If you're reading Harder than Stone on Mibba (and you really should be!), read Chapters 35 and 36 before this one.
___

Meghan woke up feeling better. In fact, she felt stupid for having given Kaylynn a hard time over leaving Steven’s celebration early. Not everyone had grown up surrounded by these guys, watched them stumble and fumble as any teenager or young adult would do. It was easy to see them as superstars from the outside and like it or not, that’s where Kaylynn was keeping herself. Untangling from John’s arms and legs, Meghan took her phone down to the kitchen. It wasn’t early if you worked in the real world.

“Hey!” she said brightly when Kaylynn picked up the call. But the answer had been softer, timid. Meghan cursed herself for assuming Kaylynn’s schedule. “I’m sorry - did I wake you?”

“No,” Kaylynn said, voice still low. “I’m at the office. It’s okay, though - I can talk.”

Meghan paused, holding a frying pan she’d just banged free of it’s cupboard. “You’re at work? How are you feeling?”

“Much better,” Kaylynn sighed. “I took a Gravol and slept like a rock.”

“Well, good,” Meghan relaxed. “Remember, apple juice and saltines are your best friend, Kay.”

She giggled. “Yes, mom.”

An awkward silence fell, waiting for Meghan to get to the point. She wished she hadn’t been so hasty the evening before. “Look, Kay… about last night. I’m sorry if I was rude or whatever.”

The answer came quickly. “No, no. I just wasn’t - ”

“Feeling well, I know,” Meghan cut in, assuring she’d heard the explanation even if she’d questioned it. “It was probably a lot too, all those people. I sometimes forget that you haven’t grown up with all those guys, that two dozen people asking you and Steven what your plans are might be a bit much.”

Kaylynn softly replied, “Yeah.”

Meghan knew she’d hit the nail on the head. It wasn’t anything to be suspicious about, instead she should be helping Kaylynn make this adjustment. Footsteps caught her attention and Meghan turned to see John striding into the room, pushing a hand through his thick, dark hair. Goddamn he is gorgeous. She could not keep the smile off her face. Neither could he. John grinned and mimed talking on the phone, asking who it was.

“But don’t worry,” Meghan remembered Kaylynn was there, “you get used to it.”

“What do you mean?” Kay asked. She sounded like she wanted specifics.

“Steven doesn’t really play into it,” Meghan shrugged. “He’s such a normal guy, Kay - you know how it is.”

She cut an avocado in half as John passed her two plates for breakfast. Just a nice guy doing a nice thing, much like she was sure Steven did. The eggs were done; Meghan tipped the pan toward John’s plate then gave herself the rest. It didn’t faze her when people recognized him, said he would be captain, Meghan didn’t look at John and see a name on a jersey - even if everyone else did. She held out John’s plate but when he tried to take it, she pulled back. He stepped close and they rubbed noses.

“Don’t worry, Kay,” Meghan said. “People aren’t that crazy about him in Tampa. Not like you are, babe.”

“I know.” Kaylynn sounded sad, and Meghan thought she must be embarassed by the way she’d acted.

“It’ll be okay, okay? I promise. See you soon?”

“Yeah,” was the answer, then the line was dead.

Meghan looked at the phone in her hand for a moment. How odd. The conversation had done nothing to eliminate a small knot of doubt in her stomach.
____

John felt at ease at the gym for the first time since his fight with James at the cottage. Every day since, he’d been wondering what would happen when he and Meghan were together around James. Now he knew. Neal had been alright at the barbeque - sober, friendly enough, snuck out pretty early. It could not have been easy for him. Gary made good on his promise they’d burn every calorie and more, but when he lined them up for sled drills, John bypassed the everyone’s favorite sled that somehow felt lighter and let James have it.

Afterward, Steven was in the locker room checking his phone. Stammer’s usually beaming face was a bit off, his lips knit together anxiously.

“Whatcha doin’ today?” John asked, concerned but not wanting to be nosy.

“Er, a… meeting. With my agent.”

“In Mississagua?”

“Mmhmm,” Steven said absentmindedly, reaching for his bag.

“Like where I live?” John prompted.

Steven looked up, registering John’s presence for the first time. “Yeah. Sorry. Later though, at five.”

“Wanna come over when you’re done, have dinner?” John thought maybe Steven just needed an easy night after returning from camp to find his yard bursting with well-wishers and family fans.

Steven sighed, bringing his attention back into check. “Yeah man, that sounds good. Thanks.”
_____

“Steven’s around today, I invited him to dinner,” John said, setting two glasses of water on a small table between two pool chairs. Meghan sat in the other, green bikini so barely tied at her hips and neck that John changed his mind, put the drinks on the ground and moved the table out of the way entirely.

Her lip twitched. “Oh yeah? What are you making us?”

John’s deep laugh made her smile. He’d cooked plenty of times over the summer, fussing as he tried to impress her with some variation of chicken, rice and vegetables. No wonder he had boring girlfriends before, Meghan had thought. He could eat the same thing every night. He pushed the chaise lounge flat and lay down on his back, hand reaching out to brush her thigh.

“I can cancel,” he suggested.

“No, no. I feel like cooking. How about salmon on the grill?”’

“You are going to be very popular on Long Island,” was his answer.

Meghan put aside her magazine and looked toward John. He’d put on ten pounds since they met and it wasn’t from eating her food. All that time in the gym had turned him into something of a work of art. He’d warned her it would fade, that gym muscle was different from hockey muscle and once he got to playing and practicing every day, things would reshape themselves. It was already so late in the summer he’d been on the ice almost daily. Regardless of definition, John looked strong and immovable. It contrasted sharply with the Meghan’s fear of hurting him.

“You know,” she said carefully, “when I get to New York, I’m going to have a schedule to keep and everything. I’m not sure it’s the best thing for me to be living on Long Island.”

John shaded his face with one hand. “And?” he prompted.

“Do you think we’re moving too fast? I know I’ve been staying here, but this isn’t real life. We don’t work, we don’t have anywhere to be. It’s wonderful, but when all that stuff comes back, I….”

“You don’t want to be stuck on Long Island, wondering why you did all this?”

John had considered it too. He wanted to live with Meghan, be with her every moment, but even with his limited experience he understood the honeymoon phase. Someday they’d have a fight, he’d make her cry or she’d make him angry. It was inevitable. And it would make them a real couple, not the fantasyland version they’d been living since July. So in a weird way John wanted that, bruises and all.

“I know why I’m doing it.” Her tone was sure.

“Then that’s all I care about,” he said. Meghan held his gaze and didn’t move, like she didn’t believe him. “I want you to be happy and make friends and most of all, I want you to love it so much down there you never want to leave. If getting a place in the city is what you want, do it.”

“Really?”

“Can I have a key?” John asked. Mentally he was calculating buying an apartment for her to live in and him to visit.

“Of course.”

Then he had another idea. “Will you have girl roommates?”

“Probably,” she said.

“Colin will terrorize them,” he warned.

Meghan grimaced. “Maybe I’ll get guy roommates.”

John shook his head. “I will terrorize them.”

She leaned over the side of her deck chair and kissed the grin right off his face.
____

Despite their conversation, Meghan was more than happy playing house with John. She closed a baking sheet of oiled red peppers into the oven and removed the marinating salmon fillets from the fridge. John followed, cleaning up behind her and checking the quinoa pilaf starting to heat on the stove. He touched her every time he passed by, as if to make sure she were real.

Outside, the dog days of summer had definitely set in. Strands of hair slipped from Meghan’s ponytail and stuck to her neck and face. Opening the grill cover didn’t help, but she braved the warmth to flip the salmon carefully skin-side down on the lower rack. Drops of marinade sizzled on the metal rungs, bursting citrus and spice scent in Meghan’s face. She heard tires in the driveway and closed the grill, heading for the front door.

“Hello?” Steven was letting himself in as she rounded the corner.

Tall and rangy in a slender way, Steven’s ease of movement made Meghan jealous. With the tan skin, blond hair and quick smile, he always looked like a ray of sunshine. She opened her arms for a hug. Steven squeezed her tight - and held, just for a moment longer than expected. It might have been nothing. Or it might have been a clue that Meghan was right last night and something was tense between him and Kaylynn. After their phone conversation today, Meghan was still suspicious even though she still hoped to be wrong.

“Come in, come in,” she said.

Steven brandished a six pack of craft beer - the full-calorie stuff. “Figured one last hurrah, Robs doesn’t have to know.”

Not completely buying the grin on his face, Meghan led Steven into the kitchen. John abandoned his cleaning to greet his friend with a slap on the shoulder.
“Steven wants to get us drunk,” Meghan pointed at the beer.

John scoffed. “It’ll take a lot more than that. Remember the cottage?”

A private smile flickered across her lips. Meghan remembered everything about the cottage, good and bad. But mostly good. She and John sharing the twin bed, the aggressiveness he showed when he couldn’t have her at will. How, after a day on the boat, they’d run for their room and made love, standing up, barely out of their bathing suits. And finally the way he’d defended her, made his desire and intentions public. How surprised he’d been when she called him “boyfriend,” as if he’d won the lottery.

Steven read her expression like a book, skipping right to the end. “You two are gross.”

Meghan sent the boys and their beers outside with a dish of food. She followed with a spatula, took the salmon off the grill and put a filet right down on each plate.

“God, this looks so good,” Steven said.

John looked at Meghan, then at her boobs, and winked. She laughed. John Tavares, Master Flirt.
It was good. While he ate, John considered how wonderful it would be if he could get one or two home cooked meals that didn’t come from another player’s wife. They were always welcoming, but John hated to feel like the burden bachelor imposing on what limited family time his friends had. They invited, he accepted. Maybe now sometimes he could invite in return.

“Right?”

John found Meghan and Steven both giving him the eye. He shrugged, silent.

“Right, so. As I was saying…,” Steven went on, something about ordering a custom canvas from one of the artists they’d seen at the street fair for his place in Tampa. She’d done shots of neighborhoods in Toronto and he found one of the coffee shop where Kaylynn had finally agreed to almost have a date with him. At least a conversation. He wanted to surprise her with it when she arrived in Florida, a little slice of Canada in the Sunshine State.

Again Meghan’s sixth sense was tingling. She heard Steven’s words, but his tone seemed to be saying something else.

“Speaking of which, I talked to Kaylynn today,” she dropped casually into the conversation.

Steven chewed, swallowed, took a sip of water. Then very deliberately said, “Oh?”

“Yeah. I wanted to see how she was doing, so I called to check in,” she pushed away her empty plate. “Sounds like she’s feeling a lot better?”

Steven got a little pale and even more still. Or not, Meghan thought. Even John, half lost in thought, glanced nervously at his girlfriend. She reached out a hand to his shoulder. “Steven?”

He looked up, registering their concern, then brushed it off. “Yeah. Sorry, it’s just been a long day.”

The night ended quickly after that. Assuring them he was fine, Steven still had to get back to Markham for something. He thanked them profusely for dinner then shook John’s hand. His hug to Meghan was even longer than the one on arrival. She squeezed back extra tight, letting him know she was there for anything, no matter what. His light blue eyes said he already knew.

“Well that was weird,” John said when Steven was gone.

Meghan chuckled - if John noticed, it must have been pretty obvious. He was leaning against the wall, red t-shirt on and hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his khaki shorts. Meghan approached slowly and with lifted fingers brushed the hair back from his forehead. Troubled as she was by Steven’s distance, it was no reason to waste one of the few good nights she and John had left together.

“Still want to see my boobs?” she asked.
____

Friday morning, Meghan woke to an empty bed and the sound of breakfast being made. She pulled on one of John’s t-shirts and padded down to the kitchen quietly. John was at the stove, his back turned and hair sticking up where he’d slept on it. He pushed eggs around in a pan before stopping to put jam on an English muffin. Meghan took the chance to move a few feet closer, until she was just across the island.

“Smells good.”

He jumped and whipped around, but the look on his face was not surprise. Instead his thin lips twisted into a pout.

“Aw, I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed!”

Meghan titled her head, wondering if the universe was somehow kidding with all this perfection. Then she turned and marched back upstairs. When he appeared in the door three minutes later with a tray, she pretended to be asleep.

“I was having a good dream,” Meghan opened one eye.

John set the tray down next to her on the bed and placed a glass of juice on the nightstand. “I told you I’d make breakfast if you stayed over more.”

Indeed he had: scrambled eggs with some cheese and bell peppers mixed in, half an avocado perfectly sliced and two halves of a muffin slathered with strawberry preserves. He was very pleased with himself.

“Thank you,” she said.

He kissed the top of her head and stole half her muffin. “Now I’ve just gotta figure out how to make mine at the same time.”

Meghan finished her eggs, wishing there were time to lay around and enjoy a lazy morning but, as ever, the threat of Gary Roberts hung over their heads. Once the season started John would have morning practices and Meghan would have to get to the gym without motivation. Putting the tray aside and leaning back in the big, comfy bed it was hard to imagine doing that to herself.

John stuck his head in, saw her still lounging. “Don’t get me in trouble,” he warned.

Meghan flipped the edge of the blanket back to reveal a bare hip and leg. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

He groaned dramatically, gripping the doorknob so hard it almost snapped off in his hand. Good thing she’s coming to New York, John thought, or he might have had to risk it.
____

James looked at Gary. Gary looked at James. Neal had to smile - this never happened. Not only was he first to the gym, but it was two minutes to ten and he was the only guy there. Of course the other two were probably getting laid - a cruel irony considering that was the area where James usually outperformed - but this summer, Neal was taking accomplishments where he could find them.

Gary did not look amused.

With thirty seconds to spare, Meghan came trotting through the door with John on her heels. James tried not to register the purple tank top hugging her curves or the black workout capris wrapped tightly around her thighs. They did a quick kiss-and-backpack-transfer, Meghan taking John’s so he didn’t need to stop. Tavares hit the line right on time.

“Close one,” Gary said.

With an amazingly straight face, John said, “Worth it.”

James snickered. This guy had Meghan written all over him. At ten sharp they started, no sign of Steven. Gary put them on treadmills to get their heart rates moving. Every two minutes he upped the pace until they were ten minutes in, going at a 6 mph clip that required concentration. They were both surprised when Gary called, “Stammer!”

Head down guiltily, Steven didn’t even bother hustling into the cardio area.

“Nice of you to finally join us.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Steven mumbled. Already in shorts and sneakers, he went to pass Robs for the nearest open treadmill.

“Wait a second, hold up,” Gary caught Steven by the shoulder. “What’s going on? You’re never late.”

John slowed his treadmill without permission; James took that as permission and did the same. They both hopped off to hear the conversation. Steven lifted his head - eyes red, chin stubbled. Creases folded between his brows.

“It’s nothing,” he tried to push past. “Slept in, I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.”

Looks like me after a rough night, James thought. He did his best to break the tension, pulling the tag of Steven’s Nike workout shirt. “Dude, what the fuck? Your shirt’s inside out. Kaylynn keep you up all night so you can’t even dress yourself in the morning?”

Instantly James knew his humor was misplaced, he’d read the situation wrong. As usual. Steven buried his face in one hand and everyone paused, unsure what they were seeing. Finally Stamkos raked the hat off his head.

“Kaylynn left me,” Steven said quietly, barely meeting their eyes. “We broke up.”

John’s blood went cold. His heart stopped and a hundred questions sprung to mind. Why? When? How had this happened and how had Meghan known something was off so long before anyone else, including Steven?

James just said, “Fuck.” He took the words right out of John’s mouth.

“Stammer,” Gary said in the softest voice he’d ever used.

John’s reaction was to look for Meghan. He scanned the room, spotted her running on the same elliptical she’d been using the day they met. Like that day, James gave him a shove in her direction.

Meghan was rocking out to some Britney Spears when John appeared at her elbow.

“Hey,” she smiled but John did not return it.

“We need you.”

“What?” She stopped immediately, head swiveling around. Usually they just wanted her to judge a race or something, but John’s expression was grave.

“Kaylynn dumped Steven.”

“What?!” she hissed. Her feet hit the floor and she took off toward the small group that was James, Steven and Gary without bothering to wipe the sweat from her face. John knew she had a protective streak but he’d never really seen it in action. Now he rushed to catch up.

“Where is she?” Meghan demanded before she even reached them. “I will kill her.”

Steven tipped his head, leading them outside. He could not trust himself to keep it together and the gym was no place for a scene. Already hot tears burned behind his eyes. His lungs felt lined with lead, heavy and unable to draw breath. A collapse was inevitable and so he hurried. Outside, the bright sunshine made him squint. It pushed the verge of tears back a fraction of an inch.

“What happened?” Meghan asked immediately. “When? Are you okay? Is this about Tampa?”

John caught her from behind. “Baby,” he whispered in her ear, “give him a second. Let Steven explain.”

Stamkos sat down like a puppet with his strings cut. His strong, wiry body looked weak all of a sudden, unable to support itself. Meghan sat next to him and put a hand on his back while he spoke.

He told them everything. It started when Kaylynn didn’t pick him up at the airport on return from Calgary. Meghan caught John’s eye - they’d had quite the reunion, oblivious to their friend feeling jilted. Then Kaylynn had left the party early. “She wasn’t even sick,” Steven said miserably, looking at Meghan. “You were right, and she lied.” He explained how he’d waited all day for Kaylynn’s call but heard nothing, even when she’d taken Meghan’s call. Through dinner at John’s he’d done his best to be optimistic. Then he went home and walked into a fight.

“She’s just so scared,” he said angrily, “and she won’t let me help. I can’t help her get a job, I can’t pay for anything, I can’t wait long enough or ask enough times, I can’t do anything!”

Meghan rubbed a circle between his shoulderblades until he sighed.

“I’ve been fighting for her all summer, and when I woke up this morning she was gone.”

John watched Meghan’s face instead of Steven’s, recording her reactions to Kaylynn’s actions. John had never seen Meghan hurt for someone else. Maybe James, as he’d self-destructed so spectacularly, but that involved Meghan herself. She had tried to help James, even at the expense of what she wanted. Even when it had been a mistake. Steven and Kaylynn’s relationship was out of Meghan’s control - if anything, John thought that made her feel worse. Her face fell as Steven described waking up to an empty house, the key he’d given her left behind.

Steven went on, the story getting worse. He’d followed Kaylynn to her parents’ house, found her hiding out. “Yet again, she’s running and I’m chasing. I’m just so tired of this.”

He looked up at his friends. They’d all been through a lot this summer, but it was never easy for an athlete to admit defeat. It wasn’t easy to break down in front of the boys. But Steven had lost his pride in this, his heart too, and figured let them look. After all, there wasn’t much left of him for anyone to see.
Neal simply hung his head, his blue-green eyes full of understanding he would not have had two months ago. “Sorry, bro,” he said sadly.

John sighed, shaking his head. If anything he’d believed in Kaylynn for his own sake, that these fairy tale romances could translate into real life. John had put himself out there as much as Steven had, he knew how risk felt.
For Meghan though, the fight didn’t go easy. She got up, nervous fury driving her feet back and forth across the paved sidewalk. “The key, Steven,” she hissed. “I can’t believe she just left the key like that.”

She would need time to think this through. As a woman, Meghan had tried to understand Kaylynn. She’d even gone back and apologized for failing to be sympathetic. They shared the same life-altering decision but could not have approached it more differently: Meghan saw an opportunity, Kaylynn saw an obstacle.

Meghan had almost given up John to keep her friendship with James. She’d come close to sabotaging the best thing in her life for the sake of something else. Now James was here, listening to the same bad news, hurting for his friend the same way Meghan was. They hadn’t lost each other, just defined themselves more clearly. Not every fight had a loser. Now Meghan could not imagine allowing herself to lose John over anything.

“How did you end it?” she asked, even now looking for a glimmer of hope.

Steven’s blue eyes were weary as he frowned. He leaned onto his knees, rolling a bottle of water between his hands. “Told her I wouldn’t beg her to be with me,” he said quietly.

John felt it like a knife. Even James flinched. In the end Steven’s shred of pride had been the final straw. Meghan flew back into her spot at Steven’s side and wrapped her arms around his upper body. He didn’t move.
____

When they finally left, John drove. Meghan said nothing. She went into the house and straight upstairs. John didn’t follow, didn’t want to crowd her now. He brought a glass of water to the deck, sat in the full sunshine, and tried to imagine Steven bouncing back from this like’d he’d recovered from every other injury in the past.

After a while, John heard movement inside. Meghan was in the living room, showered and changed, sitting in the oversize chair with her face turned away. But instead of taking up the whole seat, she left half open and John figured that was an invitation. Easing himself in next to her, Meghan immediately curled in his direction. Her legs went over his lap, arms around his neck and he held her close.

“I told him she would go,” she said.

John brushed the hair back from her temple. “You couldn’t have known.”

“I knew I wanted to go with you. I just thought Kaylynn would want the same thing.”

“She did. Maybe she still does. You’re very independent, Meg, and adventurous. Not everyone’s that brave.”

“I’m not brave,” she said. “I was scared of getting involved with you, scared of James’ reaction, now I’m just more scared of losing you than anything else.”

John chewed the inside of his lip. He wanted to tell Meghan not to be scared, but that was a lie. He was scared too: of losing her, of what he’d seen today. More than ever he wanted to say he loved her, though it might not be worth anything right now. Steven and Kaylynn had said it. They’d believed it. Now they were nothing but a gaping hole in the ground and John wasn’t about to jump in after them. He and Meghan hadn’t really fought yet, hadn’t really lived in their relationship the way long term couples did. But they could survive this together and be stronger when those other things came.

“That’s what brave is, baby,” John said. “Doing something even when you’re scared.”
____

Notes