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Big Buff

"I like Big Buff and I cannot lie."

During the course of the Western Conference playoffs in the 2010 NHL Stanley Cup run, there was one Chicago Blackhawks player that was really making himself known.

Most fans knew Dustin Byfuglien as Big Buff, the human rock that placed his large, unmoveable body in front of the opposition's goalie and generally made an annoyance of himself.

Game 4 of the Conference Finals was underway in the United Center, home of the Blackhawks, when the television cameras panned over the fans in the top level of seating. After the hectic event of Duncan Keith losing seven teeth from taking a Patrick Marleau clearing shot to the mouth in the second period, team doctor Samantha, and one of the four dentists the team employed, Rachel, finally had a chance to breathe and take in the action happening out on the rink via a TV in the medical suite.

"Did you see that sign?" Rachel laughed, pointing to the screen even though the image was gone. Seeing Sam shake her head, she repeated what she'd seen, "I like Big Buffs and I cannot lie."

"Like 'Baby Got Back'? That's awesome!"

Between filling out the mountains of paperwork related to Keith's injury and following the play incase anything else requiring their expertise came up, each girl found herself singing the line somewhat obsessively in her head.

After the team had headed back out for the third period Rachel remembered she actually had the Sir Mix-A-Lot song on her laptop. Pulling up the track, she and Sam had fun singing their new line in place of the original. The third time through, instead of 'you other brothers can't deny' Rachel busted out 'all otha brothas get denied'.

A new fit of laughter had them gasping for air, while alternately firing off new versions of the corresponding lyrics.

"This shit is too funny!" They both agreed. "Hey, do you have recording gear on that thing?" Sam pointed to the computer.

Nodding apprehensively, Rachel wasn't too sure she liked the look in Sam's eyes. This was heading into dangerous territory.

"Come on, we have to! You know Buff will just blindly hit play on the victory playlist when they come in." It wasn't a cocky prediction, the Hawks were comfortably up on the scoreboard, and playing with significantly more puck than the Sharks had faced. Having just scored on a powerplay, the puck being netted by Byfuglien himself, their plan seemed destined.

Sure enough, twenty minutes later when the team filed into the locker room with cheers and grins of success, Buff headed straight for the music. It was something of a tradition to play a few upbeat songs while the team enjoyed the chance to congratulate each other and get themselves cleaned up a little before the media would invade for interviews.

This time however, they didn't hear the normal booming track they were used to.

Oh, my, god. Sammy, look at Big Buff.
He is so big. *scoff* He looks like,
one of those Caps guys' bouncers.
But, you know, who even likes those Caps guys? *scoff*
They only talk about him, because,
he looks like a total machine, 'kay?
I mean, he's Buff, he's just so big.
I can't believe he gets knocked round, it's like,
out there, I mean - really. Look!
He's just so ... Buff!

I like Big Buff and I cannot lie,
All otha brothas get denied.
When Buff walks in with a little leg lift,
You know your goalie's pissed,
You got stung! Wanna pull up, punk,
But you notice that Buff is buff.

No one was quite sure what to think as they listened to their medical staff coming through the speakers. It was only once their regular music started playing that the stunned silence was replaced with booming laughter.

Samantha and Rachel had watched the reactions from the relative safety that the doorway to their suite provided, but once realisation set in that they were the ones responsible they were each being dragged towards the center of the room, and the big man in question.

An enormous grin accompanied the sweaty hugs they received, laughter still being emitted. "Where the hell did that come from? I love it!"


Crackfic inspired by the game depicted. Lyrics with the help of Sam.


best. thing. ever.

Perdita Roseau Perdita Roseau
Thanks! You have no idea how long it took me to write - I kept cracking up the whole time.
No.Thought.Of.Me No.Thought.Of.Me
I just laughed. So hard. xD I loved this.
Keithbrook. Keithbrook.