The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

Dec. 02, 2013

Dear Diary,

I am writing this in the airport. My flight back to Pittsburgh was delayed and I am so bored!
.

On Wednesday Sid drove me to the airport after the Pen’s 5-6 shootout win against Toronto to fly to New Hampshire. Sid convinced me I should see my family because I hadn’t visited since I left in August. He really wanted to come with me, but he didn’t have enough time off.

My mom picked me up at the airport, but I was so tired that I feel asleep on the drive home and we didn’t talk about anything.

The next day was Thanksgiving, so I spent the morning helping her cook before my brother and his wife got there. My mom let me bake the apple pie, which is normally her thing, but I guess I’m grown-up enough to do it : )

Once Cliff and Maria got there we had pretty much finished everything, so we just had to wait for the turkey to finish.

My mom made us draw hand turkeys on construction paper and write what we were thankful for (I felt like I was in second grade again).

I said I was thankful for Sid, because he was the best boyfriend ever.

Then I realized that I hadn’t told anyone that he and I were dating. (How could I have forgotten that?)

Everyone (except Cliff, he didn’t care) freaked out and had to ask me a ton of questions.
It was horrible.

And then we ate. It was yummy.

During dessert Maria and Cliff said they had an announcement. They are going to have a baby! Yay! I’m going to be an aunt!

My mom started crying, and then Maria did too. My brother and I sat there awkwardly.

Then they had to talk about names and when it’s due (mid May) and all sorts of stuff.

Then my mom had to tell the stories behind my brother’s and my names, and how Emmeline Pankhurst was a famous suffragette in Victorian Britain and fought for women’s rights. And how Clifford was a family name, and she was either going to name him that or Edward and she was so glad she hadn’t because that ‘sparkly vampire that all the girls love’ is named Edward.

Then on Friday I visited Carli. I hadn’t seen her since my birthday and she only lives half an hour form my mom. I needed to talk to someone about Beau and what was going on with Brandon and I figured I could trust her.

“So, you were jealous that the guy you are cheating on your boyfriend with slept with another girl, so you slept with another guy to get back at him?” She asked after I explained what happened on Monday. “How exactly is that supposed to make sense?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“Also, how drunk was he?” She asked looking skeptical.

“Um,” I swallowed hard, “Kind of a lot.”

“That was kind of rapey of you,” she said disapprovingly, “How could you do that to someone after what you’ve been through?”

I looked at her questioningly, though I kind of knew what she meant.

“How many times did you wake up to find Cam inside of you?” She said, still looking very disapproving. “What did he used to say? ‘It’s not rape if she doesn’t say no.’ Emme, you’ve turned into a frat boy.”

“I didn’t realize how drunk he was-” I started, but stopped when I realized how right she was.

“I’m sorry, but I think you’ve become more of a puck bunny than I’ll ever be,” she said, “puck bunny might even be too nice of a word for that. No, you’re a puck slut.”

“No, I am not a puck slut; I’m not sleeping with them because they are hockey players, they just happen to be what’s available to me,” I explained trying to justify my actions. “No, I’m just a slut.”

“No, I think you’re just making some bad decisions,” She said, starting to sympathize with me. “You’re a sweet girl, but you’ve been put in some hard situations.”

I shook my head, “No, I am a horrible person.”

“If someone told me in high school that I would one day be calling you a puck slut, I would have laughed. Hysterically.” She said.

“That’s because we went to an all girl’s school,” I said.

She looked at me like ‘are you serious,’

“Yes, and that’s part of it, but you have always been so innocent and naïve,” she tried to explain. “Even when we went to public school in junior high together you never knew what to do around boys.”

“That’s because I was like twelve.” I retorted, though I was starting to think she was right.

“When you went to college you were in a bad place and got sucked into that relationship with Cam, and you just let him walk all over you because you didn’t know any better,” She said, starting to look sad. “And when you were finally free from all of that, you didn’t know how to be a single girl, and you were surrounded with a bunch of hot guys.”

“And one of them happened to be the nicest guy in the world, and he somehow fell for me,” I said, feeling so guilty about Sid. “I just can’t stop thinking about Brandon.”

“Why? Besides the sex,” she said rolling her eyes.

“I don’t know. I just feel like I can be more open and free with him, not that Sid is restricting me at all, like,” I paused, and then told her about me asking Brandon to slap me.

“I totally get that, wanting a guy to slap you, that’s kind of hot. I’ve never done that before,” she said, and I was a little surprised. I thought Carli had tried everything.

“I don’t know what to tell you, follow your heart, girl.” She said after thinking about it.

I frowned, “No, my heart is confused. Why not both?”

“That is not going to work, Sid will eventually find out about Brandon and then you won’t have either. Or Brandon will get tired of being your fuck buddy and find someone else. You have to pick one.”

“Right now?” I asked

“No, but soon.” She paused, “Emme, do you love Sid?”

I thought about it. “No. I feel like I should say yes, but I can’t. Not right now.”

She looked at me for a while, “Maybe you should try talking to Brandon. If you are honest with him about your feelings, maybe he’ll feel the same way, or he won’t and that will answer your question.”

“But I don’t know how I feel about Brandon,” I said pouting.

“Emme,” she said shaking her head.

-

Saturday and Sunday I spent with my family, mostly talking and catching up with Cliff and Maria. It was nice to see them again, except now they want to meet Sid. How could I have forgotten to tell any of them that Sid and I are dating?

Now it is Monday, and I am about to board a plane back to Pittsburgh in time to see Sid before he goes to New York for a game.

I really need to talk to Brandon.

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes

Edit: I accidentally deleted this story when I was trying to fix a spelling error in the title so I'm reposting all of the chapters. And I changed my user name, so don't be surprised.