You and I

“So, how is Brooklyn holding up?” Flower called me after their morning skate to see how everything is going. We are of course back in the hospital today and I’ve been on the phone for most of the morning while Brooklyn has been with her family.

I shrug and look out the window. “I don’t think she’s really let herself feel any of it. She’s more worried about everyone else.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. All of the guys send their thoughts too.”

‘’Thanks, I’ll pass it along.”

“Look man, I hate to ask, but we are all curious.” He pauses and I know where he is going next. “When are you going to be back?”

“Well, we have two more games until the playoffs and we already clinched the spot so I figure I have some time.” Silence. “What?”

“We need you here.”

He’s right. I haven’t played in weeks and now I’m two hours away a week before our biggest part of the season. But I know that I can’t leave Brooklyn just yet, soon, but not right now. “You’re right Flower. I’ll be back tomorrow night the day after at the latest. I’m not going to leave her when she needs me.”

“Fair enough.”

“You would do the same for Vero.”

“I would. And I never thought you would, so I suppose everything between you two is good.”

I smile. “Never better.”

We hang up and I stay in the hallway for a little bit longer, wondering what’s going to happen if I can’t be here when Brooklyn’s dad passes away. I would feel like shit, knowing that she is suffering alone. My reprieve is interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. Brianna is behind me. “Hey Sid, my dad is asking for you.”

Hopefully I don’t look quite as surprised as I feel when I hear her words. I can only wonder what he has to say to me. “Thanks. And uh congratulations, Brooklyn told me your good news.”

Brianna quickly touches her stomach and smiles slightly, “Thank you, that’s sweet. Claude and I are both excited about everything. It’s hard though.” She gestures vaguely around us. “With all of this happening now.”

In her voice I can see that she is worried, just like Brooklyn, that their dad is going to miss out on their lives. I’m not sure what to do so I simply nod. “I can only imagine.”

“You’re not very good at this are you?” I stare at my girlfriend’s sister blankly. “Being sensitive, comforting.”

“Well, uh no.” I look down. “I’m trying though.”

“I know and I’m happy you’re here. Over the past few weeks she’s sounded better, happier. And even in paparazzi photos she looks…lighter. I hate to admit it, but you might be good for her right now.” She nods in thought. “But I’m still trying to figure out how you two are going to work, long term that is.”

“I love her.”

“And that worked out so well last time.”

I wince like Brianna has actually struck me. With a deep breath I settle the urge to argue and yell. Clearly this is neither the time nor the place, so I simply shrug. “I’ll see you back in the waiting room.”

When I get to Mr. Donahue’s room I pause outside of the door. Inside Brooklyn is holding her dad’s hand. He’s talking and she keeps nodding, even from here I can see that she’s biting her lip in an effort to not cry. And I know that this can’t be good for her. She can’t keep bottling up all of these emotions. She looks up and sees me at the window. I hope I don’t imagine that she cracks a smile as she waves me in. “Hey Sid.”

Her dad speaks up. “I thought I heard a rumor you were somewhere around here. Sidney, son, please take a seat.” His voice is softer than the last time we talked and I notice his hand quiver as we shake hands.

“Thank you Mr. Donahue. How are you today?”

“Much better now that I have my girls with me.” He smiles and I see Brooklyn tighten her grip on his hand. “And how are you?”
“I’m doing fine, Mr. Donahue.”

“I’ve been tracking your recovery from the injury.” He nods. “Now I thought you were too hard-headed to hurt that noggin of yours?”

I smile ruefully as I take a seat. “I think you’re confusing me with your daughter.”

He laughs and then breaks off to cough. “Something tells me you and Brooklyn are a lot alike in that regard.” And then he looks at Brooklyn with what can only be called blind affection. “But yes she is almost too stubborn for her good, isn’t she?”

“And I wonder who I got it from?” Brooklyn chimes in with a soft nudge to his arm.

“Your mother.” We all chuckle. “You got your movie star good looks from me.”

“Clearly, you didn’t pass on any humility either.” She stands though. “I have to go check on some things. I’ll be back later.” She kisses her dad on the forehead. “Love you.”

“I love you, babygirl.” She squeezes my shoulder on the way out and now I’m left with her father. His eyes are closed and I wonder if maybe he forgot what he wanted to talk about.

My conscience nags at me so I start. “Look, Mr. Donahue, I need to apologize about last night. I di-“

Just as he says. “Sidney, I have a question.’’

We both stop and I wave him forward. “Please you first.”

“First, please call me Doug. I appreciate and value my time now more than ever and I would be grateful it if you did not waste it on the four extra syllables in Mr. Donahue.” I nod, at least I think I do as he sits up. “Now, I’ve decided to restart my treatment, so I’m going to have some more time. It isn’t a guarantee and it isn’t a cure. I’m prolonging the inevitable for my girls and every precious moment I can spend with them. And this extra time is going to allow me to get my affairs in order. I want to see my family taken care of.”

He coughs violently for a moment before continuing. “In regards to my wife that means life insurance, financial stuff, the house, the cars, all that boring bullshit. Brooklyn is helping me with a lot of that stuff. I need to make sure she is going to be fine, better than fine. She is my world, Sidney. And for some unknown reason that woman chose me 35 years ago and all that I want is another 35 with her. I don’t want to leave my wife behind Sidney, but if I have to, I’m damn well going to make sure she wants for nothing. Do you understand that?”

All I can do is nod and wonder where he is going with this.

“Good. As for Brianna, I’ve never been this excited for a baby since Brooklyn came along. Hopefully I will make it a few more months to hold my first grandchild and to maybe spoil him or her a little, buy a few teddy bears or something. And of course I want to put the fear of God into Claude one more time, the way only a father-in-law can do. Hopefully, you’ll be around to see that.” I chuckle and so does he before he continues.

“And that brings me to Brooklyn, my baby. She’s a special girl, no a woman. I knew she was going to do amazing things, but I never would have guessed movie star. She was the fattest baby I’ve ever seen, but so happy. She was always smiling, even then.” He sighs and I can almost see him relieving her childhood in his memories. “These past few weeks I’ve accepted that I’m not going to get to hold her children or see her next film. I won’t be in the audience of the next awards shows bragging to the woman next to me about my little girl. I won’t be there when she gets her star on the Walk of Fame. Hell, I won’t even be there to walk her down the aisle.” Our eyes connect and his are dark and foggy with future regret.

“And that all concerns me of course. She will always be my baby, my number one girl and now I know that I won’t always be her number one guy. I used to be afraid that I was going to be replaced, but this is….” He breaks off on the verge of tears. “This is much, much worse. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to be there for her every day for the rest of her life. I’m going to have to settle though. Before I leave I need to be replaced in her life. I need her to be happy with a man who will do everything that I won’t be able to do and more.”

The small hospital room is hot and I’m sweating. Emotions are rolling off of Brooklyn’s father. We wait, seconds, minutes, I don’t know before he continues.

“So that’s how I need to take care of my girls. Now I’m going to ask one thing of you.”

“Anything.”

“I would like to have that conversation you asked for two years ago, that you so abruptly cancelled.”

******


A few hours later I go to check on Sidney and Dad. The two of them are watching the small television in silence. They are both focused the afternoon baseball game and I can’t help but smile, a train could come through here and they wouldn’t even blink an eye. “Hey you two, we are all wondering if you need anything.”

I only hear grunts and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Come on, visiting hours are over. Sidney, we are being kicked out. Mom will be in shortly dad.”

Finally they both start to move, slowly and without looking away from the television. As it goes to a commercial the spell is broken. “Bases loaded and they can’t score, unbelievable.”

My dad shakes his head in disgust and Sidney agrees. “Rough. I have to head back to Pittsburgh though, Doug. I’ll come back next week for a visit or if you want I would love to have you at a game.”

My dad smiles. “I’ll hold you to that, son.”

Instead of the usual handshake, they hug. As my father gives me a wink over Sidney’s shoulder I can’t help but wonder what the two of them talked about for the last few hours. I hug my dad tightly too and then hold onto Sidney’s hand. We walk towards the door, but my dad’s voice stops us. “Oh, and before I forget, you know the rules about boys in your bedroom Brooklyn Rae.”

My face goes beet red like I’m 16 again. “Dad!” He laughs and so does Sidney, who I then hit in the chest. “I can’t believe you told.”

He shrugs. “I felt guilty!”

“As you should.” My father adds.

“The two of you are trouble together.”

“Don’t tell my wife I said this, but I hope you guys knock off the Flyers.”

I try to pretend to be astonished, but inside I’m doing backflips. Dad likes my man better than Brianna’s! “Dad…”

He holds his hands up in an attempt to look innocent. “Just calling ‘em like I see ‘em.”

“Sure, sure.” I blow him a kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

We are walking to the car. “Who know you were such a goody-two-shoes.”

“What? Just because I told him about your bedroom?”

I nod, holding back my laughter. “And you tattled on me.” Sidney finally catches on to my good humor and sticks his tongue out. “Don’t stick it out there, if you aren’t going to use it.”

His eyebrow rises slightly as his gaze locks on mine. “I definitely plan on using it.”

Dear God, how does this man do it? From playful to sexy in a second flat, it’s really just not fair. “Later Cassanova.”

“I have to drive back to Pittsburgh tonight.”

His words sting of course, but I knew they were coming. He needs to start seriously preparing for the playoffs. “I understand. Thank you for coming.”

“Of course.” His arms wrap around me and we stop in the middle of the parking garage.

“What were you two chatty Kathys talking about in there?”

His face reddens slightly and suddenly he won’t meet my eyes. “Just little things really.”

“Really?” I don’t believe him.

“Really.”

“For three hours?”

He nods. “You know your dad and me, neither of us are that talkative.”

“I still don’t believe you, but I’m going to let it slide for now.”

We reach my car and he cradles me against it for a second. “How are you holding up?”

“Better, the initial shock is gone and now that he is going to go through some more treatments, I feel a little more comfortable.” I pause. “I’m just glad you’re getting to know him a little and he’s getting to know you. I want him to at least be familiar with the man I love, to share as much as I can of my life with him, before he’s gone.”

He nods and rocks us both gently. I can sense him searching for words of comfort, but this is perfect. He is doing exactly what I need. “I was wrong.”

He pulls back confused. “What do you mean?”

“I needed you here.”

Sidney leans down to whisper in my ear. “I’ll always be here.”

Notes