As much as Charlie didn’t want to admit it, she was beginning to really struggle with getting over the events in Afghanistan. She was hiding it fairly well from Sean, the guys and their families but constant thoughts about what she could have done better haunted her dreams and kept her awake late at night. Even snuggled into Sean, she always felt like she couldn’t completely relax.

It had been a few days since her brother had visited her, and the Flyers were just starting their four day Christmas break, fresh off a 4-1 win against the Wild. While Charlie had attended the Flyers’s holiday party in years past, this was the first time that she was going as an actual WAG. It felt weird, calling Sean her boyfriend. For so long they had been denying their feelings for each other, and now in a matter of two weeks here they were: dating.

As they drove to Craig Berube’s house, Charlie started thinking about the unusual situation they had found themselves in. Everyone always says that best friends make the best relationships. Was that really true? She knew Sean was a good friend. No, scratch that. Sean was a great friend. The best. Better than she could ever ask for. But did that mean that he would make a good boyfriend? And would she be able to be the good girlfriend Sean deserves? She knows she’s tough to handle. That’s why none of the guys she had dated ever stuck around. So far, they were fine. But what about when things got tough? What about when she was deployed again? These thoughts swarmed Charlie’s head.

“Your brain is smoking, babe. Stop thinking so much.” Sean laughed, pulling her from her thoughts. “What’s got you so distracted?”
“I’m just thinking about us.” She replied nonchalantly.
“That’s my favorite thing to think about.” He smiled. “But why are you frowning?”
“It’s nothing important. It’s stupid.” She said, hoping he would drop the topic.
“Love, nothing you think is stupid. Or unimportant. Please, talk to me.”
“Sean, it’s really not a big deal. I’m just- I’m wondering if this is going to work. You and me. You know, in the long run.”
He pulled up to the house and parked the car before looking at her.
“Charlie, I promise you that I am going to do everything that I can to make this work. I know it’s strange. I’ve caught myself a few times thinking about how different it feels to call you my girlfriend instead of my best friend. This may take a bit of work, especially if you have to leave again. But I’m not afraid of that. It doesn’t matter how many miles will eventually be put between us when you get deployed. Charlie, we belong together.”
She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. He was right, and she knew it. The pit in her stomach shrunk a little and she was able to muster up a smile.
“I love you, Sean. I’m sorry I was over thinking this so much.”
“It’s okay, beautiful. I understand what you’re worrying about.”
He kissed her lips and jumped out of the car, running around to her side and opening her door.
“Now let’s go enjoy the party.”

-Sean-
Sean was relieved to see that Charlie’s mood had improved once they got into the party. His coach’s house had been decorated beautifully, and the overall atmosphere lifted both of their spirits. The gift exchange went over well. He got a bunch of books from Steve Mason, undoubtably making fun of him for the interview where he admitted to hating to read, and was glad to see that Rinaldo appreciated the boxing gloves he had bought for his feisty teammate. Once that was over, the group started to mingle with each other. He watched from the living room as Charlie talked to Janine, Brayden Schenn’s girlfriend, smiling at how beautiful she was.
“You know, I’ve never seen you smile this much before.” Brayden said as he joined Sean in watching their women.
“I’ve never had a reason to, Schenner. And now I do.” The two men chuckled and turned their attention to the heated discussion between Hartsy and Rinaldo about who’s got the better golf swing.

About an hour later, Janine came over and quietly asked Sean to come with her. She seemed alarmed, so Sean and Brayden both followed her outside to the back deck. When they got out there, Sean saw Charlie sitting on a chair with her knees to her chest, crying.
“Fiona Timonen came in and asked her mom for a bandaid. I guess she cut her finger on something in the den. Charlie started to freak out and ran out here and now she won’t say anything to me.”
“Thank, Janie.” Sean said. He walked over to where Charlie was and sat down next to her. “Hey, love.” He said in a soothing voice. “Are you okay?”
Charlie looked up at him. “I failed them.” Was all she said before she started crying again. Brayden and Janine gave her confused looks, but he knew immediately what she was talking about.
“Baby, you didn’t fail them. You did everything you could.” He assured her.
“Twenty seven little kids died. Five of them under my care, and I didn’t do shit to help them. I watched them die, Sean! And I couldn’t do anything about it. They are gone because I wasn’t good enough! Their parents had to bury them because I didn’t do my fucking job!” She paused and looked at his face. “Did the news tell you how old they were?” He shook his head no. “The oldest was twelve and the youngest was six. I watched the blood drain from the six year old from the gaping wound in his chest where he got hit with shrapnel. I had to sit there and watch as the life left these children’s faces. I watched as they shed tears from pain and fear, not good enough at what I’m supposed to do to help them live. No matter what I did, I couldn’t help them. Their last memories were of me, not doing my job. How can you even look at me right now?” She said angrily to him.

Sean felt the tears threatening to spill from his eyes, and willed them to stay where they were. She needed him to be strong now. The newscasters had only mentioned the ten year old boy who had the bomb strapped to him. While it was sad to think about those kids dying before, it was even harder hearing her talk about it. But this wasn’t her fault, and he knew it.
“How could you even begin to think that any of that was because of you?” He asked, holding back his tears. He was aware of Janine silently crying into Brayden’s chest. “The fucking Taliban put a bomb on a little kid and sent him into the school. THEY did that. Not you! Those two kids you saved? They would have died too if it wasn’t for what you did. There would have been twenty nine kids who lost their lives that day, not twenty seven. And you’re the reason behind that. Don’t you get it? You’re a fucking HERO, Charlie!” For once in his life, Sean didn’t know what else to say. He knew if he thought for a little he could figure out something, but at that moment he had nothing. How do you convince someone blaming themselves for something like this that it wasn’t their fault? Charlie stopped crying and took a deep breath. “If I was a hero, all of those kids would still be alive right now.” She stated. That’s when Sean noticed her shivering. He hadn’t even realized how cold it was, and that it had started to snow.
“You’re freezing, love. Stay right here, okay? I’m going to go get you a jacket. Or would you rather go home?” He asked.
“Would you hate me if I said I wanted to go home?” She asked in a small voice.
“Baby, I could never hate you. No matter what.” He responded.
“I’ll walk her around front, if you want to go in and say good night to everyone.” Brayden offered. “That way she doesn’t have to go back in.” He was sure that someone had noticed their absence by now, and would be questioning why the four had disappeared.
“Thanks, man. I would appreciate that.” Sean nodded to his friend.
Brayden wrapped his arm around Charlie and they started to walk down the steps to the yard. Janine placed her hand on his arm and sniffled. “You’re a good boyfriend, Sean.” She said. “I never would have known what to say to her.”
He looked at her. “I just told her the truth.” He admitted, opening the door and letting them inside.

Sean made his way around the house, saying his goodbyes. He avoided answering his teammates’ questions about Charlie and why they were leaving so early, laughing them off and quickly moving on. Eventually he made his way out to his car where Brayden and Charlie were leaning against the hood talking to each other. It made him smile to see his good friend comforting his girlfriend. As he unlocked his doors, Brayden kissed Charlie’s cheek, gave him a half-hug, and bid the two a Merry Christmas before heading back into the party.

The ride home was silent, as neither he nor Charlie knew what to say. He wasn’t completely sure what had even happened, and didn’t want to upset her again. They finally reached his apartment and settled in for the night, spooning in his massive bed.

“I think I’m finally ready to talk to you about it” She said in the dark. He rubbed her side with his hand. “I don’t know if you’ll want to know after I tell you though.”
“I want to know, Charlie.” He said. “I want to help you and I can only do that if I know what happened.” He replied.

She sighed and turned around to settle her head on his chest. When she began to tell him the story, a flood of emotions washed over him. Mostly he was relieved she was finally telling him the truth about what happened, but he was also heartbroken to hear the story he had watched so many times on the TV from her point of view. In the safety of his dark bedroom, she told him every detail. From getting the call to the mass chaos at the school to turning over the five dead bodies at the hospital. Sean found that he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer, and cried with her. It killed him to find out that she had been reliving the incident every night for the past two weeks. He felt like an idiot for never noticing, but he vowed to find a way to help her through it all. After finishing the story, he held her as she sobbed into his chest, letting all her emotions pour out. It took about an hour, but Charlie’s body and mind both finally gave in and she fell asleep. It had been a long, emotional day for the both of them. Sean thought about the tiny box he had placed under the Christmas tree before pulling her closer to him and nestling his face in her hair. He kissed her forehead and mumbled an “I love you” before allowing sleep to claim him as well.

Notes