Dear Patrick

Dear Patrick,

We're such a terrible couple. It's like the only thing we do is write letters when the other is either dying or missing. I'm missing you, like hell. And I remember everything. I can't take looking at this anymore. I don't get why we always find ourselves in this fucking hospital. I think this is the same room as last time. I forgive you, Patrick, for everything. For using me as a publicity stunt and all. But me and Derek just have a history. Your buddy Brent keeps telling me that I have it all wrong. But if I'm actually in love with you like he says I am, I'm sure I'd remember Derek pulling you out of the car. But that isn't what happened. You pulled Derek after Derek came to find me. I know. Please don't lie to me when you're better. I know you'll wake up. I just don't get why all your friends keep lying. Maybe I need to visit Derek. I mean, I've known him since we were little and he was there through all the stuff that happened with the kidnapping and my dad and the journals and he sat up all night and read them with me and I just remember it all.

Anyway, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. And you wake up every couple of hours but you're too tired and in too much pain so I just smile at you and you smile at me. Except not today in the morning. Today in the morning was kind of different, Pat, and by kind of, I mean a lot. I guess you're confused because you said that when we grew up together, you had a crush on me your whole life. But we didn't grow up together. I met you at a football game after you guys beat the Packers.

For some reason, I keep mixing you up with Derek- the hockey player. He's so great at hockey. He even has a couple of Stanley cups. He was so close to getting another one, by the way, this previous summer but they got smacked up by the Leafs. Who would've ever guessed? For some reason, all these facts don't fit completely- I don't get why but probably post-non-remembering something whatever the hell my condition was called.

Anyway, so a couple of hours ago, you woke up, Sleeping Beauty, and you smiled at me really faintly. And I laughed and I told you, "You're such a dufus." And you cringed your eyebrows a little but then you relaxed them and you told me, "I really can't wait until I show you your surprise." And I'm both suspenseful and confused now but I can wait for you to get better. The doc's said there's only a matter of time before you're "up and at 'em." I remember Derek always used to say that doctors were stupid and unqualified.

Love,
Lana

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