Never Again

** LACEY'S POV **

After a short cab ride home from Patrick's apartment, I changed out of my clothes and into the comfiest pair of pyjamas I owned. I knew that I shouldn't bother sleeping at all, seeing as how it was already close to 5 in the morning and I have to get up for work at 6:30, but I couldn't resist. Tonight was too much for my body to handle. I was so confused. I went from being terrified in Pat's presence to being the happiest I have been in awhile, to flat out terrified again in a matter of seconds. It wasn't anything that Pat did, though. The awkward silence was just too much of a bad memory. I know that I have to learn to repress the memory though, because I'm sure that there are going to be many more awkward silences in my life. I can't think about Alex and run away every single time that it happens, but I don't know how to stop the flashbacks. Every time I come across an awkward silence, I replay that night in my head. Alex telling me that he cheated on me, me telling Alex that I was leaving him, and Alex closing the distance between us to slap me across the face before knocking me unconscious. I have to keep reminding myself that it's all just a bad memory now, though. Alex is gone from my life and I'll never have to see him again. Grace is right in saying that I need to open up a little more. I did last night, and I felt happiness again.

I looked at the clock again and saw that it was 5:20 in the morning. I shrugged, and figured this was a good way to get back at Grace for her waking me up early on my only day off this week. I took my cell phone off my bed and pulled up her contact information, hitting the dial button. I thought it would ring a few times before I would get an answer, but apparently I was wrong.

After the first ring, Grace's voice was on the other end. "Lacey! Ohmygosh! It's about time you call; I've been waiting all night!"

"What do you mean, it's about time? I just got in, Grace. I couldn't have called you any sooner if I tried."

I instantly regretted what I said because suddenly there was a voice yelling in my ear.

"YOU JUST GOT HOME? OH MY GOD! TELL ME, TELL ME! WAS HE GOOD? DID HE ROCK YOUR WORLD?"

"Grace, what the heck? What makes you think I was invited to his house to sleep with him? He just wanted someone to talk to, that's all."

I figured that she didn't need to know the real reason Patrick invited me, because he didn't make a big deal out of it. He seemed like a really nice guy and I'm genuinely sad that the night had to end. Even though his intentions weren't the best to begin with, he proved himself to be better than what he wanted me for. I saw no reason to insult him to Grace.

"Wait, so you're saying that you didn't sleep with Patrick Kane?"

I let out a laugh, "No, no I didn't. Next question."

"Did he make an attempt to get you in bed?"

I decided to keep going with my lie. I already started it, so I might as well finish it.

"No, he didn't. Any other questions, preferably not sex-related ones?"

I heard Grace let out a defeated sigh before she hit me with her next question. "Did he ask for your phone number?"

"No, he didn't."

Wait. Pat didn't ask me for my phone number, and I didn't ask him for his. The realization that we have no way to contact each other sunk in, and I started feeling the need to cry. I finally opened myself up just enough to talk to a guy and accept an invitation to his house, and I walked out empty handed. Well, not really. I walked out with what was probably Pat's way of rejecting me. The tears were threatening to spill over and before they could, I had to get off the phone.

"Grace, I have to go to bed, I'm tired and I work tomorrow. Goodnight."

I threw my phone on the other side of my bed and the tears finally started coming, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I heard a little 'meow' from the foot of my bed and noticed that Pepper was there, looking up at me with a concerned look on her little face, if that was even possible. She marched herself up to my stomach, crawled up on it and started purring. This is why I'm a cat person-- They can feel when you're upset, and they're so cute it's almost impossible not to smile when they crawl all over you. I gently petted her head when my phone went off.

Grace: I know you're not going to sleep, because you have to wake up in a few minutes. If you're upset about not having exchanged numbers, it's not too late to go and give him yours. You know where he lives, you know. Text me later.

I looked over at my bedside clock again and saw that Grace was right -- I do have to get up in a few minutes. I knew I should get out of bed now so I don't get too comfortable, but I was way too comfortable cuddling with my cat. I spent a few more minutes in bed re-reading Grace's text. Having to wake up in a few minutes wasn't the only thing she was right about. I know where Pat lives; I can just go knock on his door again and give him my number.

Too bad for me I'm way too shy to ever do a thing like that. It had already taken every ounce of courage within me to agree to meet him in the first place, and there's not enough courage left in me to go back. At least I had some fun while it happened, and I can keep those memories for ever.
With a groan, I sadly put my cat down on the floor and got out of bed, knowing that if I let my alarm go off it would just put me in an even worse mood. I wiped the last of my tears and started getting ready for the day. The good thing about being a receptionist for a lawyer is that you rarely had to interact with others; you just had to let people into an office and answer the phone to book appointments. The bad thing about being a receptionist for my professor is that due to his teaching schedule, most of his appointments were early in the morning which forced me to wake up early every single day of the week, even if I only have a class at noon. There are some days that I just want to quit, but it pays the rent and I can't live without a job. I would have to move back to Québec with my parents, and that would mean living near Alex again. That made my decision relatively easy: I would never quit my job. Besides, I only have another two years in school until I can open my own law firm and be my own boss.

God, I can't wait for then.

♦ ♦ ♦

The work morning was especially slow today. Most people were still in their beds recovering from their hangovers and parties the night before, and here I was, sitting in a swivel chair spinning in circles to procrastinate my studying. At first I felt bad about not even attempting to focus on the thick law book in front of me, but I knew there was no way I would absorb any of the information even if I tried. Grace's text was still going through my head. I knew I wasn't brave enough to go back and talk to Pat face to face, but was I brave enough to leave him a letter with my phone number on it?

Yes, yes I was.

I picked up my pen and quickly scribbled a little note, wishing Patrick the best in his season and letting him know that if he ever wants to talk, he can come to me. I signed my name at the end and wrote my phone number beneath it.

I looked at the clock next to my desk: it was 7:50. I probably had a couple of minutes to slip it under his door before he woke up for the day, so that way I wouldn't have to run into him and have to face another awkward moment and the threat of another flashback. My only problem was figuring out how I was going to sneak out of work to deliver my letter. I can't just get up and leave. I could try explaining to my professor why I want to take a 20 minute break, but I can already hear his ' I'm not letting you leave because boys are a distraction and you have too good of a career ahead of you' speech. I opted to ask him if he wanted a coffee, and sure enough, he did. I was given 30 minutes to make a starbucks run for everyone in the office.

Finally, some good news in my day.

♦ ♦ ♦

When I got to the Trump Towers and was facing room 1988 again, my heart started beating out of my chest and my palms started to sweat. To say I was nervous was an understatement, but I was also excited. This is a sort of breakthrough for me, and I was excited about the progress I was making. I ever so gently slipped the envelope with my letter under the door, and took a few steps back, distancing myself from it. Once I was as far as I could possibly be from the door while still maintaining contact with it, I knocked three times and made a mad dash for the elevator.

Thankfully the elevator doors opened instantly because I could have sworn I heard footsteps approaching Pat's door. Before I could step in, another attractive man with a Blackhawks sweatshirt on stepped out, smiling at me. I smiled back and as soon as he was about to knock, Pat's door flew open just as the elevator doors sealed shut.

I barely had any time left to make it to starbucks, but I did. I was back in the office just on time and brightened everyone's days considerably with my coffee delivery. Now I had to play the waiting game, but I knew it wouldn't be a very fun one.

♦ ♦ ♦

To my surprise, the rest of my shift went by really fast. People were buzzing in and out of the office to see my professor, and the phones were ringing off the hook. I almost couldn't keep up with the number of people calling, and I was thrilled when it was time to leave to go to class. I was seriously at risk of falling asleep, but it needed to be done and every lecture was equally as important as the last. I took notes on everything that I needed to, and even though my two hour class felt like it was actually seven hours long, it was done. Being a good student involved turning my phone completely off during class hours, and I impatiently waited for it to turn on.

When it did, I was met with a text.

Patrick: Hey Lacey, it's Pat. Dinner tomorrow?

Notes