Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II

November 25, 2014

Dear Diary,

Brandon stayed home the next morning to spend time with Annie while I did some shopping. I decided to surprise him by getting some stuff for his barren apartment. I think that would make him feel happier and adjust to living in Philly a little better. I bought all kinds of decorative things and pictures and a potted plant (so he could have something to take care of, since Annie can’t live with him).

While I was checking out in the last store a funny thought occurred to me. What if Brandon ran off with her while I was out? That’s stupid, he wouldn’t kidnap her. He’s not mentally unstable, right? (Nope, I’m the crazy one)

Either way, I rushed back to his apartment only to find him sitting on the couch holding her.

“How was she?” I asked, trying not to sound too concerned.

“Wonderful,” he looked down at her lovingly; it was so cute I almost started crying. “She slept most of the time.”

“I got some stuff for your apartment, I hope you don’t mind,” I started unpacking everything, but he didn’t seem to care.

“That’s cool. I have to leave soon for the game; you’re not coming, are you?”

“No, Sidney Crosby’s wife does not go to Flyers games in Philly. I would get murdered.”

He laughed, and left to put Annie in her crib. When he came back he had on his suit and was about to leave when I stopped him.

“You were wearing that suit when you visited me,” I was holding onto his sleeve looking at the pattern.

He shook his head, “Emme, I never saw you in the hospital.”

I kept staring, trying to figure out what why I was remembering his suit. “Did you wear this when you played in Pittsburgh?”

“I might have, it was over a month ago, I don’t really keep track of those things,” he tried to laugh it off, but I kept staring.

“It had the double pockets on the right side,” I turned him so I could see if this was the same jacket, and it was.

“We’ll talk about it after the game, okay?” He kissed me on the forehead and left.

I tried to distract myself by decorating his apartment with the stuff I’d bought. I knew he would never do it, so I figured why not do it while he’s not here?

The Flyers Capitals game was actually pretty exciting. I watched most of it but had to stop at 10 because that’s when Sid’s game started against the Ducks. When Brandon got home we watched the rest of the game. I could tell he wasn’t really into it; it must be hard to watch your old team play.

“I want you to read something,” I said to him during the second intermission. “It has to do with me thinking that you visited me in the hospital.”

I hesitated, and then pulled my diary out of my bag. I flipped through it until I found the entry about my stay in the hospital, and gave it to him.

“You want me to read your diary?” He asked as he reluctantly took it.

“It’s important.”

He looked at me skeptically for a minute, and then shrugged. “Okay, if you think so.”

I watched him closely as he read it. And re-read it. He looked up at me in disbelief.

“You had a mental breakdown because you saw me in a Flyers jersey?” He looked at me with concern that almost looked like pity.

“It was more than that, but that was sort of the ‘tipping point’ for me.”

“So, you imagined me coming to visit you in the hospital. Did Sid and Caeleigh actually visit you?”

“I think so….” I hadn’t thought about that. “I’m pretty sure Sid visited, but I don’t know about Caels…” Was I actually crazy?

“If I’d known you were in the hospital I definitely would have tried to see you, but nobody told me.”

“Not even Caeleigh? Maybe Sid told her not to. I guess he didn’t want you to see me; he said he thought I would get upset. That must be why he was so confused when I said you’d visited….”

“It seems like you had a very realistic conversation with me, so I don’t blame you for believing it.” He tried to smile, but I could tell he was very worried about me.

“I have to tell Sid. And Elaine, my therapist,” I reached for my phone but he stopped me.

“Why don’t we not think about this for a while, and when you get home you can tell them in person. Besides, Sid’s on a three game road trip and still has two more games, you don’t want him to worry about you while he’s away.” Brandon looked at me reassuringly and I knew he was probably right. “I’ll look after you for now.”

I smiled. I liked the idea of him taking care of me.

“Wait, there’s one thing I still don’t understand,” I looked at him questioningly. “Who’s Ginger?”

He smiled a little, and even looked a tiny bit embarrassed. “You were kind of right, except she was someone Giroux set me up with. It didn’t go very well.”

“Of course Giroux would set you up with a girl named Ginger,” I laughed. “So, no girlfriend?”

“No, and I’m not really looking for one.”

Sadly, I was a bit happy that he wasn’t dating anyone. Mostly because I didn’t want him to, but also because I feel like he needs a break from that. He has terrible taste in girls. (Stacey, Marie, me…)

It’s sort of like that time when I was madly crushing on Tom Hiddleston and my friend told me she thought he had a girlfriend and I was like “nooo!!” because if he has to be single, even though I could never date him.

It’s like that. Except I’m married now, so I should probably get over it. And he’s Brandon, not Tom Hiddleston; I’m sitting in his living room, and he’s holding our baby.

But I can’t date him, for obvious reasons. I just want him to be single.

-

For the rest of our visit, he spent as much time with Annie as possible. I caught up on some knitting.

It was nice. He and I just talked, and didn’t even try to have sex, or anything like that. I guess maybe I’ve changed?

I hope so.

Sincerely,

Emme


__________________________________________________________________________

November 30, 2014

Dear Diary,

I flew back from Philly on Wednesday, and then Sid and I visited my mom for Thanksgiving. He had to leave the next day for a game, so I didn’t see him that much.

But it was really nice to see my family, and my brother’s daughter Burgundy.

I stayed with my mom for a few days after because she wanted to see the twins, and because she said she was worried about me.

“Mom, I’m fine. I was just a little stressed, that’s all.” I tried to change the subject, not really comfortable with the idea that my mental stability had become the subject at Thanksgiving dinner.

“No, you said you were imagining things, that’s not just stress, Emme,” my mom said.

“I was probably just having a very realistic dream, who knows what drugs they gave me….”

“But you recognized the suit he was wearing, don’t you think that’s kind of detailed for a dream?” My mom looked at me skeptically, like she didn’t believe me, and I hated it. She didn’t even know half of what was actually going on, but I wasn’t going to tell her.

Sid was quiet for most of dinner, politely talking to my brother about sports or something.

-

The next morning, before he left, Sid pulled me aside alone.

“Did you do anything with Brandon?” He asked a little more sternly than I had expected, looking me straight in the eye.

“No, Sid I promise.” I tried not to look upset that he was asking me that, but he definitely has an excuse to.

“Because I couldn’t stop thinking about that on the road trip. I don’t know why I let you spend four days alone with him.”

“We weren’t alone, Annie was there. And you didn’t want me to be alone in Pittsburgh, or at least that’s what you said before we left for Philly. But it was nice to go somewhere different; I think I needed a change of scenery. And seeing him with Annie was something I definitely needed, and I think he needed it too. He doesn’t like it there too much.”

“Good. I mean, I don’t really feel bad for him. Though it seems like he’s adjusted to the team okay; when we played them he was doing pretty well.”

Sid was being mean, I wasn’t used to that. I was about to say something about it when he cut me off.

“If you ever do anything with him, or anyone else, I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive you again,” he said sternly, and I nodded. He left me standing in shock alone in the guest bedroom (my old bedroom).

So does that mean he’s forgiven me?

I don’t want to ask him right now, or make him mad.

Just when I thought things were starting to be okay….

I reread that diary entry again, the one where I imagined Brandon visiting me, and saw something I had forgotten about when I asked him to read it.

The section about Brandon’s visit ends with this line:

“if I want things to work with Sid (if that’s even an option now) I would need to forget about Brandon. Or at least the fact that I was still in love with him.”

I guess Brandon now knows I’m in love with him, or that I used to be, or something. I don’t know.

Things are so complicated.

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes

Thank you to everyone who commented! I love hearing from you!!

Pen's beat the Blackhawks! Yay! And 2 goals from Sid, that's great : )

So, things are starting to look better for Emme, or are they?

Feedback, suggestions, ideas?