Dear Patrick

"Lana, would it kill you to try and stay alive for more than three days?" Patrick whispered, exhaust leaking through his humor.
I waited for my eyes to focus. Before me was blonde hair and blue eyes, and brown hair and matching eyes. I shook my head a little."Sorry, Patrick. I heard a noise, I don't know why I got so scared. It was probably the wind." I tried to explain myself but my fear sounded more stupid out loud than it did in my head.
"It wasn't the wind," Toews chuckled, "It was me in the kitchen. You sort of caught me in a midnight snack session."
Patrick laughed. "Honestly, Lana, if you thought you were scared, you should've seen Toews' face when I came down and saw him in front of the fridge."
"Shut the fuck up, I was scared cause I thought something happened."
"Yeah," Patrick fired back, "That's definitely what it was."

**
"Patrick." I said, fixing myself upright in his bed, "Dim the lights a little bit."
"Lana," he smiled, holding back a laugh, "It was Toews, nothing else. You don't have to be afraid of the dark."
"I'm not afraid of the dark you dick," I stuck my tongue out, "I just want to see you."
Patrick quickly turned, muttered an "okay" and fumbled with the light.
"I know you're only taking long so I don't see you blushing." I teased.
He turned around, red as suspected. "Better watch it. You're my wife now."
"Oh yeah," I said, lifting my hand in the air, "This old thing. Eh"

He tossed his shirt in the corner and walked toward me. "Lana-"
"No," I interrupted, "It's my turn to talk."
He nodded, confused, and then got under the covers with me. He pulled me into his chest but I pulled back, instead turning on my side to face him- eye to eye.
"Look." I said.
He blinked.
I smiled, "There's always been me and you. Sometimes we got mixed up and it became you and somebody or me and somebody but it was always you and me. But you're me and I'm you. When I left, I left to forget. But you can't forget yourself. And I guess it isn't even that you can't but just that I didn't want to. You get what I'm saying?" I paused, waiting for his reaction.

"Honestly Lana I don't what the fuck you're rambling on about."
I laughed, a little too hard. "I just mean-"
"You just mean I love you?"
I smiled. "I love you."
"I said it first."
"I said it cuter."
"Damn right," he laughed.
"I miss you."
Patrick smiled and leaned in to me, kissing my cheek bone softly, "I miss you too."
"I miss you. Everywhere."
He stared at me, almost cautious.

"Did I say something wrong?"
"Did you just initiate sex?" He started laughing, "What kind of drug are you on?"
I laughed with him. "No, I just meant I missed you. I initiated a kiss, not sex."
"Lana," he said, "There's a ring on your finger and you're in bed with the guy who put it there. This is pretty much sex worthy."
"Is it?"
He nodded.
"We've got to wait for our wedding night for that at least. Let's do one thing right."
"Then let's have our wedding tomorrow."
I laughed, "What kind of drug are you on?"
"I just miss you everywhere."
I leaned over his chest and gave him a kiss on his neck, below his ear. "Did you miss me here?"
"Yes."
I slid my lips down his neck, at the crease of his shoulders. "How about here?"
He nodded, "Yes."
I moved down, kissing every inch along his chest. "And all these places?"
"Yeah, Lana. I really did."
I moved down slowly to the end his slow-breathed stomach. At the very edge of his pants, I planted my lips, barely, and whispered, "Here?"
He nodded.
I parted my lips and placed my open mouth on the space just above the crotch of his pants, and began sucking on it. Slowly. Making sure my tongue moved with his breaths. He pulled me up when I started moving down.
"I want you here tonight," he whispered, locking his lips onto mine, "Not there."

Notes