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Dry Land

IV

*Same night*
*Some bar I don't know the name of, Chicago, Illinois*


Charles Bukowski.


He, my friends, is one of my favorite poets. And here I was, currently quoting him inside my head, probably looking like a person that needs to go to an asylum.


"It wasn’t my day. My week. My month. My year. My life. God damn it.”


That, my grateful acquaintances, was what I was wallowing in. That day, to be exact. The one where my entire world was flipped upside down because some over-jealous asshole decided to be exactly that.


So I take another drink.


"You know, drinking away your problems isn't exactly good for your health," I hear Jonathan tell me from where he sits next to me at the bar. The rest had gone home some time ago, while I decided to stay and wallow in my own self-pity. Combined with all of the events of tonight, I figured I owed myself as much," Who cares about what some assholes said? What exactly are you going to do about it now? It's not like that beer is going to make you feel better."


Once again, I look to my good friend Charles for advice. "The fuckers. There, I feel better. God-damned human race. There, I feel better,” I say, looking him dead in the eye before turning back to my drink," And contrary to popular belief dear Jonathan, drinking does make things better. The more drunk you get, the less you remember. The less you remember, the less you care. And the less you care...well then the less it hurts. I can't stand when it hurts," I admit.


"Charles Bukowski huh? He's one of my favorites. You know what my favorite of his is?" He questions while I just sit their in a bit of a shock. The motherfucker knew who my favorite poet was, and he was one of his favorites,"People are strange: They are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice.” He finally says when I don't respond.


"I still don't understand why you won't go back to your National Team. I mean sure, what that guy did to you was not right, but that doesn't make it okay to stop doing what you love doing. Alek's told all of us in the locker room about you Alexis; you aren't yourself anymore. He's always told the team of this happy-go-lucky person that was always laughing and joking around. But from what I've noticed, is that you've become this angry person that for some reason is angry at the whole world for something that one idiot did."


"Sure you've made friends with Kaner and maybe the rest of the team doesn't see it because you've somehow become this master at hiding things from people, but I do. I've seen it happen before, and I'll be damned if I don't do something about it this time. What you don't realize, Alexis, is that by quitting swimming and removing yourself from it completely, you're letting that asshole win. He's accomplished exactly what he set out to do in the first place," Jon continues after I continue to stay silent.


"I should've have expected you to go all captain on me," I chuckle, setting my beer down and turning to face him," You think that I don't know that I've changed? That I've become less happy-go-lucky and more like a cold hearted bitch that's pissed off at the world? Yeah Kaner's become one of my best friends, and you're teammates make things a little bit easier with the day to day, but that doesn't change anything in the end. You'll come to realize even more so that I've gotten really good at hiding things from everybody, I've been doing it since I was twelve years old and I got my first look into what the swimming world is really like for people like me."


"Of course, at that point in time I was naive and didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I didn't realize that it wasn't as glamorous as it all looked. I think that somewhere along the way I fell out of love with swimming and stopped doing it for myself, I was wasting my life without even knowing it, and eventually I was so desperate to find a way out that I took the first exit I could. Maybe if it had happened when I was younger, and still someone that loved what she was doing, then I would have continued, would've just used it as a big 'screw you', but I'm not that person anymore."


"Sometimes people need to take a step back from doing the things that they used to love doing, and have fallen out of love with, in order to fall back in love with it again. Quitting wasn't something that I wanted to do, in fact I hated it, which is why I haven't said that I'm never coming back. I think that given the time, I could fall back in love with swimming again, and be happy and do it for me again, not just everyone else. That's why I've been telling people that maybe someday I'll return. It might be a few months and it might be a few years, who knows. But for right now? For right now I need to take some time to find myself again, because I've been lost for a long time." By the time I've finished my rant, I've turned back towards the bar and have finished my beer," So I guess that's that."


"Lindsey and I broke up last night. Well, more like she broke up with me," He says after a couple of minutes of silence, making me look at him weirdly," Well you told me something personal, so I figured I should too! Qualities of a good captain," He defends upon seeing my expression. I chuckle a little, shaking my head ever so slightly.


"I can see why that would make you so cold, Jonathan. Honestly though? Was she really ever worth it in the first place?" I ask him, making him pause for a minute to think.


"I mean, I guess in the beginning, ya know? Like everybody on the team has someone, whether that be a wife or a really serious girlfriend, and I guess when we met I just went with it, wanting to fit in and stuff, because I'm the captain and I suppose I felt like I had to do captain-like things," He finally says after a while.


"So you were settling," I say. Not a question, once again a statement.


"I guess when you put it that way, yes, I was very much settling," Jon sighs, looking down at the bar before looking up again," But part of me still wants her back, ya know?"


"Well Jonathan, I guess I can't really sympathize with you on that, but just know this, you are way too good of a person to be settling on someone like her. No offense to Lindsey, she's nice and all, but I guess-" I pause, trying to find the words to say what I was thinking.


"She's just not really my type?" He finishes for me, making me shake my head.


"I wouldn't say that she isn't your type, I would more say that she wasn't the right person for a guy like you Jonathan," I finally finish.


"A guy like me?" He inquires, a look of questioning on his face.


"Yes Jonathan, a guy like you. Someone that, despite the tough exterior slash asshole act he puts up, is actually a kind hearted person underneath and deserves someone just as much so," I explain, rendering him speechless.


"Well I guess now we know what you really think of me," He smirks, making me scoff and shove his shoulder lightly before standing up and grabbing my things to go.


"Don't be like Kaner, it really ruins the whole pretty face thing you have going on there Jonathan," I tell him, gesturing towards his face before walking out of the bar, leaving him laughing behind me.

--^--

I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache. Groaning, I roll over and check the time on the clock. 8:15. Sighing, I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling, trying to sort out the thoughts in my head.


Not something I would recommend with a hangover.


Gradually, the world stops spinning and I finally manage to pull myself out of bed and put some clothes on, stubbing my toe in the process.


"You alright there little sis? I heard a loud thump and then some swearing," My brother questions as I walk in to the living room and towards the kitchen.


"Just fine brother dear." Is my reply as I open the fridge and proceed to stand in front of it for several minutes out of habit.


"Dude, I don't think she's okay," I hear the voice of Patrick Sharp mutter as I continue to stare mindlessly at the open fridge in front of me.


I groan loudly before closing the doors, annoyed," There's nothing in that fridge that is worth eating!"


"The fridge is full, Alexis," My brother says dully, an annoyed expression on his face.


"Alek, the fridge is full of foods that you tend to eat. I've been on a whole foods diet for years, essentially, nothing in that fridge is worth eating," I explain," Not to mention I'm currently hungover and so what I really want is one of those stuffed french toast thingies from IHOP."


"Stuffed french toast thingies?" Andrew Shaw questions, making me take note that him and a bunch of other Blackhawks were currently sitting in the living room.


"Why are you guys all here?" I question, totally ignoring Andrew's question.


They all look at each other, shrugging before Patrick Sharp decides to answer," Practice isn't until this afternoon and about once a week a couple of us get together and hang out at someone's place. This week it was Alek's."


"Oh," I reply dumbly before turning towards my brother," Alright well I'm gonna go get some french toast thingies," I tell him before grabbing my keys off the counter and slipping on a pair of tennis shoes," Wanna come?"


"What even are stuffed french toast thingies?" Andrew Shaw questions, making me shrug.


"Stuffed french toast? I don't really know what they're stuffed with, but they're good and that's all that matters," I answer," So are you guys coming or not?" I ask impatiently," Because I'm hungry and if I don't eat soon I'm gonna eat my arm."


"Which one?" Kaner asks.


"Both of them."


"Let's go then," He replies, standing up from his spot on the couch.


"To the stuffed french toast thingies!" I cheer as we walk out of the apartment, the rest of the group following closely behind.

Notes

Comments

great job

It's back! Great update :D

hockeygirl07 hockeygirl07
1/12/16

Please update!!!

Arrow6677 Arrow6677
10/24/14

finally

I've just been reading this and it's so entertaining! You're on to something good here :)

kaks kaks
10/10/14