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I was on the phone, trying to arrange more things for the non-profit,charity Patrick and I had started when he kissed me goodbye and left for his game. The weeks had been crazy. It was nearing mid January and Patrick was entering the craziest point of his season. I was a month away from my due date. Patrick and I had started our charity a few months ago,it helped spread awareness for "spread the word to end the word" which was against the use of the word 'retard', and something I felt very strongly about.

The boys were two going on three, and between them playing on two hockey teams, the charity, the Blackhawks wives organization, and a baby on the way I felt like I was going to implode.

Tonight was a home game against the New York Rangers, and the next day after practice the Hawks would leave for their annual west coast tour that would last almost two weeks. I hated road trips more than ever now. It meant that I had to juggle the charity, the kids hockey, and currently my pregnancy without any help from Patrick.

"Cody! Come get in the car!" I yelled from the front door. "I coming" he said as he hopped down the stairs, it was about a twenty minute ride to the United Center, of course for some extra stress, today there would be a two mile backup because of an accident.

"Great!" I said out loud, throwing my head against the steering wheel.

We arrived at the United Center with just twenty minutes until puck drop. "There you are!" Dayna Seabrook said as the three of us got to the box, the families shared.

The boys joined Carter, and Colton as they ran around the room.

Dayna, Kelly-Rae, and I sat together all of us feeling the exact same. Exhausted.

"Can you believe their going on a two week road trip?" Dayna said.

"I know, that and how many tournaments do the boys have coming up?" Kelly-Rae asked.

"4" I said, "Two this weekend, and two next weekend"

The three of us let out a sigh.

"And now Colton's starting lacrosse," Kelly-Rae said,

"Cody and Shayne too," I said, "And the hockey never stops."

"Its ridiculous they're two!" Dayna said, "But Brent is hell-bent on keeping him in an intensive program."

"Patrick too," I said, "I mean, I love watching them play, but its exhausting, they're all over the place."

They both nodded.

"it's like Duncan's never home anymore, Coach has them practicing twice as much as they used too"

It was true, after the last two runs at the cup, Coach Q had amped up practices making them nearly twice as long.

"Patrick comes home exhausted" I said.

"Brent too" Dayna said, "he can barely move when he gets home, let alone play with Colton."

"Hi ladies," Abby said sitting down next to us, with the exact same level of exhaustion as we did.
"There you are" I said with what little enthusiasm I had left.
"It took me hours to get Madelyn in the car" She said, "She's getting ridiculous."

"Still not ready for school is she?" Dayna said.

"Every time we go near the car, she thinks we're taking her to kindergarten." Abby said throwing her hands up. "She hates it, i'm on the verge of pulling her out."


The game progressed and the four of us fought to keep our eyes open. The game dragged into overtime and all of us groaned. Shayne was fighting exhaustion too, he squirmed and screamed and fought with his brother, before passing out in my arms, which was ridiculously uncomftorable over my eight month pregnant belly.

The Blackhawks lost in overtime, I didn't have any energy left to care. I carried Shayne to the car, one hand holding onto Cody.

I loaded the boys into the car on the verge of tears. It was just so much work, and I was pregnant, and Patrick was leaving, for two whole weeks.

I drove home and proceeded to carry each of the boys in after Cody fell asleep on the ride home. I was putting Cody into bed after changing him into his pajamas when Patrick came into the boys room.

"Hey" he said putting his arms around me, "Whats going on?" he always knew when something was wrong.

I just pulled into his grip.

"I'm just scared thats all" I said leaning into him. Shayne began to stir a bit, and we walked into our bedroom and sat down on the bed, his arms pulling me in tightly.

"Kylie what are you afraid of, you're the best mother I have ever seen" Patrick said.

"Its just so much, and you're gonna be gone for so long." I said through tears.

"I know Kyls, i'm sorry" he said leaning his head against mine.

"It's not your fault, I just wish you could stay."

"Me too Kylie, you know I would if I could." he said.

Patrick's POV:
It killed me to see Kylie this way. I knew how much she did for me, and our kids, it really made me feel like an ass for not being around more, but Coach had amped up our practices to a ridiculous amount. The stress was getting to all of us.

"I'm just gonna miss you." She said pressing her damp face into my chest. I felt my heart shatter into a hundred pieces, I felt a tear begin to roll, that I quickly wiped away.

We sat there for a while, I just held her tight, I didn't know what I could say that would make her feel better.
Eventually we both fell asleep.

The next morning we woke up, to Shayne and Cody jumping up and down on her bed. I knew what was coming and it was going to be painful.

We got up, and dressed the boys. Kylie and I were paying special attention to each other this morning, she was sad, so was I.

After we fed the boys, I had no choice, I had to go. I hugged both the boys, "Daddy where you going?" Cody asked as I held him. It hurt me to tell him, how do you explain to a two year old that the next time you see him, he'll be two weeks older, two weeks bigger, and because I have to traipse across the country really quick to play a game professionally that he plays for fun.

I held onto Kylie for as long as I could. "I love you." she said looking into my eyes, it broke what little of the heart I had left.

"I love you Kylie." I said, and then I had to go.

Kylie's POV:
And then he was gone. Two weeks, I didn't even have time to let the tears out, that I had been holding in. The boys had a hockey game and we had to get there extra early if I was going to have time to dress them both, in full gear.

We got in the car and Shayne pushed my heart over the edge, "Mommy, why are you sad?" he asked sweetly, his blonde curls wrapped around his head.

I took a deep breath, "Mommy just misses Daddy." I managed to say.

"Me too" he said, "And me" Cody added.

We got to rink, and with little help from the boys, I carried their equipment in. As I was halfway through dressing Cody, Dayna came in with Carter, with cheeks just as red as mine.

"Rough morning for you too?" I asked wiping the tear from my cheek.

"Oh god," she said bending down to start dressing Carter, we hugged quickly, "Its gonna be a long two weeks." She said wiping away a tear.

Shortly later, Kelly-Rae came in with Colton, "You guys too!" she said wiping her eyes.

The three of us laughed, at least we could lean on each other.

The first of the boys three tournament games started. We took our seats in the stands.

"God last night was tough" Dayna said sipping her coffee. Kelly-Rae and I nodded,

"I never thought it would be like this." I said, "I mean, so hectic."

"Amen to that" Kelly-Rae said, "And being a hockey mom, on top of a hockey wife is not taking any stress off."

"I can't imagine how you're doing it with two." Dayna said, "And while pregnant."

"It's much easier when Patrick's around" I said.

"When's your due date?" Kelly-Rae asked,

"February 14th" I answered.

"Valentines baby." Dayna added.

Our long day our pee-wee hockey ticked on. Halfway through the first period, I noticed Shayne come off the ice, I rounded the rink from the stands to see what was wrong. His eyes were brimming with tears, "Honey whats the matter?" I said lifting the cage of his helmet and picking him up.
"I want Daddy to see me play." He said, tears running down his face.

"Oh, honey" I said hugging him tighter, "Daddy will see you play next weekend okay?" There was nothing I could say, I couldn't bring Patrick to him.

He just nodded, I reluctantly pulled the cage of his helmet back down and he returned to the bench.

"Shayne alright?" Dayna asked.

"He just misses Patrick, he was mad he wasn't here" I said, heavily.

Why did this have to be so hard? I looked down at my stomach, we were bringing another baby into this crazy hockey life.

"Do you think your daughter will play?" Kelly-Rae asked.

"She'll definatley try it," I said, "I mean at this point why not add a little more chaos to our life."

We all laughed and watched as the first of three games started to finish up. I could see how tired the boys were when they came off the ice, we hadn't gotten home last night until around midnight, and shortly later we were up to be at the rink.

I handed each of the boys a snack, as I took there helmets off, their next game started in about twenty minutes, and their was no time to undress and redress them.

The break passed in a blink, and I strapped the boys helmets back on."Come on honey." I heard Dayna say behind us, I turned around to see Carter rolling around on the floor. "No!" he yelled, "I don't wanna!" Carter was in no mood to put his helmet back on.

I felt for Dayna, I knew it was only a matter of time until Cody and Shayne had break downs themselves.

With some bribery, and mild threatening, Dayna was finally able to coax Carter into putting his helmet on.

Finally the boys were back on the ice.

"Ugh" Dayna groaned, "It is gonna be a long two weeks."

"Oh yeah" Kelly-Rae and I said, nodding.

The boys feared a certain authority in their Dads that would never be in us moms. If Brent had been there, Carter would have put his helmet on, no questions asked, and we all knew it.

The second game ended and again the boys came of this us, Cody was about to have a melt down I could tell by the look on his face. He threw his gloves down by the bench in the lobby, and began kicking his feet. "I wanna go home!" He yelled, he was exhausted, so was I, so was his brother, "Me too!" Shayne yelled, throwing his gloves down next to Cody's. Normally I would have been kind, and nurturing, today I was in no mood.

"Do you two want to keep playing hockey?" I asked strictly, looking at both of them. They both abruptly sat up and nodded, "Then you both need to finish your last game with your team." I said, it was a quality that needed to be instilled in them from the time they were young. I was honestly surprised at how well my words had set in.

The twenty minute break, flew by and by the end of the third game, I could not wait to get the boys off the ice. I loaded the boys and their gear into the car, and drove straight home.

After showering two kids, dressing them, and showering myself, I was in no mood to cook dinner, I ordered pizza and flopped on the couch with both boys. "Mommy, when is the baby coming out?" Shayne asked poking at my stomach. "Next month" I said, "Are you excited?" I asked him, "Yes!" he said, "Whats her name gonna be?" Oh, God Patrick and I hadn't even thought about that. "What do you guys think her name should be?" I asked the boys.

"How about Barney?" Cody said,

"Barney?" Shayne laughed.

After dinner, my phone rang as the three of us sat on the couch, Cody was half asleep but sat up immediately when he heard the phone, "Is it Daddy?!" he yelled.

"It is" I said, putting the phone on speaker."Say hi guys"

"DADDY!" They screamed into the phone.

I heard Patrick laugh, "Hi guys!" he said.

"Daddy we won today" Cody said, "All three" Shayne added.

"Thats great!" he said.

I went to the kitchen to clean up from dinner, while they talked, Shayne came running in with my phone, shortly later.

"Mommy Daddy wants to talk to you!" He yelled.

I took the phone, "Hi" I said, "Hi" he said, "How is everything?" he asked.
"Good" I said quickly.

"Kylie"he said,

"Its good, the boys are fine. We just miss you." I said,

"I know Kyls, I'll be home soon." he said, trying to make me feel better, it did even if it wasn't true. "I gotta go but i'll call you tomorrow, I love you Kyls, hug the boys for me."

"I will, I love you Patrick." I said before hanging up. I stood two hands on the sink. It almost hurt more to talk to him, it reminded me that I couldn't hug him, I couldn't hold him, and kiss him, and that really sucked.

I tucked the boys in and fell into bed not long after.

Notes

pleasssse let me know what you think.