Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II

September 15, 2014

Dear Diary,

About an hour outside of Pittsburgh I realized how stupid it was for me to drive across Pennsylvania just to see Brandon. I sat in a gas station parking lot thinking it over for a while before turning around. I had initially stopped to send Sid a text so he wouldn’t think we’ been kidnapped or anything, but I couldn’t think of what to say to him.

Like, ‘Hey hun, I just found out I slept with Geno and he’s the father of your son, so I’m driving to Philly to see the father of your daughter.’

Nope, that wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t even think of an excuse that would be remotely explainable to Sid.

I even considered calling Caeleigh, but I couldn’t face her yet. I still hadn’t gotten over the fact that I’d slept with her boyfriend, though they weren’t quite dating yet.

Finally, I decided to just call Brandon. I’d already texted him, but I hadn’t said why I was coming over.

However, when I called him, a girl answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Um, is Brandon there?” I asked, not really sure what was going on.

“No, he’s….. um, he’s busy,” she responded, though I thought I could hear him in the background.

“Are you sure? This is really important, could you tell him it’s Emme?”

“Yeah, maybe, if I remember,” her attitude was really starting to make me mad.

“Oh my God I know he’s there, I can hear him asking you who’s on the phone,” I replied, no longer hiding my impatience.

I could hear the phone getting shuffled around, and something that might have sounded like a slap?

“Hey, sorry about that, can I call you back?” He said, and before I could respond he hung up.

Who the hell was that girl? And did he hit her? (Or did she hit him?)

A little confused, I started to drive back to Pittsburgh. I got a call from Brandon about half an hour later and answered it with the new hands-free bluetooth thing that I’m still trying to figure out.

“Brandon what was that?” I asked.

“Um, I’d rather not talk about it right now,” he sighed and sounded upset/disappointed so I didn’t ask about it.

“How are you doing in Philly?”

“Can we not talk about that either?”

“Is it not going well? Okay, did you get my text?”

“Umm…” I could hear him looking through his texts on his phone. “No Ginger must have deleted it.”

Ginger? I wasn’t going ask….

“I had a bit of a, um, emotional breakdown and I was going to visit you, but I changed my mind,” I didn’t say exactly what the text had said, it would probably make me sound crazy.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, even though I could tell everything was not okay with him.

“I told you about the page missing from my diary, right?”

“Yeah, did you find it?”

“Yeah….”

“And?”

“It’s Geno,” I shuddered as I said his name. The more I thought about it, the blurry details of that night came back to me, but it was like trying to remember a dream.

“Geno is Teddy’s father?” Brandon said after a pause. “Have you told Caeleigh?”

“No, I can’t,” I was trying so hard not to cry, not while I was driving on the highway. “I was coming to see you, but I realized it was kind of stupid for me to drive to Philly just to complain to you about what a slut I am. I just thought it would be easier to talk to you in person about this, and you’re kind of the only person I can talk to.”

He sighed and thought about it for a minute. “Okay how about I come see you tomorrow. I have to get some stuff from Pittsburgh anyway.”

“Thank you Brandon,” I said and smiled, even though I knew he couldn’t see me.

I got home before Sid came back from practice, so I didn’t need to try to explain where I’d been with the twins for the last few hours.

I tried to act normal around Sid, but I was kind of jumpy. At dinner he talked about some drill they’d done at practice and how Geno had messed it up.

I was nervously tapping my fork gently and he asked what was wrong.

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” I responded a little too quickly. He looked at me for a while, a bit suspiciously, and then went back to eating.

My phone was on the table in between us and when it buzzed we both glanced at it. When I saw it was a text from Caeleigh I stood up so fast I knocked my chair over, grabbed my phone, and ran out of the room.

She was only asking if I wanted to hang out sometime, but I was still freaked out that she knew somehow.

I think I’m becoming paranoid. Like, maybe I should see a therapist.

After I calmed down enough to look a little normal I returned to the dining room. Sid was staring at me with his arms crossed, and I knew he was going to say something, so I quietly sat next to him and stared at my plate, which I had barely eaten anything off of.

“Emme, are you going to tell me what that was all about?” He asked, not sounding upset, but a little more concerned than he had been lately.

“It was from Caeleigh, she just wanted to know if I wanted to see a movie or something. She thinks I should get out more,” I tried to smile.

“She’s right, you do need to get out more. You two should go skating sometime, I don’t think you’ve been on the ice since before the twins were born.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“You know, now that Kate has left, they need a new head ice girl, if you’re interested.”

No, last time I was an ice girl I got pregnant with all the wrong people.

“I don’t think I’m up for that yet,” I smiled at him, though it felt weird, like my face didn’t want to smile, like it was meant to look stressed and sad.

“If you ever need anything, please tell me,” he looked me over one last time, and I could see the concern in his eyes.

I nodded, and tried to eat something, or at least pretended to.

-

The next day I anxiously awaited Brandon’s arrival. His car was still in Pittsburgh so he flew over and would drive back with whatever stuff he’d left here.

I was reading over that one page from my diary again when he rang the doorbell, and I jumped, almost tearing the page.

I ran to the door and opened it with shaking hands.

“You look terrible,” was the first thing I said when I saw him. He had a mark on his face that maybe could have come from a girl slapping him? Or something from practice.

“Thanks, you don’t look too great yourself,” he mumbled and walked passed me into the house.

I didn’t know how to tell him, so I shoved the wrinkled page in his arms and said ‘read it.’ I left him alone for a bit to thoroughly read through it while I got the twins. I figured he’d probably want to see his daughter while he was here.

“So you got drunk on pina coladas and slept with Geno in Sid’s kitchen?” he asked with a hint of a smile.

“Yeah,” I handed him Annie and sat down next to him with Teddy.

“So that’s Geno’s son?” He looked at Teddy closely.

“I guess so, I haven’t had a paternity test done so I can’t be sure, but it has to be,” I looked at Teddy’s brown eyes, his cute smile. “At least Sid and Geno both have brown eyes and brown hair.”

I looked over at Brandon holding his daughter, her cute little hands reaching up for him, and he smiled for what was probably the first time in a while. Seeing them together, how happy he was with her, I realized I had to tell Geno. He had every right to know he had a son.

And so did Sid. Or, that he didn’t have one.

“Brandon, how do I tell Sid that neither of his kids are actually his?” I asked with tears rolling down my cheeks.

“I don’t know,” he looked up at me and I could tell a little of the usual spark was coming back into his eyes. “But you should probably tell him. And you guys can still have one of your own.”

I’m not sure exactly what he meant by that last remark, but I immediately realized that was the solution. If we have another child, one that’s actually Sid’s, he might not care that the first two aren’t his. Or, maybe he won’t get as mad, at least.

Brandon stayed the rest of the afternoon until the Pen’s practice was over, and left before Sid got home.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Brandon’s comment, and even looked up how soon I’d be able to get pregnant again after having a baby. Some sources said as early as a month or two, so I figured why not start now? I’m not on the pill or anything, so why not try?

I think Sid was a little surprised that I wanted to have sex with him. We hadn’t done anything since our honeymoon and I had been really ‘unphysical’ lately. When he kissed me I wasn’t into it and couldn’t kiss back. I had been so preoccupied with trying to figure out to Teddy’s father was.

But now I have a new mission: to get pregnant.

Sincerely,

Emme

P.S.: I forgot to ask Brandon who Ginger was!

______________________________________________________________________________


September 25, 2014

Dear Diary,

I was able to work up the courage to go to the movies with Caeleigh and didn’t have an anxiety attack when she brought up Geno. She talked most of the time, as usual, and updated me on what was happening with the ice girls and what the guys were up to with the pre-season starting.

She started to notice something was up; of course she would, she’s my best friend.

“You haven’t once mentioned that lost diary page or Teddy’s dad this entire time,” she said, looking a bit suspicious.

“That’s because we were at the movies, and you’re not really supposed to talk through the entire movie.”

“I’m sorry, but there was no one there besides us. But really, what’s up with that? Have you given up?”

“I’m trying not to think about it. It could have fallen out when I lived in Chicago, or when I moved or whatever,” I sighed and tried to sound confident. “It’s probably gone, and who knows what it might have said. It might have been about my cat, or something stupid like that.”

Caeleigh laughed, “Pancake! I can’t believe Sid’s letting you keep her in the house now. Maybe Geno and I should get a cat, then maybe he’d stop bugging me about having a baby.”

I froze for a second, and I think my heart actually stopped beating, when she mentioned Geno and baby in the same sentence.

“What’s wrong?” Caeleigh noticed my reaction, and I can only imagine what my face looked like.

“I’m thinking of having another baby with Sid.” Okay, that’s not actually what had freaked me out, and I hadn’t planned on telling her that, but at least she’ll have something else to freak out about.

“Emme! You just had two, don’t you think you should wait a bit?”

“I said I was thinking about it, that’s it.”

“Was this Sid’s idea?”

“No, I haven’t talked to him about it yet. I don’t know, I’m just thinking about it,” I sighed. Maybe telling her was not a good idea.

“You should probably talk to your husband before trying to get pregnant.”

“I know, but Brandon said something to me the other day that’s kind of stuck with me.” I explained what he’d said and how I thought that would distract him or something from the fact that the twins weren’t his.

“So you’re going to tell him?”

“If I get pregnant.”

“Emme,” she shook her head. “This is a bad idea. Having a baby won’t fix things.”

Her words kept ringing in my head that night as I led Sid to bed for the third time that week. I think he is definitely surprised by the extra action lately, but he isn’t complaining.

After he fell asleep I went downstairs to get a glass of water. I stood in the kitchen and ran my hand over the cold granite countertop where just under a year ago Geno had probably gotten me pregnant.

Am I crazy for wanting another baby? I know it might not fix anything, and it could easily make it a lot worse, but if I plan things right, it might work.

But what if Sid never found out the twins weren’t his?

I feel like it would break his heart if he knew, and I can’t do that to him.

I think this is my secret to bear, my penance for being such a whore.

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes

Just to clarify, the last chapter had the lost diary page in it. If you look at the date, you'll see it said October 10, 2013. I even put a little ~ thing next to it so maybe it'd stand out more.
So the stuff with Geno happened a year ago.
Sorry that was confusing, I should have put it in bold font or something. : (

But in this chapter, Emme goes crazy!

Question: To tell Sid or not?

I'd love to hear your opinions on that and any other feedback! : )

Thank you!!