The Compromise

A week had passed since Jess found out that she was pregnant and she was nervous as she waited to be taken back for her first of several ultrasounds. It took her the last week to convince herself that having this baby was a good thing. She knew people would be disappointed at first, but when she would express her concerns to Sid he would reassure her that those people didn't matter. She couldn't lie, his excitement was becoming infectious. She never expected him to act this way, whether it happened just a few short months into their relationship or years down the road, hopefully after a wedding.

He had promised to be at this first appointment, but called a few hours before apologizing profusely and insisting he would be there but to go without him. Now, twenty minutes into her scheduled appointment she sat in the waiting room, alone.

"Jessica!" A nurse said loudly at the entrance to the exam rooms. Jess sighed, gathered her bag and jacket, and took one more glance towards the main office door. She saw a long, empty corridor and no signs of Sid in sight.

"Are you waiting for the father sweetie?" The nurse asked as Jess approached her. She was somewhat surprised that the nurse said father and not husband, but brushed it off as so many people these days have children out of wedlock that the protocol may have changed.

"Yes, he got held up at work but said he would be here,” Jess explained. She wasn’t certain telling the nurse that the father was a famous hockey player, if she knew or even cared. She pulled out her phone and shot him a text to let him know that she went back to the exam room.

"We can see to it that he makes it back to you when he gets here." Jess nodded in understanding and followed the overly polite nurse towards one of the rooms.

Shortly after being instructed to change into a robe, she settled down on the exam table and waited for further instruction. While she waited she heard a light tap on the door. Then the door began to creek open. She assumed it was the ultrasound specialist, but was relieved when she saw a dark head of hair peak through.

"Hey! I didn't miss anything, did I?" Sid asked as he walked into the room and directly in front of Jessica.

"No, they are running behind. Glad you made it before they started." Jess kissed Sidney when he leaned down to be at eye level with her.

"I said I wouldn't miss it. They changed practice time and location on us last night."

"Yeah, you told me when you called me last night," Jess recalled being woken up by Sid's phone call to inform her that he made it home.

"Yeah, then Dan wanted to conference with me and some of the guys about upcoming playoffs." Sid looked sheepishly at Jess, hoping that his explanation would be accepted.

"Babe, it's okay. You're here now. That's all that matters. Once we get through this we can tell my parents and my mom will come with me when you can't make it,” Jess reasoned.

"It will be late June at the absolute latest for the substitute, I hope. And you may get me around longer than anticipated for the fall,” Sid explained.

"What do you mean?" Jess asked confused.

"Potential lockout. I don't want to think or talk about that though. Today is about you and our baby. How are you feeling?" Sid asked as he pulled up a chair next to the table and rubbed the small of Jess' back. The small, circular motion soothed her nerves.

"I'm nervous." Sid was about to respond when the door opened again and a young woman in scrubs came in.

"Afternoon! I'm Beth and I am going to do the ultrasound today. Afterwards I'll have you get dressed and you will meet in Dr. Chambers' office to go over everything. Sound good?" The nurse flitted around the room as she spoke, moving machines and adjusting the table Jess sat on. She gently pushed Jess back, covered her lap with a sheet and lifted her dressing gown to expose her belly.

Sid remained seated, quietly taking in the motions and squeezing Jess' hand in reassurance. He didn't realize the tech was speaking to him at first.

"Nice win yesterday Sid," she said as she pulled a seat over and dabbed the wand in a cool jelly.

"Oh uh, thanks. I appreciate it," he smiled at the tech, then looked towards Jess. She did not seem any more relaxed than before.

"This won't hurt, Jessica. It will just be cold at first," Beth explained as she adjusted the monitor and gently placed the wand on Jess' lower abdomen. She shifted the wand around several times, checked her machine then returned to moving the wand around.

"Excuse me folks. I'll be right back." She place the wand on the stand holding the monitor and walked out the door.

"What was that about?" Jess asked. She looked at Sidney with frantic eyes.

Sid shrugged, "Maybe she is having technical difficulties. I don't know. She fiddled with the ultrasound machine more than anything. There wasn't any sound coming through either. We are supposed to hear the heartbeat today."

"I have a bad feeling Sidney. I have all day," Jess was near tears.

"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry," Sid tried to assure her. But truthfully he was beginning to feel anxious as well.

"Nothing to worry about kids, you are both young and healthy. I am suspecting it was on our end. I'm Dr. Chambers by the way," an older, gray haired man said as he boldly entered the room. In his hand was Jess' file and behind him stood Beth.

He sidled up to the machine and sat in the seat recently vacated by the technician. "Mind if I try Jessica?" She shook her head no and watched as he applied more jelly to the end of the wand then placed the wand back on her abdomen.

"Do you see anything?" Sid asked after several minutes of silence. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, rubbing Jess' forearm with his free hand.

"Let me check one more thing," the doctor said as he place the wand back on the cart holding the machine. He flipped through the file to debrief himself on the information and looked back at the young couple in front of him.

"I'm truly, very sorry you two. It appears you've suffered a miscarriage. Now, don't go worrying that you did anything wrong Jess. There is really no known reason why these things happen. Unfortunately, in your situation, you haven't evacuated the fetus. So your body still believes you are pregnant,” the doctor said as soothingly as possible.

"What does that mean?" Sid asked. Jess was silent as she heard the doctor explain what will happen next. Not pregnant. She thought of her brother and sister-in-law and how they wanted children and struggled to get pregnant and how they suffered in sadness as she miscarried several times. Jess just never imagined that would be her too. In the end she hadn’t really heard what the doctor said and was embarrassed when Sidney was pushing her to answer.

"Jess can you handle it? Or do you want to let this happen naturally?" Sid asked quietly. She could sense that he was sad, and she knew she would disappoint him somehow, someway.

"Get it out," Jess said firmly. She pulled her hand away from Sid's and turned her head away to look at the wall opposite of Sidney.

"Jess, don't you want to consider the options?" Sid started.

"Why? So I can host a dead baby? No. Get it out." Jess didn't listen to the risks the procedure could have, and she didn't care. "You can go Sid. I know my way home."

"I'm not leaving you, why are you trying to push me away?" Sid stood and tried to face Jessica.

"Not now, Sid. Just please." Sid looked at Jess then back up to the doctor who was now standing closer to the door.

"Sidney, we need to prep Jessica for the D&C. Would you like to step outside, when we are ready to start the procedure you can come back in."

"That won't be necessary, Sidney needs to get back to Pittsburgh," Jess said without looking at him. Sidney was at a loss for words. He said nothing, and walked out of the room.

"Listen Sidney, give her some time. I've seen women react this same way before,” Dr.

"Thanks doctor. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be in the waiting area. Will you let me know when it's over?"

"Absolutely son," Dr. Chambers clapped him on his shoulder and turned to return back to Jess' room.

Several hours later Jess was finally capable of leaving the hospital. She was pushed out towards the entrance by the same nurse that called her back into the exam room earlier that day. Sidney walked along side Jess and she was thankful he never listened to her and left. He was instructed to drive her home, which meant they would have to come back for her car later.

They drove in silence back to Jess' place. Sid wouldn't let Jess move from the car until he was around to her door helping her out. He draped his arm around her shoulder and held her close to his side as they walked the short distance to her front door. He let them into her place, and led her to the couch to sit while he tended to a couple tasks around the place for Jess.

When he came back into the living room he found Jess crumbled over her knees crying. He rushed to her side and pulled her tiny frame onto his lap where she nuzzled her tear stained face against his neck. He let her cry as loudly as she wanted and even let a few tears go himself.

"I didn't even know I wanted this so badly until I found that I lost it," Jess finally said through her tears.

"I know." Sid pressed his cheek against the top of Jess' head and held her tighter to his body.

"I'm so sorry!" Jess sobbed. Sid realized no amount of consoling or reassuring would make Jess stop. He didn't want to make her stop. He wanted her to know that he was right there with her, feeling the same pain she was feeling. They both lost something today.

"We could try again, later on I mean. Only if you want," Sid whispered. He lifted his head and waited to see her reaction.

"You sure you want to have babies with me?" Jess sniffled. She brushed her hair back off her forehead and reached for her glasses, long forgotten in her discarded purse lying next to them on the couch.

"Maybe a whole hockey team's worth," Sid joked. Jess' eyes grew wide.

"I don't think my body could push that many little humans out!"

"How about the first line," Sid reasoned. Jess cracked a small smile through her tears.

"Not right away though," Jess looked down at her lap. Sid lifted her chin to study her face closely.
“We are so young, Jess. We can wait as long as you want. I am not going anywhere.” Jess threw her arms around Sid’s shoulders and sobbed into his neck.

Notes