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The Games We Play

Twenty

The next morning, James walked into the locker room and immediately went to his stall to dress. No usual joking around, no usual harassment….just business. He hadn’t slept more than two hours and he wasn’t in the mood for banter. He was afraid to even ask Sid how things went last night with him and Ali and how she was doing, so he kept to himself as he went through the motions of getting ready.

His odd mood wasn’t lost on his teammates, either. Sid had been waiting for James all morning, just to see if his anger had diminished any. Whether it did or not, he couldn’t tell because James looked like shit. He had bags under his eyes and a permanent look of defeat on his face. He was also pretty sure James still had the same t-shirt and pants on that he wore last night to his house.

Kunitz tapped Sid on the shoulder, motioning towards James. “What’s up with him?”

The last thing Sid wanted to do was reveal anything to the other guys for James’ sake, so he just merely shrugged. He hoped that would suffice for now.

When the locker room had cleared out a little, Sid went over and sat down next to James, who was busy lacing his skates.

“How ya feeling today?”

James yanked hard on one of the laces. “Just peachy.”

Sid sat in spandex and pads, holding his jersey in his hand. He ran a finger over the detailing of the Penguins emblem, trying to figure out what to say.

“Take it easy, Sid. I’m not gonna bite; no need to spin the gears that fast.” James moved to the next skate, glancing up briefly. “Just tell me if she is any better this morning.”

“I don’t know. I left too early and didn’t want to wake her up.”

James nodded, yanking on his other set of laces. “Did she know I showed up last night? Did she hear me?”

“I think so” Sid replied, watching James angrily lace up. “She didn’t say anything though, if that’s what you want to know.”

“What I want to know” James said, leaning on one knee and looking at Sid, “is why the fuck my girlfriend’s staying at your house, and how long you intend on keeping her there—“

“—Neal, she’s not being held there against her will, goddammit. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

That’s what stung the most. It was the simple fact that Ali ran to Sid first, and James had no clue as to why or how that was even possible. How close where they, that she would think of going to him like that?

“I called her three times last night, and she didn’t answer any of them” James said. He rubbed his face, feeling drained of all energy. All he wanted was to know how she was, and he didn’t care if he found out himself or heard it from someone else. “Will you call or text me later and let me know how she’s doing?”

“Sure, I can do that.” Sid was actually starting to feel bad for him, but every time the image popped up of Ali’s red face, her distraught demeanor, her shaky breathing from far too many tears…it made him want to deck Neal in the face.

James stood up and did three short hops to shake his gear into place. “Thanks.” He grabbed his stick and his helmet, then headed for the ice.

After that….James muscled through, and practice hadn’t gone too badly. If it was one thing he could always depend on, it was hockey distracting him from life. It was the one thing that never let him down, and he was thankful for the few hours spent on the ice to bring him back to center.

On the flipside, if he thought he was weary before, he felt completely spent now. There was no more talk between him and Sid, and he was grateful for that as well. He was entirely too tired, and he had spoke his piece earlier that morning. There was little fight left in him by the time he hit the showers.

As James got into his car, he didn’t know what to do. He knew he should go home and take a nap…or eat….or something. But he was going home to an empty house. Again.

He had to talk to her.

Not knowing what was going on or what she was thinking were torture enough, let alone knowing Sidney was consoling her. The bastard was so fucking skilled at everything else, what made him think he wouldn’t be at comforting his girlfriend?

Against his better judgment, James dialed Ali again, hoping against hope she would pick up. Wouldn’t she listen to Sid when she asked him what went on that night, and why that picture was even taken?

Hey, it’s Ali! Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

James hesitated. What would he say that hasn’t already been said? If Ali heard him last night, she knew what he wanted.

He hung up, leaving no message.


* * *


Ali felt like she was walking on broken glass in Sidney’s house. She was afraid to step anywhere because it was so…..so pristine. Unlived in. Perfectly kept. Really, though…it was just simply [i]clean[/i]. While she hadn’t gone into Sid’s bedroom, she imagined there wasn’t a single piece of his clothing on the floor.

Arriving downstairs, Ali saw a note on the kitchen counter.

Good morning, Ali…I hope you feel even just a little bit better. I got the coffee pot ready for you, so all you have to do is hit the blue button and you’re good to go. I’ll be back right after practice. I’m sure you know the usual time.
–Sidney


He even has perfect handwriting, she thought with a smile. She glanced over and saw the blue button on the coffee pot blinking, ready to go. She pressed it, happy for the scent of fresh brewed coffee.

It was comforting to know Sid cared as much as he did. Ali wondered if it was hard to be in the middle between her and James, and she hated herself for putting him in that weird of a position. She should’ve called John instead and bombarded him…but John didn’t know James. John didn’t know the situation, and he wasn’t there in the bar with James when it happened.

She hugged herself and leaned back against the counter, thinking of James coming over last night. Sid had told her it wasn’t like she imagined it was…the kiss, with that girl…whoever she was this time.

This time.

Ali sighed. Her head hurt from thinking too much, her heart hurt from feeling too much, and her stomach hurt because just the thought of some girl kissing James made her nauseous. She supposed it also had something to do with the fact that she hadn’t eaten anything in over twelve hours. Too bad, because she didn’t feel a bit hungry whatsoever.

When the coffee finished, she went into the living room and sat down on the leather couch, which was barely worn in. She didn’t bother turning on the tv, so she just sat, drinking her coffee and planning her next move. Honestly, she hadn’t the first idea of what she was going to do. If she was going to go back to the house and get some of her things, she should do it now, before James got back from practice.

But I want to go back for good. That was really what she wanted. She wasn’t trying to torture James. From the sounds of it last night, he was already pretty distraught.

Maybe I should listen to Sid. It crossed her mind. Maybe I should just look at the picture.

No. That wouldn’t help anything. Even debating this, Ali felt a flare of jealousy in her chest.

But if he says it’s not what I think….what exactly do I think it is, then?

She took a sip of coffee, the warmth spreading down her throat and into her stomach, dousing the jealousy.

What I think is that James knows he’s hot, he knows he can get anyone he wants, and he knows he’s talented…and every bitch out there loves that. What guys wouldn’t want other girls after him like he has?

Ali closed her eyes and leaned her head back. What I think is that I’ve been fooling myself this whole time into believing I would be enough to change that.

“Ugh…don’t cry again, Allison” she told herself. Her voice was the only sound in the house, and it sounded as lonely as she felt. Thankfully, her tears listened, and the stinging in her eyes halted.

Her thoughts wandered to Sid, and how attentive he’d been last night. Now there’s a guy who shouldn’t be single. Ever. He was so different from James. He was built differently, he acted differently, he lived differently. Everything. Head to toe – he was a different man….and it was kind of nice.

She shook her head, erasing any further thoughts on the matter. Attentive or not, he was a good friend, to both her and to James.

Glancing at her watch, she realized how late it was. There was maybe an hour or so before practice ended, so her time was running short. She looked down at the giant shirt and shorts Sid let her borrow, and agreed that she needed to get some of her own, especially if she planned on staying another night.

But should I stay another night?
What am I buying time for, exactly?


Not buying time….just wanting comfort. She wanted to stay at Sid’s. She wanted to feel like she meant something to someone.

“Uggghhhh.” Her groan was audible to no one but herself, and it echoed in the empty room. Willing herself to just go do it, she went upstairs and changed back into the clothes she wore the previous day. She located her keys and phone, checking the screen out of habit.

4 missed calls. 4 text messages.
All from James.

She opened each of the texts, fearful and curious all the same:


10:23pm: Sorry to keep calling, but I hope you heard me downstairs. I meant what I said.

10:30pm: I hope Sid explained what happened, because if he did and he told the story truthfully – you’d answer me right now.

12:04am: Still thinking about you. In fact, I can’t sleep. You should be here, babe. This isn’t right. I wish you would answer me. I want to know what you’re thinking…can you give me that?

1:18am: I love you, Ali.



“Goddammit, don’t cry” she told herself firmly. Quickly, she erased all the messages so she wouldn’t be tempted to read them again.

She went downstairs, and flipped over the piece of paper Sid had written on. She used the pen sitting next to it to jot down a quick note, loosely explaining that she ran out for a few, and would be back.

Leaving it at that, Ali left.


* * *


She spent no time at all in the house. She grabbed enough to stay one more night, and got out of there. When she arrived back at Sidney’s, his Range Rover was parking in the driveway. This made her heart falter slightly, realizing she’d cut it pretty close.

She knocked before she entered, discovering the door was unlocked anyway. “Hey, Sid? I’m back.”

Sid was upstairs when he heard Ali return, and breathed a sigh of relief as he came down the steps. She was changed into fresh clothes, wearing a bright pink three quarter zip Reebok pullover and jeans. An overnight bag hung in the crook of her arm.

“Hey there, I was worried I might not see you again.” He hugged her briefly, happy to see her cleaned up a little. “That outfit fits you way better than your other one did.”

Ali laughed. “As much as I enjoyed smelling like cologne and looking like a twelve year old boy, I had to change.”

Sid realized that was the first time he heard Ali laugh in two days. It was a welcomed sound. “You seem better today…are you?”

She shrugged. “As good as I can be, I guess. That was really nice of you to set up the coffee for me this morning. You’re good at this sort of thing.”

“It was nothing. Just trying to make you comfortable while you’re here.”

They walked into the kitchen together, not speaking, but Ali set her bag on the floor where she left her boots. She looked at him when she did so, feeling awkward.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I brought extra clothes for tonight…I don’t really know what to do yet, so is it okay if I stay again?” Her gaze was full of apprehension.

“You can stay, you know you don’t have to ask” Sid said, feeling his heart go out to her. It was like she was afraid to make a move around him, and he had to fix that. Immediately.

“I’m afraid to ask…” Ali began, sitting at his kitchen table, “But…How was James today? At practice?”

Sid crossed his arms and remained standing. “Well, to be honest…he looked like shit. If you want my whole opinion, I don’t think he slept all night.”

“Did he do okay at practice?”

“Yeah…surprisingly. No one suspected anything, aside from just looking at him.” He took a seat next to her. “He wants to know how you’re doing.”

Ali nodded. “I know. He called and texted all night, asking me that very thing.”

“You should talk to him” Sid said. “As much as I think a guy like that doesn’t deserve a girl like you, you should hear him out.”

It may have been the only time Sidney Crosby didn’t think before speaking, and he realized it too late. They looked at one another, neither moving.

“I’m….I’m sorry—“

“No, it’s fine, Sid.” Much to his surprise, Ali laughed softly. “In fact, you’re probably right.”

“It’s not for me to decide who deserves who” he answered, worriedly searching her gaze for any signs of insult, but there were none. Ali just simply smiled at him.

“It’s impossible for you to lie, I’m starting to believe…” she said, trying to joke.

Sid sighed. That’s the trouble with me. “You guys are perfect together. It’s obvious. He’s never been like this before…with anyone. That much is true.”

Ali chewed her bottom lip. Sid waited, unsure of how to continue. He wanted to reach out to her and touch her, especially when he saw her face slowly fall into a frown.

“I was thinking about the incident again this morning. I want to hear exactly what happened.” She looked at him again. “Did he do it? Or was he really set up?”

Sid looked at her then, and realized she wanted the answer he was about to give her. But something in him wanted to protect her, too, and it made him hesitate. If she went back to James, what if he did it again? No matter how much he loved her, this was James Neal they were talking about, and Sid couldn’t tell if he would ever learn his lesson.

“Sid?” Ali’s eyes started to water. “What’s wrong? He really wasn’t set up, was he?”

“No no no, stop, don’t cry.” He turned to face her, scooting the chair back so he could take her hands in his. “Listen to me….there’s nothing to cry about. I know you’re upset, but he honestly didn’t do it. Not this time.”

This time, Ali thought, feeling horrible all over again.

Sid watched a tear fall onto her cheek and felt it was his fault. He wiped it away with his thumb, but Ali wouldn’t look at him.

“Please don’t cry. It hurts me to see you like this.” It wasn’t like him to feel this ferociously protective before, but he did.

So he kissed her forehead gently.

When Ali felt his lips, she looked up and saw that smile and the kindness of his eyes. Those fucking eyes.

“Sid, I….”

“It’s okay.” He felt light headed. “James really does love you. You should hear him out.” Now, Sid felt sick. “No one should make you cry like this, but he really does love you.”

Ali’s smile appeared below her damp cheeks. “And that’s the truth?”

Sid nodded. “It’s impossible for me to lie, remember?”

Ali took him in for a hug, and Sid swore to himself that if James ever did this again, he would lie next time. Ali would learn what it’s like to be treated the right way, and it wouldn’t be by James Neal.


* * *


James was in bed; face down on a stack of pillows. All afternoon he faded in and out of a restless sleep, waking up only to check his phone. He had given up calling Ali, and after his last text early that morning, he figured he’d only be digging his ditch deeper if he kept sending more. He knew she needed time, and she had to do this at her own pace. He’d wait as long as she needed.

He was about to fade into sleep again, but he heard his phone ring. It half scared him out of bed when it happened, and he fumbled with it as he tried to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi James.”

Sweet fucking Christ. “Ali…thank god. How are you?”

“I’m fine…I guess. Sid has been taking care of me.”

That part was loud and clear already. He swallowed his insecurity. “Please tell me he’s talked to you at all about what happened.”

“He did.”

James wanted more. “And?”

“And I think I should stay one more night.”

“Why!?!?!”

“I have to remind myself why I’m with you.”

He balled his fist up, wanting to punch the wall. “What the fuck do you need to remind yourself of? Didn’t he tell you!? I was set up by those chicks. Dammit, Ali – what do I have to do to make you want to come home?”

Silence.

“I love you, James. More than you know. But I don’t know if I love your job, or your lifestyle, or any of this.”

His blood was rising faster than he could control.

“And I just think I have to try and remember back to February when we first met, and all the things I thought I could bring to your life…all the positives…all the ways I contributed to your life when hockey couldn’t.”

James was shaking his head rapidly, not wanting to hear a single word more.

“But if you want to be free to live the way you used to, I can take a step back—“

“Holy shit, Allison. Please. Listen to me…” James was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over his legs. “If you’re referring back to a couple weeks ago, I understand. But this isn’t the same. It’s not a repeat. I don’t give a fuck about any girl other than you…I have made this clear to you. I introduced you to my parents, for fuck’s sake.”

“…please don’t yell…” Ali sniffled.

“I feel like I’m a phone call away from losing the best thing that’s happened to me, and for what? For some…..some fucking picture?”

Silence.

“What did Sid tell you. Tell me what he told you.” He could tell Ali was holding the phone away so he wouldn’t hear her crying.

“He….he said…you were set up, and you were only trying to….to help him at first…” she sniffled again, inhaling heavily. “I’m so sorry, James…I’m sorry I left.”

James sat up, blinking. “Wait, what?”

“I’m sorry for everything…I’m sorry for doubting you…”

Was she apologizing to him? She was crying so hard he could hardly make out what she was saying, but he was sure he heard her apologize in there somewhere.

“Ali, calm down” he said, trying to coax her down. “Just slow down a little, please?”

Her voice was high-pitched. “I’m sorry…….

“Look, whatever you’re upset about, it’s nothing to me” James continued. He was having a hard time following all of a sudden. “Just come back and we don’t have to talk about this ever again if you don’t want to. I’m not mad at you for leaving.” Was this happening? She wasn’t mad at him after all? Sidney Crosby, I owe you.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.”

James heard her blow her nose, and he couldn’t help but smile. She had the cutest way of blowing her nose that even at a moment like this, he adored the sound of it.

“Are you okay?” he asked her. He was still scared out of his mind, but he thought hope was on the horizon. He just needed to hear it. He wanted her to say it.

“Yes.” More sniffling. “I’m sorry I cry so much.”

“Quit saying you’re sorry.”

“Okay.”

James sighed, feeling even more worn out that before. “I’m the one who’s sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. I just want you to come back. Not just to the house, but to me.”

“I will, babe…just give me one more night.”

Babe. That was progress, and James would take it. “I’ll wait as long as you want me to.”

“Okay.”

James waited, but all he heard was sniffling. “I love you, Ali. It’ll be alright.”

“I love you too. Night, James.”

Across town, Ali hung up and looked at Sid, who sat across from her on the bed. She gave him a weak smile, and Sidney nodded in encouragement.

After what he just did for James, if he fucked it up again….Ali was his.


* * *

Notes

Two chapters in one day! Feeling extra motivated, but this part has been fun to write...no matter how much it sucked feeling my way through the conflict between J & A. :-/

Comments

@Lolo2020


Thank you so much! Amazing people still read it and enjoy it so much. That was my goal :)

Winter22 Winter22
2/6/17

I absolutely adore this story! I've read it a few times and it gets better each time!

Lolo2020 Lolo2020
12/12/16

Love love loved this :) great work!!

anna anna
9/17/14

Just started reading. Can I say that they do not have to do anything but acknowledge people if even that when they are in a club. If girls are approaching them they can say no, they can just chose to ignore them. So James saying there was a s slip up is crap. He is allowed to be friends and talk to other girls and all but having someone literally just hang off of him. No

6-28-14 ** A NOTE TO MY READERS **

As a result of James getting traded, I've found myself at a loss for words; a loss I'm not sure I'll be quick to recover from. The trade was a hard hit, and it will take some time for me to get over the initial hurt.

I wanted to post a message to at least tell all of you who have followed my stories up to this point that after this, I'm not sure how long it's going to be before I post a new story. James will forever be a Penguin to me, and likely to many of you as well. I'm just not sure how to go forward right now. As a result - I can't promise I'll be back, but I hope to be. I really do.

Let's let the dust settle and the hurt fade...and maybe we'll find one other again on this wonderful site.

Thank you all again for your support...It really has made writing so much fun for me, and I don't want to go forward with another story until it's fun again. Right now - that doesn't seem plausible.

I'll leave it open for any of you to message me anytime, if you'd like. I will occasionally check in just to see how everyone's doing. :-)

Regards,
Winter

Winter22 Winter22
6/28/14