She really didn’t know what to say. The past few hours had been a complete blur. The last thing she really remembered clearly was talking to Sean for his birthday. Poor Sean. He was supposed to be having a great day. But they got their asses handed to them by Dallas and then they decided to stay the night. She could tell he was crushed. Every so often he would smile, but it never reached his eyes the way it normally did. She wished she could do more for him. She wanted more than anything to wrap her arms around him and play with is hair the way she knew made him feel better. But she couldn’t even talk to him for very long.

She kinda remembered hearing the alarm, telling her that she had a job to do. She barely remembered hearing the news that the Taliban had sent a suicide bomber into a school. She vaguely remembered rushing to the helicopter and flying over the vast desert. She didn’t remember landing at all. But what she did remember clearly was the chaos at the school. Parents screaming for their children. Children screaming for their parents. Teachers and her fellow military members, American and Afghani alike, trying their hardest to construct some sort of order out of the mass hysteria.

Bits of memories flashed into her head. Loading the patients onto the helicopter. No, not just patients. Children. Innocent little kids who had battle wounds she usually saw in grown men. Gaping wounds, shrapnel sticking out of random body parts, and blood everywhere. It made her sick.

She felt as though everything had slowed down, but also like someone had hit the fast forward button at the same time. Her hands worked on their own, preparing IVs for blood transfusions before she could even process what she was witnessing. This is what she was trained for. It didn’t matter what nationality, gender, or age her patient was. She had a job to do and damn it, she was going to save these kids if it was the last thing she did.

Every PJ knows that there will come a day when they can’t save their patient, no matter how hard they try. They’re told during training that the first time is the hardest. And that each one after that gets easier. In the past 10 months, she couldn’t tell you how many people she had saved. But she could tell you that she had lost three. They lied about it getting easier. It never did. Each time declaring someone dead was just as hard as the first. Until today. Today was so much harder. Out of the seven children loaded onto her helicopter, only two survived. Six out of the twenty on the other helicopters survived. Eight had been pronounced dead at the school, including the ten year old boy who the Taliban had strapped the bomb to. That was a total of twenty seven children who lost their lives. And for what? What statement was this supposed to make? It angered her to think about it. Who tapes a bomb to a little boy’s chest and sends him into a school?

She knew an attack of this magnitude would reach the media back home. By now, they were probably in a frenzy trying to gather up all the information for the morning news. She wondered if Sean would see it, and what he would think. Would he realize she was one of the first responders? Would he worry about her? She hoped for his sake that he wouldn’t have any idea. He was already putting too much pressure on himself to make up for how he played at the end of last season. She knew his personal collapse was related to her leaving and it made her feel awful.

A few hours later, the superiors called her squad into the debriefing room. They had received orders to send them home in a week. Even though they still had two more months left of their deployment, the Air Force decided that the trauma they experienced warranted their early release. That was more than okay with her. She didn’t realize how badly she missed home until she heard the news.

While everyone else dispersed to call their loved ones, she sat in her chair and thought about what was going to happen in the next few days. Her brother would probably want to come visit her immediately. That was okay with her. She hadn’t seen him since right after their father’s funeral. With him being in the Army and her being in the Air Force, they never had the time to visit one another. The guys would no doubt be worried about her when they found out what she had experienced. She wasn’t sure if she could handle the pity she knew she would receive from them and their families. And she had no idea how it would impact her relationship with her best friend. How was she going to talk to him about this? Would he treat her any different now? She hated showing weakness, and after this incident she knew everyone would be treating her like she she was made of glass. And how would Sean’s game be affected by this? Unfortunately she had no way of watching the games, but she had been keeping up with how they were doing online. She knew he hadn’t been playing well again. After what seemed like hours debating with herself, she got up from her chair and called the one person she knew would handle her situation the way she needed.

“Hello?” he answered after five rings. She could tell he had been asleep and instantly felt bad. She had totally forgotten about the time difference. What time was it there? Did she wake him up in the middle of the night? She’s so inconsiderate. What a terrible friend she was. “Hello?” he called again.
“H-Hey Kimmo. Its Charlie.” She stammered. “Did I wake you up? I’m so sorry. I just needed someone to talk to.”
“No it’s okay. I was barely asleep. We just got in from Dallas. What’s wrong, hun?”
“Have you seen the news? Have they started discussing it yet?” she asked in a quiet voice.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, kiddo. Let me see.” She could hear him fumbling around for a minute and then heard the mumble of the TV in the background. It felt like a lifetime before he finally spoke again. “Holy shit, Charlie. Were you there?”
She paused and took a deep breath in before exhaling loudly. “Yeah, I was there” she admitted.
“Are you okay?” he asked in the soft voice she often heard him speaking in to his daughter. This was why she had called him. Kimmo had sort of taken over the fatherly role she desperately needed after her father died. There was no over exaggeration with him, but she could still feel his worry for her through the phone. He treated her like his own daughter.
“I’m not sure yet.” She paused. “I’m coming home early though. In like a week. They decided to send us home even though we’re supposed to still have two months.”
“I’m so relieved to hear that. And I’m sure Sean will be too. Have you called him yet?” She could hear the secret meaning behind his question. Although he was the least vocal of the group, she knew he was the most convinced that there was something between them.
“No. I just called you. I don’t know how to tell him. Or anyone else, for that matter. I didn’t know how they would react.”
“You should call him-” he began before he got interrupted. She could hear his daughter chattering away in the background, clearly just coming home from school. She heard him say hello to her before it got quiet again. “I just think you should be the one to tell him. He’s going to be so worried about you. You’re the only one who will be able to keep him calm after hearing about this.”
“I-I can’t” she gasped, realizing she had a few tears running down her cheeks. “He’s already having such a hard time right now. I can’t worry him even more...” Again he was silent. The line was quiet for so long she considered checking the phone to see if she was still connected. Then he spoke again.
“I have an idea...” he began. “Have you seen those videos on YouTube of the soldiers coming home and surprising their families?” Of course she had. All members of the military had seen those videos, and she told him so. “What do you say you and I surprise our friends when you get home? I’ll have Johanna pick you up at the airport and bring you to practice. That way, you can make everyone happy without having to tell them what’s going on over the phone.”

She loved the idea, especially the thought of surprising Sean. It would make him so happy. Now she had to do it. Anything to make him really smile again.

Notes

I know some of you may have already read this on Mibba, but I would really appreciate some comments!