Training Miller

Something had been off, way off, since I had gotten back to the states. I don't know what was happening. I just felt so numb. But in the back of my mind, I think I knew what was going on and it was scaring me. I didn't know who to talk to. I knew Beau was there for me, but he had been acting weird since I was in Sochi. I could tell Patrick, but I knew he would react even worse than my own boyfriend would.
If he was talking to me.
Most of the guys had gone home for the night, I think only Sid was showering at this point. I was just putting away a few things before going home for the night. I started thinking about Sochi and how hurt Beau was when I told him I wouldn't be going somewhere with him over the break. He said he was over it, but it seemed like he was guarded when I got home. We still hung out as much as before, he just distanced himself. But I guess I kind of did that too.
I was standing at the counter when I started bawling. I couldn't control the tears, they just came. I was thankful no one saw me like this.. Until Sid walked in.
"Hey do you have any- what's wrong?" I spilled everything to him. From how I felt numb, to how Beau had been acting. Absolutely everything. And he listened. He listened well. "Well, he hasn't said anything bad about your relationship lately. He still talks about you all the damn time." He wrapped me in a hug and just held me for a while. I don't think he knew quite what else to do, but I was okay with this.
"What the hell," Beau's voice startled both of us, causing Sid to drop his arms and me to back away from him.
"He was just trying to calm me down," I told my boyfriend as I wiped the tears off my face. Beau was glaring at his teammate, hands already making fists.
"You know how much I love her. Stay the fuck away from Drew," He said through a clenched jaw, closing in on Sid.
"I was just trying to help her feel better." Sid tried defending himself, closing the distance between him and the younger player.
"Okay you two, quit," I demanded, pushing my way between them. I was too short for it to matter.
"That's my job. Not yours. You can't do everything Crosby."
"You know what," I looked at both of them, who looked like they were ready to hurt each other, "I don't even care. Fight. I'm not going to be the one who cleans up the mess. Karlee can do it. I'm out."
I grabbed my computer bag and keys before pretty much running out of the building.
"Drew, where-" I passed Neal, not caring enough to stop and talk to him.
I drove to my apartment, faster than was probably safe and parked in the guest spot. I wouldn't be here long, just needed enough time to get a couple changes of clothes before I went to Dan's house. I turned onto the street from the parking garage and turned the radio up so I couldn't hear my phone ringing. I had forgotten that I synced my phone to my stereo, the ringing just caused the music to pause.
"What the fuck do you want," I spat, immediately regretting my choice of words.
"To make sure you're okay," A wave of relief washed over me when I heard Robert's voice through my car speakers.
"Why do you care?" He had been caring an awful lot about what I was doing and how I was feeling lately. Something was not right.
"Drew, just listen to me for a minute."
"I'm less than a minute from Dan's house. Once I get there, I'm turning off my phone," He went on to tell me about how Beau had been acting weird while he was back in his college town, that it wasn't just towards me, but towards the whole team.
"He started talking to Karlee outside of practice," he started saying, I didn't want to hear it though.
"I'm at Dan's. I'll see you at practice." I turned off my phone and put it in the console. If I really wanted to talk to someone, I could always come back out and get it.
I grabbed the bag from my backseat and wrapped my blanket around me, trying to fight back tears. I walked in the door and dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs. My aunt came around the corner and saw me start to cry. She made her way towards me, wrapping me in a hug. She knew not to say anything. I could hear Dan come in the garage door. He must have left right after me.
I left my aunt's embrace to go make some tea. I sat down at the table and stared at whatever paper was sitting in front of me.
"Up for telling me what happened?" Something in his voice told me that he already knew, but really only cared about my side.
"Do you want the entire story or just what happened today?"
"All of it."
"Ever since I told Beau I wouldn't be going with him on vacation during the break, he's been acting weird. Like I can understand that he didn't want me to go with Patrick because of our history, but I stayed with family while I was there. Sure, I traveled with him but that's it. Nothing happened. So I go out with the guys when we were in Chicago. Things were great and I wake up and I'm in bed with Jonny. Nothing happened, both of us had clothes on, but Pat walked in before we had woken up. So of course he thinks we slept together and he gets pissed. I'm not sure he'll forgive me any time soon, even though he knows I would never do that to him. Or Beau for that matter. Then today after I thought every one had left, I was cleaning up and dealing with a few things when I broke down. Sid came in and tried helping me but when he didn't know what to do, he held me. Beau came in and started yelling and I tried to break them apart but it wasn't working so I just left. I'm sorry if your players hurt each other," Dan looked at me, trying to take in everything I just said.
"Well I can tell you this much, I've only been a coach for five years. I've been your uncle for twenty three. I'm more worried about them hurting you than them hurting each other." Minutes went by before I told him something I had been holding back.
"He started talking to that girl again. She was the one that he decided was more important than me the day before my birthday," I laughed at what a mess my life was right now, "I really don't know why. I thought he was happy with me. Now it just makes me feel like he was doing this on purpose. So that he'd get back at me. Oh no. He did it on purpose. He wanted to hurt me," I started crying harder.
"What girl?"
"Karlee."
Dan let out a breath. He hadn't been saying much, just processing everything I had told him. I could tell what he was thinking, though. And I didn't like it.
"Don't try using your power to get her switched either. She already doesn't like me because she thinks I only have this job because of you."
"That's not true."
"I know it's not. I'm a damn good trainer and I know that, but I'm going to go lay down."
"Don't you want dinner?"
"Maybe later. I just kind of need some alone time right now."
I went downstairs to the room I spent the first few weeks of my life in Pittsburgh. I thought about calling Pat, but I didn't have the energy to grab my phone from the table. He probably wouldn't even answer my call. I had tried for days, attempting to tell him how sorry I was and that nothing happened. The only time he would answer was when he was drunk and even then he wouldn't believe me.
"Hope you're not sleeping," Someone came in my room and turned on the lights, "Becuase we brought a greasy bacon cheeseburger and an oreo shake."
"Go away."
"Fine then. I'll eat this wonderful shake."
"Like hell you will," I shot up and grabbed the cup from Brandon.
"Care to tell us what's going on?" Jayson pulled over the desk chair and sat next to the bed. I grabbed the burger from the bag and took a bite before spilling what had happened since Sochi.
"So yeah. My boyfriend is an asshole. Wait. Why are you here? I thought you were recalled?"
"I'm back in the Burgh for now. What is Beau doing?"
"Apparently he started talking to-"
"Karlee? Yeah. We know..."
"You guys knew and you didn't fucking tell me?"
"Oh shit," Brandon knew he was in trouble, "He told us not to say anything. He said they were just talking, nothing else was going to happen unless you cheated."
"That makes it so much better. He was planning all this," I shoved a few fries in my mouth, hoping the grease would make me forget about everything that had happened in the past few days, "That's freaking awesome."
"Have you told Kane about this?"
"No. He's still mad at me," I took a bite of the cheeseburger and started talking with my mouth full, "I've just felt so damn numb lately I hate it. Like today was the first time I've been able to cry for a while. Every other time, it was just me staring at the wall."
"Ever though about going to a doctor for that? I mean, mental health is a serious thing," I knew Brandon was hinting at Rypien, "We're all here for you, but if that's how you've been feeling, I think you should thing about going to see someone."
"Yeah. Yeah, I will. I'll uh make an appointment tomorrow," I wiped the tear that started down my cheek. I guess I never really thought about how serious this was until now. I thought it was just normal.
"How's the food?" Jayson changed subjects before I could feel any worse.
"It's great. Thanks guys. I really appreciate it."
We talked about how we thought the end of the season would go as I finished eating. When I heard someone coming down the stairs, I figured it was my cousin. Then a blue eyed, blonde hair, California boy standing in the doorway.
"I am so sorry."
"No. No you're not. Please, just leave. I don't want to talk to you right now."
He turned around and silently walked away. That was probably the hardest thing I had done since I moved to Pittsburgh. I knew I would forgive him because he didn't actually do anything to betray me, other than talking to someone else. Then again he could be mad at me for ending up in bed with Jonny.
"How bad would it be for me to get really drunk tonight?"
"How drunk are you talking?" Jayson asked cautiously. He had seen me at different levels of drunk and I think there were a few he didn't want to relive.
"Birthday drunk."
"We going out or just at someone's house?"
"Let's go out," I told them. Even if I didn't want to get ready, I knew that a pair of well fitting jeans and a white v-neck would be just fine.
When we got to the bar, Beau and Robert were sitting at the bar. My boyfriend was obviously upset and pretty drunk already.
"Drew, you should talk to him," Jayson suggested. I nodded, but knew I would need a drink - or five - before that could happen.
Even with the burger and fries I just ate, the alcohol was getting to me pretty fast.
"Beau. You're a dumbass," I slurred, "I just want you to know that," He started laughing. We were obviously on the same level.
"I know. I'm sorry. I really, really am," He yelled, "I love you so much. I seriously don't know what I would do without you. Please, please can we work this out?"
"Only if you don't talk to Karlee again. Unless it's work related," That's probably not something you should say to your boyfriend, but that's the only way we could make this work out.

Notes