Ruth looks all professional when Dell gets her to Dulles on Sunday morning. She puts Andrew’s car in park before popping the trunk and giving her big sister a hug. The last four days have been the definition of insanity but Dell is pleased to realize she’s actually had a pretty good time.

They’d gone out to eat lots, once with Nicky and Mike last night, mostly with her school or work friends. She’d taken Ruth down to the Smithsonian yesterday. All in all it was a well-rounded visit but that absolutely does not mean that she can’t wait to get Ruth on a fucking plane and out of DC.

“Make sure everyone gets their presents. And don’t just rewrap everything because I did a shit job. I got a dozen paper cuts working on those.” Ruth laughs right up in her face but gives her a tight hug in return.


“Tell Mike I said bye.” Ruth had teased her pretty mercilessly when Dell had finally told her that she was seeing Mike. “And you’ll see me again, soon. I promise.”

Dell groans and walks back to the driver’s side. Nicky and Ruth had spent last night together too while Dell had remained at home, still trying to get rid of Friday night’s hangover. She calls out over the roof of the car before Ruth can walk into the terminal, “Call me when you land.” Ruth nods and heads inside. They don’t say ‘I love you’ and they don’t mention that they’ll probably maintain a steady radio silence until the next visit but Dell is feeling pretty good.

Speaking of radio silence, though, she hasn’t really heard from Mike at all since she left his house yesterday morning and hung over as shit. After being awoken by him jerking violently and almost jacking her in the side she’d been disoriented. Then Mike had slid his eyes open and for the first time she read regret in his eyes. He hadn’t said anything about it and she’d let it go. Dinner last night had been weird too, all four of them circled around another restaurant table.

Dell has the distinct feeling that she’d said or done something at that party that he hadn’t appreciated. He still hadn’t really said anything but when he’d hugged her he’d told her he was going back to Calgary for the holidays. He’s probably already there or at least in transit.

She sends him a message now, asking if he had a good flight, mostly out of politeness. When she gets home its to an empty apartment with Andrew at work and she’s bored. She thinks about working on her next chapter but only for a few brief moments. She needs some more time to unwind. She boots up the Xbox and loses herself to videogames.

She’s half way through her work day on Monday when he finally texts her back. She blinks at her phone for a long minute because the message is so short. Flight was fine. He doesn’t elaborate with details on a return timeframe or anything and she frowns deeply.

The office is quiet around her. She’s the only one here this afternoon so she cranks her music and gets back to her data entry. Something is up and she’s torn between obsessing about it and forgetting about it for now. She decides to ignore it. There’s really not much to be done about it anyway.

At seven she heads out. Andrew is home and he’s got a nice little set up waiting on their kitchen table. She likes living with Andrew. He’s clean and he’s quiet. He’s a great chef too; he’s got a top spot at one of the nicest places on the Hill. He’s also Jewish so they don’t have Christmas decorations clogging up the place.

She likes it. Her life is nice and predictable and controllable. This whole thing with Mike sits at the pit of her stomach even as she laughs at Andrew’s description of his work day. Everything about him is unpredictable. She feels like she keeps making mistakes with him. It’s driving her crazy because this isn’t her. Dell has had a grasp of her life for a decade. She wonders late that night in bed why she ever thought dating, really dating, was a valid choice.

She can’t come up with an answer and that really bothers her.

Her phone wakes her up at eight the next morning. She sounds like shit when she answers and her mom’s bright laughter comes over the line. “Merry Christmas baby girl!”

“Gurrrmmmph. What time is it?”

“Too late sleepy head. We’re about to open presents so get your butt out of bed.” Dell rubs at her eyes and stares at the clock. It’s only six back home but her mom is sort of crazy about Christmas so she rolls out of bed and fetches the wrapped presents she’d gotten in the mail last week.

She puts her phone on speaker and enjoys the sounds of wrapping paper opening with her sister and her parents. This isn’t the first time they’ve had to do this. By now it’s actually more familiar than seeing the looks of pleasure on her family’s faces when they unwrap the latest exotic items she’s purchased at one of the museum gift shops.

Dell really doesn’t like giving presents. She’s horrible at picking them out and they always end up being generic. Her mom ooo’s over the scarf from India, Ruth is pleased with the felted gloves she’d found for scraping her car windows, and her dad flips through the book on Samurai with some pleasure. All in all, pretty okay.

It’s after nine when she’s got her gifts open and she’s gratified her mom took her request for books seriously this time. Last year she’d ended up with a spa package that was still sitting in her kitchen drawer. Her mom hangs up after making Dell promise she’ll call before New Year’s and then Dell collapses back on her bed.

She wants to go back to sleep. She has nothing else to do today.

Instead she rolls over and grabs her phone again.

Hey, Mike. Merry Christmas. How’s the Great Frozen North?

She waits for a few minutes for an answer before giving up and getting in the shower. He still hasn’t responded when she’s done so she grabs her new book, makes a pot of coffee, and passes her Christmas morning in a quiet solitude. Andrew appears around noon but is out the door soon after, claiming a hot date. She scoffs but doesn’t question him.

When her stomach starts growling that afternoon Dell checks the time on her phone, notes that there aren’t any messages that she missed, and she makes herself a grilled cheese sandwich. The book is good, the Archaeology of Religion, but it’s mostly undergrad knowledge. She finishes it as the sun goes down and now she is well and truly bored.

She tries Mike again, taking a picture of herself holding her coffee mug with a smile. Here’s to some peace and quiet.

The response is almost immediate: Merry Christmas. Recovered from Ruth yet?

Mostly. I finally got all the nail polish off the bathroom counter. That had been a fucking disaster. Pink everywhere. How’s the family stuff going? It’s non-confrontational, polite. She feels like she’s walking on egg shells and she really doesn’t like it.

Mike sends her a picture back, a full Christmas spread. She can’t see anyone but the room (dining room?) is draped in holiday cheer. It looks cozy and so very North American. He also sends along: I almost miss peace and quiet. I’ve got a lot of cousins.

It’s very Mike and it makes her smile. It also throws a wave of longing over her that she’s not expecting. She really misses him. They’re still in that initial stage of their relationship though, so it should be expected but it isn’t.

She sighs and takes a long sip of her coffee. It’s fully dark and there are small snowflakes falling, reflecting off the street light outside. She suddenly can’t stand the quiet. Dell puts on some music, sets aside the coffee, and pours herself a glass of wine. When she’s settled, she sends back: I miss you. Do you know when you’ll be home?

Mike’s response takes almost a half hour and she thinks she’s probably interrupting that amazing meal. I have no idea when I’ll come back. I don’t think we’re practicing until next week.

So he doesn’t when he’ll be back. Dell frowns at her phone. He’s staying in Canada, just like his teammates had said they would. Maybe it’s for the best. Whatever she did, he’s clearly being weird about it. She should give him some time cool down. If she’s lucky, he’ll just keep texting her and they can at least keep in contact. If not . . .

Well, Dell is just glad that this was only a two-week thing. She has problems with long term.

She fights off the frustration that this thought brings through the rest of the night with more wine and copious amounts of Netflix. Mike doesn’t text her again.

The blare of her ringer jolts her awake. Her phone flies off her chest and she almost upends herself on her couch. With a fair amount of groping, she snags the phone and tries to blink through the light to see a same. Mike. “Hi?”

There’s silence on the line. “Mike? Are you there?”

There’s a grunt on the other end and a cough. When Mike speaks he sounds rough; like up all night drinking rough. “Dell.” Just her name. It sends shivers down her spine.

“Hey, what’s up?” She gets herself upright on the couch and she looks at the clock. It’s almost five in the morning. “It’s really early. Is everything okay?”

“No.” Another long pause. What does he mean, no? No, what? “I don’t know what to do about you, Dell.”

Well this is a strange conversation. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t-“ She hears glass being rearranged. Beer bottles? It’s almost three in Calgary. Not too late to be closing a bar down, she thinks. Strange on Christmas day though. “You confuse me, Dell. It’s driving me crazy.”

Umm, okay? “I’m sorry?” What can she even say to that?

“I really like you. And I miss you. But every time I feel like we’re getting somewhere you go and make everything all screwy.”

She has no idea where this is coming from. “Are you drunk Mike?”

He pauses; she can almost imagine the contemplative look he’s sure to have. She loves that look. She doesn’t like the silence though. Finally he says, “Yes. For sure.”

“Okay. Well, I don’t really understand what you’re talking about. You should get some sleep and I’ll call you in the morning.”

“No. No, I need to say this. I need to tell you.” More glass and the sound of Mike taking a deep breath. Dell has the sinking suspicion she’s about to be ranted at. She moves herself to the bedroom and collapses on her bed. She cracks a huge yawn as Mike starts talking.

“You’re driving me insane. You’re smart and beautiful and the fucking is amazing but- fuck! You keep doing things. Saying things. Like this whole married thing. Why wouldn’t you tell me?” He speaks softly and she only catches about every other word but she catches the gist.

And this, this right here, is why she tends to date other anthropologists. They don’t have weird hang ups like this. They wouldn’t even thing the fact that she finds this all absurd to be strange in the first place. “Mike, I-“

“No. No no no. I like you too much. That’s the problem. I just stopped caring about all the weird stuff. The guys. The fact you’re still in school. Being divorced.” He is really torn up about all this. She misses he’d have told her this before he flew off to Canada.

“Mike. Stop. It’s early. Or late. It’s like five here. I’ll call you when I’m on lunch tomorrow, I promise.”

He makes a noise of dissention, like he’s going to try and say something else but Dell hangs up. She hangs up and puts the phone on her bedside table and just stares at it. Because it’s five in the morning. Because she has to be at work in four hours. Because she’s confused and it hurts and she isn’t supposed to have feelings like this.

Because it’s Mike.

He calls back and she turns her phone off entirely. She spends the next two hours lying awake, staring at the rapidly brightening sky, and trying to think of something to say when she calls Mike back.

She doesn’t come up with anything.

Dell finally screws up the courage to turn her phone back on at noon. She has privacy once more in the labs; she doesn’t think anyone else is scheduled to work until sometime next week. She’s only got one voicemail.

A few texts filter in but nothing from Mike. She fixes herself a cup of coffee and presses call.

He doesn’t even pick up the first time. She calls him back twice more still with no answer. “Goddammit Mike.” She goes to leave him a voice mail but she really has no idea what she’d say. She just sends him a text. When did she get so passive aggressive?

The four calls she takes as the impromptu receptionist for the lab do very little to pass the time. By six she’s practically vibrating out of her skin and she makes a mad dash for the door. The museum, while open today, is quiet now at the end of business. She pulls up short on the front steps though because it’s snowing. But good. There’s easily an inch and a half on the ground and more coming in.

Just fucking perfect. Her in her cute work shoes without a proper hat. This is going to be a shitty commute.

And it is. Just terrible. The subway is running fine but the buses are all fighting with the snow. It’s tretcherous and dell is really really frazzled by the time she gets to her front door. Andrew should be home. She hollars don the hall that she’s back and then pokes around her kitchen as she’s taking her coat off. She’s thinking stuffed shells for dinner.

She’s had a craving for Italian.

“Heya Dell.”

She screams; her coat goes flying. A mitten ends up on the fridge. And Dell whirls to find Mike, a small smile on his lips, leaning against the door way to her kitchen. She grasps at the fabric over her heart. “You scared the ever loving shit out of me.”

He has the good graces to at least look guilty. “Sorry. I, uh, wanted to surprise you.”

She collects her mitten and stacks everything on the counter, coming to rest against it. “Well, ya did.” She really wants to give him a hug. And make out with his face. And cuddle. She thinks everything would be right in her world if she could by-pass the whole awful conversation she’s about to have with him.

“I would have been here this afternoon but the weather- I left first thing this morning.” He gestures out the window. Yeah, it’s gonna be snowing all night. He looks unsure and Dell gives into her desire for physical contact. When she crosses the small space to him, her arms open, he grabs tight and pulls her firmly against his chest.

She sighs and breathes deep, enjoying the warmth of his body and the comforting scent that she’s slowly recognizing as hit. “I missed you.” And she really did. He tightens around her even more.

“I missed you too.”

Well, at least her crazy hasn’t made him hate her. Or whatever. She pulls back, intent on asking him what the hell was with the phone call, but as soon as her face is free of his chest he presses a kiss against her lips. He tastes like coffee and Mike and she groans. Yeah. She really missed him.

Mike makes a frustrated noise deep in his chest and breaks the contact with a gasp. She watches as he struggles to breath, to calm his heart, before he leans his forehead against hers. “We really need to talk, I think.” Dell thinks that she should get naked and distract him. She really doesn’t like conversations like this, especially not when he looks so defeated.

He could very well have come here to tell her they’re over.

She grabs his hand and drags him into her bedroom. No sense in not being comfortable at least. With a wave of her hand she directs him towards her chair and takes a seat on the bed. “That phone call was really strange.”

Mike looks down at his hands and cracks his knuckles. He rubs the skin for a long moment before raising his eyes. “You are so amazing, Dell.” She hears the big but in his voice. “But I feel like I can never stand on solid ground with you. One minute everything is perfect and the next I have no idea what’s going on.”

Dell grins a little; she had just been thinking the same thing, not twelve hours before. He frowns over at her so she drops the smile and nods encouragingly.

“Like this whole being married thing. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Dell shrugs a shoulder. “It wasn’t relevant. That dick bag is never relevant in my life.”

“So it ended poorly?” He actually sounds hopeful. Maybe he’s been afraid that he ex could come waltzing back into her life at any moment. Fat fucking chance.

“Poorly is an understatement. He was a mater manipulator and a lazy fuck to boot. I haven’t spoken to him since our final court date. Last I heard he’d gotten a stripper pregnant and married her.” She shrugs again and looks away. Josh is always a sour memory but it’s good that Mike hears this if he’s worried. Mike does look relieved so she tells him some more. “I was really naïve; we only dated a few months before he proposed. We were together for less than two years total. I’ve had longer and more meaningful relationships with computers.”

That gets a laugh out of him and he’s looking much more comfortable. She smiles in return. “So, you really have nothing to fear from him. He’s in Boston; he probably doesn’t even know I’m here.”

Dell takes a deep breath and pushes Josh out of her mind. Fuck that guy. Seriously. “I’m sorry about everything else too. I’ve been doing this whole school thing for a decade. Sometimes I forget that people who aren’t serial students don’t understand how things work.”

Mike stands up and she watches him cross her small room from her. He comes to a stop in front of her and cups her cheek. Dell leans into the contact. He brushes a thumb across her lips and she kisses the skin. “I’m sorry.” She speaks softly but he hears her. When he kneels in front of her he’s wearing a smile.

“I’m sorry I freaked out. There’s so much about you. It’s a little overwhelming, you know.” She nods because she does know. He’s much the same for her. “You are a little overwhelming.”

She laughs and quirks a grin. “Hopefully in a mostly good way.” She’s pleased when he nods and even more pleased when he leans in to kiss her again. Dell thinks this isn’t over, not the talking and the working out problems and the constant struggle to meet each other half way. As Mike presses her back against her bed she hopes they never give up.