The Diary of an Unintentional Puck Slut

Dec. 13, 2013

Dear Diary,

I skated at my first game tonight after taking some time off. The Pens won 3-2 against New Jersey. Sid has been playing well despite what happened. He has been so protective of me, though. I wanted to skate at Monday’s game against Columbus, which they also won, but he said I should wait. I think he’s waiting for me to fall apart, however I just feel numb.

Caeleigh was starting to get suspicious of my behavior. She asked me at practice on Wednesday if I wanted to see the new Hunger Games movie, and I said ‘maybe.’ This made her mad.

“What is wrong with you? You love the Hunger Games,” she said pushing me.

“I don’t know, I’m just tired. I have homework.” I said and skated away.

I do have a lot of homework, or I did a least. I’ve handed in both of my final papers and I’m done with school until the end of January. I don’t know if I want to continue my studies though, I’m not even sure why I’m still in school.

Yesterday Caeleigh and I went to the mall to go Christmas shopping. She talked most of the time, but finally stopped when she realized I wasn’t responding.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She asked stopping to look at me.

“I don’t know what to get Sid for Christmas.” It’s true, I don’t, but that’s not what’s bothering me.

“No, it’s more than that,” she said looking down at me. She always wears heels now (for Geno), and even though she’s always been a few inches taller than me I feel really short now.

“No, really, what do you get a guy who has everything? And we’ve been through something difficult recently, so I want to get him something nice,” I explained, but immediately regretted adding the second part.

“What happened?” She asked, sitting down on a bench.

“Um,” I sat down and looked around. There were a bunch of old people, but other than that the mall was pretty quiet. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“What’s wrong Emme?” She said moving closer.

“I was pregnant.” I said, not looking at her.

“What?!” She tried not to scream, “You were pregnant? What happened?”

“I didn’t know that I was, and I guess I had a miscarriage,” I took a deep breath before continuing, “I somehow took my medicine wrong when I first transitioned to it from my old medicine, and I got pregnant.”

“Wait, that was over two months ago, that’s a long time,” she said starting to look worried, “also, don’t they have to, like, remove the fetus after it dies? I saw an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where this lady had to give birth to her dead baby.”

I laughed, “that’s great, talk about dead babies with your friend who just had a miscarriage. No, my doctor said it’s so small it doesn’t matter, it’ll just go away or something.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she said putting her hand on my shoulder.

“It’s okay, I’m not actually that upset about it. I’m just happy I’m not pregnant. I think Sid was really bothered by it,” I said, “I think that’s something he would have wanted, even if it was an accident.”

“Wow,” she said and thought for a minute, “I don’t know what I would do if Geno knocked me up.”

“You guys would have weird ginger Russian babies,” I said laughing.

“They wouldn’t be weird, they’d be cute,” she replied hitting me. “Let’s get lunch.”

I still don’t have a Christmas present for him.

Sid leaves for a game in Detroit tomorrow, so maybe I will try to find something he’d like after he’s gone.

Sincerely,

Emme

P.S.: Maybe I’ll get him some figure skates so I can teach him how to figure skate properly?
That’s kind of lame, but I feel like I could get him anything and he’d love it.

___________________________________________________________________________

Dec. 17, 2013

Dear Diary,

When Sid returned from his win in Detroit I was sort of hoping we’d get back into the pattern of having sex after a win because they are on a winning streak.

He stopped after the miscarriage, (and that time that I got sick) and I was starting to get concerned that he wasn’t interested any more.

So I decided to be proactive and surprise him with some new sexy panties and stuff.

I was sitting in his bed in the dark when he got home, waiting for him to come upstairs.
When he finally walked in and turned the lights on he stopped.

After staring for a few minutes, he said “you look really, um, attractive.”

I laughed, why was he so cute and awkward about sex?

“Come here,” I said as I crawled to the end of the bed. I kneeled on the bed in front of him and slowly took his jacket off followed by his tie. I slowly unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped his pants. I turned him around and pulled him down to sit on the bed next to me and continued to take the rest of his clothes off.

He watched me with a curious look on his face, like he wasn’t sure where I was going with all of this.

We’d never really done much foreplay before, and I thought I’d give it a try. Actually, I didn’t have much experience with it at all. Cam never had any time for that, or thought it wasn’t necessary, so I was pretty new at this.

I thought I would start with some oral, you know, a blow job. I hate that word. Just thinking about it makes me think of slutty 16 year old girls.

However, after about a minute my jaw started to hurt. I thought maybe this was normal and I was out of practice, but a few bobs later my jaw really stared to hurt.

“Owe,” I said taking my mouth off and holding my jaw.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, realizing I had stopped.

“It’s nothing, my jaw just hurts a little, I guess from keeping my mouth open so far,” I said, then realized it sounded like I was complimenting him on his size, which was pretty decent, but not what I meant. “I’m just not used to this, that’s all.”

“Do you want some ice or something?” He asked sitting up.

I wasn’t going to let a little pain in my jaw stop me, so I shook my head no and pushed him back onto the bed and skipped the rest of foreplay.

-

The next day my jaw still hurt but I tried not to let him know it was bothering me.

At practice I decided to ask Caeleigh if that kind of thing was normal.

“Wait, does he have like a giant penis?” She asked smiling.

“No, it’s normal, I think. What’s normal?” I asked, but didn’t really want to know. “It hurts when I eat, or talk, or, other stuff.”

“You should have that looked at,” she said, “let’s find one of the Pens medical staff.”

She found one and made him look at my jaw.

“Sounds like you have TMJ,” he said after inspecting it. “It shouldn’t be a problem, but if it gets worse you might need surgery.”

“Surgery?” I asked; that sounds serious.

“Yeah, just be careful with it. Don’t chew gum or use your jaw too much. What were you doing when it started to hurt?” He asked.

“I was,” I looked at Caeleigh who was blushing, “eating an apple.”

He looked at me skeptically, “what were you really doing?”

I started laughing so Caeleigh answered for me, “she was sucking Crosby’s dick.”

Just as she started to say that, Tanger walked in to get looked at after taking a rough hit in practice.

“What? Who’s sucking Crosby’s dick?” he asked and then saw me, “Oh.”

“Who did you think we were talking about?” I asked him.

“Nobody, I just forgot Sid had a girlfriend,” he replied in that lovely French Canadian accent.

“Can I braid your hair?” I asked as he took his helmet off.

“Yeah, can we play with your hair?” Caeleigh asked.

“What? No, my hair is gross right now. Maybe some other time,” he replied.

“Yay!” Caeleigh and I said as we left

Caeleigh and I were discussing all the fun things we could do to his hair when we came across Sid and Geno.

“Why would you want to put bows in Kris’s hair?” Sid asked.

“Because it would be fun!” I said hugging him.

“I wonder if he’s bringing his son to the holiday family skate tomorrow,” Sid said, and I could tell this made him a little sad.

“He has a son?” Caeleigh asked surprised, “Wow, I did not see that.”

“Is that really tomorrow night?” I asked, not wanting to go.

“Yes, and it will be fun,” he replied putting his arm around me.

“Are you sure you want to go?” I looked up at him.

“I have to,” he replied, but I could tell he really didn’t want to. It was going to be hard for him to see his teammates with their children

The four of us left to get lunch and then Caeleigh and I went home.

_

The Pen’s annual family holiday skating party was actually pretty fun. There were a few little girls wearing figure skates so Caeleigh and I gave them a skating lesson and showed them how to twirl and spin.

Sid seemed like he was having fun with the kids. Near the end I somehow ended up with Flower’s baby so he and Mrs. Flower could skate (I’m surprised she trusted me with her). Baby Flower was very cute, but I didn’t really know what to do with her. Sid saw me struggling and came over to help me with her.

“Do you want me to hold her for a bit?” He asked holding his arms out.

“Yes, please.” I said handing her to him as he sat down next to me. Seeing Sid holding baby Flower and play with her made me realize what we’d lost. I couldn’t see it until now, with him holding a cute little baby (actually she’s not that little any more).

“Don’t you three look cute,” Duper said skating up to us with one of his four children hanging off of him. “I have to get a picture of this,” he added taking out his phone.

And we did look cute, baby Flower was holding onto Sid’s finger and she was smiling. I probably would have started crying if Caeleigh hadn’t interrupted my thoughts.

“Emme, Kuni’s daughter wants you to do a figure eight,” she said dragging me back to the ice.

.

That night I tried not to think about it, but I kept looking at that picture Duper had taken. We looked like a little happy family.

This morning I didn’t want to talk about it with Sid, so I asked what he was doing for Christmas as I was making pancakes,

“I’m going to visit my parents for two days. My sister will be home and I haven’t seen her in a while,” he replied. “Would you like to come with me?”

“I would love to, I’ve never been to Nova Scotia before,” I replied, “Actually, I’ve only been to Canada once.”

“Really?” He looked surprised, “I’ll have to show you around this summer, it’s really beautiful.”

That was the first time he had ever talked about ‘us’ so far in the future.

“I hadn’t really thought about what I was going to do during the summer. I obviously don’t need to skate, and I don’t have school, I guess I could go to Canada…” I trailed off, not knowing where I was going.

“We don’t have to talk about it now, that’s almost six months away,” he replied, and I realized (and I think he did too) that a little over six months from now might have been the possible due date.

We didn’t talk about much for the rest of breakfast and he left soon after for practice. He has a game in New York tomorrow that he will be leaving for after practice.

Not having any more homework to distract myself with, I decided to go hang out with my cat. Brandon wasn’t there so I decided curl up on the couch with Pancake and watch ‘Mean Girls’ for the eighth or ninth time. I fell asleep halfway through with my cat purring in my lap, and I felt happy despite everything.

I woke up when Brandon came home after practice. He was surprised to see me sleeping on his couch, and I was surprised to see him at all.

“Don’t you have a plane to catch?” I asked sitting up, still not awake.

“Dan let us out of practice early,” he said sitting on the couch next to me. “What were you watching?”

“Mean Girls. I should probably go home to see Sid,” I said trying to get up.

“I think he’s probably still at the ice. He wanted to work on shootout goals with Flower,” he explained.

I checked my phone, “he hasn’t texted me or anything.”

Brandon saw the background image on my phone, the picture Duper took of us with baby Flower, and asked how I was doing.

“I was okay with it at first, but it’s starting to get to me now. I talked to Caeleigh about it, and it made me realize how real it was. Sid and I don’t talk about it much. How are you doing with it?” I asked, realizing I hadn’t talk to him much since I told him about the miscarriage.

“It’s hard. I was really shocked when you told me and it took a while to wrap my head around everything. And seeing this, the three of you together,” he said still looking at my phone, “I realize how bittersweet it is. I mean, you guys look so cute together here, but what if it wasn’t his baby?”

I had thought about that a lot. How could I tell Sid? What would happen after, would he break up with me? What would happen between Brandon and I?

“Yeah, things could have gotten very complicated,” I shrugged, “I’m just glad I’m not pregnant, I am not ready for that kind of thing.”

Brandon and I talked for the next hour until he head to catch his plane to New York. I’m still at his house, but I have to leave soon. Caeleigh and I are having a sleep over, again, and we are going to catch up on the latest season of American Horror Story.

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes

Edit: I accidentally deleted this story when I was trying to fix a spelling error in the title so I'm reposting all of the chapters. And I changed my user name, so don't be surprised.