----- Grace Hartin

“Are you sure that this is your apartment?” It was the fourth time that I had asked Toews on three different floors ranging from the 20th to here on the 39th. Each time he had said yes, but so far we had only managed to wake up a man and walk in circles.

“Yea,” he pushed himself off of my shoulder and fell against the door, “this is definitely my apartment.” His hands flopped against the dark wood as he tried to find a handhold until his left hand caught the doorknob.

Trying to reach around him to get his key into the lock I couldn’t help but laugh at his angered whine of: “Why won’t it open?”

“Just hold on,” I tried shoving him away from the door by sliding myself between him and the cold wood. Laughing he easily grabbed me and placed me behind him so that he could cool himself off.

My plan did not involve standing outside of his apartment all night. It didn’t even involve being anywhere near him after his ‘charming’ introduction. “Just move!” I grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled him back just enough to get the key into the lock and shove the door open. Like a little kid getting home from school he kicked off his shoes and ran into the large living room to jump over the back of a light brown L shaped couch.

This was the home that he came back to everyday, but it had me at a loss for words as I followed him in, taking off my shoes and setting my bag down beside them. The walls were all a matte slate grey with sharp white moldings. Straight ahead of me, if I looked past Jonathan’s legs waving in the air, a large panoramic window showed off downtown Chicago framed by Navy Pier and the length of parks along the Lake Michigan shore. When I finally got my legs moving down the short hallway after him I found myself stopped again when I noticed the well-appointed kitchen to my left.

Against the grey walls black cabinets and black marble counters were highly defined with silver handles and appliances. Everything was too shiny and organized, almost untouched. I took a moment to peek at Jonathan in his living room where he was now trying to do a backflip to stand up and found myself laughing at his childlike actions.

“What did I do wrong?” his low moan carried through the open living room and over the bar into the kitchen, “I just want cranberry.”

I rolled my eyes, “What you should really want is something greasy or at least consisting of bread.” Usually I wouldn’t go through someone’s kitchen without them unless we were at least more than acquaintances, but considering the struggle I had just gone through with him and the fact that he was drunk on the floor of his living room trying to sit up it seemed only fair. It felt wrong leaving my fingerprints on the fridge handle, but I pulled it open to find sparsely filled shelves and empty drawers where vegetables should be.

“Do you eat?” Suddenly I remembered his stiff thigh in the palm of my hand when I grabbed his keys. “Well you must eat something to put that on your little white boy bones.”

“What?” I jumped and spun around to find Jonathan, having somehow managed to get himself off the floor, pulling his body onto one of the stools at the counter facing his living room.

Leaning against the fridge I grazed the kitchen with my eyes, “I was just saying how you barely have any food.” Even with the second look over without being in complete awe of the design I didn’t spot anything more than the small set up of fruit in a set of metal baskets on the island. “Let’s start with some water then huh?”

I made a move to get a cup from a cabinet, but I realized that I didn’t know which one they were in. “Where are your cups?”

Jonathan laughed and rocked in his seat, “They’re at the rink with the rest of my equipment for the summer!”

People call him Captain Serious, but he definitely had his own sense of humor even when he was drunk.

As nonchalantly as I could I began opening all of his cabinets looking for his glasses, “Yea real funny Jonny. I’m tempted to use the one that you use for your coins over there.” I gestured to the lone cup on the marble counter of his island. Turns out the last cabinet I decided to check was the one. On the top shelves were glasses for white wine followed by those for red respectively and at the bottom a mismatched collection of mugs and glasses.

“Finally,” I absentmindedly let myself move around the kitchen to get him water and to the fridge to find a half eaten bagel sitting behind a bottle of cranberry juice.

Nudging the door shut with my elbow I carried his water and bagel to the counter where I slid them over to him, “There you go. I found your cranberry juice too, but I already gave you water so drink it.”

Immediately he chugged the water like he had been sitting in the sun for hours and dug into the bagel like he was a starved man. It was easy to assume that he wanted more water and by the time I was back with the cup refilled his bagel was gone.

“No cranberry juice?” He looked like he was trying to raise an eyebrow, but he tilted his whole head to the side.

Holding back a laugh I licked my lips to give myself a reason not to talk. He was a piece of work. First being a hopefully unintentional ass at the club then a kind of adorable drunk.

“Yes, because I think that you’re better off with water.” For a second I thought he looked almost hurt, but I quickly stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room to get a better view of the terrace and Chicago skyline beyond it. It had been a warm day and the door to the terrace was open from when he left that morning. A cool breeze rolled into the room, but I took off my jacket and left it on the back of the sofa. There was something about being a little cold that I always enjoyed, like when you go for a walk in winter and your legs go numb. Or when you slid into a cold bed at night before the blankets had a chance to capture your body heat.

I slowly made my way around his living room, dragging my finger along the top of his couch to leave a darker stripe where the fabric was rubbed against the grain. Kane said that I didn’t have to stay any longer than dropping Jonny off, but to be honest it was pretty cool to get to be in his apartment. Sure he was drunk and had been an ass, but the house was beautiful and I felt kind of bad for him. Kane didn’t say much about what happened, but what he did say was that Jonny wasn’t taking his breakup well and that it was why he had gotten so drunk.

That’s not a guy that I felt comfortable leaving home alone.

“What are you singing?”

His voice echoed around the room and pulled me from my thoughts.

“What?” I turned away from the door to the terrace to find him on my right leaning against the wall beside me.

“You’ve been singing for a while,” I felt heat rushing to my cheeks against the cold from outside, “it sounded really good. Will you sing more?”

For once in my life it didn’t feel uncomfortable to sing on command and it came easily to me without having to think about it. I wasn’t sure if it was the song that I was singing before, but You Lost Me by Christina Aguilera was song that my brain chose to sing.

“I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won, now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me

And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And though we tried you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me

Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me”

----- Jonathan Toews

I was hoping that she’d go back to singing the song that she was before, but from her reaction her memory of singing for a few minutes was non-existent. It had been some cute song about ice cream and Van Gogh, but I didn’t know enough to ask for it.

Her voice rang clearly around my apartment, the sound soothing and making me want to lie down.

“You couldn't keep your hands to yourself,” she sang the line again.

Lindsey couldn’t. At least that’s what everyone said. That’s what I saw.

Maybe I jumped the gun. It was dark and I had had a beer, so it could have been anything that night. All I knew for sure was that after that evening I didn’t sleep well, play well or feel particularly interested in being happy.

I patted my pockets down in search of my phone. The brightness of my screen momentarily blinded me, but I wouldn’t let it keep me from finding out the truth.

The girl in red broke my thoughts again, “How can I ever trust you again?”

How could I trust her again? Even if she had only cheated that one night, that one night still hurt.

My finger flicked over my screen in search of her contact. It seemed to stand out compared to the others, but when I tried to press her number to call her nothing happened.

“Come on,” I growled through my clenched jaw. Each time I tried to press her number I did it a little harder as if it would make my phone work with me. I didn’t hear red dress singing anymore, but it didn’t matter as long as my phone was keeping me from talking to Lindsey.

Sweat broke on my brow and I could feel my heart racing. The simple action of making a phone call now felt like it had the stakes of a Stanley Cup Final in Game 7 Overtime and I could feel my control slipping. I could ask red dress to help me, but something told me that she wouldn’t approve of me calling my ex.

“What’re you doing?” her voice started up again for the first time after she stopped singing.

I continued to fumble with my phone, “Nothing.”

Her light footsteps approached me slowly, like one might an animal in distress. I tried to move away, but my back was already pressed up against the wall. Before she reached out and grabbed my frenzied hands with hers I felt her presence in front of me. The palms of her hands against the backs of mine were warm, but her fingertips left cold spots on my palms. I kept my gaze glued to my phone, hoping that the call would go through or that Lindsey would try to call me.

Red dress spoke again, “Hey, look at me.” I looked up at her and could feel my guilt plastered all over my face. “This isn’t a good idea and I’m sure that you know that.”

She was right, I did know that. On my left hand the odd combination of warmth and cold vanished and I felt her sliding my phone out of my hand. As soon as I realized what she was doing she noticed and her eyes became pleading like this was all that she wanted. My body was caught in her deep brown eyes; the more desperate they became the less control I had.

Once she had taken the phone from my grasp it was like a switch had been flipped. I felt a rush of energy that was all directed to getting my phone back and grabbed her wrists. She looked frightened and gasped, but when I turned her around and held her against the wall she got the wind knocked out of her and stood silently. Her knuckles had turned white from grasping my phone but moved out of my frame of vision as I pressed my body up against hers.

“Give me my phone,” I used the same voice that I used when the guys fucked around in practice.

“No,” she shot me a hard gaze similar to the one that I hoped I was giving her.

“It’s my phone, give it to me.”

“You could take it right now,” she smirked and the right corner of her mouth turned up slightly, “but instead you’re wasting time asking me. You must not really want it.”

She was right. There was no way that she could stop me if I really wanted to take my phone. What I wanted more though were her lips. Inches from my face they looked even fuller than earlier and still sported their light cranberry color. They looked a little shiny from when she had licked them subconsciously while she sang and caught the soft midnight glow from outside.

Her lips began to move as she spoke and I followed their every movement, “It seems like you need to relax.” She wiggled her wrists around in my grip and I loosed my hands. I then dropped our arms to beside us, still keeping her hands against the wall, but making sure to be gentle.

“Good start,” she caught my eyes mid shift from our hands moving down the wall to her lips, “and now?”

I didn’t know. Standing with her against the wall made me feel dirty, but at the same time I couldn’t help but get lost in her wonderstruck expression. Her eyebrows raised, eyes sparkling, slightly pink cheeks and those light cranberry lips. It was like she was thinking the same as me and didn’t know how to process it. When she breathed I could feel her chest rise and fall against mine and below that her heart pounded so loudly that I thought I could hear it.

Or was that my heart?

A rattle came from outside the door and I could hear muffled voices giggling. Red dress suddenly looked really nervous, but I didn’t want to move from where we were. If it was Kane outside I’d get him later for it. Just as the locked clicked I released my hold on her wrists and took a step back from her. Her conflicted and guilty eyes followed mine away from her, but she didn’t move from her spot on the wall and I felt an urge to move right back in.

Then Kane and Mandy fell into my apartment.

“Hey guys,” he managed out between laughing with Mandy and kicking my door shut behind him. The bang was followed by a heavy pounding in my head and I was forced to lean against my couch, except I lost my balance and fell over onto the cushions.

Red dress shushed Kane and picked up her jacket from near my head. I swung an arm out to grab it, but was met with the fabric of my couch rubbing against my hand. All the energy I had had a moment ago was taken by her and I could feel my brain slipping as I lay there on the couch.

“Thanks for doing this.”

“It was no problem, I hope you guys had fun.”

“Oh we did, but I’ll tell you at the hotel.”

“Huh huh okay now I’m curious.”

They all laughed, but it was easy to tell them apart. Kaner was obnoxious as usual, Mandy’s was powerful and red dress’ was controlled like she was trying to be quiet.

“Patrick is it possible for you to unlock Jonny’s phone?”

“Sure. Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

My phone? I tried to feel my pockets for it, but then felt too heavy to move. Maybe she was putting her number in. That would save me a lot of trouble.

“I’ll just leave it here on his uhh…”

Kane’s obnoxious laugh pounded my skull again, “That’s his manstation. His mom gave it to him.”

“Well I’ll leave it here for him. Tell Jonny I say ‘bye’ when he wakes up.”

That was something like the fourth time she had called me Jonny. It felt right.

“Sure thing. Good night Mandy.”

“Good night Kane.”

I heard the wet squeak of a quick kiss and my lock click shut before I finally let myself drift off into a silent, dreamless sleep.

Notes

While writing this I kept on imagining his apartment and damn I want it.

Anyways, didn't want to get ahead of myself in this chapter but I hope that you guys like it :)