Therapy
Visits
“So, you guys are just friends now?” Sara asked me as I looked around for my car keys.
I sighed, looking over at her. “He almost died, Sara, I can at least go check on him.”
Sara rolled her eyes. “He has a concussion, he didn’t almost die. Stop being so dramatic.” She paused, glancing quickly at the TV. “But really, you’re going to see him?”
“It won’t be just me,” I defended, one hand already on the doorknob. “Travis is going to be there, too.”
“Yeah, that’ll make it less awkward,” Sara joked, smirking at me. “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” I muttered back, heading out the door.
I hadn’t actually seen Kris since the day at the hospital, and as well as that visit had gone, I was sure my gratitude for that was directed more at the morphine then it was at Kris himself. After learning of how out of hand he had become from Marc and Vero, I was almost seeing him in a different view. He had been my best friend for a few years, then had become an acquaintance. Then he became a monster that I feared running into to, a nightmare that had re-appeared into my reality when I had least expected it. He had been every colour of hate that I could have painted, and the sound of his name had caused an ache in my bones since Evan’s passing. Now, he was fragile. He was a boy, not a man. He was just as lost and heartbroken and I was. I had lost my love, but Kris had lost his last piece of home. Evan was the part of Kris’ past that he could take with him. He understood the trials of hockey, and the pressure from coaches and media. He had watched Kris get drafted into a team that he had grown up adoring, and when he was drafted into the same team a year later, it created an even tighter bond.
Kris wasn’t a monster, like I had believed for the past year. He was just alone.
---------------------------
Travis answered the door before I could even ring the doorbell, startling me slightly. He grinned, stepping forward to wrap me in a hug as his greeting before allowing me room to step into the house.
When I had been in the house last, just a couple of weeks ago, there had been a different feeling in the air. A tension that I hadn’t wanted to embrace. I vaguely remembered the anger that I had felt when Kris admitted the details of his and Evan’s fight, and I remembered how guarded I had been, sitting across from him. Maybe it was because I had seen him hooked up to monitors, drugged on whatever painkillers the hospital had given him, but this time, the house felt calm.
Kris was sitting in an arm chair that I didn’t recall being there in my last visit, his attention on the TV. His hair had been cut, the shaggy look that he had been sporting since officially making the Penguins roster was now gone. His hair was now cut to just above his ears, not too short, but certainly a drastic change from how it had been. His face was clean shaven, the scruff that he had grown in his two days at the hospital gone, and his face seemed more relaxed. He didn’t even seem to notice that I had stepped into the living room and was looking him over from where I stood.
Travis cleared his throat, earning Kris’ attention. “Katy’s here,” he said, gesturing to me.
Kris looked at me, seeming unsure of how to react. He offered a small smile, the smile seeming to grow a bit when I returned the expression. “I like your hair,” I said, taking a seat on the couch.
He self-consciously lifted a hand up to his head, feeling the short ends of his hair. “Really? I don’t know, I feel young with it. My hair has been so long for so long,” he paused, giggling a bit at the repetition, “and having it this short makes me feel like I am in high school again.”
I nodded, almost laughing. “Nah, it looks fine. It’s probably easier to take care of now, too.”
“I didn’t have much choice,” he admitted. “That chunk they cut to put the staples in, it had to be covered up.” He sighed, seeming to take a few seconds to mourn the loss of inches to his hair. “But it does not use as much shampoo. I suppose that’s good.”
Both Travis and I chuckled, watching as Kris let out a long sigh. Travis cleared his throat, looking over at me. “I have to go grab some food for Kris. The dude has, like, a jog of milk and a box of cereal. That’s it.”
“Well, if you’re going to have a jug of milk, you better have cereal,” I pointed out. “He’s basically set.”
Travis smirked at me, standing up from the couch. “I’ll be back in about twenty minutes, the store’s not far from here. Keep an eye on him. The doctor said that his symptoms might mirror those in Alzheimer patients for the first few days.”
Kris let out a gasp from where he was, causing both Travis and I to turn and look at him. “I’m going to be old?”
I glanced back at Travis. “You know, over the last year, I forgot that Kris wasn’t the smartest.”
Travis laughed, patting the top of my head and telling Kris to behave as he headed out the door.
There was a silence that immediately followed Travis’ departure. Although Kris had apologized, and we were making small steps towards some form or reconciliation, there was still an awkwardness that pushed a distance between the two of us. The friendship we had shared prior to Evan and I’s relationship was so long ago that it was hard to imagine ever being those people again. It was impossible, truthfully, because so much time had passed.
Kris cleared his throat, glancing over at me. “Thanks for staying with me at the hospital,” he said quietly, breaking his gaze away from me to look down at his lap. “It meant a lot. I didn’t expect that.”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “I didn’t want you to be alone.” I admitted.
There was another pause before Kris looked up at me, seeming to debate what to say next. “Why don’t you hate me?”
I was caught off guard by the question, not sure if I had misheard him or not. “Uhm,” I searched for the explanation, not entirely sure what it was myself. “I guess there wouldn’t be a point,” I admitted. “We both lost someone really important us, and maybe we didn’t handle it very well, but-” I stopped, looking him over a bit as I tried to think of the proper way to answer. “You and I were friends before I even knew who Evan was, and you and Evan were friends before you and I were,” I reminded him.
“So, you feel obligated?” He asked, seeming completely confused.
“No, I guess… I guess that, when you think about, you lost two friends,” I explained. “Evan, and then me.” I looked at him, watching as he avoided looking straight at me, his eyes glassing over with an emotion I couldn’t pinpoint. “You must be really lonely.”
Kris laughed, a hollow laugh that almost scared me. “You have no idea, Katy,” he said, finally looking at me again. “You have no idea.”
It was me who looked away from him this time, the details of Kris’ feelings that Travis and Marc had shared with me surfacing to the front of my brain. I looked down at the carpet in his living room, noticing that it needed to be vacuumed, and then let my eyes drift over towards the curtains, noticing the dust that was building up on them. “Kris, do you even clean in here?” I asked, turning back to him and almost jumping in my seat when he was suddenly right next to me.
He grinned, clearly amused by how startled I was. “I’m not around much, and I kind of fired my nanny a few months ago.”
“I can tell,” I told him, looking back over at the drapes. “You don’t even dust or-”
“Katy,” Kris interrupted, “I have to tell you something.” He chewed on his lip for a moment, thinking over the words before speaking again. “Do you know why I became so distant when you and Evan became a couple?”
“Because I was stealing your best friend?” I asked.
“Only partially,” he said. “I told Evan about you before I introduced the two of you. I didn’t think that when I went off to Scranton, he and you would become a couple. I always imagined…” he trailed off, his eyes drifting towards the picture of he and Evan by his couch. “I thought you and I would be the ones who ended up together,” he finally admitted, laughing slightly as he turned to look back at me. “The distance, that was because I had to stop having the feelings for you that I had. It was easier to just hate you then it was to-” he stopped, once again turning from me. “I’m sorry, is what I’m trying to say.”
I nodded, moving a few inches away from him, almost feeling strangled from how close he was.
“Did you ever think about me like that?” Kris asked, again surprising me with the question. “Or was it all in my head?”
It was hard to think back that far into my high school days. I had spent so much time with Kris, and Evan. I had other friends, but when I let the memories of my youth come flooding back to me, the vast majority of them included Kris. He and I eating lunch together, walking home from school, doing homework together, watching bad TV shows. I spent almost all of the time I could with him. And when I allowed the memories to appear, it brought back a few realizations that had gone unnoticed in those days.
“I did,” I admitted, frowning. “I don’t think I realized it then, though.” I looked up at him, meeting his relieved gaze. “But, Kris, if you and were going to happen-”
“If it would have happened before I left, I know,” He sighed. “That was exactly what Evan told me.”
The confession changed so many things. Kris had been so far away the year before Evan joined him, and then just weeks after he leaves, he finds out that his best friend had moved in on the girl he liked. The resentment he spewed towards Evan and I suddenly seemed to have a bit reason behind it.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t know, Kris.”
He nodded, still looking me over, something that I found him doing often. “Promise not to get mad?” He asked, watching as I frowned, but eventually promised. Without hesitation he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth, not directly on my lips. “I still love you.”
I was frozen with shock, faintly hearing the sounds of Travis’ car pulling in. Kris didn’t wait too long to see me reaction, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before he stood up to go let Travis in.
I couldn’t even move from the shock.
I sighed, looking over at her. “He almost died, Sara, I can at least go check on him.”
Sara rolled her eyes. “He has a concussion, he didn’t almost die. Stop being so dramatic.” She paused, glancing quickly at the TV. “But really, you’re going to see him?”
“It won’t be just me,” I defended, one hand already on the doorknob. “Travis is going to be there, too.”
“Yeah, that’ll make it less awkward,” Sara joked, smirking at me. “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” I muttered back, heading out the door.
I hadn’t actually seen Kris since the day at the hospital, and as well as that visit had gone, I was sure my gratitude for that was directed more at the morphine then it was at Kris himself. After learning of how out of hand he had become from Marc and Vero, I was almost seeing him in a different view. He had been my best friend for a few years, then had become an acquaintance. Then he became a monster that I feared running into to, a nightmare that had re-appeared into my reality when I had least expected it. He had been every colour of hate that I could have painted, and the sound of his name had caused an ache in my bones since Evan’s passing. Now, he was fragile. He was a boy, not a man. He was just as lost and heartbroken and I was. I had lost my love, but Kris had lost his last piece of home. Evan was the part of Kris’ past that he could take with him. He understood the trials of hockey, and the pressure from coaches and media. He had watched Kris get drafted into a team that he had grown up adoring, and when he was drafted into the same team a year later, it created an even tighter bond.
Kris wasn’t a monster, like I had believed for the past year. He was just alone.
---------------------------
Travis answered the door before I could even ring the doorbell, startling me slightly. He grinned, stepping forward to wrap me in a hug as his greeting before allowing me room to step into the house.
When I had been in the house last, just a couple of weeks ago, there had been a different feeling in the air. A tension that I hadn’t wanted to embrace. I vaguely remembered the anger that I had felt when Kris admitted the details of his and Evan’s fight, and I remembered how guarded I had been, sitting across from him. Maybe it was because I had seen him hooked up to monitors, drugged on whatever painkillers the hospital had given him, but this time, the house felt calm.
Kris was sitting in an arm chair that I didn’t recall being there in my last visit, his attention on the TV. His hair had been cut, the shaggy look that he had been sporting since officially making the Penguins roster was now gone. His hair was now cut to just above his ears, not too short, but certainly a drastic change from how it had been. His face was clean shaven, the scruff that he had grown in his two days at the hospital gone, and his face seemed more relaxed. He didn’t even seem to notice that I had stepped into the living room and was looking him over from where I stood.
Travis cleared his throat, earning Kris’ attention. “Katy’s here,” he said, gesturing to me.
Kris looked at me, seeming unsure of how to react. He offered a small smile, the smile seeming to grow a bit when I returned the expression. “I like your hair,” I said, taking a seat on the couch.
He self-consciously lifted a hand up to his head, feeling the short ends of his hair. “Really? I don’t know, I feel young with it. My hair has been so long for so long,” he paused, giggling a bit at the repetition, “and having it this short makes me feel like I am in high school again.”
I nodded, almost laughing. “Nah, it looks fine. It’s probably easier to take care of now, too.”
“I didn’t have much choice,” he admitted. “That chunk they cut to put the staples in, it had to be covered up.” He sighed, seeming to take a few seconds to mourn the loss of inches to his hair. “But it does not use as much shampoo. I suppose that’s good.”
Both Travis and I chuckled, watching as Kris let out a long sigh. Travis cleared his throat, looking over at me. “I have to go grab some food for Kris. The dude has, like, a jog of milk and a box of cereal. That’s it.”
“Well, if you’re going to have a jug of milk, you better have cereal,” I pointed out. “He’s basically set.”
Travis smirked at me, standing up from the couch. “I’ll be back in about twenty minutes, the store’s not far from here. Keep an eye on him. The doctor said that his symptoms might mirror those in Alzheimer patients for the first few days.”
Kris let out a gasp from where he was, causing both Travis and I to turn and look at him. “I’m going to be old?”
I glanced back at Travis. “You know, over the last year, I forgot that Kris wasn’t the smartest.”
Travis laughed, patting the top of my head and telling Kris to behave as he headed out the door.
There was a silence that immediately followed Travis’ departure. Although Kris had apologized, and we were making small steps towards some form or reconciliation, there was still an awkwardness that pushed a distance between the two of us. The friendship we had shared prior to Evan and I’s relationship was so long ago that it was hard to imagine ever being those people again. It was impossible, truthfully, because so much time had passed.
Kris cleared his throat, glancing over at me. “Thanks for staying with me at the hospital,” he said quietly, breaking his gaze away from me to look down at his lap. “It meant a lot. I didn’t expect that.”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “I didn’t want you to be alone.” I admitted.
There was another pause before Kris looked up at me, seeming to debate what to say next. “Why don’t you hate me?”
I was caught off guard by the question, not sure if I had misheard him or not. “Uhm,” I searched for the explanation, not entirely sure what it was myself. “I guess there wouldn’t be a point,” I admitted. “We both lost someone really important us, and maybe we didn’t handle it very well, but-” I stopped, looking him over a bit as I tried to think of the proper way to answer. “You and I were friends before I even knew who Evan was, and you and Evan were friends before you and I were,” I reminded him.
“So, you feel obligated?” He asked, seeming completely confused.
“No, I guess… I guess that, when you think about, you lost two friends,” I explained. “Evan, and then me.” I looked at him, watching as he avoided looking straight at me, his eyes glassing over with an emotion I couldn’t pinpoint. “You must be really lonely.”
Kris laughed, a hollow laugh that almost scared me. “You have no idea, Katy,” he said, finally looking at me again. “You have no idea.”
It was me who looked away from him this time, the details of Kris’ feelings that Travis and Marc had shared with me surfacing to the front of my brain. I looked down at the carpet in his living room, noticing that it needed to be vacuumed, and then let my eyes drift over towards the curtains, noticing the dust that was building up on them. “Kris, do you even clean in here?” I asked, turning back to him and almost jumping in my seat when he was suddenly right next to me.
He grinned, clearly amused by how startled I was. “I’m not around much, and I kind of fired my nanny a few months ago.”
“I can tell,” I told him, looking back over at the drapes. “You don’t even dust or-”
“Katy,” Kris interrupted, “I have to tell you something.” He chewed on his lip for a moment, thinking over the words before speaking again. “Do you know why I became so distant when you and Evan became a couple?”
“Because I was stealing your best friend?” I asked.
“Only partially,” he said. “I told Evan about you before I introduced the two of you. I didn’t think that when I went off to Scranton, he and you would become a couple. I always imagined…” he trailed off, his eyes drifting towards the picture of he and Evan by his couch. “I thought you and I would be the ones who ended up together,” he finally admitted, laughing slightly as he turned to look back at me. “The distance, that was because I had to stop having the feelings for you that I had. It was easier to just hate you then it was to-” he stopped, once again turning from me. “I’m sorry, is what I’m trying to say.”
I nodded, moving a few inches away from him, almost feeling strangled from how close he was.
“Did you ever think about me like that?” Kris asked, again surprising me with the question. “Or was it all in my head?”
It was hard to think back that far into my high school days. I had spent so much time with Kris, and Evan. I had other friends, but when I let the memories of my youth come flooding back to me, the vast majority of them included Kris. He and I eating lunch together, walking home from school, doing homework together, watching bad TV shows. I spent almost all of the time I could with him. And when I allowed the memories to appear, it brought back a few realizations that had gone unnoticed in those days.
“I did,” I admitted, frowning. “I don’t think I realized it then, though.” I looked up at him, meeting his relieved gaze. “But, Kris, if you and were going to happen-”
“If it would have happened before I left, I know,” He sighed. “That was exactly what Evan told me.”
The confession changed so many things. Kris had been so far away the year before Evan joined him, and then just weeks after he leaves, he finds out that his best friend had moved in on the girl he liked. The resentment he spewed towards Evan and I suddenly seemed to have a bit reason behind it.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t know, Kris.”
He nodded, still looking me over, something that I found him doing often. “Promise not to get mad?” He asked, watching as I frowned, but eventually promised. Without hesitation he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth, not directly on my lips. “I still love you.”
I was frozen with shock, faintly hearing the sounds of Travis’ car pulling in. Kris didn’t wait too long to see me reaction, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before he stood up to go let Travis in.
I couldn’t even move from the shock.
I Love this story!
4/7/14