The Compromise

"I should go talk to him," Jessica said as she walked down the hall towards the front door.

"I don't think that is such a good idea Jess," Sid said.

"And why is that? What if he is telling the truth?" Jess turned to face Sidney who stood back a ways from the door he just closed in James' face. She wasn't sure if she should be relieved that Sid was adamant about protecting her or feel annoyed because he could be doing all of this for selfish reasons.

"What if he just lies to you to get you to go back to him?" 'Ahh,' she thought.

"Sid, stop," Jess said. She knew now what game he was trying to play and she needed him to put his own selfish reasons aside. James reacted entirely differently to the situation than she expected. In fact, she didn't quite understand how he knew she left and was back from this trip he went on already. She turned back towards the front door and noticed a shadowy figure rising from the ground through the frosted glass window. He was still here. She reached for the door and pulled it open causing James to pause mid-step. She walked out onto the porch and closed the door behind her. The situation needed to be absolved between the two minus Sidney.

"Hi," Jess whispered. She crossed her arms across her chest as a defense mechanism, but mostly because she was uncomfortable.

Jess watched as James didn't say anything. Instead he stepped closer to her and tried to wrap her in a hug. But Jess backed away.

"No, James. I want to know what the hell is going on." Jess was determined to stand her ground. She needed to have him clear up the confusion.

"Can we not do it here?"

"We aren't going to your house."

"Our house," James choked out. She watched as his head fell and he stared at the ground. She could tell he had been crying. "Can we sit in my car at least?"

"Fine." Jess brushed past him towards his car and waited for him to catch up and unlock the doors. After they climbed in Jess stared at James expectantly. She wanted him to speak. He just wouldn't.

"Where were you really?" Jess asked, "Because there is no way you were in California."

"In Wheeling, with your family." James offered this willingly. "You can call each and every one of them to verify that." Jess reached for her phone and pulled up her contacts list. She searched through to find her sister, Joann, and typed a quick message to her while James continued talking.

"You remember when we went up to Whitby for my brother's graduation party and I asked Pauly to look over the house while we were gone? We were barely in the place two weeks and I was a nervous wreck leaving it!" Jess just nodded her head, her face void of any emotion. James continued, "Well, I guess he used our place to hook up with some chick. He told me he met some crazy girl that weekend, but he failed to tell me that they were in our house."

"Okay, but that doesn't explain why she insisted you have been dating her for several months."

"Paul gave her my name," James said.

Jess felt her phone vibrate and glanced to see the response from her sister.

Sissy: Went to the country club for dinner Friday. He spent the entire day with the guys yesterday. But you aren't supposed to know that. ;)

Jess felt an overwhelming sense of relief that James was telling the truth about where he was the past two days. She needed to see Paul now though.

"Is he home right now?" Jess asked as she looked up from her phone. James was watching her with wide eyes and worry lines across his forehead.

"He was when I left to come here."

"Let's go. I need to talk to Paul." Jess watched as James quickly put the keys in the ignition and drove in the direction of the house.

As they pulled into the neighborhood that Jess has been calling home, she felt nervous. What if he concocted this plan with Paul to make her believe him? Sid would be right. And what about Sid? Would she tell James about her kiss with Sid? Would he be mad? If she knew James she feared he would be.

James pulled the car to a stop on the street between their house and Paul's. He was waiting in the door for them, Jess could tell. James had called him briefly on the drive over to say we were on our way. They got out of the car and walked the short distance to Paul's house. He let them in without saying a word and the three settled in his living room, Paul in the oversized chair and Jess sitting on the edge of the couch with James sitting next to her.

Paul was the first to speak, "Jess, please know that this is all a huge misunderstanding."

"Yeah, so tell me what exactly happened?" Jess shifted so she was leaning her elbows on her knees.

"That woman you saw yesterday thinks I am James. I got a very lengthy text message from her this morning calling me an asshole for lying to her all this time about being single. And how dare I use her and lie to you."

"Why didn't you ever tell us what you did?"

"Because I only saw her that one time, I didn’t think I would ever need to worry about it. Then I ran into her in Southside on Friday evening. I ended up at her place then ditched her after she fell asleep. She came looking for me to chew me out for leaving her like that." James stood and started to pace back and forth. Jess just stared at Paul. She sensed he was telling the truth rather than leading her on.

"Baby, can we please go get your things and move on from this mess?" Jess contemplated his words. In the back of her mind she thought of last night and how she almost let things go too far with Sidney. She knew looking back it was because he was there for her emotionally, and she knew she only saw him as a friend. But she wondered if she could just forget about what happened and go on living with James. Would James be angry with her for letting that happen?

Jess stood up without saying a word and turned away from both men. She knew that James was going to end up heartbroken. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall in front of them.

"Thanks Paul, for clearing everything up.” Jess walked out the front door without a glance back to see if James followed her. Instead of going to James’ car, she walked to the front door of the house she had shared with him and waited. She left her key in the house and even if she hadn’t done that she didn’t bring her purse on this impromptu trip. James came up behind her and unlocked the door. They walked in without saying a word, but Jess didn’t move any further than the foyer. James closed the door and made for the steps into the house, then turned when Jess didn’t follow him.

“Hey, let’s go upstairs. I’ll fix some lunch. We can go get your things later,” James tried to entice Jessica up the steps.

“James, I can’t do this,” Jessica let the tears flow freely now.

“What do you mean? It was a misunderstanding. All is well now.” James looked at her puzzled.

“I did something awful,” Jess continued.

“What...what did you do?” James stuttered. Jess knew he was thinking the worse now. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. She felt so sick with despair. James was watching her and not making an effort to move towards her.

“I was with Sidney,” Jess spoke softly, but she got cut off.

“You slept with him?” If looks could kill, Jess would be dead right now.

“No! I, you cut me off. Let me explain.” James remained silent, but seemed intent on hearing Jess out.

“I did kiss him though. I’m so sorry, James. I instantly regretted it!” Jessica said.

“That’s all that happened?” Jess nodded her head. Jess watched as James seemed to be thinking keenly. He slouched down and proceeded to sit on the steps. Jess stayed standing and watched for his next move.

“So, let me get this straight. Instead of calling me to find out if there was any truth to this whole fiasco, you assumed the worst, moved out, and kissed my teammate. Seems legit.” The sarcasm was dripping in his statement. It sent a chill down Jess’ spine.

“James, please hear me out.”

“Hear what Jess? That you seem completely content in assuming that our relationship is a big failure. That you would rather run away when we hit the slightest bump in the road? Why isn’t this working?”

Jess didn’t know how to answer him. He continued without her answering.

“We worked better in Dallas than we do here. And I can’t seem to grasp why that is. Do you love me?”

“Of course I love you James! I moved here with you, didn’t I? If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have done that!” But James continued as though he didn’t hear Jess’ response.

“Maybe we are too young to be this serious. Maybe we worked before because we didn’t let things get too serious.” James hadn’t looked at Jess once while hashing out the thoughts running through his head. Jess fell to her knees in front of James. She wanted to look at him and really see his face.

“Why did you go to Wheeling babe?” She caught sight of his eyes, finally.

“I went to ask your parents for their blessing. I want to marry you Jess. But things just got way too fucked up and now I am not so sure proposing is a good idea.” Jess was dumbfounded. Recovering, she tried to explain to him what she had gone through in the last two days.

“I convinced myself that you were somewhere with another girl. That you were cheating on me all this time and I was just some chump to fall for you. I mean, look at me. I am not exactly what someone expects someone like you to be with.” Jess looked sheepishly at James. A flash of anger crossed his face. James took a hold of Jess’ shoulders and gently shook her as if doing so would knock some sense into her.

“What is that supposed to mean? Jesus Jess. You always look for an opportunity to put yourself down! When are you going to stop and see yourself the way I see you?”

“Please, you saw what I looked like when I was younger. I am always going to feel that way. I am always going to be self-conscious and I will always have the chubby little insecure girl in the back of my head wondering why you are with me,” Jess faded as she watched James shake his head in disgust.

“It’s always going to come back to this. It is always going to come back to you viewing yourself as fat and thinking yourself unworthy of being with me. I can’t take it anymore Jess,” James sighed in frustration, “Maybe this is the end.” He pushed his forehead against hers as he said this.

“Wha-what? End of what?” Jessica moved away from James’ arms still resting on her shoulders.

“We can’t keep doing this; we just go rounds over the same thing. I love you more than you know Jess. But we are both far too young to be so deeply rooted in such problems. What happens if I get traded again and it’s in Canada somewhere? If you aren’t able to handle this then I couldn’t ask you to follow me again. I didn’t think you’d react this way. I thought you would be happy to be so close to home.” James looked sad. Jess saw him slipping away.

“So we have an expiration date. Two years.” Jess felt a fresh wave of tears well up. Her heart was shattering. James looked as distraught as her. “Can I use your phone? I broke mine yesterday.”

James nodded, wiped at his eyes, and then reached into his jeans pocket for his cell. He handed it to Jess and she quickly searched through the contacts for Sidney. She needed to get back to her car somehow.

Before she dialed, she asked, “Are you crying?” She wasn’t used to seeing that.

“Heh, yeah. Apparently I do that now. It just started about two hours ago. I guess you are the only person who can make me cry.” Jess looked down at the phone and chewed on her lip.

“I’m sorry that I make you cry Jimmy.” Jess didn’t wait for him to respond and dialed Sidney’s number.

After one quick ring he answered. “Can you come get me? I’m at James’ place.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” And then the line went dead. Jess glanced at the phone and noticed the wallpaper was a picture of James and her standing on the steps of the house they stood in now. It was taken by James’ realtor the day he finally closed and was handed the keys. It was only three months ago, but even then they looked happier than they ever had been. She frowned at phone as the screen grew dark and handed it back to James.

“Sid is going to come get me so I can be out of the way.” Jess turned away from James and proceeded to head out of the house to wait for her ride on the sidewalk. James followed her out. They didn’t speak. Instead they stood side by side and watched for an approaching vehicle.

When Sidney’s Range Rover came into sight, James turned Jess to face him. He pushed his lips to hers and kissed her with all his might. It was the type of kiss she suspected to be a goodbye kiss. He wrapped her in his arms and whispered how much he loved her in her ears. He brushed his lips against her temple and pulled away from her embrace.

“Goodbye James,” Jessica said as she climbed into Sidney’s passenger seat. She knew it was the over, but she would not allow herself to believe that this was truly the end.

Notes