling silver bracelet with a heart charm on it. It wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t expensive, it was just a damn bracelet; the same one that Hailey’s father had given her on her sixteenth birthday Mike was pretty sure that was the story behind it.

He lifted her wrist up to his eyes, “What is it?” the drunk blonde asked.

“I…I can’t do this,” he shook his head and dropped her arm, “I’m sorry.”

Mike dug into his wallet and handed her money, “This is for a cab.”

The girl slapped him across the face, “You get me here, get me all ready, and then just pay me to leave? You are a dick.”

Mike couldn’t help but think he deserved that gesture as she stomped out of the condo. When the door was closed behind her Mike slid to the floor with his hands tugging at the ends of his hair, “Fuck me.”

He pulled out his phone and typed Hailey’s name. Mike just stared at the screen with her number on it for a few minutes before deciding to just go to bed.

He could have called her, poured his heart out to her, but he chose not to. It wouldn’t have had the same effect on her if he was drunk, slurring, and half in tears.

Mike stared at the wall of the bedroom for a while, the same one he and Hailey had painted a hunter green color. Even drunk he could make out the memory as clear as day; the flinging paint at one another, the laughing, the beers drank, the happy smile on her face. He turned his head into the pillows and prayed that he could suffocate himself somehow.

It was time for the breakdown he had been waiting for, the one he had felt coming on for a while now but had pushed aside. He was completely frustrated and exhausted from the season, he was annoyed with his performance and the big wigs within the organization, and he was missing something that he never thought he would; He was a fucking mess.

The Flyers were in between the first and second round of the playoffs and he knew he shouldn’t have been concentrating on the pain or stress, instead he should’ve been concentrating on making his next goal, assisting others to their next goal. As the captain, he should have been more focused. But even his young teammates saw the change in him. He was feeling like an old man, like his body was going to give out at any second. Mike knew, as he thought more and more about
Hailey, that it wasn’t just from the normal wear and tear of a hockey season, it was from losing the love of his life.