Redemption of Puck Slut: Part I

Oct. 9, 2013

Dear Diary,

After Sid returned from dropping his parents off at the airport Sunday afternoon he looked a little different.

I guess his parents said something to him that made him rethink ‘us.’

“Hey Emme,” he said sitting up in bed after our obligatory superstitious after-win sex. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure, what is it?” I had a bad feeling about this. He was either going to evict me, or try to ask me out. I could deal with the first one, but I was not prepared for the second.

“My parents really like you, they said I was lucky to have someone like you to make me breakfast and iron my shirts,” he sighed, I could tell he was going somewhere with this and I almost stopped him now before it got too awkward. He looked down at our hands and absently rubbed circles on my palm with his thumb.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” he finally said, not looking up at me.

I smiled and relaxed a little, this had been less awkward than I thought. “Sid, I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s just something my dad said right before he left. He said ‘a girl like that doesn’t come along every day,’ and it’s true,” he looked up at me, his eyes full of emotion, “and I don’t want to lose you to some other guy, and that’s why I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

I sighed. “I want to say yes, but I can’t right now,” I replied.

I told him all about Cam and how I felt so repressed and trapped in our relationship. We had started dating when I was at a vulnerable time, (beginning of college and right after my dad died unexpectedly = super vulnerable!) and I grew to rely on him, built my whole life around him. (Landslide by Stevie Nicks still makes me cry)

“It won’t be like that this time,” he said looking very sincere, “You’re in a much better place in your life right now, and I promise I won’t get too clingy or oppressive.”

“I just don’t know if I’m ready for a steady relationship right now, and I don’t want to end up hurting you,” I looked at him, his cute smile refused to fade no matter how many times I said no.

“Then I’ll wait for you,” he said wrapping his arm around my shoulders, “I’ll wait for you to be ready.”

He was so sweet. I don’t know why I can’t just get over it and say yes. I guess I’m also afraid of becoming ‘Sidney Crosby’s girlfriend,’ a title that carries a lot of responsibilities.

-

Monday was awkward, I tried to avoid Sid so I wouldn’t have to deal with his cuteness. I didn’t tell Caeleigh yet because she would make me feel bad about it. Also, because she said she and Geno were pseudo-dating. I’m not sure quite what that means, but I don’t think she does either. She said sometimes he forgets to speak English, and she just stares at him waiting for him to realize. At least Sid and I don’t have that problem

After class on Tuesday I headed over to Brandon’s to visit Pancake. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I needed to see Brandon. You know, for sex.

I let myself in (he gave me a key so I could watch Pancake while he was gone) and immediately realized he had guests over.

“Oh, hey Emme,” Brandon said walking from the kitchen to the living room to see who was here.

“Are you busy? Sorry, I should have called first,” I started putting my jacket back on to leave.

“No, you can stay, actually I might need your help,” he said walking back to the kitchen. I followed him to find several pots and pans on his stove. “I may have overestimated my cooking abilities. Sid says you’re pretty good at it, maybe you can get me out of this mess?”

I looked around his kitchen assessing the situation, “I think I can help you.”

“Good because I have some old teammates visiting,” he explained handing me a big wooden spoon.

“Old teammates?” I was confused, wasn’t he always a Penguin?

“Yeah, from Carolina. They traded me for Jordan Staal like two years ago, and they’re up here to play us tomorrow,” he explained.

Soon after, the two Canes he had been talking about wandered into the kitchen.

“That cat is not very nice,” the younger and shorter one said.

“It wouldn’t have scratched you if you hadn’t been poking it,” the taller and older looking one said pushing him a little.

“Oh no, did Pancake scratch you?” I looked up at him from the pot I was stirring.

“Yeah, it’s nothing though,” he replied, suddenly acting like it didn’t hurt.

“Sorry, she’s kind of old and grumpy.” I smiled, I love pancake, but she’s not very nice.

“This is Jeff,” Brandon said pointing to the guy Pancake scratched, “and this is Eric, he’s the Canes’ captain. And this is Emme,” he said leaning around Jeff to ruffle my hair.

“Stop that!” I smacked his hand away.

“So you’re Sid’s girl,” Eric asked. I immediately blushed, hearing him say that reminded me that Sid had asked me out. That’s probably not what he meant, but I still reacted a little more defensively than I should have.

“No, I am not ‘his girl’ I just live in his house,” I looked back at the stove, “We’re just friends.”

“Do you need any help with that?” Brandon offered.

“Nope, I think it’s all done actually,” I said checking the thermometer one last time. I turned around to give it to Brandon when I noticed Jeff smiling. He has the cutest dimple on his right cheek. I suddenly remembered why I had wanted to visit Brandon (besides Pancake).

That made dinner kind of interesting for me. I sat across from him and next to Eric, but all I saw was that adorable dimple on Jeff’s face every time he smiled (which was quite frequently, he laughs at everything apparently). Halfway through dinner I started talking to Eric. What started as intelligent conversation somehow turned into playful banter, and that digressed into straight up flirting before dessert.

Jeff and Brandon didn’t seem to notice as they were engrossed in a serious talk about hockey or something. When Eric’s left hand began caressing my thigh under the table I accidentally moaned out loud. Jeff and Brandon both turned to look at me so I shoved some cake in my mouth and said “this cake is so good!”

Eric continued to touch me under the table, getting closer to my moistening snatch, and I continued to make inappropriate noises while eating cake. I probably should have stopped him, but I was horny and not thinking clearly.

After dinner Jeff and Brandon thought up some lame excuse to go to the store, leaving Eric and I alone. I crawled onto his lap and began making out with him as he unbuttoned my shirt. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. As we undressed I checked under the bed to make sure Pancake was gone. Eric looked at me funny, but he didn’t ask anything.

I pushed him back on the bed and climbed on top of him, quickly explaining my condom allergy and making out with him before he could ask any questions. His cock found my wet entrance and I rode him hard (and I came twice, first time that’s happened) and he flipped me over and continued to thrust until we orgasmed simultaneously (also a first).

When Brandon and Jeff returned Eric and I were washing dishes together and chatting like nothing happened. Jeff and Eric left shortly after and Brandon and I sat on his couch with Pancake.

“You know he’s married and has two young kids,” Brandon said not looking at me.

I stopped petting Pancake and froze for a minute before looking up at him “What?! He did not mention that.”

How could I sleep with a married man with children? I’m such a whore!

“I should have said something, but I’ve never seen him do anything like that,” he said shaking his head.

I was still trying to comprehend what I had just done. “Oh my God,” I wailed as I drew my knees up to my chest and hid my face in my hands, “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Hey, it’s not your fault, you didn’t know,” he said rubbing my back.

“I am such a horrible person!” I continued to sob as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer. I leaned over so I was lying down with my head in his lap. He brushed his fingers through my hair until I calmed down.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. I just don’t know what he’s doing. I’ve never seen him like that before.” Brandon said continuing to brush my hair.

“Brandon,” I said after a few minutes. “Sid asked me out.”

“What?” He looked surprised, “I knew he liked you but I didn’t think he had the balls to go through with it.”

“You knew he liked me?” I asked sitting up.

“Yeah,” he laughed, “I think everyone knew.”

“I told him I couldn’t, not yet at least, because I don’t want to hurt him,” I sighed, “And then I have sex with a married man. What the hell does he even see in me?”

“Hey, don’t do that,” Brandon said brushing a stray hair behind my ear, “You’re quite a catch, don’t put yourself down.”

I started laughing, “‘Quite a catch?’ what are you my grandfather?”

Brandon laughed, “I’m just saying you’re pretty and smart and you like to cook and clean. And you’re pretty good at skating,” he added with a smile.

“You’re forgetting the part where I have sex with married men, among others.”

“Others? Beside me, I know about that.”

“Uhh, well this one time I drunkenly slept with Nealsy, but I’d totally do it again not super drunk.” I looked down at my hands, waiting for him to say something condescending or call me a slut.

But he just laughed, “I don’t get why all the girls like Neal,” he said shaking his head.

“Umm, I do. I mean, have you seen him?” I said looking up at him. “See, this is why I can’t date Sid. I can’t be lusting over his teammates.”

Brandon laughed, “‘Lusting over his teammates?’ like who?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I replied looking into his eyes. “Well, there’s you for starters. We’ve had sex how many times? Neal obviously. And if Caeleigh wasn’t so in love with Geno I’d do him. Beau, and Brooksy- something about that fierce intensity makes me think he’d really fun in bed. All the girls seem to think Tanger’s hot, so why not. And…”

“And?” he leaned forward, fascinated with my list. “Who?”

“Umm,” I paused looking back up at him, “Olli Maata.”

“Wow, I am surprised,” He was still smiling.

“Why?” I thought my list seemed pretty generic.

“I don’t know, just a few people you mentioned, and some you didn’t.”

“Oh really? Who would you have said that I didn’t?” I laughed.

“Well, I mean for me personally I’m not into any of them,” He said smiling, “I don’t know, what about Duper and Flower, or Bortz? But Maata, really? He’s 19. And Brooksy, I kind of get that one, but not as much as the others.”

“Okay, Duper and Flower are too French for me, also, both married. Doesn’t Duper have like a clan of children? Eww. Bortz is kind of scary looking, he’s too tall and intimidating. As for Maata,” I said getting ready to defend my choices, “just because he’s 19 doesn’t mean he isn’t cute. And I’ve always wanted to sleep with someone younger than me. And he’s almost four years younger than me.”

“Bortz isn’t scary, and yeah I think Duper has four kids,” he replied laughing. “Wait, did you say ‘eww’ to Duper having children or to children?”

“Both, I guess. I’ve never been a huge fan of kids,” I replied, not liking where this conversation was going.

“So you don’t think you’ll ever have any?” He asked.

“I don’t know, if I was with the right person and we were in a good situation, like married or had a stable relationship, I might,” I paused, “but it’s not one of my major life goals or anything.”

“Wow, girls are usually obsessed with that.” He replied, “You know Sid’s going to want to have kids, right?”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh my God we are not even dating!” I hit him, “But Sid is the kind of person I’d be okay procreating with. What about you? Have you and your girlfriend talked about that?”

“Umm, yeah a little,” he looked down at his hands. “I’d like to, but we’ll see where things go.”

“Are things not going well with her?” I moved over and put my arm around him. “I’m sorry.”

“Apparently she has been sleeping with someone else, and I don’t know why I feel upset, because I have been too, I’m just worried that it’s different for her.” He looked back up at me, and I could tell how much this hurt him.

“Why don’t you invite her down here for a weekend or something? I promise I won’t come over unannounced,” I laughed at how awkward that would be. “Though I do want to meet her. Just don’t tell her we’re sleeping together. I really want to keep that between us.”

“Yeah, of course. I haven’t told anyone.” He thought about my suggestion for a while. “I should see when she’s available.”

I kissed him goodnight, realizing how late it was, and left, leaving him to work that out on his own.

Sid was already in bed when I got home, so I didn’t bother saying goodnight to him. I was actually really tired after everything… sex can be really tiring sometimes.

-

Yesterday the Pens played the Canes and they won 5-2. I think Eric might have been a little tired from our activities the day before. I saw him for a second as I was leaving the ice after skating and we made eye contact for a second before I looked away. The super adorable Jeff Skinner, however, smiled when he saw me and that fucking dimple got me again. I pushed him playfully as I walked past him, causing him to smile even more.

After the game Sid and I went home together. The car ride was silent until we were almost to his house.

“You played really well today,” I said politely.

“Please don’t do this to me,” he looked at me as we pulled into his driveway.

“What?” I was just complimenting him.

“That,” he paused as he pulled into the garage, “talking to me like nothing happened.”

Was he talking about Eric and I? Did he know about that?

“What do you mean? I just said you played well.”

“I know you aren’t ready yet, but until you are we can’t just pretend that I didn’t pour my heart out to you.” He said as we walked into his kitchen.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know,” he said turning to face me.

I pushed him up against the refrigerator and kissed him hard, my hands roaming his neck and hair. “Is that what you meant?” I asked seductively.

“No, but you can keep doing that.”

After sex, he tried to convince me to sleep with him that night, just once, but I insisted I sleep in my own room. I kissed him good night and walked down the long hallway to my room where I instantly fell asleep. Between school, skating, and Sid and Brandon I was pretty busy and didn’t have as much time to sleep as I used to.

Too bad, sleeping is my favorite thing. : (

I spent most of today skating with Caeleigh. I’ve been trying to work on a back flip off of the boards in front of the bench, but I’m too scared to actually try it on the ice!

I visited Brandon after. He didn’t have any guests this time. He said his girlfriend was going to visit in a few weeks. I’m happy for him, I hope they work things out.

In the meantime, however, he remains my fuckbuddy. Checking under the bed for Pancake has become a pre-sex ritual. It’s pretty funny.

I guess I fell asleep after sex, because he woke me up at 9:30.

“You should probably go home before Sid gets worried.” He said helping me out of bed. “Also, he probably wants to spend some time with you before we go to Florida for a few days.”

“Why?” I asked, still not awake. “And why can’t I come to Florida, it’s so much warmer there.”

Brandon laughed, “It’s not that cold here, not yet at least.”

“Wait, you’re going to be in Florida for two games.”

“Yeah, is that a problem?” Brandon asked as we left his house.

“Yes, it is actually. How am I supposed to have sex with him if you win?” I looked at him.

He laughed, “I forgot about Sid’s superstition. I don’t know, you could try Skype sex.”

“Oh my God no, don’t even say that,” I laughed, trying to clear the image from my mind. “I would be so bad at that kind of thing, and I don’t think Sid would quantify that as actual sex. You’ll just have to lose your first game and then win the second one.”

“Don’t say that,” Brandon said hitting my arm playfully, “You’ll jinx us.”

I laughed, thanked him for the ride home, and went inside.

Sid was waiting for me in the kitchen. “I had to make my own dinner.” He said pretending to be upset.

“I’m sorry dear,” I said helping him with his dishes. “You excited to go to Florida?”

“I am, it’s the first road trip of the season, and Florida is always nice,” he said turning to me, “I’ll miss you, though.”

“I thought of a minor problem with your new superstition,” I said leaning on the counter next to him.

“What’s that?” He suddenly looked concerned.

“How are we supposed to fornicate after you win a game if you’re in Florida and I’m up here?” He laughed at my word choice, but then looked serious.

“I hadn’t thought of that, thanks for bringing it up,” he added sarcastically.

“Maybe it will just apply to home games? And other games that I’m available for that?” I offered, hoping to erase any anxiety I may have caused.

Sid smiled, “that might work. I’m going to bed now, I hope to see you at breakfast tomorrow, maybe?” he looked at me questioningly.

“I will be up to make you pancakes,” I replied kissing him goodnight.

I’m not tired because I slept for like an hour at Brandon’s, so I’m up writing this.

But I don’t have anything else to say.

So excited for my Florida ‘beach’ party with Caeleigh!

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes