The Boys 'Round Here

It seemed everyone was ready for John to leave. He’d bid goodbye to Gary Roberts that morning, after a summer of near-death and vomiting, earning the look a proud father would give his kid. Then the call from Garth Snow naming John captain - the Islanders were eager to have the face of their franchise back within reach. After that, John and Meghan had gone to Sam’s house for a farewell lunch.

I should be used to this, Meghan thought. She’d said goodbye a hundred times, waved as people in her life returned to the NHL like they were going off to college. Of course, everything was different now.

John hadn’t asked if she wanted to stop after Sam’s, he just picked a street near the suburban town center and pulled up to a meter. People were shopping and strolling, enjoying a late summer Friday afternoon with none of Meghan’s sense of impending doom. John took her hand as they walked. He was in no hurry for the day to end either. They wandered up one side and down the other until Meghan’s stomach growled.

John stopped in front of the sports store, pointing toward the coffee shop next door. “Why don’t you get a snack? I need to pick up some socks.”

Meghan remembered packing about a hundred pairs of identical sports socks the day before, but she agreed anyway. Then shamelessly admired his cargo shorts as he walked away.

An ice tea would calm her nerves. Meghan ordered a large drink and a piece of banana bread from a barista and carried her cup outside to an empty table. She tucked in against the store window, facing outward and sank into the chair. Knowing John would be as meticulous about his socks as everything else, she pulled her paperback copy of This is Where I Leave You from her bag. The book was engrossing, quickly pulling in Meghan’s complete attention. She didn’t notice anything until a pair of heels clicked by noisily on the sidewalk. The sound was out of place on the ‘burbs on a lazy day, so Meghan looked up - right at someone she knew.

“Kaylynn.”

The shorter girl stopped hard – she’d been rushing somewhere, intent on clacking down the pavement toward what was clearly a work engagement. As ever she looked perfectly put together, her dress a whirling pattern of navy, orange and cream under a pristine white blazer. Hair smoothed and makeup perfect, Kaylynn was a style pro from head to heel. As usual, Meghan felt dressed down in her green shorts and white t-shirt.

That collected veneer fell apart the minute she recognized Meghan. “Hey,” Kaylynn stammered, gripping a coffee cup.

In moments of anger, Meghan had scripted this encounter in her head. Her protective instinct flared brightly over Kaylynn’s betrayal. What was worse, Meghan knew the fear first hand. She had the power to hurt John that way, and he had the same power over her. They were all so vulnerable and Meghan saw Kaylynn’s actions as nothing short of an attack on an unprotected target.

Now, seeing the fear in Kaylynn’s eyes, Meghan forgot all that.

The poor girl was a mess. Sure her outfit walked out of Cosmo and her makeup and hair were salon fresh, but that was just armor. Her big eyes darted quickly beneath those razor-straight bangs. The corners creased wearily where no concealer could help. Papers were jammed into a too-small bag, her hands clamped tight to anything to keep from fluttering. Meghan could feel Kaylynn’s heart racing from a meter away. Clearly, Steven hadn’t been the only one suffering, no matter the circumstances of their breakup.

After what must have been at least a minute, daring one another to go first, Meghan waved at the empty chair across her table. “Sit down,” she insisted, seeing the hesitation in Kaylynn’s eyes. But Meghan would not take no for an answer, so Kaylynn didn’t bother trying.

“So,” she made sure her tone was under control, “how are you?”

Kaylynn’s sigh was audible. She wouldn’t be executed after a trial. “I’m okay. Thanks... thanks for asking.”

“How’s the new job?” Meghan’s question was thinly veiled. Was it worth it? Did it change your life the way Steven wanted to, give you something that he couldn’t?

“It’s good. Things are really busy, but it’s exciting. My team is terrific and I’m learning a lot.” Kaylynn’s words were practiced, Meghan felt the strain behind them.

“That’s good,” she said. “What’re you doing all the way out here? Were you out sourcing at thrift shops?”

“Oh,” Kaylynn shook her head, waving a hand to explain. “No, I don’t do that anymore. I was up by the airport, a meeting for a client event.”

Meghan nodded, lips pressed together. Kaylynn had loved rifling through that street fair they’d visited like a treasure hunter. If that duty had been taken from her, it had taken a bit of joy with it. Kaylynn quickly realized that Meghan saw through her defense.

“What about you?” she asked. “Things in New York….”

This was where their stories diverged. As Kaylynn trailed off, Meghan blazed forward, her heart surging at the thought of John.

“John leaves tomorrow. I'm going when I find something," she said confidently. "Or I miss him too much. Whichever comes first." It was a little mean but Meghan couldn’t let this battle go without firing a single shot. Really she was testing Kaylynn, how sure the girl was about the ground she’d chosen to stand on.

Kaylynn waved her white flag by standing up. She couldn’t wait to get out of this conversation. “Well, that’s terrific, Meg. I hope it all works out for you,” she said sincerely. “John’s a great guy.”

So is Steven, Meghan wanted to say. Despite everything, this could be repaired. It could be stronger where the break healed, and both Steven and Kaylynn could still have the happiness she and John were so addicted to. That would never happen if Kaylynn thought every door had closed behind her.

“I heard you ran into Sarah,” Meghan blurted out. Kaylynn didn’t have much luck escaping the prosecution on this case – just a few days earlier, she’d come across Steven’s younger sister at a bar. Sarah had not shown Meghan’s restraint. In fact, Kaylynn hadn’t even known Steven had left early for Tampa until Sarah blamed her for it. “Look, Kay, what she said….”

“I deserved it,” Kaylynn spat. She quickly stood up, smoothing her dress and signaling this meeting was over.

The admission of guilt caught Meghan by surprise. Her voice broke as she asked, “Then why’d you do it? Why'd you let him go?"

“You think this is easy for me?” Kaylynn leaned forward, trying not to make a scene. The last of her polish faded and Meghan saw tears in Kay’s eyes. “That I just decided to give up on him, like I was tossing out the trash? There isn’t a way for me to make this work. Believe me - I’ve tried.”

Instead of softening her reaction, Kaylynn’s words stirred that anger in Meghan’s chest again. Nothing but excuses. Meghan stood up too, leveling the field. “Then try harder.”

Kaylynn’s posture curled as if to protect herself. "You don't understand."

"I don’t understand?” she demanded. “You are not the only one with something to lose, Kaylynn. We're all scared. Only I'm willing to risk it for John because that is what you do when you’re in love. You find a way to be together because you cannot be apart.”

Kaylyn recoiled. The words blazed with truth - the simple truth of what Meghan was willing to do, what Kaylynn would not.

"What I don't understand," Meghan dialed down her tone, "is what you're so scared of losing that could be worse than losing him."

That was the last straw. Kaylynn spun on a heel, walking away before she was even facing in that direction. She crashed into her own hand and a wave of coffee splashed down her front. “Oh my God!”

Meghan leapt into action, grabbing napkins. They were quickly united in the purpose of saving Kaylynn’s outfit. When the worst of it was mopped up, Kaylynn looked Meghan in the eye. Once they’d considered each other friends. Now Meghan wasn’t sure what to think.

“Kay,” she said.

Kaylynn promptly burst into tears. So much for holding it together in public, for taking her lumps and walking away intact. The tape and paste holding her heart together gave out under the weight of Meghan’s words: Try harder.

Meghan hugged her, probably getting coffee on her own clothes. Kaylynn allowed it but didn’t respond. She sniffled once, steeled herself, and collected what was left of her dignity. Not trusting herself to talk, she nodded and Meghan released her. Then Kaylynn walked away.
__

Socks never seemed to last long for John. He had a hundred pairs, all alike enough that it didn't matter if they actually matched. A summer of workouts had worn many too thin for his liking. It was a time-waster, checking socks for quality control, as was buying new socks right now. Anything to slow down the clock before he left and Meghan stayed.

She’s had a phone meeting and some solid job leads for New York. Her bright green eyes were optimistic when she talked about the chances of getting a job soon. John would not feel settled until she was hired, moved in and depositing her first paycheck. Maybe then he would relax - it would depend on where she was living.

He'd sent her to the coffee shop, knowing he couldn't concentrate on something as mundane as socks when everything about her distracted him. John's hands itched to touch her, his arms wanted to wrap around her all the time. So what if they couldn't walk while hugging? He didn't want to go anywhere. She had a way of standing just close enough that he could smell her shampoo, which completely derailed any other thoughts. Especially about socks.

John paid for ten pairs that looked just like all his other socks. Next to the register was a display of supposedly "miracle" hair ties - strips of knotted fabric that claimed to never leave a dent in the hair. He picked a sparkly silver one and threw it on top of his purchase. Maybe Meghan would need one later. After paying, he swung the bag between his fingers and turned out the door toward the coffee shop.

Shit.

There was Kaylynn, of all people, put together in a dress and white blazer like she hadn't left Steven covered bloodstains from a broken heart. Before John could even process what he might say, he realized Meghan was already saying it. Loudly. His girl stood up and planted her feet, hands on her hips and hair tossed back. John moved against the wall. He could hear every word, but he didn't want to interrupt Meghan before she got this off her chest.

"There isn’t a way for me to make this work,” Kaylynn was saying, her voice rising nervously. “Believe me - I’ve tried."

John already knew that Meghan didn't believe that. “Then try harder,” she insisted.

Kaylnn shook her head as if to brush it off. "You don't understand."

John winced. Wrong words. To his surprise, Meghan's reply wasn't angry. It was just volume, as if saying something louder was the only way to communicate with someone who refused to listen.

"I don’t understand? You're not the only with something to lose, Kaylynn," she said. "We're all scared. I'm willing to risk it for John because that is what you do when you’re in love. You find a way to be together because you cannot be apart."

Something came after that. Kaylynn moved and John pressed his back to the wall, half behind a plant, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping. Because he was pretty sure he'd just heard Meghan say, “... that is what you do when you’re in love.”

In love.

Hiding between a potted frond and the outside of the building, with a bag of socks in his hand, John thought this might be the best moment of his life.

Kaylynn whirled into view. It broke John's reverie. One step later she hit her own arm, caught up in momentum, and spilled coffee all over that bright white blazer. John nearly ran forward to help but there was Meghan, swooping in with napkins and dabbing at the lapels of the same girl she was just calling out. Kaylynn let her, almost grateful there was someone to take care of her. Then Meghan spoke softly and Kaylynn burst into tears.

Oh boy. He had no idea what to do with crying girls. Meghan did though, pulling Kaylynn into a hard, tight hug that looked as frustrated as comforting. It gave Kaylyn a minute to calm down, then she nodded once and took off.

John stayed behind his tree until Meghan sat down. He counted to thirty. She'd be drinking an ice tea, looking at her book but not reading it now because she was upset. Fresh wounds open everywhere, and Meghan defending herself with the fact that she loved him. John could only turn up with socks after that.

"Hey, did I just see Kaylynn?" he approached the table as if he'd come from next door.

Meghan pushed away the book she was pretending to read. "Yes. God, that was unexpected."

"Did you, uh, talk?"

"Kind of," Meghan leaned back heavily. Her features were lined with concern. "Shit. She looked a mess, John. She's not over him and I just... laid into her about it. I told her she was giving up too easily."

He reached out to still her hand, which was tapping against the table. Meghan wrapped her fingers into his. "She did give up," John said.

"I know," Meghan agreed. "But she's hurting too. I mean, she did love him. Even if she wrecked it in the end."

But not like you love me, he thought. I won't ever do anything to risk that.
____

Meghan was in her spot - the double-wide sofa chair in John’s living room where she’d spent as much time as possible over the last two months. That a guy with John’s build could fit in next to her was a testament to the chair’s construction. Or how close she wanted to be to him.

“Can we get one of these for your house in New York?”

John settled in close, the remote in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. “Sure, if you don’t mind Colin sitting with us. He’d love this thing.”

“Nope,” she relaxed against his side, “this is a Captain’s chair.”

For once they actually watched a movie. There was no talking, minimal interruptions for kissing and none of those turned into makeout sessions. That was a first for the summer. They both had the feeling that time slowed when they ignored it, so neither said anything about the fact John was leaving tomorrow.

Even when the movie was over, the house virtually empty and nothing left to do, neither of them said a word. They stood side-by-side brushing their teeth, toothpaste the only thing left on the counter. Meghan still winked at John in the mirror. When they were done, he took her and and led her straight to bed.

What John had heard earlier hung heavily in his mind. Meghan loved him. Or at least she considered it enough of a possible truth to tell Kaylynn. Of course, Kaylynn had been in love too and look where it got her. John knew Meghan was different - she was making the move, even if more slowly that he might have liked. She climbed into bed on his side, making him move to the middle, then lay facing him. John looked into the green eyes that had owned him since the very first day. Meghan brushed her fingers along his lip, brushing his scar. In fifteen hours, he would be gone.

"I guess this means you're really not coming.”

Her dark lashes fluttered, looking down. "Not tomorrow. I ...."

"I know. I was just hoping."

Tears pricked behind her eyes. She's promised herself she wouldn't cry, but that was as stupid and futile as trying to resist John in the first place. Going with him was the right thing to do, but she wanted to do it the right way.

"I promise, I’m trying.”

He pulled her tight, just the way he’d done every time he was lucky enough to hold her over the last two months. That time had lasted longer than John deserved but he still felt blindsided by it's end. His throat was tight - it wasn't very manly to cry in front of a girl, not in the same breath you asked again for her to follow you into the unknown. But John figured if Meghan wanted the kind of guy who didn't cry when they parted, she'd have chosen James instead. Tears dampened the hair at her temple where John's face was pressed.

"I know you’ll find something," he said, as much to himself as anyone.

This was the part that really broke Meghan's heart: go or stay, fast or slow. She’d never forgive herself either way, and it wasn’t fair to make him wait - again - because she insisted on doing everything the hard way. Meghan steeled her voice. "If you change your mind, if you don’t want to wait for me…."

John looked at her with those impossible eyes. They were lighter, brighter now that usual - more blue than green, and glassy like the ocean. It killed Meghan to know that she was making this man cry. Surprisingly, his mouth turned up at the corner.

"Meghan."

"John, I...." She tried to roll but he was ready. His fingers laced together at the small of her back.

"There was a time," he said playfully, "when I did whatever you said."

He meant keeping their secret from James for so long, but Meghan had to challenge. "I seem to remember lot of times."

John pursed his lips, fighting off a smile as a hundred intimate memories came to mind. Their summer had been well spent. If it took all season to get back to that, then he was willing to consider that time well spent too. "But this time I'm doing what I want. And that’s waiting for you, no matter how long it takes."

When she didn’t argue, John conceded one thing. “Because you were right. Two months is too short to have this and have to give you up.”

Meghan shook her head. “I never expected it to be like this.”

“I never expected to...,” John stopped. He so wanted to say fall in love, to shore up this arrangement with a promise that sounded more like forever. Meghan’s green eyes widened, finding his gaze as steady and strong as the way he held her. There was a future in those eyes, a lifetime of the way summer had felt. John held his breath.

“Me neither,” Meghan said. Her heart fluttered like a bird in a cage. Why had she stopped him? She wanted to hear him say it almost as badly as she wanted to say it herself. James knew the truth, and earlier that same day Meghan had told Kaylynn the one thing she had not yet told John.

Before more unmanly tears could spill over, John smiled. “Hurry up then, eh? Winter lasts a long time, and I don't want to waste it."
____

It didn’t matter what they said - in laughter, soft whispers, or even laying spent in each others arms after losing all track of their last hours together - the morning still came to John’s room. They showered and dressed, loaded bags into Meghan’s car and drove to John’s parents house. John was used to those goodbyes, but watching his parents hug Meghan like they’d miss her too really meant something. She got back into the car on the verge of tears again.

“Okay to drive?” he asked playfully. She blew a raspberry at him and beeped as she pulled away.

She’d said goodbye to Steven already, and to James in their own way. This time was different, so she flipped the locks closed just as her tires stopped.

“The next time I see you,” she said, “you’ll be the captain of an NHL team. You’ll also be twenty-three.” John blushed a little - her favorite look on him - as he reached out for a hug. Meghan did him one better with a long, slow kiss. When she broke away her heart beating hard. “Don’t change anything else, okay? I kinda like the way you are.”

“Thank God,” he smiled.

Meghan pressed another kiss to his soft lips and unlocked the doors. “I’ll see you soon.”
____

Meghan quickly discovered that “soon” was not nearly soon enough. She and John spoke every day and texted at all hours. Lucy took the morning off from work so they could watch the Islanders press conference where John was named captain - if two girls squealing and flailing around a living room could be called watching. John had confessed how nervous he was and sent Meghan pictures of what he wanted to wear. She was too interested in keeping him calm to correct his fashion sense now. The blue Isles polo was okay with black shorts, but the moment he walked on stage it fell apart. Black sneakers, again.

“God, do they never learn?!” Lucy cried.

Meghan could not have cared less. John flexed his hands the way he had on their first date, just before he touched her. He moved stiffly and his shirt was buttoned one to high. Her mind flashed back to the night of James’ party. It was the first time John had first said he liked her, even if he was drunk. This was as nervous as John got.

He did fine, though. Lucy was in hysterics by the time he said “heck” in his speech. When he finished and people applauded, Meghan and Lucy were clapping right along with them.
____

Three days later, Meghan was on the phone again. “How does this work?”

Steven was just a voice, laughing. “There’s a video button. Can you see it?”

She pushed one button, then another. “Fucking technology.” All of a sudden, Steven’s bright blue eyes flashed on her screen. “There we go!”

“Hey!” he said, smiling widely.

Meghan sighed. Steven might be a thousand miles away but he was in one piece, or at least not quite as many broken pieces as when he’d left. She strained to see over his wide shoulders, into the house she had never visited.

“I wanna see your place,” she pouted. “Take me on a tour.”

“I’m not walking around with my computer, showing you the place, Meg.” He did, of course, and without a fight. For the next twenty minutes he carried the computer around, screen facing out, going from room to room and back when she told him too. The living room, den, dining area and kitchen were all airy and lived in.

“It’s gorgeous, Steven,” she sighed.

“Coming together,” he nodded. “Took me a while, though. I had someone come in and help me, suggest a few things when I first move in. She works with the team.”

Meghan raised an eyebrow. “You mean you hired a decorator.”

He looked scandalized. “Not like that! I didn’t, like, approve fabric samples or whatever. But yeah, she came in and told me what furniture worked, what didn’t.”

It brought to mind another house in another city, occupied only part of the year. Unlike Steven’s this other house had not come together over the last seasons. It was a house but not really a home. “I keep suggesting the same thing to James. You should see his place.”

“Not sure I want to,” Steven laughed, shaking his head. “But what about New York? You heading to Tavares’ place soon?”

“I’ve had a few interviews here and there,” she said without elaborating. Her mind had wandered to the real reason for the call, beyond missing Steven. All this talk of James and John left out the one other person who’d played such a big part in their summer. Steven waited for her to continue - her green eyes flicked up, hesitating.

“I ran into Kaylynn last week,” she blurted out. Whatever reaction Meghan was expecting - blanching, a cry of anguish, a string of four-letter words - she didn’t get it. Steven’s sharply handsome features stayed perfectly arranged and he just sighed.

“I know.”

“What?” she blinked, stunned. “How did you…?”

“Tavares told me,” he interrupted. “Said Kay was giving you excuses and you told her to try harder.”

John told him. John saw me and Kaylynn outside the coffee shop. The math made sense, even if John had not mentioned talking to Steven. At least he’d relayed the story right. Meghan had replayed the words a hundred times in her head, feeling guilty. She told Kaylynn to try harder because that’s what you do when you’re in love.

I'm willing to risk it for John because this is what you do when you’re in love.

Meghan’s heart stopped. Her mouth dropped open, soundless because the words rang loud and clear in her memory. John had arrived at the coffee shop the moment Kaylynn ran off. He’d kissed her cheek, kept her from getting upset. John was the bright spot in a day that would not be wasted, their last together before his departure to New York.

“Ohmygod,” she leaned on the desk, voice coming out as a squeak. “He heard me.”

“Huh?” Stamkos frowned in confusion.

That night, in bed, he came so close to saying I love you and Meghan had stopped him. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was because she had already said it.

“He heard me, Steven,” Meghan pulled at her hair. “John heard me tell Kaylynn that I love him.”

All she got was Steven’s sarcastic grin. “Well, duh.”

“Steven...”

He understood all at once. “You haven’t said it yet?!” he cried. “Jesus, Meg! Maybe it’s a good thing he did hear you. Remember when you gave me shit for not saying it?”

Meghan did remember, a lifetime ago, when both Kaylynn and Steven were afraid it was too soon to state the obvious. Kind of like Meghan and John had been about getting together.

“Oh, Jesus,” she mumbled, distracted.

“Anyway,” Steven slapped both hands on the granite, hoping to get her attention. “You ran into Kaylynn.”

Meghan forced her mind to focus. There was much more to think about now that John knew, and she couldn’t do that with Steven waiting impatiently for her attention. “Right, yes.”

“Okay, so?”

Meghan frowned. “Well, I didn’t kill her….”

Steven laughed. After Meghan’s reaction to Kaylynn’s departure, he was impressed with her restraint. “Okay, that’s good. But seriously, Meg. How….” The questions were all over his face. How was Kaylynn? Was she coping? How did she look? Did she miss him? He probably wanted to know if Kay was seeing someone new, the better to torture himself with.

“Like shit,” Meghan admitted. “She looked like shit, Steven.”

Instantly, his levity was gone. Her honestly had been too brutal - despite what had happened, Steven was still very much in love with Kaylynn. “Okay, maybe not like shit.” After all, Kay had been dressed like a fashion spread. “She’s okay.”

Steven sighed, nodding.

“But honestly? She’s been better Steven. But then again… so have you, am I right?” Meghan couldn’t lie to her friend anymore than he could lie to her. “Have you talked to her at all?”

He looked mortified at the thought of anyone worrying about him. “Meg, she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be with me. There’s nothing here for her.”

Wrong, Meghan thought. The Kaylynn she’d seen looked more concerned there was nothing left for her in Toronto, that the one thing she wanted was long gone. “Maybe,” she replied carefully. “But weren’t you the one who told me this summer that people change?”

His laugh was bitter. “About Nealer? Yeah, look where that got everyone.”

“Steven.” He was not getting away with a pity party on her watch. “James and I are the furthest thing from you and Kaylynn. You guys….”

He sighed heavily, like he’d been through all this a million times. One hand came up in front of the screen, asking her to stop. “Look, Meg - I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but let’s just drop it, okay? There is no us when it comes to me and Kaylynn.”

“Didn’t I say I’ve never known you to give up on anything, Steven?”

“Yeah,” he shot back, in no mood to be challenged. “Right around the same time you said Kaylynn would be coming with me to Tampa.”

Meghan couldn’t have flinched harder if he’d slapped her.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he said, reaching for the monitor as if he could touch her. “Fuck, Meg, I -.”

“It’s okay,” she said quietly. He wasn’t wrong, and Meghan regretted promising something that wasn’t in her power. Still wallowing didn’t make anyone feel better. “I’ll say it again, Steven. You’ve never given up on anything before. Do you really want this to be the first time?”
__

Notes