Captains Come First

-----
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
-----

Heather woke up to the sounds of arguing. It didn't sound good. Almost forgetting where she was thinking maybe it was a neighbour or something. Opening her eyes she looked around, saw her suitcase and last night's clothes on the floor. Walking out to the livingroom she didn't say a word, only saw the frightened look on Sophia's face. She was only 3 and the little blonde girl was crying listening to her parents argue. Nicola who was a year and a half sat on the floor eating Cheerios blissfully unaware of what was going on.

"You bitch." Jenn said with her hands on her hips glaring at Heather. "I hope you're happy." She said.

"Come on girls let's go get some breakfast." Heather said picking up Nicola from the floor. "You don't need to hear this."

"Don't say a word Jenn." Jason said standing there as Heather took the girls to the kitchen. "Go with Auntie Heather." Jason said to his girls. Heather had visited with Jason 's girls before . They knew her as auntie heather, it wasn't abnormal. The yelling continued, Jenn accusing Jason of cheating, Jason accusing Jenn of trying to use the kids against him. It wasn't pretty. Jason walked into the kitchen with Jenn's rings. He placed them on the counter along with removing his own. He took his daughters getting them ready to go. He helped put them in the car and then Jenn drove away

. "She was bringing me my copy of the divorce papers." He said. " merry Christmas to me"

"Jay I'm so sorry" Heather said giving him a hug. "I'm going to go change. We should get going " she said after pausing for a minute. She got to her bag hearing her phone buzz. The text was from a number she didn't recognize. 'Hey Heather, It's Rebecca Neal, James asked me to message you to see if you could come by tomorrow or Boxing Day for a bit. Don't text him, he told me to handle it. Let me know k?' Heather took a deep breath. She had no reason to doubt Rebecca so she texted back sure and asked for the address. She made it known to Jason that would go for Christmas with him but that she wasn't ready to be on his arm as his date. His family knew her and she'd worried that they'd make assumptions. Sure Jason had declared his love for her last night, but he wasn't in his right mind right now.

The two had been driving for about 4 of the 5 hour drive between Ottawa and Toronto when Jason reached over to her hand grabbing it and placing a kiss across her knuckles. It had been a quiet, almost awkward ride. Heather was waiting until Jason wanted to talk. She wanted to ask Jason about going to see James. She wouldn't tell him it was James though

. "Jay, do you think I could borrow your car for a couple of hours tomorrow?" She asked linking her fingers with his. "I have a friend I really need to go and see" silently she prayed he didn't ask who.

"Sure," he said to her. "If you want, drop me off at my patents then be back to pick me up." He said. "Mom said I could take some leftovers home for my guest. Something about it not being right not having a proper dinner on Christmas." He said with a grin. Heather felt bad, but she knew Jason wouldn't push her joining for dinner.

"Tell you what," Heather said nervously. "You have your time with your family then I will come by for dessert and we can go home." She said.

"I think I could manage that" he said with a smile.

---

That night they settled in to his Condo. Things got hot and heavy and fast. Barely in the door, their eyes met moving towards eachother kissing one another with a fervour. Taking her to his bedroom, they started stripping off their clothes, piece by piece. Soon Jason was left standing at the foot of his bed wearing just his boxers, Heather was in her same red bra from the previous night and another red thong that she had which matched. They stood there looking at each other for a minute.

"I can't" he said to her.

"You what?" Heather asked. She knew Jason's libido. It never failed him. When his grandmother died he was ready to go about five minutes after the news. When one of his best friends died in a ski cross accident and he was asked to be a pallbearer, she was the one to comfort him physically and emotionally. This wasn't like him.

"I need to tell my parents first." He said. He took her hand and kissed it. "Just stay, in my bed tonight?" He asked her.

"Yes." Was all she could get out. She was trying to understand why. She lifted the covers to get into bed. He reached into a drawer grabbing a red striped pyjama set giving Heather the top while he took the bottoms.

"Just in case I get tempted." He said smiling as she dressed. Jenn didn't often stay in this condo that he owned since his bachelor days. He also had a house in Mississauga that they stayed at and rented out during the year for a junior team to use as a billet house. No, this condo, this bed was often used as a meeting place for him and Heather. Jason curled up close to her kissing her forehead wrapping an arm around her. "This time I promise, I'll do things right." He said to her.

"What's different this time?" Heather asked. She didn't know how it came out of her mouth. It was like the words were placed there by somebody else.

"I can't explain it." He said to her. "You'll just have to trust me." He added pulling her closer. The ring on her right hand that he had given her, it stood out to her the words that he had spoken to her last night. "I love you Heather." He said turning her face to his kissing her. It felt pure, not heated and messy, rushed and sexual. Maybe he was right? Maybe this time he actually did want a relationship?

---

"I'll be back around 5 or 6." Heather said from the seat of Jason's black Porsche Panamera. "Text me if you need me." She said smiling. He gave her a quick kiss and headed towards the door of his parents house. Heather had dressed in a grey cable knit sweater with black straight leg pants and a pair of booties with a high block heel. Her long brown hair down her back in loose curls with her navy parka. She figured she should dress for the occasion as it was Christmas. She had also brought a vintage bottle of red wine from Jason's as a hostess gift. She was taught from a young age the importance of being a good guest. The drive out to Whitby was about an hour. Heather texted Rebecca saying she was on her way. Once she got there she knocked on the door greeted by Rebecca.

"Heather you made it!" She said giving her a big hug. " the boys are out playing hockey. You know who is with them too." She said rolling her eyes leading her into the house.

"Rebecca, is that the friend you were...oh Heather! What a lovely surprise." She said a little awkwardly while drying her hands on her apron. Clearly she had been heavily at work.

"Mrs. Neal. You weren't expecting me?" Heather asked confused.

"Well no, but there's enough room at the table." She said smiling.

"Oh I don't think I can stay that long." Heather said. "I brought this for you and Mr. Neal." Heather said handing her the bottle of wine.

"Oh how lovely! We'll have it with dinner!" She added. "The boys should be back soon. Please, make yourself comfortable." Mrs Neal said leading her to the couch taking her coat.

"What's going on?" Heather asked Rebecca.

"James told me about what happened, what he said, your kiss. He said he missed you. And well, I needed to play Cupid." She said grinning

. "Rebecca, your brother needs to do this, not you." Heather said looking down at the ring Jason gave.

"I guess I figured you guys just looked so happy and natural, in love when I met you before." She said smiling. "Like you belong together." She added. Heather felt so guilty. She wanted to cry and confess that the whole thing was a charade. There was no relationship, Heather was simply his hired good time girl. What she did for him she did for a number of guys on the Pens. These thoughts raced through her mind. 'Tell her! Tell her everything!' She thought. It would likely get her kicked out before James even got there, but there'd be honesty.

"Let's see how James reacts first." Heather said with uncertainty. The two chatted some more for another half hour or so. The front door opened and Heather heard the sound of the boys coming through the door. The brothers argued who had the best game that day while Candy and her long blonde extensions were in tow.

"James you have a guest." His mother said from the kitchen. "In the living room."

"Guest?" James asked confused. He entered the livingroom and stopped when he saw Heather. "What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?" "I invited her." Rebecca said standing up.

"You two need to work out your relationship. You said you still missed her."

"Relationship? Missed her?" Candy's shrill, nasal voice said. "She's not his ex. She's..." James hand cupped over Candy's mouth before she could finish.

"Candy that's enough." He said not taking his eyes off of Heather.

"James trust me, I wouldn't have come if I knew." Heather said a pleading look in her eyes.

"I believe you." He said taking a step towards her. "Come with me." He said taking Heather's hand leading her towards the staircase quickly. "Candy stay here." He said to her. "We need to speak in privacy." He said as they climbed the stairs towards his room.

"Twenty bucks says he bones her." James brother Mike said to their brother Pete as Candy stood there motionless and shocked. James shut the door to his childhood room. He didn't say anything at first which scared her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked

"I told you I thought you knew." She replied.

"About Avery Heather." He said to her looking her in the eye. "You didn't think I wouldn't find out?" He asked her.

"James, that's my personal life." She said shaking her head.

"And you're a part of my personal life." He said to her. "I opened my heart to you, you've met my family and I hear second hand about your son? You wanna know how I found out?" He asked crossing the room towards her maintaining his distance. Heather nodded her head yes. "My brother Heather. My own brother Mike had to tell me that my 'girlfriend' had a son with my former teammate! Do you know how awkward that was?" He said raising his voice.

"How did he know?" Heather asked confused.

"Does that really matter? He saw a picture of you, Avery and Andrew that was in a Stars organization newsletter, they did a profile on him where he talked about his son and there was a picture of you two with Avey as a child and your name." He added. "God Heather, I've told you things nobody knows. I've experienced things with you nobody knows and I find this out from my brother? Oh and not just this. Flower told me about you going to shack up with Jason. How was the Christmas sex huh? Did you fill his wife's spot nicely in his bed?" He said as he crossed to the other side of the room.

"James we haven't done anything." She said to him crossing her arms standing up from the bed.

"Yet Heather. Yet. He's a married man." He said taking a step closer.

"He's separated James, she's filing for divorce." Heather said stepping closer herself. "Plus isn't my job partly to sleep with married men? Are you going to cuss out Brooks or Flower or Craig too?" Heather asked naming names off on her fingers.

"That's different, Jason is on another team entirely!" He said to her coming closer.

"James you can't help who you love! Plus, if that's the problem I'll quit." Heather said.

"That's not the problem!" James said grabbing his head.

"Then what is?" Heather asked.

"It's that he's not me ok? There! I said it!" He said putting his arms out. "He can't love you like I could." He said leaning in close to her intensely. "I'm going for a walk." He said leaving Heather in his room going downstairs. "I'm going for a walk." James said to his family not even looking at them.

"James...is this true?" His mother asked him. Candy in the meantime looked like the cat who swallowed the canary. He knew what had happened. "You introduced us to your whore?"

Notes