I fucked up. I really fucked up and now I’m on the verge of losing the girl I care the most about. I don’t know what happened to me after I overheard Annie’s conversation. I just snapped. She left. Well not really, she’s down by the dock, but she said she needed space. I don’t like giving it to her, because I’m afraid she’ll come back and want to leave for good. I’m racking my brain trying to think of ways to clean my mess up when she walks back in.

She doesn’t say anything, just stands there waiting for me to give her something that will make her want to stay. But I’m not so sure what else I can give her.

“I thought you were in love with someone else Annie” I repeat firmly. “I felt sick to my stomach, betrayed, I just...I’ve never felt so...so...”

“Heartbroken?” Her question leaves me speechless. Heartbroken? Was I really heartbroken? I’ve never felt that way towards a girl before. Because to be heartbroken over somebody you had to have loved them first, right?

“Yeah” I say slowly. “Yeah, I guess I was.” And then a smile slowly stretches over my face, because for the first time, I realize that I am in love with Annie Aldridge.

“I love you, Annie” I say looking into her eyes and grinning with pure happiness. “I didn’t know I was in love with before tonight. But I was, and I was just too afraid to admit it. I guess the one good thing I got out of tonight is that I learned what it would feel like if I ever lost you. And now, I’m never going to let that happen. I can be better Annie, you know I can. These past few months have been the best of my life. I’ve been happier than I’ve been in awhile, and I know you have too. Because your drawing again and your work is better than ever. And there’s this light in your eyes that went out tonight, and I want to be the one to put it back. I promise you that if you let me I won’t ever hurt you like this again. I promise to learn from you, with you, and I promise to never let you go again.”

I see her mind working, and before I can question it, the tears come again, but this time she moves straight to my arms.

I wrap one arm securely around her back the other cradling her head as she buries her face in my chest and squeezes me tight. I sigh in content and kiss the side of her head over and over.

“I love you so much, Annie” I whisper in her ear. I hold her tightly to me until her tears dry up and she reluctantly pulls away. She wipes her face and then giggles.

“I’m a mess!”

“A beautiful mess” I correct her. “And I still love you.”

“Show me” She says softly, biting her lip. “Show me how much you love me.”

I suck in a breath at her words and watch as she unzips her dress and steps out of it. Leaving her in a lacy black thong and a bra to match. I rip my shirt over my head before pulling her towards me, locking her lips with mine.

I kiss her fiercely one hand cupping the side of her head, the other roaming her body. Her soft hands trace my chest, down my abs, until they reach my belt buckle. She skillfully undoes it and pushes my pants down an inch. We pull away and I kick them off.

With a deep hunger for her, I push Annie softly up against the wall and attach my lips to her neck. Right below her ear, she gasps. I suck and nip, careful not to leave a mark, before trailing my tongue down further. Her shoulder, collarbone, and finally her beautiful, perky breasts. Her breathing is rapid as my tongue traces the tops of her breasts. I reach behind and unhook her bra, pulling her off the wall she throws it away and I press her back again.

Her legs grip my waist as I take a nipple in my mouth sucking and twirling my tongue around the pick nub. My finger reaches up to tweak the other and her hand tangles in my hair. She moans as I leave my mark on the underside of her creamy breast.

“James” She breathes out. My favorite sound, my name rolling off her gorgeous lips, all needy. I move my lips back to hers as I untangle her legs from my waist and drag her panties down. She wiggles them off and kicks them away. She reaches for my boxers, but I hold her hands away, having something else in mind.

I sink to my knees and spread her legs. I kiss her hip and massage her inner thighs until an agitated groan slips from her mouth.

“Impatient?” I ask her teasingly.

“Always” She quips back.

I smile up to her before hooking one leg over my shoulder bringing her beautiful pussy right to my face. My tongue takes a long swipe through her folds earning a satisfied moan from Annie. My tongue rolls over her clit, sucking it, tweaking it before I move down. She’s soaking and as my tongue pushes into her, her finger twist in my hair. I twist my tongue around and around, enjoying the taste of her juices.

Two fingers replace my tongue as I move back to her clit, wanting to see her lose control. Her head tossed back against the wall, mouth open panting wildly as she bucks her hips into my hand. Minutes later she’s biting her lip to cover her moans as her body crashes through her first orgasm. When her breathing slows down, she slowly lifts her leg off my shoulder and pulls at my hands bringing me up to her. Her mouth claims mine in a thank you and I drag her over to the bed laying her down. I slide my boxers off and grab a condom out of my bag. She watches me as I give myself a few pumps before putting the condom on.

“I don’t know why that’s such a turn on to me, but it is” She says honestly while running her fingers over her breasts.

“Me putting on a condom?”

She shakes her head and then gives me a sexy smile, “You touching yourself.”

“You like watching me jerk myself?” I ask her hovering my body over hers. She just nods and her cheeks are grazed by pink.

“It’s so hot. One day I’d like to watch to come like that. You can use me as your visual.” Before I can say a thing, her mouth covers mine hotly. As her tongue meets mine her legs fall open. I grip her hip as I slowly slide in. Annie moans in my mouth and I break away from the kiss to growl into her neck.

“Just like that” She encourages, as I set a quicker pace. I her neck as I pump in and out, her hips meeting me thrust for thrust. I groan as she hooks her legs around my waist and I sink deeper.

“Yes, God yes.” I say in appreciation, and she gasps in response. Her hand pushes down on my lower back as she sucks my ear lobe into her mouth.

“Harder” She whispers after she releases it. I smile wickedly down at her pushing harder with each thrust, watching her face as pleasure washes over it.

“Close” She say breathily and I nod. “Come with me.”

“Yes, baby.” I bring my hand down between us towards her clit as my thrusts became more frantic.

In seconds I feel her tighten around me and I let go, coming in three hard spurts as her orgasm overwhelms me. We fall into a sweaty heap, breathing hard.

“We should fight more often” She says jokingly, “Because that was amazing.”

“Don’t even think about it.” I say seriously. “I can’t handle another night like that. I can’t lose you.” I pull her tighter into me.

“You won’t” She says back.

“How can you promise that?”

“Because I love you too. And I’m not going anywhere.”

A few hours earlier

“I moved too fast” I say finally breaking the silence. “We moved too fast.”

“Annie, don’t say that.” He begs.

“It’s true, James!” I insist but he just shakes his head. “You’ve never been in a relationship before, and I was ready for something serious. Serious and real. You weren’t ready, and I can’t handle this. I care about you, I really do. But, I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to figure out how to be a boyfriend James.”

I drop my head into my hands, crying. “I can’t do this anymore, James. I need a break.”

“Annie, don’t say that, please don’t say that.” He begs

“No, I need a break from this fight.” I clarify “I just need some space, some air. I’m going to go on a walk.” A walk, that’s all I need. Some space to clear my head and decide where to go from here. To decided what I want, what I need.

“Annie, don’t run away from this.”

“I’m not running, James!” I say frustrated. “I just can’t deal with all this fighting, I hate it, and I can’t think straight. Just give me some space, okay?” With that I slip on my shoes and walk out of his house, down towards the dock.

I sit down and dangle my feet in the water and breath in the fresh lake air. But nothing about it is calming me, because just upstairs James is waiting for me. Waiting for me to make a decision. And it’s just not fair, because I don’t know what to do. This is the moment that I wish I could call my mother. Just to have a normal mother-daughter talk about a boy that I’m sure thousands of girls get to have with their mothers. But I don’t, and that just saddens me even more. In the one moment when I really need somebody, my own family can’t be there. Except Alex, even if he’s worlds away.

I dial the familiar number and pray that it will ring. But it doesn’t, the call goes straight to voicemail. When I hear the familiar beep I take a shaky breath to leave my message.

“H-hey, it’s me.” And then I lose it, I really lose it. “Alex, I need you. I’m so lost right now, and I need my brother. I know it’s not fair to you for me to do this, and I’m sorry.” Tears are streaming down my face and my voice cracks on every word.

“I met this guy, James. James Neal. And, I think I’m in love with him.” I continue after taking a deep breath. “But everything is so fucked up now. And I’m scared, because I don’t think it’s going to work out. We got in this fight, it was really a huge misunderstanding, but it was bad. And now I don’t know what to do. If I stay with him I’m not sure if things will change, but if I leave I could lose him forever. And I don’t want to lose him, because I’ve already lost you. And I can’t take anymore heartbreak.”

I’m interrupted by a recorded operating message, “The length of this message is too long. Please press 1 to re-record. Press 2 to delete.”

I look down at the phone and press 2.

“Are you sure you want to delete your message?”

Yes.

“Are you ever going to tell me about your family?” James asks while drawing shapes and letters on my bare back.

“Not now” I sigh looking at him. “I don’t want to ruin this. I just want to be happy right now, okay?”

“Okay, babe.” He nods and then leans forward to kiss my cheek. “You will tell me though right?”

“I will” I nod firmly. “I’ll tell you when there’s nothing on TV, or when you can’t sleep, I’ll tell you when we’re bored, or when it’s too rainy to go outside.”

‘Okay’ He spells on my back and then leans down to kiss it. He plops down beside me and settles his arm over my waist. I slowly trace his tattoo with my index finger.

“Do you like it?”

“Your tattoo?” He nods. “I do like. It’s beautiful all the color. Don’t get a sleeve though!”

“Why?” He chuckles.

“I’d miss seeing your skin. Plus I think it looks dumb, and tacky. You’d never be able to hide it. Alex would never approve of you with it” I listed.

“I’m going to meet Alex?”

“Of course you are! When he gets home.”

“When will that be?” He asks quietly.

“I don’t know. Hopefully soon, hopefully alive.” Tears prick my eyes and I blink them away. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“I grow a ginger beard” He states randomly. I giggle and he smiles brightly at me.

“What?”

“My beard. It’s orange.”

“No way! It is not!” I laugh more trying to imagine James with an orange beard.

“It is! Scouts honor!”

“I don’t believe you!” He rolls on top of me to reach his phone that’s on the bedside table. He grabs it and moves to my side again and looks through his phone.

“Here.” He hands it over and see a picture of him pulled up on his phone. Sure enough he has a ginger beard.

“Oh my god!” I giggle even more. “How does that even happen?” James just shrugs his shoulders.

“I like it” I decide. “It suits you. It’s actually kinda sexy.”

“Kinda?” He fakes offended.

“Yep. It would be really sexy if you had a happy trail to match.” I say while trailing my finger from his belly button down to his pelvis and back up.

“I usually do” He smirks at me. “But I’ve been shaving everything since you and me got serious. I thought girls liked it that way.”

“I do, but I do think it would be incredibly sexy if you had a ginger happy trail.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Today has been the longest day” I yawn.

“It really has” James agrees and we both chuckle softly. “Tomorrow will be better.”

“Pinky promise?” I hold up my pinky in front of us.

“Pinky promise” He says as he hooks his with mine. I smile up at him and then snuggle further into his chest. He pulls the blankets up over us and squeezes me tight, kissing the top of my head.

“I love you, Annie.”

“I love you too, James.”