Looking Up
Four - "I'm Giving You All My Love"
Sara got to the airport an hour before Sidney’s plane was set to land and stood outside of the car for ten minutes in the chilly autumn weather just waiting for her boyfriend’s imposing figure to appear in front of her. When Sidney did finally appear Sara stood glued to the ground and waited until he dropped his bags beside her and wrapped his arms around her engulfing her in his mass.
Sara pushed her face into his chest afraid to look over his shoulder and into the look of pity in every one of his teammates faces. The two melted into each other for a few moments leaning up against Sid’s black SUV and just reveling in the closeness of each other.
“I missed you.”
“You too.”
When the voices of his teammates neared the two they separated and climbed into the SUV hiding from the stares and whispers of their friends. Sidney drove back to his house in silence his hand rubbing circles on Sara’s palm. The two pulled into the driveway and walked hand in hand through the front door and up the stairs falling into their bed together.
“How are you feeling?” Sidney whispered turning on his side, his face inches from hers, and his arm flung over her waist. Sara closed her eyes with a sigh and pushed her body into his. Sidney knotted his fingers into her hair and breathed her in, I wish I could have met him…our baby.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”
“What to do about us.”
“Is there anything to do?”
Sara sighed and pulled her body out from his. She sat up in the middle of the bed with her arms wrapped around herself and her knees pulled up to her chin. Sidney watched as she sat just out of reach from him, her legs just inches from his. She took in a few shaky breaths, sniffled, and unwrapped her arms from her torso then pressed her palms to her eyes stopping the inevitable tears from falling. Sidney sat up quickly and wrapped his arm around her shoulders but Sara just shrugged him off.
“I lost our baby,” Sara choked out a sob. She pushed her feet under the blanket and bent her body over herself pressing her hands into her eyes and letting her body shake with the weight of the last weeks, “Our son.”
Sidney pushed himself against the headboard and turned his head away from Sara. He couldn’t imagine a feeling worse than losing a baby, his first baby, his first son. Things like this didn’t happen to good people like Sara and Sidney—they weren’t supposed to happen. A moment later Sara slid back on the bed and rested her face in the crook of Sid’s neck, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her half on top of him.
Sara kissed Sidney’s collarbone through his shirt then rested her cheek over his heart twisting her legs around one of his. Sidney kissed the top of her head, smoothing down her hair, and then squeezing his girlfriend closer to him. He could feel the tears leaking from Sara’s eyes soaking into his shirt and hear her sniffle every few minutes. Her hand pulled at Sidney’s cotton shirt sufficiently ruining the stretched fabric for good.
“I love you,” Sidney rasped kissing Sara atop her head again.
Sara sighed and pushed closer into Sidney wrapping her body around him like she was drowning and he was her lifejacket. They laid together for what seemed like hours before the two kicked off their jeans and slid under the covers quietly. Shoulder to shoulder the two lay together on the same pillow with their fingers intertwined staring at the ceiling just waiting to be whole again.
--
Sidney skipped practice the next morning, he faked illness but the whole team knew the truth now. While Sara was in the shower he made breakfast and drank his coffee in a daze. Sara came down the stairs drying her curly wet hair, her eyes were puffy and rimmed red left over from the night before and the inevitable tears she shed in the shower.
The two laid around for most of the morning and afternoon. Sidney stared at his copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from across the room while rubbing Sara’s feet who was strewn across him silently watching reruns of a show geared towards 15 year old girls. The silence of the house was suffocating by late afternoon and Sidney was able to coerce Sara out of the house long enough to get an early dinner and walk around.
The city was dead: it was still early and a Thursday. Sidney and Sara walked around for an hour, hand in hand, pretending to be a normal couple of barely less than a year. On a whim Sara stopped a newspaper stand and bought a magazine with Sidney’s face on it. She smiled and laughed at him and Sidney was happy to be the brunt of her jokes—at least there were still jokes to be told, even if they were old. Sara stuck the magazine in her back pocket as the two made their way towards Sidney’s SUV just as the streets were starting to come back to life.
--
“You do it, I always burn it,” Sidney sighed as he flipped a packet of microwave popcorn through the air to Sara.
“God only knows how…”
“What?”
“Nothing!” Sara laughed as Sidney pounced after her pinning her against the kitchen counter and tickling her up her sides and blowing raspberries into her neck. Her laugh was high pitched and every third breath she’d snort and it was music to Sidney’s ears. God, when was the last time Sara laughed? “Go find a movie, Sid!” Sara laughed and pushed Sidney off of herself. Sidney smiled and leant down capturing Sara in a slow kiss that sent a shiver through both of them. Maybe we’re on the right track…
Sara watched Sidney leave the kitchen with a smile on her face before she turned around to throw the popcorn in the microwave. She listened to the microwave revolve as she sipped on her late night coffee and paged through the sports magazine she had snagged earlier in the day.
On page eight of the magazine was a picture of Sara and Sidney on the street months ago, laughing and holding hands, with a caption underneath in bolded black letters proclaiming Sara’s pregnancy. There was barely any caption and the story came off as just a nasty rumor but Sara knew the truth to it. She pressed her hand up against her abdomen and closed her eyes wishing this could all just be happy.
“Did you burn it Sara?” Sidney laughed walking into the kitchen. He noticed her staring at the magazine with critical eyes and pulled it away from her. We just can’t catch a break can we? “It’ll all be fine Sara.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I love you.”
“I just want this to be over with. Who else has to find out before this is over with?” Sara rubbed at her face trying to push away the tears. Sidney walked close to her and let her fall into him. He pulled her up onto the counter top and dropped a hand on either side of her, his hands pressing into the cold marble. Sara pushed her face into his neck and took a deep breath.
“I love you too.”
Sara pushed her face into his chest afraid to look over his shoulder and into the look of pity in every one of his teammates faces. The two melted into each other for a few moments leaning up against Sid’s black SUV and just reveling in the closeness of each other.
“I missed you.”
“You too.”
When the voices of his teammates neared the two they separated and climbed into the SUV hiding from the stares and whispers of their friends. Sidney drove back to his house in silence his hand rubbing circles on Sara’s palm. The two pulled into the driveway and walked hand in hand through the front door and up the stairs falling into their bed together.
“How are you feeling?” Sidney whispered turning on his side, his face inches from hers, and his arm flung over her waist. Sara closed her eyes with a sigh and pushed her body into his. Sidney knotted his fingers into her hair and breathed her in, I wish I could have met him…our baby.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”
“What to do about us.”
“Is there anything to do?”
Sara sighed and pulled her body out from his. She sat up in the middle of the bed with her arms wrapped around herself and her knees pulled up to her chin. Sidney watched as she sat just out of reach from him, her legs just inches from his. She took in a few shaky breaths, sniffled, and unwrapped her arms from her torso then pressed her palms to her eyes stopping the inevitable tears from falling. Sidney sat up quickly and wrapped his arm around her shoulders but Sara just shrugged him off.
“I lost our baby,” Sara choked out a sob. She pushed her feet under the blanket and bent her body over herself pressing her hands into her eyes and letting her body shake with the weight of the last weeks, “Our son.”
Sidney pushed himself against the headboard and turned his head away from Sara. He couldn’t imagine a feeling worse than losing a baby, his first baby, his first son. Things like this didn’t happen to good people like Sara and Sidney—they weren’t supposed to happen. A moment later Sara slid back on the bed and rested her face in the crook of Sid’s neck, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her half on top of him.
Sara kissed Sidney’s collarbone through his shirt then rested her cheek over his heart twisting her legs around one of his. Sidney kissed the top of her head, smoothing down her hair, and then squeezing his girlfriend closer to him. He could feel the tears leaking from Sara’s eyes soaking into his shirt and hear her sniffle every few minutes. Her hand pulled at Sidney’s cotton shirt sufficiently ruining the stretched fabric for good.
“I love you,” Sidney rasped kissing Sara atop her head again.
Sara sighed and pushed closer into Sidney wrapping her body around him like she was drowning and he was her lifejacket. They laid together for what seemed like hours before the two kicked off their jeans and slid under the covers quietly. Shoulder to shoulder the two lay together on the same pillow with their fingers intertwined staring at the ceiling just waiting to be whole again.
--
Sidney skipped practice the next morning, he faked illness but the whole team knew the truth now. While Sara was in the shower he made breakfast and drank his coffee in a daze. Sara came down the stairs drying her curly wet hair, her eyes were puffy and rimmed red left over from the night before and the inevitable tears she shed in the shower.
The two laid around for most of the morning and afternoon. Sidney stared at his copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from across the room while rubbing Sara’s feet who was strewn across him silently watching reruns of a show geared towards 15 year old girls. The silence of the house was suffocating by late afternoon and Sidney was able to coerce Sara out of the house long enough to get an early dinner and walk around.
The city was dead: it was still early and a Thursday. Sidney and Sara walked around for an hour, hand in hand, pretending to be a normal couple of barely less than a year. On a whim Sara stopped a newspaper stand and bought a magazine with Sidney’s face on it. She smiled and laughed at him and Sidney was happy to be the brunt of her jokes—at least there were still jokes to be told, even if they were old. Sara stuck the magazine in her back pocket as the two made their way towards Sidney’s SUV just as the streets were starting to come back to life.
--
“You do it, I always burn it,” Sidney sighed as he flipped a packet of microwave popcorn through the air to Sara.
“God only knows how…”
“What?”
“Nothing!” Sara laughed as Sidney pounced after her pinning her against the kitchen counter and tickling her up her sides and blowing raspberries into her neck. Her laugh was high pitched and every third breath she’d snort and it was music to Sidney’s ears. God, when was the last time Sara laughed? “Go find a movie, Sid!” Sara laughed and pushed Sidney off of herself. Sidney smiled and leant down capturing Sara in a slow kiss that sent a shiver through both of them. Maybe we’re on the right track…
Sara watched Sidney leave the kitchen with a smile on her face before she turned around to throw the popcorn in the microwave. She listened to the microwave revolve as she sipped on her late night coffee and paged through the sports magazine she had snagged earlier in the day.
On page eight of the magazine was a picture of Sara and Sidney on the street months ago, laughing and holding hands, with a caption underneath in bolded black letters proclaiming Sara’s pregnancy. There was barely any caption and the story came off as just a nasty rumor but Sara knew the truth to it. She pressed her hand up against her abdomen and closed her eyes wishing this could all just be happy.
“Did you burn it Sara?” Sidney laughed walking into the kitchen. He noticed her staring at the magazine with critical eyes and pulled it away from her. We just can’t catch a break can we? “It’ll all be fine Sara.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I love you.”
“I just want this to be over with. Who else has to find out before this is over with?” Sara rubbed at her face trying to push away the tears. Sidney walked close to her and let her fall into him. He pulled her up onto the counter top and dropped a hand on either side of her, his hands pressing into the cold marble. Sara pushed her face into his neck and took a deep breath.
“I love you too.”
Notes
A 17 year old's life is hard one. I got accepted to college in October, decided I didn't want to go in January, and am now trying to meet the February 1st deadline to reapply to colleges. I hope you all still love my story more than my sporadic life.Comment, subscribe, recommend, love, hate, feel, tell your friends.
absolutely love it I can't wait for more chapters! :)
6/15/13