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Beautiful Disaster

Don't Want To Be Here

Sid, Jack, James and I all sat around and visited with Mitch for a few hours after the guys found me. We sat around talking, well more like catching up for me. Since I hadn't seen Mitch in seven years. It was still mind blowing to me that this perfectly good looking, funny, sometimes narcissistic guy was my brother-in-law. And yes I said good looking, but please don't read much into it.

I had known him since he was a snotty nosed string bean kid, than had watched him evolve into a good looking teen. But back than even though I knew he was good looking, he was my best friend and nothing more. Even though my grandfather, his parents, and even his sisters had tried to push us together. But now as an adult he was even better looking, now he was I had to admit handsome. Even though he looked sickly.

I heard the sound of a loud yawn coming from someone and looked around. Only to find Sid trying to cover another yawn.

"Sorry you all, but I need to get out of here. I'm beyond exhausted. I had an extremely long night last night without much sleep," Sid said, giving me a pointed look. "Than as I was trying to take it easy and relax today. Well someone had to take off once again. Now we have to travel back to Columbus and we have a game tomorrow night."

"You and Jack and James can go. I have my rental," I replied quietly.

I felt four sets of eyes turn towards me. I felt like I was in the hot seat with eight eyes on me. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.

"Whaaaaaat?" I croaked whined, finally unable to take their staring anymore and trying to get my vocal cord used to working again.

"Oh no little missy. You are coming with us. Whether you want to or not. I am not chasing you down again," Sid answered, shaking his head.

“Sid if you and Jack want to go, than why don’t you two go ahead and head back. I’ll stay with Emmerson,” James said to Sid.

“You sure?” Sid asked uncertainly.

“Yeah. I mean Emmerson has a rental. I’ll just hitch a ride with her and than we’ll head back to Columbus tomorrow. Jack will you make sure to tell coach I’ll be back in time for the game,” James replied, looking at all of us.

“What if I don’t want to go back to Columbus with you? What if I want to go back to California?” I muttered more to myself, than to anyone else. I knew there wasn’t any way that I was going to convince James to let me go.

“Uh yeah I don’t think so. We obviously need to talk about some things and if the only way to get you to talk is to drag you back to Columbus, than so be it.” James answered, with a sarcastic smile.

“Well alright if your sure,” Sid replied, still looking uncertain if Jack and him should leave James by himself to handle me.

“Jesus your all acting ridiculous. Sid you and Jack head back to Columbus. James and I will be fine just by ourselves. Its not like I’m going to run from James,” I said as loud as my voice would allow me to.

“Right silly me thinking that you might run from your brother,” Sid replied, giving me a look.

“Ever think the reason I wouldn’t run from James is because I like him? Hmmmm did you?” I asked.

“Are you saying you don’t like me Em? I thought I was your favorite. I thought you loved me,” Sid pouted.

Everyone went completely quiet than and everybody turned their eyes towards me. Mitch and James were just watching my reaction. Jack’s look was more scrutinizing.

“Sure you are Sid. Just don’t tell Mitch and James that,” I replied quietly, not looking at Jack.

A few minutes later Jack and Sid their goodbyes to Mitch and left. I let out a sigh that I hadn’t realized I had been holding in. I kept my gaze on my hands as Mitch and James talked for a few more minutes. Mostly about Nicole and Jamie, I had nothing to add about either of Mitch’s sister’s. He knew my feeling’s about his sister’s. I could feel their gazes on me the whole time though. I was grateful when James finally suggested it was time to go. It wasn’t that I wasn’t glad to be around Mitch again or didn’t like him. It was just seeing him again, seeing the way he was, was bringing back memories that I didn’t want to remember. I got up from the chair I had been sitting in and walked over to Mitch’s bed, leaning over I gave him the best hug I could.

“Don’t be such a stranger from now on. I don’t want it to be another ten year’s before I see you,” Mitch whispered in my ear.

“I won’t,” I whispered back, than pulled back to stand up straight.

“Good,” Mitch replied, but still had a doubtful look on his face. Like he didn’t completely believe me.

As James and I reached the bank of elevators James held out his hand.

“What?” I asked curiously.

“Keys” he replied, not looking at me.

In fact he just looking at his profile he looked a little tense and a little angry. I guess I should have suspected that his whole attitude in Mitch’s room was all a act. I should have known that he was probably really pissed off at me. It made me a little nervous to be left alone with James. Not that I was afraid of my brother, ok who was I kidding I was terrified of him. Not that I thought that he would ever hurt me, but you never wanted to be the one on the receiving end of his wrath. It made me almost want to run back to Mitch’s room and get an ass chewing instead of the silent treatment. I hated getting the silent treatment from my brother. It wasn’t a pleasant experience; it almost made me wish that Sid or Jack hadn’t left. That one of them had offered to stay with us.

When James, Asher and I had been younger, after our parents had abandoned us. We had made a pact with each other. To never keep things from each other and to never run from each other or our problem. All of which I had done.

The whole ride down in the elevator James kept quiet and kept his gaze straight at the elevator doors. I leaned back against the wall and held onto my purse strap and tried to keep my eyes straight ahead to. But found myself looking out of the corner of my eye every now and than. I was trying to get some kind of read off of James, if I could do that than I would maybe find a way to keep him from exploding at me. But as it was, since I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t really get a good read off of him.

When we got into my rental I kept quiet and watched Detroit go by as James drove through town. The scenery changed slightly to the nicer neighborhoods of Bloomfield Hills. The houses if you could call them that were becoming bigger and for some reason at that moment it hit me just where we were headed.

“Where are we going?” I asked, sitting up straighter in my seat my gaze going out the window, than over to James.

“Where do you think?” he asked, glancing quickly at me and than back at the road.

“No James, No. I can’t go there. You know he hates me,” I said, frantically shaking my head.

“He doesn’t hate you Em,” James replied.

“Yes…. Yes he does…. You know he does…. You know he blames me. Just like everybody else does,” I replied, my eyes frantically shifting everywhere.

I was trying to find some kind of escape, any escape would do. Even if I had to jump out of a moving car I would. Not that I really wanted to do that. Although it wouldn’t hurt that much if I did, since James wasn’t going that fast. But I didn’t really think James would let me get that far if I jumped out. I could feel him watching me out of the corner of his eye, almost as if he was expecting me to jump out of the car.

“Don’t even think about it Em,” James said, with a warning in his tone.

“Why? Why would you make me go there?” I whispered, holding back the sob that wanted to escape.

“Emmerson I’m not going to waste my money on a hotel room, when we can just go home.” He replied on a sigh.

“Well we can waste my money than on a hotel room,” I tried.

“No,” he replied.

“Well than how about you drop me off at….” I started, but got interrupted by James.

“Emmerson NO. Now stop it and stop acting like a child, god.” James said exasperatedly.

“Look the old man won’t even know that your there. He’s been so sick the last couple of years that he barely ever leaves his room. The only time he ever leaves the room, according to the nurses is when he goes to church. And he doesn’t hate you,” James explained.

“James please if you love me don’t make me go there,” I pleaded quietly, feeling my eyes fill with tears.

“I’m sorry sis, but we’re going there.” He replied, than kept his attention on the road for the last ten minutes of the drive.

Pulling up in front of the two story house, well not house but mansion, that we grew up in. Brought back so many more memories and most of them not good for me. The only really good thing about the place being so huge was that there had been plenty of hiding places for me when I had been a child.

I heard the drivers side door shut as James got out of the car. But my gaze was glued to the mansion in front of me. Especially the balcony on the second floor to the room that I had called my own at one point in my life. I had loved that room just for the small balcony, again you probably couldn’t call it balcony. James opened my door for me and looked at me for a few minutes before holding out his hand for me.

“Come on sis. Let’s go in and get some sleep,” James said softly.

Getting out of the car reluctantly I followed James up the drive to the front door. It opened just as we reached it. On instinct I turned to run, expecting our grandfather to be standing there with a frown on his face and ready to chew me out. James anticipating my move grabbed my arm lightly.

“Master James you made it,” came the voice of our grandfathers long time bulter.

“Yeah sorry about that John. I had to track down Emmerson here and that took a little longer than I thought,” James replied, pulling me with him as he walked inside.

“Ahhh Ms. Emmerson its been awhile since I last saw you,” John said looking at me.

“Not long enough,” I muttered, under my breath.


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