Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II
April 6, 2014
March 30, 2014
Dear Diary,
When I got to Pittsburgh I was tired, but happy to see Sid. We went home and I immediately fell asleep in his arms.
He had a game that night, which I watched with the wags. They kept talking about how happy they were to hear I was pregnant, and with twins.
-
Now that I have a lot of free time, I’ve decided to do some detective work.
Back in January when Mario sent me away to Chicago he said he’d heard a rumor that I’d ‘taken advantage’ of Beau and I wanted to know how he heard it.
So I started with Beau.
“I know this is awkward, but I need to know how Mario found out,” I said to him over coffee. Well, I was drinking water, but I’d bought him coffee.
“I didn’t tell anyone, I swear,” he looked around the empty coffee shop. We were in the corner and no one could hear us.
“I just don’t understand how he could have found out. And I don’t want Sid knowing, so I need to know who else knows about it.”
“I told you, I have not told anyone. Did you?”
I thought for a minute. I know I didn’t tell Caeleigh, but I did tell Carli. She wouldn’t have told anyone. And I told Brandon. “Nope, I didn’t tell anyone.”
He shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, my roommate was home that night so he probably knows.”
“You’re roommate?” He had a roommate?
“Yeah, Bortz and I are housemates.”
How had I not thought of that?
“I need to talk to him.” I said standing up. “Is he at home?”
“He wouldn’t have told anyone, but yeah I think he is.”
“I have to go, sorry,” I said as I left.
How could I have not known they were roommates?
I got lost, but I eventually found his house. It had been a while since I had been there last.
Bortz was a little surprised to see me, but he invited me inside.
“Were you aware that Beau and I slept together?” I asked as casually as possible, sitting across the table from him.
He looked down, a little embarrassed. “Yes, I was here for that.”
“I’m sorry. Did you tell anyone?”
He looked surprised, “why would I tell anyone? I’m not interested in sabotaging your relationship with Sid.”
“Are you sure? Because Beau didn’t tell anyone, but Mario somehow heard rumors about it.”
“No, I promise. Did you tell anyone?” He asked.
“I told Brandon but why would he tell anyone?”
“…Maybe because he’s in love with you?”
“Robert Bortuzzo, what did you just say?” I stared at him with my mouth open in shock.
“Umm, I thought you knew. He’s really liked you for a while,” he looked down. Guys were so awkward talking about feelings, even if it wasn’t their own feelings.
It was quiet for a minute as I tried to process what he’d just said.
“I think I need to talk to him,” I said standing up.
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He said showing me out, and again apologized for telling me.
I texted him before driving to his house; I’ve shown up unannounced too many times.
“Hey, I wanted to ask you about something,” I said walking in.
“What’s wrong?” He sat down with me on the couch.
“Umm, do you remember back in like November when I told you about how I had slept with Beau?” I asked feeling apprehensive.
“Kind of, yeah. Why?”
“Did you tell anyone about that?”
“No. Who would I even tell?” He responded with a smile.
“I don’t know.” I paused before bringing up the next topic. I really didn’t want to confront him about it, but I’d sort of known for a while. “I was just visiting Bortz, because he was there the night that it happened, and when I told him you knew about it he said you might have told someone. Because you, um, have feelings for me.”
He was quiet, and didn’t look at me.
“Oh, he said that?”
“Yeah, is it true?” I asked, not wanting to know the answer.
“No, I didn’t tell anyone.”
“No, I mean about the other thing. Because if it is,” a tear started to roll down my cheek. All of the confused feelings I’d had about Brandon suddenly flooded back and I started crying.
I leaned on him and he put his arm around my shoulders. “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it now,” he said leaning his head on mine.
I don’t know how long we sat like that before I calmed down.
“It can’t be this way,” I said sitting up to look at him.
He nodded, “I know,” he responded quietly.
I cried some more and then left. I couldn’t stand seeing him so sad, and I wanted to be home when Sid returned.
Maybe being a detective wasn’t such a good idea.
-
The Blackhawks play the Pens tonight, so I have invited Jon and Pat over to thank them for looking after me.
I should probably start cooking, they’ll be here in two hours.
Sincerely,
Emme
P.S.: I should call Carli, she’s the only one left.
Why would she tell anyone? She wouldn’t do that.
And I don’t even know what to think about Brandon anymore.
______________________________________________________________________________
April 6, 2014
Dear Diary,
Brandon and I finally talked things through after days of me avoiding him. It was really difficult, and I kept crying. He just looked really sad, which made me cry even more. I was eventually able to face my feelings for him, but telling him didn’t change anything.
“I can’t leave him for you,” I said with tears still in my eyes.
“I know, and I couldn’t ask you to do that,” he replied melancholically.
“What if they’re both yours?” I asked.
He shook his head, “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out if that happens, but I think you should stay with him regardless.”
“What?”
“It makes more sense that way, and my contract with Pittsburgh is up at the end of the season. I have a feeling I might get sent to another team, but who knows.”
I was shocked. Why would the Pens want to trade him?
Then I realized he probably wanted to leave Pittsburgh, to start over somewhere else. Somewhere that wasn’t around me.
I started crying again and he held me close. It kind of felt like he was saying goodbye; to me, to ‘us’ and to whatever might have happened if the circumstances were different.
-
The Pen’s left for a three game road trip so Caeleigh came over each night to watch the games with me. I hadn’t gotten to talk to her too much since I returned now that I’m not skating anymore, so we had a lot to catch up on.
“How are things going for you and Geno?” I asked.
“It’s going okay,” she responded, but I could tell something was off.
“Is something wrong?”
“Not really. It’s just that ever since you and Sid got pregnant he’s been kind of… different.”
“You mean like, talking about babies and stuff?”
“Yeah, and that’s not something I want to do. Not now at least.”
“Have you told him that?” I asked.
“Yeah, sort of.” She paused, “not directly, but…”
Caeleigh was being awkward; she never does that. I’m the awkward one.
“Is something else bothering you?” I leaned closer.
“It’s just that he’s been talking about this summer, and taking me back to Russia with him, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” she quietly started crying. “But I don’t want to be away from him all summer.”
I hadn’t seen Caeleigh cry before. Except for that time I punched her, but that was different.
“That’s still over a month and a half away, depending on how far they make it in the playoffs,” I sighed and looked down at my stomach, “and I’ll have two little babies by then, most likely.”
She suddenly stopped crying and looked up at me, “what do you mean ‘most likely’?”
“Nothing, I’m just not sure when they’ll decide to… happen. But then I get to find out-”
I stopped, realizing I hadn’t told Caeleigh that I wasn’t sure who their fathers were. She could probably figure it out, because she knew I’d slept with Brandon before Sid and I started dating, but we’d never talked about it.
“Find out what?” she asked, returning to her usual nosey self.
“Umm, it’s complicated.” My turn to be captain awkward again. “So, remember how I slept with Brandon before Sid and I started dating?”
“What?!” She hit me, “no, you never told me about that!”
“Oh,” I paused, “This is embarrassing.”
“Didn’t he have a girlfriend then?”
“Yes, but they had an open relationship.” I sighed as I remembered why I hadn’t told her.
“Oh my God Emme,” she said as she realized what I was actually trying to tell her. “You mean these might not be Sid’s?”
“Maybe, or one of them might be. It’s complicated,” I took a deep breath before recounting for the fourth time the story of how my birth control medicine ruined my life. And possibly Sid and Brandon’s.
She had a lot of questions, after saying ‘omg’ eight or nine times she finally calmed down.
“And Sid doesn’t know?”
“No, and I don’t want to tell him unless I have to.”
“I understand that you’re trying to protect him, but doesn’t he have the right to know?”
“Caeleigh, you don’t know how sad he was after what happened in December. Like, we stopped having sex for a while. Isn’t that a symptom of depression?”
“It is, but-” I cut her off before she could try to guilt me with her morality.
“No, I plan on raising these kids with Sid no matter who the father is.”
“Emmeline! What about Brandon?!” She looked shocked.
“We’ve talked about it, and we think it would be easier for everyone if their legal birth father is Sid, regardless of the paternity test.”
She sighed, “I still don’t agree with you completely, but you’re right about it being easier. Especially for the twins. Could you imagine having a different father than your twin sibling?”
“I hope that’s a rhetorical question, because yes, I have thought about that a lot,” I replied laughing.
“When did your life become such a soap opera?” She said laughing.
“I know, right? I didn’t know this kind of thing happened in real life.”
It was quiet for a minute. I was thinking about how I had recently joked with myself about writing a book and how I didn’t know what I could write about. (I found a topic) (Just kidding).
I think she could tell I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, even though she really wanted to.
“So, Geno wants you to go to Russia with him?” I changed the subject.
“Yeah, I just don’t think I’m ready to spend the whole summer in a foreign country. The only person I would know is Geno. I met his parents at the Olympics, but they don’t speak English that well.”
“Haven’t you been learning Russian?”
“A bit, but not enough to actually talk to anyone. And if it was just a few weeks I’d be okay, but not for the whole summer.”
“Then why don’t you just go for a few weeks? And then you can spend the rest of the summer in Nova Scotia with Sid and me helping with the twins.”
Her face lit up, “Really?”
“I’d have to talk to Sid, but we’re going to need a lot of help. And I’m going to need someone to escape with when his sister and mom visit too often. They are both ecstatic about the twins, though his mom wished we had gotten married before having children.”
“Uh oh, you don’t think Sid’s going to try to propose, do you?” She asked skeptically.
“I hope not. I’ve always hated it when people feel like they need to get married after getting knocked up.” I sighed as I realized Sid was exactly that type, who felt he needed to ‘do the right thing’ and get married.
“Aren’t you guys going on a special ‘date night’ on Friday?” She said, hinting at something I didn’t want to think about.
“It’s not special or anything, it’s just a date night. With the playoffs starting soon he wanted to make sure we had some time together.”
She kept looking at me, so I rolled my eyes, “shut up and watch the game.”
I couldn’t think about that, not after what Brandon said.
Just when I thought things were getting normal they got turned upside down again.
Sincerely,
Emme
P.S.: Maybe this is my new normal?
Notes
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Awww !!!! Yayyyyyy <3333
6/8/14