Animal Instinct
Chapter 4
For the next month I answer as many of Adam’s questions as I can about being a werewolf. I also bring him along to a few of my training sessions at Mr. Fuller’s request. He’s gone the majority of those four weeks on short road trips, but that doesn’t hinder us.
The first two weeks, I spent getting over the shock that he didn’t run screaming or need more process time. The day after he found out, he took me to Denny’s.
[i]“Adam…why are we going to Denny’s?” I give him a look. We need to talk about what happened yesterday. I feel like he’s avoiding it. This morning, he dropped me off at my apartment and left for practice without even mentioning yesterday. I tried to bring it up, but he changed the subject each time, promising to pick me up after work.
He helps me into his SUV, not answering my question. I scowl as I put on my seatbelt. I hope he’s not pulling away from me. After his apparent acceptance of me yesterday, suffering rejection today might break me.
“Turn that frown around, Gracelyn.” He tugs one of my curls before shutting my door. He has no right to be so nonchalant. None whatsoever. This is a serious matter. Instead of picking a fight with him, I let the ride to the restaurant pass in silence. I know that if I open my mouth, the next words I say will be some type of accusation, which won’t help things at all.
Adam holds my hand as we walk into the restaurant and get seated. Instead of sitting across from me, he squishes me into the booth, pressing the line of his body against mine. The human, rational part of my mind tells me to stay upset with him. But my wolf is all but purring at the physical contact. She’s slightly upset but not for the same reasons as me. That half of me is desperate to be mated, and she’s chosen Adam.
Adam orders us both water and a large order of fries.
“Are we going to talk about this now?” I shift in my seat slightly so I can look at him without twisting my neck awkwardly; my wolf isn’t happy about the loss of contact but I don’t let her influence me right now. He doesn’t answer and I frown. “Adam, I thought you didn’t want to play games.”
“I’m not playing games with you, Gracelyn.”He smiles at the server when she sets our fries down.
“Then talk to me.” I try not to eat the fries, knowing they’re a peace offering, but I can’t resist. I have a serious addiction. Nearly a third of the plate is gone before Adam even takes one.
He relaxes, slipping his arm around my waist and making me lean on him. “I have questions. A lot of questions. And I don’t know where to start.”
“Just start. Because this silence is making me want to run.” His dominance flares. My wolf curls around that feeling. At least he’s still territorial. I expected that to start waning, but it feels stronger now.
“How did it happen?”
That was not what I expected his first question to be. I don’t know why I anticipated anything else though. This is Adam. As much as he jokes and takes things in good spirit, he’s a straightforward, grown man.
“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was 14, walking home from school and decided to detour to the convenience store for a Slushie and a hot dog.” I try not to go into too much detail, remembering that we are in a public place. But I describe the scene I walked into that day, walking into the store to see a wolf eating a man alive. “When I woke up in the hospital, I was told I was attacked by an escaped mental patient. The doctor handling my case was part of my old pack. She covered everything up and introduced me to her Alpha.”
Adam kisses my head, flagging down our server. He orders more fries. I smile at him. “Can I ask you something before you continue questioning me?”
“Sure.”
“Where did you go for an hour?”
He chews the corner of his lip slightly. Something I’ve only seen him do when he is thrown off by something and it makes him nervous. He shoves a few fries in his mouth, stalling. But he finally responds, “To my car…to pray.”
Today is the day for Adam to surprise me. “You went…to pray?” I squirt ketchup all over our fries. I know Adam isn’t a fan of it, but we ate the first round his way.
He shakes his head, taking the ketchup from me before I can completely drown the fries. “Yeah. I probably don’t seem the type, but eh.”
“So what are you? You can’t be Muslim or Jewish.” Nothing I’ve seen him eat is Halal or Kosher.
“I’m Christian,” he chuckles. I nod. “Do you have a faith?”
“Eh, I’m Christian too. But I haven’t really given it much thought. I know I made the choice to be saved and baptized when I was ten, but after the accident, I kind of gave up on my faith.”
“Understandable.”
Wiping some salt off my fingers, I glance at him. “Can I ask what you were praying about?” I can’t help my curiosity. He was gone for an hour.
“I guess I can share this part of me, seeing as you shared something intense yesterday… I was praying for peace about my decision. Whether I should end things between us or not.”
Hearing that he struggled with that choice hurts, but I really can’t blame him for it.[/i]
Since that day, he’s made it clear that he wants to continue with our relationship. Once we left Denny’s, I decided to lay out for him the whole mate thing. I didn’t tell him and still haven’t told him that I want him to be my mate. That’s the equivalent of saying “I love you” in regular human relationships. Despite our strong attraction to each other and the speed at which our relationship is progressing, I want to save [i]something[/i]. After I explained things to him, he’s been more careful about how we interact. The fact that he’s extremely territorial and protective hasn’t changed. He still gets pissed off when Alec pushes the limits, but he understands why Alec finds it amusing to do so.
Another development is the fact that Mr. Fuller has lifted the restriction of us being alone together. He trained Adam in the warning signs that my wolf is near taking over and how to ease out of the situation. We also know that Adam isn’t in danger of my wolf hurting him. Under Mr. Fuller’s supervision, I’ve let my wolf take over while Adam is around. She’s basically a puppy under his touch. Or a bitch in heat. Unless another female werewolf is around. Melanie made the mistake of entering the training room during of my sessions that Adam was attending and I tackled her. I wouldn’t let her up until she’d fully submitted to me, either.
I was thoroughly embarrassed once I’d shifted back but Adam assured me he found it hot. He still does because he brings it up periodically.
“Gracelyn, are you even paying attention to me?” I look at Christina sheepishly. “I swear; you’re ridiculous,” she laughs.
“I am not.” I make a face at her.
I was a little reluctant to get to know Christina at first. But this woman does not take no for an answer. The three home games I’ve attended this month, she demanded I sit with her in addition to our Saturday outings. I convinced her to sit in the stands with me because I’m not ready to go into the WAG suite. Even though Adam and I have moved to that relationship stage and I am his girlfriend, I’m not ready to make such a public declaration of it. Though the way he keeps me pressed against his side regardless of where we are is a fairly public display.
“Right.” She turns to check on her two sons as they run around the playground with the Hill children. When she found out I babysit, she suggested I bring some of my charges to the park to play with her two boys, Landon and Brody. Of all the pack children, the Hills are best suited to meeting random human children. The others are well-mannered, but they tend to forget that not everyone is pack because they spend ninety-five percent of their time with pack members. We have our own private daycare. In fact, I’m not sure anyone outside of the pack and the government knows it exists. The Hill children are four of eight children that go to a regular daycare twice a week.
“Obviously, you’re not checked into what I want to talk about. So…tell me about Adam.”
“What? You know him. You’ve known him longer than I have.”
She smiles, “This is called girl talk. Now spill.”
“There’s nothing to [i]spill[/i],” I roll my eyes. “Adam is Adam.” Christina stares at me, obviously not giving up on this. I don’t know what to tell her though. She’s seen me and Adam together. She should know the answer to whatever she’s hinting at. I lean back against the table with my elbows resting on the edge. “Honestly, I don’t know what you want to know.”
“What kind of boyfriend is he?”
“You’re married. Why do you want to know?” My wolf wakes up at her question. There are few instances my territorial side comes out when it concerns Adam, but anyone wanting to know how he is in intimate situations sets off alarms for my wolf. [i]I[/i] know that Christina isn’t interested in him romantically, but my wolf runs more off instinct and right now she’s telling me to neutralize a potential threat. Thankfully, Jonah toddles over at that moment providing me a moment to get my wolf under control.
He shows me a rock, explaining his story in a mix of English and what I call “toddlerese.” I listen intently even though I’m not sure what point he’s trying to make. When he puts the rock in my lap, I assume he wants to take it home. Peter comes to collect him after I assure him we’ll bring the rock home and the two run back to the other children.
“I’m just curious. I don’t hear much about your relationship. Patrick usually has stories from the guys about their relationships and…escapades, but I have yet to hear anything about you two.”
I am slightly surprised to hear that Adam apparently doesn’t talk about our relationship with the guys. He has no problems being vocal about us with me and even Alec. I assumed he’d be the same with his friends and teammates. I point out to Christina that he has to have shared something because they knew about me that day he brought me and Alec to Antti’s home.
“Oh, we all knew about you. Adam couldn’t shut up about having met you and he ditched the boys for two weeks and made it clear that he was ditching them for you.” I laugh. That sounds like something he would do. “He tells everyone what you are like, but Patrick hasn’t been able to get anything out of him about your relationship.”
“So you thought you’d try?” I give her a look. “If Adam doesn’t want to talk about it, I want to respect his choice.” She starts to respond but I shake my head. “I’d rather not open the door for a fight with him.” She visibly deflates and I chuckle.
“You are absolutely no fun.” I shrug, turning to get a visual on all the children. Peter, ever the little ringleader, has all the kids—even six-year-old Landon—organized into a building crew in the sandpit. I can’t make out what they’re building but I’m sure it’s something too complicated for children their age.
The rest of our time at the park is spent helping the kids with their building project. An hour later and I’m almost regretting subjecting myself to Peter’s wrath and will. Surprisingly, the other children seem to have had a tremendous amount of fun laboring under Peter’s watchful eye. As we’re sorting ourselves into our vehicles, the Marleau boys and Peter are yelling between cars about future plans. Christina and I make plans to let the children have some phone time before next week since they all got along so well.
Mrs. Hill is home when we get back to the apartment complex. As the exhaustion has begun to set in, I simply turn her children over to her, remembering to give Jonah his rock. Taking the stairs up to my apartment, I stifle a few yawns. Between work and training, I know I’m not getting enough sleep. Adding to that, the full moon is approaching. I feel like an anomaly within our pack because the full moon makes me tired while it energizes others. Mr. Fuller hasn’t been able to figure out why I’m victim to such a side effect either; thankfully, he hasn’t let our pack doctors, James Kilney and Mariana Laҫer, exam me. They were persistent in their request to the point that Mr. Fuller had to give them a cease and desist as their Alpha. That didn’t go over too well. I try to avoid them now.
Letting myself into my apartment, I rub my eyes. I mentally run through my schedule, inwardly cheering when I realize I have time to take a nap before I have to be at Mr. Fuller’s for training. Spirits lifted, but still tired, I make my way to my room. Before I can start undressing, my phone rings with Adam’s special tone. He commandeered my phone last time we hung out in order to find a ring tone he deemed appropriate of representing him. The twerp chose the factory default and somehow set my phone to play his ringtone even if my phone is on silent. He doesn’t take it well when my responses take more than five minutes. Sometimes I don’t respond for hours just to annoy him. I might want him to be my mate, but I refuse to let him control me.
However, right now I am not in the mood for the whining I’ll have to listen to if I reject his call.
“Hello?”
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to take a much needed nap.” I set my purse on my dresser while kicking my shoes across my room into my closet.
“You’re lame.”
“I’m tired you jerk.” He laughs and parts of me tighten uncomfortably. “Why are you calling?” I shimmy out of my pants before crawling into my bed.
“I need a reason to call you? Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice.” Those parts of me tighten more and my stomach flips. While he said that with a completely nonchalant tone, I can feel the truth of his words. “I was thinking of flying you out to see me, but I saw the calendar before I could by the tickets.”
“Adam, it’s three days. You’ll live.” I kick of my blankets to help keep myself away. If I create a nest out of the blankets like I want to, I’ll fall asleep within 10 minutes of lying down.
“I miss you.” Adam’s voice is almost a whisper. Rarely does he allow himself these moments of complete vulnerability. It hurts my heart when he does.
“I miss you too, Adam.” I hope he knows I’m not simply responding to his admission. He spent two weeks ensuring that he filled most of my free time. We’ve had time apart since then, but he still calls me every day.
The moment of vulnerability passes and Adam is light-hearted once more. “Gracelyn, what did you go to college for?” He needs to learn how to ease into a topic.
“Where did this come from?”
“One of the guys asked and it got me curious.”
“Business Administration.”
“That…is ridiculously boring.”
“Adam,” I roll my eyes, “I’m ever so sorry that my chosen field of education does not meet your standards of exciting possibilities.”
“Don’t sass me.”
“Then don’t be a jerk.” I stifle a yawn, starting to pull my blankets over me. I stop when I remember why I’m not already wrapped in them.
“That’s the second time you’ve called me a jerk. Someone’s tired.”
“How does me pointing out one of your personality flaws mean I’m tired.”
He laughs, “It is not a personality flaw. And you call everyone a jerk when you’re tired just so we’ll leave you alone so you can sleep.” I try to think of how often he’s been around me when I’m tired. It doesn’t take me long to realize he has a point.
“So if you know this…you should let me go to sleep.”
“Fine.” There’s a bit of a whine in his voice. “Text me after your training.”
“You could ask instead of demanding.”
“Bye Gracelyn. Dream of me.” He cackles as he hangs up.
I shake my head as I set an alarm on my phone. That man is ridiculous. I don’t actually fall asleep, despite being exhausted. Instead, I lay awake thinking about what I want to do with my life.
Adam’s question about school brought up things I’d rather not think about. But now that they’re in the back of my mind, I can’t ignore them like I had been. I finished my Business Administration degree online when I found out I was moving up here. But I haven’t tried to use it. I accepted the job Mr. Fuller gave me without question. Lying in bed, I realize that I’ve stopped thinking for myself somewhat. I had aspirations before I came here. Dreams and hopes that I’ve neglected because they seemed contrary to what Mr. Fuller would approve of. But now that I know he’s not as much of a stickler as he makes himself out to be, maybe I can continue pursuing my dreams. Part of me has always wanted to work in the front office of a high end company. My goals don’t seem like they’re set very high, but I like being part of a team and supporting others. It’s what I’m good at.
I’m not an athletic person; as much as I love watching sports, I’m a bit of a disaster on the playing field. I can’t sing and I lack the coordination and patience it takes to play an instrument. I am a fairly decent actress—it was my minor in college—but I have no desire to pursue a career in the arts. So I’m left with my task-driven personality traits taking control. Smiling, I decide to brush up on my admin skills and knowledge of HTML/CSS. I spend the rest of my nap time simply lying in bed with my eyes closed, happy to have direction in my life again. To steal a line from Incubus, I was floating in a cosmic Jacuzzi.
My alarm goes off at four-thirty and I groan. My bed is warm and I don’t want to move. The blankets have captured the perfect amount of my body heat and I feel like I’m wrapped up in another person. I was pretending it was Adam. That day and night we spent in his bed spoiled me. As werewolves, we share the need to cuddle and rest or sleep in groups, but our human side usually overrides that desire with more human logic; the wolf in me doesn’t get to experience the warmth of others often since I live alone. Adam and I haven’t shared a bed since that day. My wolf does feel slightly rejected in that sense, but we both know Adam loves her. Whenever I shift around him, he makes it a point to give me a good scratch down. And he plays with her when I let her take over; helping to sharpen our hunting skills because he enjoys tracking and pouncing games, even if he is the prey.
Funnily enough, Adam is the one ever persistent in assuring I don’t turn into a domesticated dog. He got permission from Mr. Fuller to take me out to hunt for real. Alec has to come with us, but we still enjoy it. The one time we’ve been able to go, Adam didn’t hunt me. He rented a cabin in Eldorado National Forest and sent Alec and I to run wild for two days.
I drag myself out of my bed and get dressed for training. Right now, I’m learning how to see through my wolf’s eyes when I let her take over so I can remember what she does. When I’ve let her take over before, I personally have no recollection of what happened. Once I’m back in control, she’ll show me pictures of what we did. I’m trying to learn how to be present when she’s in control in the same way that she’s present when I am.
On the drive to Mr. Fuller’s house, I contemplate how to bring up my desire to find a job outside of the pack. I love watching the pack children, but I want and need to do more with my life. None of the scenarios I come up with seem good enough. I find flaws with all of them. Flaws that Mr. Fuller will no doubt see. Pulling up to his home, I’m no closer to finding a way to broach the subject. Before getting out of my car, I resolve to bring up the subject despite not having a plan as to how to do so.
I don’t find an opportunity until training is almost over. Mr. Fuller aids me in shifting back from my wolf. Surprisingly for me, he doesn’t have to lend me much energy. I am hyper-aware of him because he’s my alpha, but I only feel a faint trickle of energy from him.
“You’re getting stronger, Gracelyn. Soon you won’t need my help to bring yourself back to this form.”
I smile, “How much longer do you perceive that taking?”
“A week or two at most.” He waves to a pile of Adam-approved-clothing in the corner. Prior to Adam joining me for training, I wouldn’t necessarily immediately get dressed. While I’m not an exhibitionist, I enjoy “living free” every so often. The one time I took longer than he appreciated to get dressed, Adam’s inhuman dominance exploded. He rudely interrupted my conversation with Mr. Fuller—who is nothing but respectful when one of his pack is nude around him—and refused to let us continue talking until I was dressed to his liking. My attempt to protest was undermined when I felt my wolf start to submit to his dominance. I had to stop arguing to deal with her and that alerted Mr. Fuller my wolf’s reaction to Adam. Since then, I’ve kept clothes here and Mr. Fuller, out of respect for Adam, doesn’t let me go nude around him anymore.
I pick out some shorts and a tank top and pull them on. “Um...Mr. Fuller, can I talk to you about something?”
He raises an eyebrow, “Of course. Are you staying to eat?”
“Yes, please.” He motions me to follow him up to the kitchen. I pop my knuckles, trying to find the right words. As before, nothing sounds appropriate.
“Gracie, say what you need to. I won’t take offense.”
I sit myself at the table before responding. “Well…I would like to find a job…outside the pack.”
Mr. Fuller’s features remain neutral, “Why? Your income from babysitting is more than enough to support you.” He pulls out a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, hotdogs, and a bag of frozen French fries. This has become our post-training meal and I love it.
“It is. And while I love working with the pack children, it is not what truly fulfills me. I went to school for business administration and I would like to put my degree to use.”
He glances at me over his shoulder. “Outside of the pack?” I nod. “Would you like to have this position in place of or in addition to babysitting?” He turns back to the pan in front of him, spreading the fries out.
I crack my knuckles, “In place of. Or rather, I would prefer to have babysitting as an ancillary job.”
“I suppose I can consider it.” The tension leaves my body at his words. Happy that he hasn’t rejected my wish, I get up to help him cook. Usually Adam helps him. I think of it as a form of bonding, but my wolf likes to point out that they tend to have small arguments over who will fix my plate for me. Neither of us is presumptuous enough to think Mr. Fuller sees us as a potential mate, but he does enjoy taking care of me. I put it down to him seeing me as a daughter. My wolf claims that Mr. Fuller finds amusement in riling Adam up. I haven’t experienced much of Mr. Fuller’s humor, even though he isn’t as stern with me as with others in the pack, so I can’t bring myself to believe that he is joking with Adam.
Once we both have our plates and are seated, I wait for Mr. Fuller to start eating before shoveling the first bite of mac and cheese into my mouth. “Manners, Gracie.”
I smile sheepishly, slowing down. “Sorry, Mr. Fuller.”
He continues to watch me, eating his own food with a grace I could never manage. I’m not a slob by any means. But I don’t have the high society style that he does.
“I think we’ve come far enough that you can call me by my first name.” It takes a half a minute for his words to sink in, but when they do I nearly choke on my bite of hotdog. The only people who call him by his first name are Alec and the pack lawyer, Marhysole Cortez. Alec doesn’t do it very often, but has the privilege because he is Beta. Marhysole and Mr. Fuller have known each other for nearly thirty years. She was the first human he told of his being a werewolf. I don’t have the position or depth of relationship with him to warrant such an honor.
Mr. Fuller hands me my water glass as I get my breathing under control. “I…um…sir?”
“Gracie, you and Marhysole are the closest thing I have to immediate family.” A shadow passes over his eyes and I am reminded of how little I actually know my Alpha. We do not discuss blood-families. I left the strained relationship with my family in Southern California and he simply never mentions his own relatives.
“I can try, sir. But you’re my Alpha.”
“Certainly that is not all I am to you. Your Alpha.” For the first time since I’ve known him, I can hear hurt in his tone. I’ve seen him display every emotion, but I have not once heard it in his voice. Mr. Fuller is a master at keeping his tone neutral despite what he’s feeling.
I shake my head. “I think of you as my friend as well. But you are very careful to maintain the distinction of rank. In every interaction you have with pack members, it’s clear that you’re the alpha.” I pop my knuckles, unsure of how to explain myself without hurting his feelings more. He sits back in his seat, almost slumping. This is another action I have never witnessed from him. Mr. Fuller has impeccable posture and his mood never affects it. I reach out to my wolf, looking for some sort of comfort and she wraps herself around me. My Alpha is throwing me off with his actions and I don’t know how to respond.
It seems the men in my life enjoy surprising me with the truth depth of our relationships. I had no expectation of being privileged to see the decomposed side of Mr. Fuller.
“You continue to point out character flaws in me.”
My eyes widen, “I have done no such thing. The pack loves you the way you are, Mr. Fuller. You’re our Alpha and we’ve all submitted to you because we trust you and believe you love us in return.”
“Gracie, I was joking.” I met his eyes in shock and he smiles. “It is nice to hear that I am appreciated, though.”
“So you want me to continue to address you as I have been?” I’m not sure what he was joking about.
“No. I would greatly enjoy it if you were to call me Martin. Within the pack, Alec is the only one who does, but it’s easy to predict when he will do so. And Marhysole…” He waves his hand dismissively.
“Um…okay.” He looks at me expectantly. “Right now?”
“Yes. I want to hear it.”
I frown slightly. “I hope you know this goes against all the protocol you’ve drilled into me.” He rolls his eyes. “Alright…Martin…you’ve been extremely relaxed with me tonight. I appreciate it, even if it bewilders me.”
He grins. It doesn’t tighten parts of my body like Adam’s grin, but I could easily believe him to have that effect on a woman. “I’m trying something new. I believe I am going to enjoy this new level to our relationship as much as you are. Now eat your fries before they get cold. I don’t want to hear you whining about it.”
The first two weeks, I spent getting over the shock that he didn’t run screaming or need more process time. The day after he found out, he took me to Denny’s.
[i]“Adam…why are we going to Denny’s?” I give him a look. We need to talk about what happened yesterday. I feel like he’s avoiding it. This morning, he dropped me off at my apartment and left for practice without even mentioning yesterday. I tried to bring it up, but he changed the subject each time, promising to pick me up after work.
He helps me into his SUV, not answering my question. I scowl as I put on my seatbelt. I hope he’s not pulling away from me. After his apparent acceptance of me yesterday, suffering rejection today might break me.
“Turn that frown around, Gracelyn.” He tugs one of my curls before shutting my door. He has no right to be so nonchalant. None whatsoever. This is a serious matter. Instead of picking a fight with him, I let the ride to the restaurant pass in silence. I know that if I open my mouth, the next words I say will be some type of accusation, which won’t help things at all.
Adam holds my hand as we walk into the restaurant and get seated. Instead of sitting across from me, he squishes me into the booth, pressing the line of his body against mine. The human, rational part of my mind tells me to stay upset with him. But my wolf is all but purring at the physical contact. She’s slightly upset but not for the same reasons as me. That half of me is desperate to be mated, and she’s chosen Adam.
Adam orders us both water and a large order of fries.
“Are we going to talk about this now?” I shift in my seat slightly so I can look at him without twisting my neck awkwardly; my wolf isn’t happy about the loss of contact but I don’t let her influence me right now. He doesn’t answer and I frown. “Adam, I thought you didn’t want to play games.”
“I’m not playing games with you, Gracelyn.”He smiles at the server when she sets our fries down.
“Then talk to me.” I try not to eat the fries, knowing they’re a peace offering, but I can’t resist. I have a serious addiction. Nearly a third of the plate is gone before Adam even takes one.
He relaxes, slipping his arm around my waist and making me lean on him. “I have questions. A lot of questions. And I don’t know where to start.”
“Just start. Because this silence is making me want to run.” His dominance flares. My wolf curls around that feeling. At least he’s still territorial. I expected that to start waning, but it feels stronger now.
“How did it happen?”
That was not what I expected his first question to be. I don’t know why I anticipated anything else though. This is Adam. As much as he jokes and takes things in good spirit, he’s a straightforward, grown man.
“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was 14, walking home from school and decided to detour to the convenience store for a Slushie and a hot dog.” I try not to go into too much detail, remembering that we are in a public place. But I describe the scene I walked into that day, walking into the store to see a wolf eating a man alive. “When I woke up in the hospital, I was told I was attacked by an escaped mental patient. The doctor handling my case was part of my old pack. She covered everything up and introduced me to her Alpha.”
Adam kisses my head, flagging down our server. He orders more fries. I smile at him. “Can I ask you something before you continue questioning me?”
“Sure.”
“Where did you go for an hour?”
He chews the corner of his lip slightly. Something I’ve only seen him do when he is thrown off by something and it makes him nervous. He shoves a few fries in his mouth, stalling. But he finally responds, “To my car…to pray.”
Today is the day for Adam to surprise me. “You went…to pray?” I squirt ketchup all over our fries. I know Adam isn’t a fan of it, but we ate the first round his way.
He shakes his head, taking the ketchup from me before I can completely drown the fries. “Yeah. I probably don’t seem the type, but eh.”
“So what are you? You can’t be Muslim or Jewish.” Nothing I’ve seen him eat is Halal or Kosher.
“I’m Christian,” he chuckles. I nod. “Do you have a faith?”
“Eh, I’m Christian too. But I haven’t really given it much thought. I know I made the choice to be saved and baptized when I was ten, but after the accident, I kind of gave up on my faith.”
“Understandable.”
Wiping some salt off my fingers, I glance at him. “Can I ask what you were praying about?” I can’t help my curiosity. He was gone for an hour.
“I guess I can share this part of me, seeing as you shared something intense yesterday… I was praying for peace about my decision. Whether I should end things between us or not.”
Hearing that he struggled with that choice hurts, but I really can’t blame him for it.[/i]
Since that day, he’s made it clear that he wants to continue with our relationship. Once we left Denny’s, I decided to lay out for him the whole mate thing. I didn’t tell him and still haven’t told him that I want him to be my mate. That’s the equivalent of saying “I love you” in regular human relationships. Despite our strong attraction to each other and the speed at which our relationship is progressing, I want to save [i]something[/i]. After I explained things to him, he’s been more careful about how we interact. The fact that he’s extremely territorial and protective hasn’t changed. He still gets pissed off when Alec pushes the limits, but he understands why Alec finds it amusing to do so.
Another development is the fact that Mr. Fuller has lifted the restriction of us being alone together. He trained Adam in the warning signs that my wolf is near taking over and how to ease out of the situation. We also know that Adam isn’t in danger of my wolf hurting him. Under Mr. Fuller’s supervision, I’ve let my wolf take over while Adam is around. She’s basically a puppy under his touch. Or a bitch in heat. Unless another female werewolf is around. Melanie made the mistake of entering the training room during of my sessions that Adam was attending and I tackled her. I wouldn’t let her up until she’d fully submitted to me, either.
I was thoroughly embarrassed once I’d shifted back but Adam assured me he found it hot. He still does because he brings it up periodically.
“Gracelyn, are you even paying attention to me?” I look at Christina sheepishly. “I swear; you’re ridiculous,” she laughs.
“I am not.” I make a face at her.
I was a little reluctant to get to know Christina at first. But this woman does not take no for an answer. The three home games I’ve attended this month, she demanded I sit with her in addition to our Saturday outings. I convinced her to sit in the stands with me because I’m not ready to go into the WAG suite. Even though Adam and I have moved to that relationship stage and I am his girlfriend, I’m not ready to make such a public declaration of it. Though the way he keeps me pressed against his side regardless of where we are is a fairly public display.
“Right.” She turns to check on her two sons as they run around the playground with the Hill children. When she found out I babysit, she suggested I bring some of my charges to the park to play with her two boys, Landon and Brody. Of all the pack children, the Hills are best suited to meeting random human children. The others are well-mannered, but they tend to forget that not everyone is pack because they spend ninety-five percent of their time with pack members. We have our own private daycare. In fact, I’m not sure anyone outside of the pack and the government knows it exists. The Hill children are four of eight children that go to a regular daycare twice a week.
“Obviously, you’re not checked into what I want to talk about. So…tell me about Adam.”
“What? You know him. You’ve known him longer than I have.”
She smiles, “This is called girl talk. Now spill.”
“There’s nothing to [i]spill[/i],” I roll my eyes. “Adam is Adam.” Christina stares at me, obviously not giving up on this. I don’t know what to tell her though. She’s seen me and Adam together. She should know the answer to whatever she’s hinting at. I lean back against the table with my elbows resting on the edge. “Honestly, I don’t know what you want to know.”
“What kind of boyfriend is he?”
“You’re married. Why do you want to know?” My wolf wakes up at her question. There are few instances my territorial side comes out when it concerns Adam, but anyone wanting to know how he is in intimate situations sets off alarms for my wolf. [i]I[/i] know that Christina isn’t interested in him romantically, but my wolf runs more off instinct and right now she’s telling me to neutralize a potential threat. Thankfully, Jonah toddles over at that moment providing me a moment to get my wolf under control.
He shows me a rock, explaining his story in a mix of English and what I call “toddlerese.” I listen intently even though I’m not sure what point he’s trying to make. When he puts the rock in my lap, I assume he wants to take it home. Peter comes to collect him after I assure him we’ll bring the rock home and the two run back to the other children.
“I’m just curious. I don’t hear much about your relationship. Patrick usually has stories from the guys about their relationships and…escapades, but I have yet to hear anything about you two.”
I am slightly surprised to hear that Adam apparently doesn’t talk about our relationship with the guys. He has no problems being vocal about us with me and even Alec. I assumed he’d be the same with his friends and teammates. I point out to Christina that he has to have shared something because they knew about me that day he brought me and Alec to Antti’s home.
“Oh, we all knew about you. Adam couldn’t shut up about having met you and he ditched the boys for two weeks and made it clear that he was ditching them for you.” I laugh. That sounds like something he would do. “He tells everyone what you are like, but Patrick hasn’t been able to get anything out of him about your relationship.”
“So you thought you’d try?” I give her a look. “If Adam doesn’t want to talk about it, I want to respect his choice.” She starts to respond but I shake my head. “I’d rather not open the door for a fight with him.” She visibly deflates and I chuckle.
“You are absolutely no fun.” I shrug, turning to get a visual on all the children. Peter, ever the little ringleader, has all the kids—even six-year-old Landon—organized into a building crew in the sandpit. I can’t make out what they’re building but I’m sure it’s something too complicated for children their age.
The rest of our time at the park is spent helping the kids with their building project. An hour later and I’m almost regretting subjecting myself to Peter’s wrath and will. Surprisingly, the other children seem to have had a tremendous amount of fun laboring under Peter’s watchful eye. As we’re sorting ourselves into our vehicles, the Marleau boys and Peter are yelling between cars about future plans. Christina and I make plans to let the children have some phone time before next week since they all got along so well.
Mrs. Hill is home when we get back to the apartment complex. As the exhaustion has begun to set in, I simply turn her children over to her, remembering to give Jonah his rock. Taking the stairs up to my apartment, I stifle a few yawns. Between work and training, I know I’m not getting enough sleep. Adding to that, the full moon is approaching. I feel like an anomaly within our pack because the full moon makes me tired while it energizes others. Mr. Fuller hasn’t been able to figure out why I’m victim to such a side effect either; thankfully, he hasn’t let our pack doctors, James Kilney and Mariana Laҫer, exam me. They were persistent in their request to the point that Mr. Fuller had to give them a cease and desist as their Alpha. That didn’t go over too well. I try to avoid them now.
Letting myself into my apartment, I rub my eyes. I mentally run through my schedule, inwardly cheering when I realize I have time to take a nap before I have to be at Mr. Fuller’s for training. Spirits lifted, but still tired, I make my way to my room. Before I can start undressing, my phone rings with Adam’s special tone. He commandeered my phone last time we hung out in order to find a ring tone he deemed appropriate of representing him. The twerp chose the factory default and somehow set my phone to play his ringtone even if my phone is on silent. He doesn’t take it well when my responses take more than five minutes. Sometimes I don’t respond for hours just to annoy him. I might want him to be my mate, but I refuse to let him control me.
However, right now I am not in the mood for the whining I’ll have to listen to if I reject his call.
“Hello?”
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to take a much needed nap.” I set my purse on my dresser while kicking my shoes across my room into my closet.
“You’re lame.”
“I’m tired you jerk.” He laughs and parts of me tighten uncomfortably. “Why are you calling?” I shimmy out of my pants before crawling into my bed.
“I need a reason to call you? Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice.” Those parts of me tighten more and my stomach flips. While he said that with a completely nonchalant tone, I can feel the truth of his words. “I was thinking of flying you out to see me, but I saw the calendar before I could by the tickets.”
“Adam, it’s three days. You’ll live.” I kick of my blankets to help keep myself away. If I create a nest out of the blankets like I want to, I’ll fall asleep within 10 minutes of lying down.
“I miss you.” Adam’s voice is almost a whisper. Rarely does he allow himself these moments of complete vulnerability. It hurts my heart when he does.
“I miss you too, Adam.” I hope he knows I’m not simply responding to his admission. He spent two weeks ensuring that he filled most of my free time. We’ve had time apart since then, but he still calls me every day.
The moment of vulnerability passes and Adam is light-hearted once more. “Gracelyn, what did you go to college for?” He needs to learn how to ease into a topic.
“Where did this come from?”
“One of the guys asked and it got me curious.”
“Business Administration.”
“That…is ridiculously boring.”
“Adam,” I roll my eyes, “I’m ever so sorry that my chosen field of education does not meet your standards of exciting possibilities.”
“Don’t sass me.”
“Then don’t be a jerk.” I stifle a yawn, starting to pull my blankets over me. I stop when I remember why I’m not already wrapped in them.
“That’s the second time you’ve called me a jerk. Someone’s tired.”
“How does me pointing out one of your personality flaws mean I’m tired.”
He laughs, “It is not a personality flaw. And you call everyone a jerk when you’re tired just so we’ll leave you alone so you can sleep.” I try to think of how often he’s been around me when I’m tired. It doesn’t take me long to realize he has a point.
“So if you know this…you should let me go to sleep.”
“Fine.” There’s a bit of a whine in his voice. “Text me after your training.”
“You could ask instead of demanding.”
“Bye Gracelyn. Dream of me.” He cackles as he hangs up.
I shake my head as I set an alarm on my phone. That man is ridiculous. I don’t actually fall asleep, despite being exhausted. Instead, I lay awake thinking about what I want to do with my life.
Adam’s question about school brought up things I’d rather not think about. But now that they’re in the back of my mind, I can’t ignore them like I had been. I finished my Business Administration degree online when I found out I was moving up here. But I haven’t tried to use it. I accepted the job Mr. Fuller gave me without question. Lying in bed, I realize that I’ve stopped thinking for myself somewhat. I had aspirations before I came here. Dreams and hopes that I’ve neglected because they seemed contrary to what Mr. Fuller would approve of. But now that I know he’s not as much of a stickler as he makes himself out to be, maybe I can continue pursuing my dreams. Part of me has always wanted to work in the front office of a high end company. My goals don’t seem like they’re set very high, but I like being part of a team and supporting others. It’s what I’m good at.
I’m not an athletic person; as much as I love watching sports, I’m a bit of a disaster on the playing field. I can’t sing and I lack the coordination and patience it takes to play an instrument. I am a fairly decent actress—it was my minor in college—but I have no desire to pursue a career in the arts. So I’m left with my task-driven personality traits taking control. Smiling, I decide to brush up on my admin skills and knowledge of HTML/CSS. I spend the rest of my nap time simply lying in bed with my eyes closed, happy to have direction in my life again. To steal a line from Incubus, I was floating in a cosmic Jacuzzi.
My alarm goes off at four-thirty and I groan. My bed is warm and I don’t want to move. The blankets have captured the perfect amount of my body heat and I feel like I’m wrapped up in another person. I was pretending it was Adam. That day and night we spent in his bed spoiled me. As werewolves, we share the need to cuddle and rest or sleep in groups, but our human side usually overrides that desire with more human logic; the wolf in me doesn’t get to experience the warmth of others often since I live alone. Adam and I haven’t shared a bed since that day. My wolf does feel slightly rejected in that sense, but we both know Adam loves her. Whenever I shift around him, he makes it a point to give me a good scratch down. And he plays with her when I let her take over; helping to sharpen our hunting skills because he enjoys tracking and pouncing games, even if he is the prey.
Funnily enough, Adam is the one ever persistent in assuring I don’t turn into a domesticated dog. He got permission from Mr. Fuller to take me out to hunt for real. Alec has to come with us, but we still enjoy it. The one time we’ve been able to go, Adam didn’t hunt me. He rented a cabin in Eldorado National Forest and sent Alec and I to run wild for two days.
I drag myself out of my bed and get dressed for training. Right now, I’m learning how to see through my wolf’s eyes when I let her take over so I can remember what she does. When I’ve let her take over before, I personally have no recollection of what happened. Once I’m back in control, she’ll show me pictures of what we did. I’m trying to learn how to be present when she’s in control in the same way that she’s present when I am.
On the drive to Mr. Fuller’s house, I contemplate how to bring up my desire to find a job outside of the pack. I love watching the pack children, but I want and need to do more with my life. None of the scenarios I come up with seem good enough. I find flaws with all of them. Flaws that Mr. Fuller will no doubt see. Pulling up to his home, I’m no closer to finding a way to broach the subject. Before getting out of my car, I resolve to bring up the subject despite not having a plan as to how to do so.
I don’t find an opportunity until training is almost over. Mr. Fuller aids me in shifting back from my wolf. Surprisingly for me, he doesn’t have to lend me much energy. I am hyper-aware of him because he’s my alpha, but I only feel a faint trickle of energy from him.
“You’re getting stronger, Gracelyn. Soon you won’t need my help to bring yourself back to this form.”
I smile, “How much longer do you perceive that taking?”
“A week or two at most.” He waves to a pile of Adam-approved-clothing in the corner. Prior to Adam joining me for training, I wouldn’t necessarily immediately get dressed. While I’m not an exhibitionist, I enjoy “living free” every so often. The one time I took longer than he appreciated to get dressed, Adam’s inhuman dominance exploded. He rudely interrupted my conversation with Mr. Fuller—who is nothing but respectful when one of his pack is nude around him—and refused to let us continue talking until I was dressed to his liking. My attempt to protest was undermined when I felt my wolf start to submit to his dominance. I had to stop arguing to deal with her and that alerted Mr. Fuller my wolf’s reaction to Adam. Since then, I’ve kept clothes here and Mr. Fuller, out of respect for Adam, doesn’t let me go nude around him anymore.
I pick out some shorts and a tank top and pull them on. “Um...Mr. Fuller, can I talk to you about something?”
He raises an eyebrow, “Of course. Are you staying to eat?”
“Yes, please.” He motions me to follow him up to the kitchen. I pop my knuckles, trying to find the right words. As before, nothing sounds appropriate.
“Gracie, say what you need to. I won’t take offense.”
I sit myself at the table before responding. “Well…I would like to find a job…outside the pack.”
Mr. Fuller’s features remain neutral, “Why? Your income from babysitting is more than enough to support you.” He pulls out a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, hotdogs, and a bag of frozen French fries. This has become our post-training meal and I love it.
“It is. And while I love working with the pack children, it is not what truly fulfills me. I went to school for business administration and I would like to put my degree to use.”
He glances at me over his shoulder. “Outside of the pack?” I nod. “Would you like to have this position in place of or in addition to babysitting?” He turns back to the pan in front of him, spreading the fries out.
I crack my knuckles, “In place of. Or rather, I would prefer to have babysitting as an ancillary job.”
“I suppose I can consider it.” The tension leaves my body at his words. Happy that he hasn’t rejected my wish, I get up to help him cook. Usually Adam helps him. I think of it as a form of bonding, but my wolf likes to point out that they tend to have small arguments over who will fix my plate for me. Neither of us is presumptuous enough to think Mr. Fuller sees us as a potential mate, but he does enjoy taking care of me. I put it down to him seeing me as a daughter. My wolf claims that Mr. Fuller finds amusement in riling Adam up. I haven’t experienced much of Mr. Fuller’s humor, even though he isn’t as stern with me as with others in the pack, so I can’t bring myself to believe that he is joking with Adam.
Once we both have our plates and are seated, I wait for Mr. Fuller to start eating before shoveling the first bite of mac and cheese into my mouth. “Manners, Gracie.”
I smile sheepishly, slowing down. “Sorry, Mr. Fuller.”
He continues to watch me, eating his own food with a grace I could never manage. I’m not a slob by any means. But I don’t have the high society style that he does.
“I think we’ve come far enough that you can call me by my first name.” It takes a half a minute for his words to sink in, but when they do I nearly choke on my bite of hotdog. The only people who call him by his first name are Alec and the pack lawyer, Marhysole Cortez. Alec doesn’t do it very often, but has the privilege because he is Beta. Marhysole and Mr. Fuller have known each other for nearly thirty years. She was the first human he told of his being a werewolf. I don’t have the position or depth of relationship with him to warrant such an honor.
Mr. Fuller hands me my water glass as I get my breathing under control. “I…um…sir?”
“Gracie, you and Marhysole are the closest thing I have to immediate family.” A shadow passes over his eyes and I am reminded of how little I actually know my Alpha. We do not discuss blood-families. I left the strained relationship with my family in Southern California and he simply never mentions his own relatives.
“I can try, sir. But you’re my Alpha.”
“Certainly that is not all I am to you. Your Alpha.” For the first time since I’ve known him, I can hear hurt in his tone. I’ve seen him display every emotion, but I have not once heard it in his voice. Mr. Fuller is a master at keeping his tone neutral despite what he’s feeling.
I shake my head. “I think of you as my friend as well. But you are very careful to maintain the distinction of rank. In every interaction you have with pack members, it’s clear that you’re the alpha.” I pop my knuckles, unsure of how to explain myself without hurting his feelings more. He sits back in his seat, almost slumping. This is another action I have never witnessed from him. Mr. Fuller has impeccable posture and his mood never affects it. I reach out to my wolf, looking for some sort of comfort and she wraps herself around me. My Alpha is throwing me off with his actions and I don’t know how to respond.
It seems the men in my life enjoy surprising me with the truth depth of our relationships. I had no expectation of being privileged to see the decomposed side of Mr. Fuller.
“You continue to point out character flaws in me.”
My eyes widen, “I have done no such thing. The pack loves you the way you are, Mr. Fuller. You’re our Alpha and we’ve all submitted to you because we trust you and believe you love us in return.”
“Gracie, I was joking.” I met his eyes in shock and he smiles. “It is nice to hear that I am appreciated, though.”
“So you want me to continue to address you as I have been?” I’m not sure what he was joking about.
“No. I would greatly enjoy it if you were to call me Martin. Within the pack, Alec is the only one who does, but it’s easy to predict when he will do so. And Marhysole…” He waves his hand dismissively.
“Um…okay.” He looks at me expectantly. “Right now?”
“Yes. I want to hear it.”
I frown slightly. “I hope you know this goes against all the protocol you’ve drilled into me.” He rolls his eyes. “Alright…Martin…you’ve been extremely relaxed with me tonight. I appreciate it, even if it bewilders me.”
He grins. It doesn’t tighten parts of my body like Adam’s grin, but I could easily believe him to have that effect on a woman. “I’m trying something new. I believe I am going to enjoy this new level to our relationship as much as you are. Now eat your fries before they get cold. I don’t want to hear you whining about it.”
@lil_red0888
Thanks!!! It took longer than expected, but eh.
9/26/14