Dear Patrick

We felt so weird, Lana and I. In the middle of Chicago, in the middle of a bar, in the middle of the team. I guess it just felt so out of place to finally not have a huge worry or fear. Or to not be afraid that the next time one of us wakes up, the other would be gone. I gazed at her while she showed Sharpie's wife, Abby, her ring. Her eyes lit more than the diamond gleamed. I sent a secret thumbs-up to Abby, who was doing a great job at acting like she wasn't the person who helped me pick it out in the first place.

I looked around me. I was surrounded by a bunch of happy faces. There was enough smile on Toews' face alone to pass around to the rest of the group. But nothing seemed to equal Lana's smile. God, I had missed it so much. Sometimes we get so caught up in the blackness that we forget how bright a simple smile can be.

But I decided that I was, from now on, going to only see her light- Lana's light. Because God knows she had more than enough light to surround everyone around her.

"Smile a little, champ." I felt a strong pat on my back. It was Brandon Saad.

I grinned at him. "Trust me Man-Child, I'm so happy that I'm finding it hard to smile."

He nodded his head with pleasure, "It's honestly good to hear that."

I shook his hand. Good kid. I mean I was only like four years older than him but, yeah- good kid.

Lana made her way back to her seat beside mine. The servers brought out the appetizers and soon all that was of importance to everyone was the food in front them. For just a minute, it was just me and Lana again. She looked up at me. "Remind me to give you something."

I chuckled at her. "Like what?"

"It's a surprise, just remind me." She leaned over to give me a kiss but I stopped her near my lips and whispered, "I'm not kissing you until you tell me what it is."

She bit the bottom of my lip, softly. "Okay." To my surprise, she turned back to her seat leaving my clueless (and kiss-less).

When your heart is at rest, the entire world moves so synonymously. I felt my phone vibrate. I reached into my pocket. The message was from Toews. It read: Something important I need to tell you about. Enjoy today. I'm happy for you brother. But stop being so sentimental and just eat some damn food instead of staring at everybody and smiling. Looks kind of creepy.

I looked up at his seat to laugh aloud but found his chair empty.

"Ay, where's Toews?" I asked out loud but everyone was too busy emptying their plates.

Moments later my phone begins to vibrate again. I check my phone only to discover that it wasn't Toews who was calling.

Notes

I'm sorry about the delay and everything. It's been such a terrible year. Hopefully it only begins to get better. Thank you to all the readers. It means so much. Much love.. Please leave feedback as it is extremely difficult to write unmotivated Lol. I love you guys' comments, it's really what keeps me going.