I Was a Dreamer before You Went and Let Me Down

Sidney

There’s been a lot of moments in my life I’ve been told I’ll never forget, moments I was told were going to be the most important thing that’s ever happened to me. I remember being just a kid and being told the first goal I scored would stay with me forever, when I went out of the country to play hockey in high school I was told those would be the best and most important years of my life, going into the draft I was told to cherish it because there was nothing that would compare to that feeling, and I was told winning the Stanley Cup would by far be my greatest accomplishment.

Thinking back on all those time I was told to remember I find that most of them no longer hold the value in my mind that they used to, I don’t remember my first goal, I imagine now it felt like every other one I’ve ever scored, feeling the cold burn of the air in your lungs as you push your way down the ice, feeling the weight of the puck on your tape , the quick snap, the goal light, the celebration, and move on the only difference is that was my first. Every trophy ever won while all special all start to feel the same you’re thankful, you’re humbled, you’re proud of your team, but in the end you’ve felt it before.

Tonight as I sneak into the house as quietly as possible after getting on the first red eye out of Nashville, I feel beyond exhausted, every muscle hurts from being up for far too many hours at one time while playing a full game, but upstairs I can see a light from my bedroom and it makes it all worth it. I make my way quietly up the stairs and turn towards my room walking through the half closed door I see Jesy, still dressed in jeans and a shirt with my name on the back her hair a mess and sprawled out across the entire bed I smile and lift the baby monitor from her hand. I turn the light off in the room and quietly make my way down the 2 doors to the nursery. I try my best to be quiet but when I look over the side of the crib Emily’s brown eyes are staring back at me, she smiles at me and it melts my heart. No one prepared me for the way this would feel, I was prepared for every other milestone in my life but the biggest life changer, becoming a dad was somehow left out. I carefully pick her up and turn towards the bottle warmer where I see Jesy has started to make notes for herself –since Emily is a terrible sleeper- of what time she feed and changed her. I grab a bottle and make a note of the time before sitting in the rocker. After I feed and change her I rock her back to sleep and set her gently in her crib and make my way out with the monitor in hand back to my room.

I sneak in setting the monitor on the nightstand and make my way into the bathroom to change into pajamas, a few minutes later I kneel down in front of the bed pushing Jesy’s hair out of her face “Baby” I whisper and she groans “Come on beautiful, wake up”

“Is the baby crying? Did I not hear her? Am I a bad mom?” she says in a sad sleepy voice “Don’t cry Emily, mommy’s coming” she says trying to sit up

“Jesy, no don’t worry about it, I fed her and changed her and I marked it in your book so you wouldn’t lose track, come on change into pajamas” I say handing her pajama pants and she nods changing quickly we lay down and I pull her tight to me “How do you feel?”

“I’m so tired, why won’t she sleep?” she says in an almost tearful whisper

“She’s asleep now, and I’m home now so go to sleep baby” I say quietly kissing the top of her head and she’s asleep in moments, softly snoring curled into my side

Jesy

If you had asked me when I first met Sidney if I thought anything could make him cry, I would have said no; that was until the day the doctor told us we were having a little girl. He cried even harder at her birth and just when I thought he was done crying I watched him tear up the day she took her first steps. I guess it’s true that the toughest of guys becoming nothing more than a big baby as soon as a little girl calls him daddy.

I watch with a smile as her little 3 year old legs carry her around the back yard playing in the leaves with Sid and can hear her roar of laughter even though the closed doors. Like me at her age her hair is bright red, unlike me it falls in ringlets and she has her dad’s soft brown eyes, Sid tells me she has my nose and my smile but I don’t really see it. I stare out the window until I hear the back door slam

“Mommy! I has to go potty!” she yells running towards me in the kitchen and I scoop her up and make my way up the stairs

“Are you having fun playing with daddy Emily?” I ask as we make our way back down the stairs and I stop to pull a leaf out of her hair while she nods

“Daddy’s silly” she giggles

“Oh really, what did he do?” I ask even though I watched him dump the entire bag of leaves over her head

“He taked the big bag of the leaf-es and throwed them on me!” I laugh loudly as she tries to reenact the scene for me

“And what did you do?”

“I laughed” she says simply and walks back towards the back door

“Don’t you want lunch honey?”

“I gots to help daddy clean up!” she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world

“Why don’t you tell him mommy said it time to take a break and eat?” she nods and skips back out the door. When they come in I send Emily to hang her coat up and face Sid acting annoyed “I thought you were just going to clean the leaves out of the backyard, it’s been 3 hours. Are you cleaning or playing?” he shrugs washing his hands in the sink

“There’s a lot to clean up Jesy what can I say” I reach up and pull the leaf from his hair

“I think you’re having too much fun playing the leaves with Emily “I say with a laugh and he smiles I kiss him slowly “You’ve got practice in an hour you know” I say quietly pulling away

“Shit I do” he says looking at his watch

“It’s ok it’s her n-a-p time anyway”

After lunch Sid takes Emily upstairs where she falls asleep quickly and he grabs his stuff for practice, with a quick kiss he’s out the door. After I finish cleaning up and decide what I want to make for dinner I walk out the back door to sit on the patio, it’s surprisingly warm for October in Pittsburgh so I can enjoy the last remaining sun before winter. I thought being in Buffalo less would be hard, and it was at first but now between Amy and Jamie and I there’s a rhythm to how the bar is run.

As I stare out into the almost clean backyard I find my mind wandering, I never thought I’d end up here, sitting in Pittsburgh with a little girl calling me mommy and Sidney Crosby to sleep next to every night, our lives have been a roller coaster both apart and together and looking at us now it seems like the low parts were made up somehow.

By the time Sid gets home I’ve got dinner started and Emily is back to playing in the leaves, and even though he’s tired, and even though he smells like hockey pads and sweat he makes his way to the back yard to finish cleaning up and playing with Emily.When we walk in the house to eat there’s a bouquet in the middle of the table

“Sid, they’re beautiful” I say quietly taking a sniff of the multicolored flowers in front of me “Thank you” I say turning to him and kissing him softly.Dinner is filled with Emily’s three year old babble and after dinner Sid and Emily play a game of floor hockey in my kitchen while I try to do the dishes around them. Emily of course wins because Sid is a good dad and because the girl is a Crosby through and through.

After she goes to bed we both collapse on the couch him watching sports center while I read, when he asks if I want a drink I only nod and feel his weight shift off the couch. A few minutes pass and when he doesn’t come back I close my book and exit the living room to find him.I make my way though the kitchen and look out the back door before turning and seeing a soft glow from the dining room.

I walk in the room to see 2 glasses of wine on either side of strawberry shortcake and Sidney in a suit and tie holding up a dress and heels in his hand I roll my eyes at him but take both and going upstairs to change. I pull my hair back making it look more presentable than it did and fix my makeup since he’s feeling romantic I might as well let him have his moment. When I’m done I make my way back down the stairs to find him standing at the bottom of them waiting patiently. He takes my hand and we make our way back into the dining room, where he pulls my chair out for me and I sit taking a sip of my wine.

“I love you” he says quietly kissing my cheek before sitting down across from me and handing me a fork

“I love you too” I say back matching his hushed tone and nod in thanks taking the fork from him and digging into the desert. We eat and drink the whole bottle of wine in silence, I stare and when I’m about to ask him the reason for the romantics he clears his throat and I turn to face him. The way he says my name makes my heart flutter, there’s something different in his tone that wasn’t there before and when he gets up from the table taking the 2 steps to my side I feel my heart beat quicken. As he slowly sinks to one knee in front of me I feel myself crying before his knee even touches the floor, all he gets out is ‘will you’ before I’m a nodding sobbing mess and he hands me a Kleenex and a slow heartwarming crooked smile graces his face

“At least let me ask” he says with a small chuckle and I wave my hand for him to continue “Will you” he says quieter this time, like his voice will crack he says it any louder or faster, he takes a deep breath and I can hear the shake in his voice even though he already knows my answer “Will you, marry me?” I grab his face in both of my hands kissing him slowly before pulling away and whispering a yes he slides the ring on my finger before connecting our lips again and standing pulling me up with him and into his arms.

I smile when he pulls away softly kisses my forehead and whispers an I love you before pressing his lips to mine again, softer like he’s nervous for what this action means in the long run, like he did the first time I met all those years ago on the boat in New York while we circled the Statue of Liberty as the sun was setting, and I smile into the kiss, like I did then holding on tightly to Sidney, MY Sidney.

Notes

The End.

Song credit Gary Allen "Tough Little Boys" I hope you all liked it, comment, rate, all that good stuff. I know I said I had a one shot coming up like 11 days ago, sorry my mind has been working hard to try to formulate how to write this. However I've got at least 2 ideas working in my mind that will be up as soon as my mind unravels one from the other and lets me write them both. I'm also up for inspiration songs to listen to or player ideas to write about. Thank you all for reading and putting up with my terrible posting habits!