Collide

"It took a less than spectacular round of sex for you to decide that you'd marry me?" Sid asked on their drive home the following afternoon.

CiCi dreaded this conversation and she knew Sidney was itching to have it. He managed to get through breakfast with her parents and grandparents, the gift exchange and saying their goodbyes without cracking. But she could see the excitement in his eyes. She sensed he was over the moon that she said it. But she regretted saying it almost instantly. And it had nothing to do with whether she wanted to marry him or not. She knew she did. It was whether he would want to after she tells him a secret she had been keeping for months.

"Well, not exactly. I mean I've known. For awhile now. But..."

"But what babe?" Sid reach over the console and grasped one of her hands.

"How important are children to you?"

"How do you mean?"

"You see yourself being a father. But is that necessarily a deal breaker if you aren't?"

"Are you telling me you don't want kids?"

"Oh no! I want them."

"Then they are pretty important. I want us to be parents together."

"Then a marriage won't work."

"CiCi, you're confusing me. Just stop talking in rounds and just tell me what it is that is bothering you."

"It's not that I don't want kids, it's that I can't have kids. And the story is too sad for me to give you today, but just think about that when you consider me as your life partner."

CiCi said no more and the remainder of the drive was quiet as they drove through the city. And at the red light to turn towards their apartment Sidney waited, as the light changed green he sat there in a zone not focused on the road. CiCi was floored by his expression, turned to see there were no cars behind them and looked back at Sid.

"It's green Sid," she said softly. He snapped out of his daze, cleared his throat and drove straight.

"Where are you going?" CiCi asked slightly panicked. But he didn't respond and as they drove out of the city in the direction of his house, she calmed. At least he was taking her somewhere familiar.

He pulled into the driveway of his now finished home, completely dark aside from the timed front door light. He didn't move to go into the garage. Instead he hopped out of the car, walked briskly to CiCi's side and opened her door. She felt panicked again by his actions.

"This is our home. Ours. Not mine. And you and I will be here for the rest of our lives. And we will have children. They may not be ours by blood, but we will love them as if they are our own." His determination brought tears to her eyes. "And I don't care what may have happened, I will wait until you are ready to tell me."

CiCi couldn't slow the tears and she collapsed into his embrace. "How did I get so lucky?" CiCi whispered against Sid's neck.

"Well the thought of actually having little humans to be responsible for terrifies me, so waiting awhile to adopt is fine by me," Sid chided trying to lighten the mood. CiCi cracked a smile but stayed close to Sid's embrace.

"I used to be a dude."

"You're a liar," Sid chuckled.

"I am just trying to lighten the mood too!"

"You don't have to tell me what happened."

"No, I need you to know. But it's a long story and I would rather not freeze my ass off anymore."

"Well come on. We can go inside here."

"No, let's go home. We can talk there."

"Cesira, this can be our home."

"But not yet. I want our tree and the smell of the pine needles and the lights and.."

"Okay, okay. I get it. But promise me something."

"Ok," CiCi hesitated.

"We will move in here this summer?"

CiCi could handle that. "Deal."

In the car CiCi poured her heart out. She explained that she mistakenly got pregnant right out of college and it ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. The baby didn't survive, and it did irreversible damage to her body.

"Could you, you know, use a surrogate?" Sid asked timidly as he gripped CiCi's hand and focused on the road.

"I could. But surrogacy is extremely expensive." And the thought of another woman carrying her own child wasn't appealing to her, but she couldn't say that to Sidney yet.

"We will cross that bridge when we get there. I'm sure we could afford it." CiCi knew this now. If she would be with Sidney, the possibilities of having biological children were more realistic than if she had stayed with Mark.

"Sid, no."

"It's my future child too CiCi. I have 50% say in this. And if I want to spend an exorbitant amount of money to have some other woman grow our child then it will be worth it."

"Can we discuss this at a later date? We haven't even moved into the gorgeous mansion and I'm just liking that you haven't hit the ground running yet. And we are wasting valuable sexy time under the tree now."

"Good point Ms. Barsi. Let's get home so you can be unwrapped appropriately," Sid said with a little eyebrow wriggle making CiCi giggle softly.

*****
"Like that?" Sid panted circling his hips.

CiCi whimpered in the affirmative, the sound as thin as a string of thread. Between the heat from the tree lights and the fire burning in the fireplace and the friction between their movements, they were sweating as their bodies rolled in tandem above the blanket spread out across the living room floor. Sid's arms were shaking as he pinned CiCi's wrists above her head and slid in and out of her.

Sid thought how real this was. He was between the cradle of her thighs, the head of his cock popping slowly through her dark, sweet wetness. His mouth descended and slanted over hers, and then his hips gyrated, only to hit a soft spot to make her yelp in pleasure. Triumphant, he repeated the action, relishing in her body with each breaking thrust. His movements were making her knees quiver.

The force of his thrusts were pitching CiCi into the plush carpet, but nothing about it was hard or swift. They were liquid. Back and forth. Backward and forward. It was one of Sidney's favorite sights, seeing CiCi's face like that. Her open lips, the greedy flash in her eyes, the creases in her forehead as he fucked her gently. The moans bubbles from her throat, and Sid was satisfied in knowing he was the one doing that to her. She was his. He was hers. And nothing was going to come in their way or stop them from being together.

Their fingers laced together. Sid needed this moment to last. He was determined to make love to her until she lost all sense beyond his cock working through her. But he couldn't take much more. CiCi was too good at this, looping her waist with his, tightening around him so that he hissed. She was trying to be the giver, but Sid wouldn't let her. That was his job today, to satisfy her, to give his feelings to her, all of them.

Rocking into her, Sid propped his tongue against his teeth and concentrated on CiCi's reaction. He sunk down putting his weight into it, which spread her wider. It forced their damp chests to rub together as they traded hot puffs of air.

On a particularly solid thrust, CiCi's nails bit into his biceps. He murmured, "Was that...a good one?"

"Uh huh," she keened.

Sid chuckled. CiCi sounded overwhelmed. How else could he overwhelm her?

"Tell me...what...to do," he said.

"Love me," she answered.

"Always," he rasped.

But the way his pelvis tilted up hinted that she'd like it to be faster. Eventually, Sid gave in. "How about this?" he asked rising on his knees. Her legs circled his waist as he shifted from long and deep to shallow and quick.

The instant he did, CiCi cried up to the ceiling, "Sidney! There. Fuck me right there."

Sid grinned thinking that was more like it. He nodded and grabbed her hips, locking her in place as he increased the momentum. Her head thrashed from side to side as if she couldn't handle it, a line of sweat drawn across her hairline. It was slippery where they were connected, and oh so fucking good.

'Almost,' Sid thought. He needed to hold out. She had to be first.

Sid worked them into it, chasing the beautiful noises CiCi made until it happened. Her teeth grind together. She squeezed his waist as her joints tensed.

"Come," Sid encouraged her, "Come loud and deep."

With a shout, she convulsed around him, drenching him in her orgasm. His head flew back as he lost himself to it, feeling their muscles twitch together, the flexing sensation drawing him fully out of his skin. Gasping, Sid landed on top of CiCi, collapsing into her arms. For awhile they just lay there, listening to the soft embers crackle in the fire while CiCi played with Sid's hair.

Glancing at each other, they giggled. They were exhausted, but Sid still had plans. He kissed the side of her breast and, in a breathless voice, he said, "Again."

******

And again. And again. Each time it took Sid a while to be ready for her, but that afternoon they didn't let up. His body lost track of itself, and he couldn't control what she has done to him, what she brings out of him. He wanted to know everything.

When they finally made it to their bed he relished the sight of CiCi biting into her pillow while her thighs flanked his head. His tongue flattened over her opening, then lashed into the wetness, and then rode up the crease to the tiny center of her, which swelled as he drew it between his lips. This was followed by CiCi twisting Sid onto his back, and the explosive sensation of her own mouth bouncing around him while his hands weaved into her hair.

Later, his body hovered above hers once more, and at her insistence he brought her leg over his shoulder to test the depths they could reach, and forget it. They nearly died from the sensations.

"Merry Christmas," Sid whispered when they finally slowed down and curled around each other.

"Best Christmas ever," CiCi replied smiling as her arms slipped around his waist. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, to the moon and back," Sid said as sleep took over.

*****
The following morning CiCi woke before Sidney. She stretched her arms above her head and felt how her limbs were jello. She sighed, content in how he loved on her continuously the day before. It was as if he wanted to take the weight of her news off her shoulders. As if he wanted her to know that he loved her so fully that her feeling almost inadequate as a woman didn't matter to him.

She glanced at the clock and saw that he had about an hour before he needed to be up for the day, moving along to practice then boarding a plane for a three game road trip. She knew she could get up and see that he had plenty of suits packed for the trip, and that his carry-on was ready. But she wanted to rouse him even more. Thank him for the day before.

"Mm, I don't want to move. I want to stay in this spot forever," Sid whispered startling CiCi. She had no idea he was awake.

"Then quit. We can invest your money somehow so we will never go without and we can just stay in bed for the rest of our lives," she reasoned.

"Ha, I wish it were that simple. How much time do we have?"

"About an hour before you need to be up and getting ready for the day."

"Good, I have plenty of time to make you moan again," Sid said as he pulled the covers over their naked bodies and claimed CiCi's lips once more.

*****

"Did you girls have a nice Christmas?" CiCi asked Caroline and Julia as the girls sat down for a late lunch in Station Square.

"It was loud. All the nieces and nephews were running all over the place," Caroline lamented.

"And still no ring? What are we going to do with that man?" Julia asked.

"Seriously. I jokingly told him that if he doesn't ask soon I am going to stop putting out," Caroline said making the other two girls giggle.

"But no, it was nice. And I am glad he didn't ask yet. It's always overdone around the holidays. I want to be caught off guard by it, you know?"

"Oh I do! And to top it off Mark asked right after the baby fiasco. I should have known he was a sleaze then," CiCi offered.

"Speaking of the baby fiasco. Have you ever told Sidney?" Julia asked.

"Ah, I did yesterday."

"On Christmas? Way to put a damper on the holiday," Caroline said.

"How did he take it?" Julia asked with concern written all over her face.

"Surprisingly well," CiCi said.

"Deets or it didn't happen!" Caroline exclaimed.

"Ugh fine, I told him. He got all knight and shining armor and swept me off my feet. He doesn't care. He said there are plenty of children out there that need homes and that we could always look into surrogacy when the time is right."

"Lucky for you, he is filthy rich," Caroline piped in.

"Yeah, real lucky. Except I don't know how I feel about having someone carry my baby for me. And okay, let's just drop it. We aren't anywhere near ready to be parents. But it's nice to know that he isn't running as far away from me as possible."

"Ugh! I need to find a man like what you two have! Seriously, where the hell is he? I'm hot. Why do I repel men?" Julia asked changing the subject. Which was just fine with CiCi. She didn't need or want the attention to be about her and Sid. It also gave her a chance to check her emails.

In all the work emails she allowed to pile up over the last three days, one stood out. It wasn't one with new details on upcoming displays, or what was left of the fiscal calendar. It was addressed specifically to CiCi directly from the BAU Institute-Camargo Fellowship via the alliance of artists communities. The contents detailing how she was part of an elite group of artists selected to come to New York City in February to audition for a fellowship to take place mid-April through the summer in Cassis, France.

Notes

Some rough waters up ahead!