I Was a Dreamer before You Went and Let Me Down
Cause You Were Just a Small Bump Unborn
-Jesy-
I shiver against the cold blast of the December air as the last few people make their way out of the bar. I yawn suddenly more tired than I should be I turn to the other employee’s who have started cleaning up the building
“Leave it, I’ll do it in the morning, go home get some sleep it was a busy night” they nod and say thanks before making their way out the doors too and I shiver again.
I let out another yawn as I make my way to the back of the bar after locking the door; I shut the lights off and make my way up the stairs to my apartment. I kick my shoes off at the door and trudge towards the bathroom showering off the smell of the bar quickly and crawl in bed with wet hair.
I wake up suddenly and look at the clock reading only 4am, I groan and roll over to fall back to sleep when a pain shoots through my body, when it passes I lay still for a moment the pain comes again in a wave and I groan rolling on my side to reach for my phone. I call the first contact listed Amy. The line rings 3 times as I beg for her to pick it up
“Hello” she says with sleep laced in her voice
“Amy, something’s wrong, call Jamie, come get me”
“Ok, Jesy, don’t freak out”
“It’s too late for freaking out” I mumble and then groan in pain “Hurry up”
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I stare at the phone in my hands sighing and then the bed sheets around it, white, clean, words that when they come to mind about snow I think beautiful but when they come to mind now as I stare at the hospital sheets and the walls around me the only word in my head is failure.
“Jesy honey” I look up to see my mom my eyes puffy and red I just nod at her “My poor baby” she says stepping in the room sitting on the corner of the bed
“I just got used to it ya know?” I say quietly “I got used to knowing someone was in there. And I stopped being scared, I was happy mom, I was almost a mom” I feel the tears running down my cheeks again
“Sweetie” my dad says quietly and I look into his blue eyes matching my own
“Daddy, I know you were disappointed and I know you, both of you really were not happy about the baby being Sidney’s and I let you down then and now I just. I’m sorry” I say the last words coming out in a hiccupped sob
“Jessica Lynn, you haven’t got a thing to be sorry for! You couldn’t control that you hear me?” my dad says and I nod
“I know it still hurts baby” my mom coo’s in my ear as she wraps her arms tightly around me “I know nothing is going to make this better but time. You’ll be ok, try to sleep honey” I nod again and lean back on the pillows “I think Jamie and Amy want to see you before they leave, I’ll send them in” she gets up and makes her way out of the room to leave for the night
“Jesy” the 2 girls chorus entering the room I try to give them a small smile and I feel a tear slip down my cheek anyway “We’re so sorry” they say and both hug me at the same time, I feel their tears wetting the hospital gown before they pull away, I nod silently telling them it’s ok to go.
--------------------
I stand in my room looking in the mirror, dark circles sit under my red puffy eyes, it’s been a week and if there’s a permanent end to these tears I haven’t found it yet, I find my eyes trailing down my reflection stopping at what should be the small baby bump almost hidden by my shirt.
Anger is the next thing I feel and I pick up the first thing in my reach on the dresser next to me sending a picture frame flying across the room, shattering as it hits the wall and then the floor.
My phone beeps distracting me from picking up the shards of glass, I grab the device sliding my finger across the text from Sidney *what time is your appointment next week? I don’t want to miss it* my hand flies to my mouth; Sidney, I never told Sidney. I stare between the device and the glass on the floor the picture finally catching my eye; I pick it up carefully examining it. I’d neglected to put this picture away when I cleared my apartment of his face two 20 year olds lost in whatever conversation we were having weaves in and out of focus. My hair clearly being blown around in the wind is everywhere but where it should be Sidney has a full blown smile plastered on his face, a smile that could melt the coldest heart.
I grab my phone again staring at his message with a sigh I respond with the time my doctor’s appointment should have been. I can’t tell him, not now; not via text. I turn my attention back to the glass on the floor and force myself to clean it up. I force myself through basic tasks after a shower I put on the shirt Sid left here finding comfort and protection in the soft fabric that somehow after all this time holds his scent.
I sit down on the couch quietly staring at the blank tv screen, on the table in front of me sits the invitations for my baby shower I was supposed to make a decision on which ones out of the 4 I liked best because Jamie and Amy couldn’t pick I feel the lump in my throat rising again I shake my head
“I need out of here, this apartment, this city, I need out, I need out” I mumble looking for my laptop. A few clicks later and I have a flight booked for anywhere but here in the morning. I pack enough for a week I don’t know how long I’m staying and right now I don’t care. I fall into a restless sleep and wake up with my alarm at 7am.
As I sink into my seat on the airplane the thought of what I am doing sinks in and my heart beats crazy in my chest. I told no one I was leaving just left a note on the door of my apartment. I remind myself this is insane but as my hand finds that small bump and I let out a shaky breath I remind myself I need this. I feel the plane take off leaving my stomach on the ground along with my courage.
I land and after finding my luggage I make my way out of the airport and finding a cab, the driver looks at me crazy when I tell him where to go but he obliges and I shiver against the coldness of the seats. It’s not long before he’s pulling onto the gravel. The snow crunches under my feet as I get out and retrieve my bag. It’s just after 11am so I’m not surprised by the empty driveway.
I make myself at home on the front porch step trying to shield my legs from the cold as the snow falls around me. I pull out my phone finding the battery dead I sigh.
“This was insane” I remind myself “Who just flies to Pittsburgh”……
I shiver against the cold blast of the December air as the last few people make their way out of the bar. I yawn suddenly more tired than I should be I turn to the other employee’s who have started cleaning up the building
“Leave it, I’ll do it in the morning, go home get some sleep it was a busy night” they nod and say thanks before making their way out the doors too and I shiver again.
I let out another yawn as I make my way to the back of the bar after locking the door; I shut the lights off and make my way up the stairs to my apartment. I kick my shoes off at the door and trudge towards the bathroom showering off the smell of the bar quickly and crawl in bed with wet hair.
I wake up suddenly and look at the clock reading only 4am, I groan and roll over to fall back to sleep when a pain shoots through my body, when it passes I lay still for a moment the pain comes again in a wave and I groan rolling on my side to reach for my phone. I call the first contact listed Amy. The line rings 3 times as I beg for her to pick it up
“Hello” she says with sleep laced in her voice
“Amy, something’s wrong, call Jamie, come get me”
“Ok, Jesy, don’t freak out”
“It’s too late for freaking out” I mumble and then groan in pain “Hurry up”
--------------------
I stare at the phone in my hands sighing and then the bed sheets around it, white, clean, words that when they come to mind about snow I think beautiful but when they come to mind now as I stare at the hospital sheets and the walls around me the only word in my head is failure.
“Jesy honey” I look up to see my mom my eyes puffy and red I just nod at her “My poor baby” she says stepping in the room sitting on the corner of the bed
“I just got used to it ya know?” I say quietly “I got used to knowing someone was in there. And I stopped being scared, I was happy mom, I was almost a mom” I feel the tears running down my cheeks again
“Sweetie” my dad says quietly and I look into his blue eyes matching my own
“Daddy, I know you were disappointed and I know you, both of you really were not happy about the baby being Sidney’s and I let you down then and now I just. I’m sorry” I say the last words coming out in a hiccupped sob
“Jessica Lynn, you haven’t got a thing to be sorry for! You couldn’t control that you hear me?” my dad says and I nod
“I know it still hurts baby” my mom coo’s in my ear as she wraps her arms tightly around me “I know nothing is going to make this better but time. You’ll be ok, try to sleep honey” I nod again and lean back on the pillows “I think Jamie and Amy want to see you before they leave, I’ll send them in” she gets up and makes her way out of the room to leave for the night
“Jesy” the 2 girls chorus entering the room I try to give them a small smile and I feel a tear slip down my cheek anyway “We’re so sorry” they say and both hug me at the same time, I feel their tears wetting the hospital gown before they pull away, I nod silently telling them it’s ok to go.
--------------------
I stand in my room looking in the mirror, dark circles sit under my red puffy eyes, it’s been a week and if there’s a permanent end to these tears I haven’t found it yet, I find my eyes trailing down my reflection stopping at what should be the small baby bump almost hidden by my shirt.
Anger is the next thing I feel and I pick up the first thing in my reach on the dresser next to me sending a picture frame flying across the room, shattering as it hits the wall and then the floor.
My phone beeps distracting me from picking up the shards of glass, I grab the device sliding my finger across the text from Sidney *what time is your appointment next week? I don’t want to miss it* my hand flies to my mouth; Sidney, I never told Sidney. I stare between the device and the glass on the floor the picture finally catching my eye; I pick it up carefully examining it. I’d neglected to put this picture away when I cleared my apartment of his face two 20 year olds lost in whatever conversation we were having weaves in and out of focus. My hair clearly being blown around in the wind is everywhere but where it should be Sidney has a full blown smile plastered on his face, a smile that could melt the coldest heart.
I grab my phone again staring at his message with a sigh I respond with the time my doctor’s appointment should have been. I can’t tell him, not now; not via text. I turn my attention back to the glass on the floor and force myself to clean it up. I force myself through basic tasks after a shower I put on the shirt Sid left here finding comfort and protection in the soft fabric that somehow after all this time holds his scent.
I sit down on the couch quietly staring at the blank tv screen, on the table in front of me sits the invitations for my baby shower I was supposed to make a decision on which ones out of the 4 I liked best because Jamie and Amy couldn’t pick I feel the lump in my throat rising again I shake my head
“I need out of here, this apartment, this city, I need out, I need out” I mumble looking for my laptop. A few clicks later and I have a flight booked for anywhere but here in the morning. I pack enough for a week I don’t know how long I’m staying and right now I don’t care. I fall into a restless sleep and wake up with my alarm at 7am.
As I sink into my seat on the airplane the thought of what I am doing sinks in and my heart beats crazy in my chest. I told no one I was leaving just left a note on the door of my apartment. I remind myself this is insane but as my hand finds that small bump and I let out a shaky breath I remind myself I need this. I feel the plane take off leaving my stomach on the ground along with my courage.
I land and after finding my luggage I make my way out of the airport and finding a cab, the driver looks at me crazy when I tell him where to go but he obliges and I shiver against the coldness of the seats. It’s not long before he’s pulling onto the gravel. The snow crunches under my feet as I get out and retrieve my bag. It’s just after 11am so I’m not surprised by the empty driveway.
I make myself at home on the front porch step trying to shield my legs from the cold as the snow falls around me. I pull out my phone finding the battery dead I sigh.
“This was insane” I remind myself “Who just flies to Pittsburgh”……
Notes
It's short, I know but it's necessary and I literally have a good half of the next chapter written and I swear it will not be short! Song credit goes to "Small Bump" by Ed Sheeran and I literally started this entire story based on this song and this "chapter' in a way not exactly like this because originally the story was going to start here and I decided against it. If you have not heard the song I suggest taking a listen there's an official video on youtube and it's so simple that it's extremely sad.Anyway aiming for a mid week update for the next chapter :) and because I like to get you guys talking in the comments I like seeing what interest we share beyond hockey, who has seen/ is going to see/ wants to see/ or has read the books for the Hunger Games series the new movie obviously being Catching Fire? I seen it today it is amazing!
@Psquared524
At the moment no there will not be a sequel, I don't ever rule out the possibility of anything I write some day having one strictly because some day an idea may arise that would just work. But no at this moment, this is it, for a while I'm going to concentrate on one shots or short stories seeing as I generally tend to lose focus or direction on longer stories which is evident with this story.
5/10/14