The Maroon Beret

-Brayden-
The locker room is completely silent.

There’s a horrible feeling hanging over all of us, and no one knows what to do. We’re all stuck somewhere between complete shock and massive heart break.

After Sean passed out last night, I had the unfortunate task of explaining to my coach, captain and doctor exactly why I made an emergency call to them at three in the morning the night before a game.

At first they were all furious that I had pulled them out of bed, but once they saw the grim expression on my face and Sean losing the contents of his stomach into the toilet, they were able to put two and two together.

Let me just tell you something right now. If you ever have the misfortune of hearing terrible news, don’t be the one who has to then share that news with other people. It’s hard enough hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth. But to be the person who has to sit there and explain what’s going on is one of the worst experiences in the world.

Once I was done explaining, Chief headed off to make some calls. Doc told me to keep an eye on him, and said that he would leave one of his assistants in the hotel during morning skate to watch over him. Finally it was just me and my captain left.

“He had a valid question.” I said. “What do we do now?”
“You had a valid answer.” He responded. “We do whatever we can. Whatever is going to help him. If he needs to be alone, we leave him alone. If he needs to be with friends, we stick by. We make sure he stays healthy, and we try our best to make things seem less horrible. The key here is that she’s going to be fine. Sure, things will be different. But she’s alive. And she’s going to be coming home.”

I was glad that this morning I wasn’t the one that had to explain to the entire team what was going on. Coach had decided to wait until before morning skate to tell everyone, which kinda frustrated me. I got tired of shrugging my shoulders at breakfast when the guys would ask why Couts wasn’t down yet. But they all understood as soon as they heard the news.

Chief decided that morning skate was going to be even lighter than usual, due to the emotional turmoil we were all going through, and dismissed us after only forty five minutes on the ice.

That led me to where I am now, sitting in the silent visitor’s locker room in St. Louis with my team, not having any idea how to handle this situation that’s been thrown upon us. We’re all slowly shedding our gear, getting ready to head back to the hotel. My phone buzzes and I see that there’s a GameCenter notification that Couts has been scratched from tonight’s game, due to a “family emergency.”

Not even ten seconds later, everyone’s phones are going off with texts from guys around the league. Most of them knew about Charlie’s deployment, and have probably figured that the change in his availability has something to do with her. Fortunately the media team predicted this, and told us earlier to respond with the same generic text to anyone who asks us about it.

‘I can’t divulge any information right now. There will be a press conference tomorrow afternoon.’

I feel like an asshole for saying it, but there really isn’t anything else I can do. They did say we could tell our own families if we wanted to, just as long as they kept the information to themselves for the time being. I’m expecting a call from Janine anyway, considering it’s game day. I don’t really want to break our traditional conversation topics, but I know that today is going to be a different experience overall.

Andrew MacDonald and I are done changing sooner than our other teammates, and decide to head out to the bus early. I get a text from Janine telling me to call her immediately and am about to respond when Ryan Miller and TJ Oshie round the corner in front of us. They quickly flag us down, and begin asking us questions that neither of us really want to respond to at the moment.

“Guys, we really can’t talk about what’s going on right now.” Mac says, cutting off their questions. “It’s nothing personal. It’s just our media team wants to control what’s said, and doesn’t want anything to get out just yet.”

“Can you at least tell us if it’s his fiancee?” Miller asks. Mac looks at me. I sigh.
“Our general manager is holding a press conference tomorrow afternoon and will explain everything then. I’m sorry, guys. It really isn’t anything personal.” They both nod understandingly.

This encounter makes me think about what Oshie said during the Olympics. Everyone was calling him an American hero after his shoot out success against the Russians. He responded by saying that the real American heroes were the ones wearing camouflage and defending their country. I respect what he said. For that, I wish I could tell them what’s going on, but I know that I can’t.

We bid them goodbye and good luck tonight and head out the door to the bus. I take the opportunity to give Janine a call and she picks up on the second ring.

“Is Charlie okay?” She asks, frantically bypassing any type of greeting.
“Define okay....” I start. She gasps. “She’s alive, if that’s what you mean.”
“Brayden don’t mess around with me. This is one of my best friends we’re talking about.”
I really don’t want to go over this again, but I know I have to. So I dive into the explanation of the situation, trying to keep it brief and optimistic. By the time I’m done telling her the story, she’s sobbing and all I want to do is go home and wrap my arms around her.
“She’s going to be okay, J. Charlie is the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Hell, she’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever met regardless of gender.” I say, trying to comfort her.

“I just wish there was something I could do.” She says in a quiet voice.
“We all do.” I admit. “Right now, no one is really sure what to do. But I promise as soon as I have any ideas about what could be helpful I’ll let you know.” She’s silent for a beat.
“I think I’ll make some pre-made meals for him. Some stuff that can be shoved in his freezer and all he has to do is microwave it. That way he’s got quick food that’s not complete garbage.” She suggests.
“I think that’s a fantastic idea.” I keep thinking about the almost-catatonic state my friend was in last night, and the depression he’s bound to suffer as soon as he wakes up. “He’s really going to need us.”

We decide to change the subject to a lighter topic, and start to talk about tonight’s game when the rest of the team begins to filter onto the bus. Chief comes up to me and I ask Janine to hold on for a second, since I can tell he has something to talk to me about.

“I just got off the phone with Paul.” He says, talking about our general manager Paul Holmgren. “We agreed that it’s not appropriate for Sean to continue to stay with us on this trip, and we’re putting him on a plane to go home later today. I’m assuming you’re talking to Janine?” I nod. “Is there any way she can pick him up from the airport and stay with him?”

I move my phone back to my mouth to ask, and she answers with a resounding ‘absolutely’ before I can even get any words out.
“She says yes.” I say. He looks relieved, and heads back to the front of the bus.
“I’ll call Johanna and ask if she can help me.” She says.
“That sounds like a good plan. Just don’t overwhelm him, please.”
“Oh, absolutely. You have to tell me, though. What’s he been like?”
“I haven’t seen him today other than when I woke up. He was still passed out from the medicine doc gave him last night. But before that, he was just in shock I think.”
“Okay. I’ll do the best I can. After you see him, text me and give me an idea what I’m going to be dealing with.”
“Of course. I have to go now, we’re heading back to the hotel. I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. Play hard tonight. Win for Charlie.”

We’re all thinking it. But no one wants to say it out loud.

We have to win tonight.

Win for the girl who always has a smile on her face.
Win for the girl who is the first to give someone a hug when they’re having a bad day.
Win for the girl who stole our teammate’s heart.
Win for the girl who has taught us all what strength truly means.
Win for the girl who has taught us how to believe in ourselves.

Win for our Charlie.

Notes

And that's all that pre-written!

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