In Your Eyes

"It's like you're all in a fucking weird hockey clique or something."

Ali sat on her washing machine, legs dangling over the edge, her hands on either side of her knees. She watched quietly as Piper paced in front of her.

"It's like...." She sniffled, hands still clenched. "It's like they enjoy secrets or something! Why does everyone have to be so goddamn secretive?" She turned and looked at Ali with desperation. "What's WITH that!?!?"

"They're not all like that, Piper."

"Don't tell me that. You said yourself that James kept your relationship a secret for a while." She threw up her hands. "And why? What good did it do?"

Ali looked down and shook her head. "Didn't do any good."

Lifting her gaze upwards, Ali kept her eyes on her friend. She felt for her, in the worst of ways. What Sid said hadn't been wise, and she didn't think anyone was expecting an unwise decision to be made by Sidney Crosby; least of all Piper. "All I can tell you is that it gets better" she told her sympathetically. "Honestly."

Piper continued pacing, if only to get out some pent up steam. The washroom where they'd gone to vent wasn't large at all, but she made good use of the room she had. She'd stormed in thinking it was a bedroom, only to find it was the laundry room. She decided to simply say fuck it and do her venting there. Ali had remained quiet for most of her rant, listening attentively as she got out her frustrations.

"Do you know..." Piper said, turning towards Ali. "That he just told me he was falling hard for me?"

Now Ali could tell why her friend had taken it hard. Oh, Sid. Sid, Sid, Sid. She shook her head again. "No, I didn't..."

"Well, he did. And he said it over and over, even as we were falling asleep." The tear that fell burned hot on her cheek. She felt anger and disappointment spilling from her, creating a heat that was worse than any sunburn.

"I think he means it, though" Ali replied. Her voice remained soft and gentle. "I really do. Sid doesn't toss around words he doesn't mean." She watched as that intense stare, the flash of green, the tumbled waves of hair - all turned in her direction.

"Then why doesn't he want to admit it?"

I wish I could tell you, she thought. Her heart felt like it was sinking because she knew the game that was being played here. She knew Sidney, maybe more so than Piper even though she was the one dating him. Ali knew things Piper wouldn't know until she was around Sid for a hockey season.

"Is it me?" Piper asked.

"FUCK no."

"What do I have to do?"

"You have to put up with it."

Piper's face went sour. "Put up with it?"

"Sidney." Ali's eyes never faltered. "I know it's early for you two, but dating one of these guys comes with its troubles. And if you like him as much as I know you do...then you need to accept him. All of him: His life. His quirks. His odd superstitions. His routines."

She bit her lip. "I want to, Ali."

"I know you do. And it's not easy, Piper. I'm telling you. You are seriously, without a doubt, dating the most difficult hockey player in the game. And I don't even say that in a bad way."

Slumping back against the wall opposite her, Piper frowned. "You think so, yes. But I don't see it. I see a loving, caring guy who is coming out of a shell that needs broken. I see a beautiful person with an incredible talent and a laugh that makes me happy and a heart that impresses me on a daily basis."

"All true" Ali said. "But you haven't been to a game yet. You haven't seen the fans, the coaches, the media - how they all want his attention, all at the same time. It's totally different once you get into the season." She thought back to her first few months with James; they'd met just a couple months out from the playoffs, and it was one of the toughest challenges of her life: living through something she had only ever seen from afar.

She looked at Piper and "Once you're in, hun - you're in, or you're out...there's no in between."

A sudden feeling of being trapped washed over Piper. What Ali said was something she knew all along: that once the season started, things would change. How? She didn't bother with that, because it wasn't living in the moment...and living in the moment was all she had. It's what she did best.

"Would he ever tell anyone about me?"

Ali shrugged glumly. "I don't know."

"Has he ever told anyone about any girlfriend he's had?"

"Sid doesn't have girlfriends."

The pair looked at one another as the words sunk in deeper. Piper thought back to her original Google search about Sidney, learning about him in those early days. She'd noticed only one or two pictures of him and a girl, but no mention of anything.

And then a knock on the door stopped any further discussion.

*

Down by the fire pit, James stood confused as ever. "So wait....what the hell just happened?"

Sid was rubbing his forehead. "I think I fucked up."

"You think!?" John was seated off to the side near the fire, one ankle crossed over the opposite knee. His deep laugh rumbled from his chest. "Dude - you pulled the rug out from under that chick."

He shot a glare at John. "She's not just some chick, okay?"

Behind the flame of the fire lifting into the already-warm night air, Jeff raised his bottle of beer. "So are you two just fucking, or are you guys a thing? Because at first I thought you two were just banging...from the looks of it, anyways. I mean, she was damn near begging Stammer to suck his dick."

"That's bullshit and you know it, Skinner" Steven said, standing up. He nervously readjusted his hat, his blonde hair a mess beneath. "Maybe I should go--"

"--No, Stammer. Stay. You didn't do anything wrong." Sid held a hand out, wishing his friend wouldn't take the blame.

"I definitely missed something" James said, hands on his hips.

At the top of the sloping backyard, the sound of a door slamming shut could be heard. All the guys' heads turned and looked in that direction.

James winced. "That didn't sound good."

"No shit, Nealer" Sid replied.

"No - I meant I don't think the damn bolts to the door are tightened enough."

Steven knocked James in the shoulder. "Come on, man."

"What?!?" James looked at him aghast.

Sid ignored the babble around him and began the march up to the cabin. A chorus of no, no, noooo's came from behind him, but he ignored that as well. He had to fix this with Piper. He had to tell her that it was different around the guys; that their relationship could easily become headline news, that he could be inadvertently causing her stress she didn't deserve during the hockey season. She didn't yet know her affiliation with him was nothing but trouble. All these things were aspects he wasn't ready to ask her to commit herself to. He didn't want to put that kind of trouble on her, not after just one month.

"Hey, hey, hey, wait up."

"Just let me go talk to her, Nealer."

James' long legs caught up easily and he soon fell into stride alongside him. "She's in there with Ali, talking about who knows what - and I'm skilled at Ali's Who-Knows-What, so let me do this."

"How the hell are YOU going to fix this?" Sid asked, his brown eyes growing darker by the second. "You can't explain to her all the things about me and about this life that she needs to know she's getting in to."

"Oh I don't?" James held up his left hand. "See this thing? It wasn't easy, you know."

Sid looked at the gold band around James' finger and sighed. "But it's not even the same."

"Just trust me, okay?"

With a long exhale, Sid surrendered. "So what? I just stand here and wait for you to patch up my mistakes?"

James nodded. "Basically."

Once upon a time ago, Sidney wouldn't let a woman near Nealer without some guidance or someone else in attendance. Now he was offering to help him out, and strangely enough, Sid trusted him.

With some consideration, he nodded. "Guess I'll just be down there. Waiting."

James seemed quite pleased with himself for having persuaded his captain to hang back. He knew if he let Sid walk into a hornet's nest, it wouldn't be pretty. "I'll do what I can. Remember, Ali's in there with her. She's pretty good with this shit." He clapped a hand on Sid's shoulder, then took off towards the cabin to see what he could do for Sid. After all, for what it was worth, James still owed him for mistakes he'd made in the past that Sid cleaned up. This was the least he could do.

When he went inside the cabin, the first thing he heard were voices coming from the laundry room near the kitchen. Approaching cautiously, James pressed his ear up to the door, listening to what sounded like Piper yelling and Ali talking her down. Deciding it was now or never, he knocked on the door.

*

Ali and Piper looked over.

"Who is it?" Ali asked, hopping down off the washing machine.

"It's me. Everything alright in there?"

She turned her head towards Piper. "Can I let him in?"

Piper nodded, wiping back her windswept hair. She suddenly realized how sloppy she probably looked. Between the wild damp hair, the slight pink of her skin from the sun and the puffiness of her eyes, she could only hope James wouldn't judge.

The second he entered, James came in looking like he expected a tornado to have passed through. In the low light of the room, his tattoo covering his entire left arm appeared almost black. "Hey, you okay?" He touched Piper's arm gently, and she was surprised at how soft his touch was.

"Yeah. Thanks James."

His eyes seemed to cool, and the boisterous voice Piper was used to hearing now lowered a little. He looked between the girls and scratched his beard. "So uh...I guess this has to do with how Crosby introduced you?" He looked to Ali for the answer, and she nodded her head 'yes'. "Damn. Sorry about that."

"Can I ask you something?" Piper said, looking at James. "What's with you guys?"

His stare went blank. "Us guys?"

"NHL'ers." Ali tried to give him a smile. "She wants to know what Sid's problem is."

With a laugh, James shook his head. "Oh, well if you find out, want to let me in on it?"

That got a smile out of Piper. It seemed everyone around her was aware that Sidney was "difficult", or as Ali had phrased it: a challenge. It did nothing to calm her nerves about the weeks coming up where it seemed more and more likely that problems would surface. If what they said was true, she was in for a bumpy ride.

James leaned back against the dryer and folded his arms over his bare chest. "Can I add something?" Both women looked at him expectantly, so he proceeded. "I want to tell you a little story about a girl I fell in love with a year or so ago, and how un-fun it was at first."

Ali stared at him. "Hey!"

"Roll with me, babe." He gave her a friendly smirk, then turned his attention back to Piper. "The girl? Perfect. The sex? Fucking best I ever had. The time we spent together? Beyond incredible..."

Next to him, Ali smiled humbly.

"...And the ONLY un-fun part of meeting this amazing girl was the fact that I played hockey" James continued. His strong jaw set as one of his eyebrows lifted. "It was my fucked up schedule that she had to deal with. It was my constant travel, injuries, moods, unexpected phone calls--"

"--And drop-ins" Ali added. She looked up at James and they exchanged a smirk.

Piper sighed. "I get it. It's him - not me."

"No, it's all you" James said. "He's just trying to protect you from him and his life, which...really...is ten times more hectic than mine. Not only that, you probably didn't need to yell at him."

When Piper met his gaze, she noticed just how intriguing James' eyes were. Their color was something out of a watercolor painting; sharing a hint of the same blue-green color of the lake they'd just been on. And now, where they'd once been cheerful and joking, they appeared serious. He looked at her sincerely.

"Really. He's like a baby tiger in the grass." When James said this, he nudged Ali and she giggled.

Piper looked at them, her focus turning to Ali. Compared to the tall, lanky build of her husband, Ali's shorter but trim body complimented him well; an athletic couple with too much good looks to go around. They both waited on a response for her, but she felt she had none. Her mother's words echoed in her mind: "What does Piper want?" She shook her head in sadness, eyes lowering to the floor. "I don't know what to do. First time ever."

"That's because you really care for him" Ali said.

"And I know exactly what you need to do" James added. He placed both hands on Piper's shoulders, leaning in close. "You go out there, you have yourself another drink, or two, or ten...and you sit on Sid's lap and make him fucking uncomfortable as hell so I can laugh at him..."

Piper wanted to laugh. Her eyes shifted sideways to see Ali was already giggling.

"...and then you two talk, and you two fuck, and you two make up." He let go of her. "And since I'm such a good pal - I'll let you fuck twice in my new guest bedroom that's never been used before, because really...I care."

His signature grin showed up, and Piper had a grin to match. "You guys are the best."

Ali smiled. "Just go out and have a few words with him. He'll make it up to you, because that's what Sid does."

"He wants to talk, but I'm the one who stopped him." James nodded towards the door. "Better go before he gets all sulky and sad."

Piper felt re-energized. With a new found hope that maybe Sid's intentions weren't what she originally thought, she turned and headed for the door.

"You need us?" Ali called after her as they all filed out of the room.

"Nope. I got this." She waved over her shoulder and then headed for the cluster of people who remained down by the fire.

* * *

Sid had been waiting for this moment. Piper came walking down the long slope of grass that led from the cabin patio down to the lake's edge where he stood. His eyes never left her; the orange glow of the setting sun made her blondish-brown hair seem more like golden strands and her long legs even more tan than they already were. His heart starting beating fast just seeing her...and to his surprise, her eyes never left him, either.

When the others noticed Piper coming forward, they put their serious faces on while side-eyeing Sid to see what he would do.

What he did was meet Piper away from the fire pit before she reached it, taking her hand the minute she was within reach. "Hey, can we talk?"

"Yes." Piper gripped his hand and led him over to their rental car parked far down the driveway.

Sid noticed the tightness of her grip; it was like a comforting hug on only one small part of him, but it was enough to let him know that whatever happened in the cabin...it was positive.

When they were out of earshot of the others and alone between the line of parked cars, Piper let go of his hand and folded her arms over herself. Regardless of how much more relaxed she felt now, she was still a little guarded. "I want to say something first." In saying this, Sid leaned against the car with one hand, the other going to his hip. His eyes narrowed, and Piper thought...just for a second...that was some amount of apprehension in them. "I want to apologize for having the reaction I did, as quickly as I did."

Sid shook his head. "No, Piper, it's me who should be apologizing and explaining." He looked into her eyes and saw just a hint of puffiness to the otherwise buttery soft skin of her face. It was like a knife to his gut.

I hurt her.

I made her cry.

"I don't know what I was thinking" he said, trying to find the words that suddenly left his mind. "Instead of being afraid, I should've been right there - with you next to me - telling them how happy I've been this past month....that I didn't know it was even possible to feel the way I do in just one month...."

"Why did you say that?" Piper controlled her breathing, which felt on the verge of becoming shaky. "What's the big deal?"

Sid knew no matter what he said, it wouldn't sound like a good reason....because it wasn't. His intentions, no matter how pure, would never sound right. "I just...." He sighed. "I just worry that if you get into this too quickly - into this life - you'll be too overwhelmed."

When he looked at her now, Piper saw nothing but fear. She didn't think Sid knew what fear was.

"It's a lot. I'm telling you." He took a step forward, and for just a moment, he hesitated to touch her. He forced his hands to rise and grip her arms, feeling the warmth of her skin on his. Just being close to her, even now, was enough to sedate his nerves. "It's just so early for us, and I am afraid that if you get into all the shit I have to live with day to day--"

"--What if I want to?" She unfolded her arms and slid both hands along the tight muscles that made up his arms. "What if I at least want to try?"

They all want to try, Sid thought. They never make it.

"What if I'm not scared?" she asked. "What if the only thing I'm terrified of is you being ashamed of me?"

His eyes went large. "No. NO, Piper - that's never--"

"Sid, I know." She smiled. "I know you don't...but I was earlier."

He watched as she lowered her gaze down, and her hands went limp. Slowly, they trailed down his chest to play with the hem of his gray t-shirt absentmindedly. "I don't ever want you to think that. Ever. And I'm sorry I made you feel that way in the first place."

"I was just so excited to be introduced as your girlfriend."

"But Piper, I'm not good at this." She looked up at him and all he could do was shrug. "It's not a good reason or an excuse, but I'm just being honest. I just didn't want to subject you to the bullshit."

"So you'd rather scare me into thinking I don't mean anything to you?"

The knife cut deeper, but Sid wanted to feel it. He deserved it. Nothing he said would take his stupidity back, but he promised he would learn from this.

"I don't want to do anything to hurt you." He slid his hands up Piper's slender neck, cupping her face. "You know that, right?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Behind them, a rousing clamor of voices could be heard. A few singular voices stood out, but neither Piper nor Sid bothered to turn around and look. Their world revolved solely around the person whose eyes they were looking into at that moment.

"I'm sorry" Sid said, his voice below a whisper.

"Me too." Piper gave him a tiny smile. "Steven's not my type, anyways."

Sid smirked. "I was wondering."

"Really?"

"No, not really" Sid said with a laugh. "Although I'm glad to hear it."

Piper leaned in and kissed him, letting him know whatever else he needed to through her kiss. Sid's strong mouth and jaw moved in time with hers, never skipping a beat, letting her know his mouth never made that mistake again.

* * *

Ali was pleasantly tipsy. She sat on James' lap because they'd run out of chairs and she didn't feel like being anywhere other than James' lap.

It was dark now, but the bright red and orange flames of the fire burned hot and bright. The colors danced over the faces of everyone seated around the fire, casting shadows here and there that illuminated some while shading out others.

One thing she noticed was Sid and Piper. She'd been keeping an eye on them since the Piper's rant, and thankfully - they seemed to be doing well. When they came back from their talk...she thought it was over in the driveway, but she wasn't sure...Sid did the honors of introducing her and apologizing to everyone openly. Much chirping proceeded, and in fact - it looked to Ali that Sidney was actually enjoying every second of it.

One of many bumps, Ali thought to herself. She lifted the bottle of beer up to her mouth and took another long, crisp drink, letting it crawl down her throat. It was nearly hoarse from the yelling and hollering she'd done on the jet skis earlier, and then all the laughing that went on during their time drinking around the fire. If she had a mirror, she'd place money down that her expression was probably a dumb mix of drunk and happy.

Probably a grin as crooked as Sid's.

The thought made her giggle softly at herself. James turned his head, his smile still large and bright. "Hey, Drunky." He patted her thighs which he was cradling in his arms. "You doing okay?"

She nodded. "Just sitting here watching is all." She tried to wink, but both eyes blinked. "Fuck."

James took the bottle out of her hands and proceeded to drink the rest. "You either need to stop, or wait for me to catch up, babe."

"I'll wait" she said, giggling again. "Hey, look!"

James turned his head towards where Ali was motioning. He saw Sid and Piper sitting close and talking exclusively, one of Piper's calves locked around one of Sid's. Both James and Ali's eyes moved inwards to see the other's expression.

"Looks better than earlier" James replied.

"Thank God, right?"

"I figured Sid would smooth shit out."

Ali's eyes drifted down to stare at James' beard. Even without the light of the sun, the ginger tint of the hair around his mouth still stood out. Her eyes ran over his shoulders, one totally black with ink, the other bare but pink from his new sunburn.

"So did you mean what you said earlier?" she asked him.

"About what?"

"About how our relationship wasn't all that fun at first."

The corners of his large eyes lifted when his mouth did. "Not in the way you're thinking." He hugged her tighter, the arm resting on her legs giving her another tap. "Because I know what you're thinking."

"Oh you do, do you?" Ali teased.

"You're worried it has to do with you...same as your girl over there."

Ali blew a raspberry. "Whatever. What way then?"

James nuzzled his nose next to hers. "Just that I worried you wouldn't put up with me for long. You know...all those random pop-ins you went and mentioned--"

She busted out laughing. Some of the guys sitting near her looked over to see what she was laughing about. Piper ever chimed in from across the fire. It was all too funny to Ali, and it honestly wasn't because she'd had one too many beers and one too many hours in the sun.

"We're all the same, aren't we?" she asked James, poking him in the cheek. "Love is fucking nuts."

James chuckled. "My God!! My wife is so quick!"

His smart ass grin was no match for Ali. Although one thing popped into her mind, and she was just drunk enough to ask it.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you really want a baby?"

He blinked once and his mouth fell. "Huh?"

"I have been thinking of it ever since" Ali admitted, still smiling. "I don't know how I feel about now, but I definitely want one."

His lips remained parted slightly as he tried to catch up to what she was talking about. "Yeah, okay - that's fine, babe, but I hope you don't think I meant right away?"

She shrugged. "I need another beer if we're going there." Luckily, the smile James wore just minutes earlier reappeared.

"We'll talk about this again soon, okay?"

"Yes sir."

"Sir?"

Ali saw what she was hoping to see. She snaked a hand around James' wide neck and squeezed, the longish ends of his messy hair tickling her fingers. "Let's go inside."

* * *

Notes