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Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II

November 22, 2014

November 15, 2014

Dear Diary,

It was my 24th birthday yesterday. I should be happy, but I’m kind of depressed; mostly by how disgusting I was last year around my birthday.

Elaine gave me my diary back; she said it might help me to read it again.

At first it was fun to see how cute I was around Sid when I first moved to Pittsburgh. Everything was going okay until Brandon Sutter happened. And James Neal a bit, too. And Geno, of course, but it was just that one time.

The worst of it happened around my birthday. I can’t believe I had a threesome with Nealsy. Seriously? And with Carli? Eww, I don’t want to think about her.

And then, the next night, Sid gave me some beautiful earrings for my birthday and we had sex.

The morning after that I visited Brandon to talk to him about it, but I ended up having sex with him too! And I asked him to slap me! Why?! What was wrong with me?

That’s three different guys in less than 48 hours!

But really it’s my fault. I mean, that’s the only explanation. I felt like I ‘had the right to do it’ because of the way Cam had treated me, but that’s really no excuse.

Ugh, if I had only realized what a slut I was being, and stayed just stayed with Sid.

He was so sweet and nice, but I ruined it by sleeping with all of his teammates.

He was so happy back then.

But now?

It’s like he’s hollow. Like everything he’s ever loved was taken away from him.

Except hockey, of course, he will always have that. Though if he gets hurt and can’t play for a while, that would probably break him.

Oh no, please don’t get hurt, Sid. Hockey is like the only thing he has left.

-

My birthday was pleasant, though, kind of small, but it was nice. No threesomes or anything like that.

Geno spent most of the time with his son (that’s still so strange for me to say), and Caeleigh talked most of the time to fill in the empty space. Sid was quiet, which is usual for him now.

Ever since it was confirmed I am not pregnant he has been so lost. It’s worse than last December when we thought I’d had a miscarriage.

But, according to my doctor (whom I trust more than the last one), if I have started my normal menstrual cycle (hate those words, eww) that means I can get pregnant.

So there is still hope.

Sincerely,

Emme


__________________________________________________________________________

November 22, 2014

Dear Diary,

Instead of trying to secretly get pregnant like I had planned to when I was crazy in September, I have decided to talk to Sid about it.

I approached him a few days ago after the Pens beat the Sharks 3-2. I figured he’d be happier then. I curled up next to him on the couch after putting the twins to sleep. Well, actually just Annie. Teddy is having another ‘sleep over’ at his dads. Caeleigh thought it would help me, with only one baby to worry about at night, and it has. Also, I think Geno wanted to try it out. I know he’s been bugging Caeleigh about having a baby, but he kind of already has one. So maybe this will keep him from pressuring Caeleigh into having a baby before she’s ready.

So Sid and I were sitting on the couch watching the 11 o’clock news, and I casually brought it up to him.

Well, as casually as you can bring up something like that.

“Hey Sid,” I wrapped my arms around him. “I think we should have another baby. One that’s ours.”

He was quiet for a minute. “Oh really?”

“I think you need that, we both need it, after everything we’ve been through.”

He turned the tv off and turned to face me so he could see my face.

“Are you sure? Because I’m not sure you’re ready for that, and I don’t know if I am either.” He looked me over for a long time, trying to study my face.

“I just think this would be the best time for us to do this, mostly because we’re getting over, you know, stuff. I think it could be part of the healing process or something.”

He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Was he agreeing with me?

“You know, Teddy’s not here, and Annie is sound asleep…” I tried to hint that we could have sex, but he still didn’t say anything. “We could head upstairs, and…”

It was like something snapped inside him, but not in a bad way. Like the mental dam he’d built to contain all of his emotions about not being the father of my children (and other things) broke, and all of his anger and sadness came flooding out in the form of repressed sexual frustration. It had been two months since I had shown any kind of sexual interest toward him, so he might have been waiting for some kind of invitation from me for a while.

It surprised me, but I went with it. He took me, gently, by the shoulders and kissed me, holding the back of my head as we leaned back on to the couch. He stopped kissing me for a second to look me in the eye, as if to double check that I was okay with this, and that I wasn’t still the zombie I had been the last few months.

He was so passionate, but it wasn’t exactly romantic passion. It was more like angry why-are-all-of-these-bad-things-happening-to-me kind of passion. The roughness reminded me of Brandon, and I immediately tried to ignore that thought.

Afterwards he still didn’t say anything; he just went upstairs and left me on the couch, half naked.

It took me a few minutes to recover, and by the time I went to bed he was already asleep.

As I fell asleep that night I remembered that stupid superstition he had about us having sex after the Penguins win. I laughed as I realized the Pens had won their game that night, and hoped this didn’t mean we were starting that again.

-

Sid left this morning for a four day road trip to play some western conference teams. It also happened that the Flyers have a lot of home games this week.

How could I not take this opportunity to visit Brandon with his daughter?

Caeleigh is watching Pancake for me, and Teddy, who she has become a kind of ‘second mom’ to. I think she likes it because it keeps Geno off her back about having their own baby. Yet, I think it’s also starting to warm her up to the idea a little bit. She says she’d prefer to be married first, so we’ll see if Geno does anything about that.

I was worried about flying on a plane with Annie, but she was great. It’s a short flight and she slept right through it.

Brandon met us at the airport and actually looked cheerful for once. He looked tired, but was smiling when we found him.

“There are my girls,” he said as he leaned down to kiss me and take our bags. “Sid knows you’re visiting me, right?”

“Yes, of course he does,” I rolled my eyes at him, but he definitely had reason to ask. “I wouldn’t run off for a few days without telling him.”

“And where’s Ted?” He asked as he helped me into the car.

“He’s with Caeleigh. She’s kind of his step-mom if you think about it,” I laughed. “I guess that makes Sid their step-dad.”

He shrugged. I knew he didn’t actually care, I was just thinking out loud. Mostly I was trying to distract myself from asking how he’d been. Last time I saw him he’d been beaten up pretty badly by Geno.

When we got to his apartment I was shocked to see that it was not only immaculately clean, but also very bare of furniture, except for the crib and changing table in the guest bedroom. At least I think it was supposed to be a guest bedroom. He had enough furniture for one person, but other than that, it was kind of sad.

“Sorry, I haven’t had much time to get settled in,” he explained, noticing my shock.

“At least you have a crib, I’m happy you remembered that.”

He had to leave for practice shortly after, and I ended up falling asleep after I put Annie to bed.

I really want to make him dinner or something, I think he needs that. Would it be wrong if I made him my ‘famous’ buckwheat blueberry banana pancakes?

Sincerely,

Emme

P.S.: Okay, crazy stuff is happening. After dinner I thanked him for visiting me in the hospital and he looked confused. I said, when I was in the psych ward in October, but he didn’t even know I’d been in the hospital.

What the actual Fuck??! Did I hallucinate him coming to see me?

Is that how messed up my brain is?

Notes

Questions? Comments? Feedback?

Comments

Awww !!!! Yayyyyyy <3333

kristinnx kristinnx
6/8/14

Can't wait to see what will happen next

kristinnx kristinnx
6/1/14

Can this story please end up with her and Brandon getting together..hahaha I know you have your other story like that but this would could get really good and interesting to the point where Sid doesn't love her anymore or doesn't want the drama and Brandon is around more than usual. ((:

kristinnx kristinnx
5/22/14

Feel free to message me if you want or need ideas (((:

happy to see an update(:

kristinnx kristinnx
5/7/14

Feel free to message me if you want or need ideas (((:

happy to see an update(:

kristinnx kristinnx
5/7/14