You and I

Practice was rough; my head pounded and my legs dragged like they were full of molasses. By the time we got back to the locker room all I wanted to do was fall asleep. I sit down in my locker and drop my head into my hands to stave off a headache, it doesn’t work. When my phone beeps I can’t help but groan. It’s a text message from Brooklyn, Hope you had a good practice, look what’s waiting for you at home. Enclosed is a veritable buffet of hangover food: pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, you name it. God, I love this woman. Before I can head out Mario calls me into his office.

I get there and take a seat. “What do you need Mario?”

“Well, we are a little concerned. We just want to make sure that you are mentally prepared for this last game.”

I blink, wondering if I heard him wrong. Of course, I was expecting this doubt from reporters or the internet, but not Mario. “Of course it is.”

“You just have a lot of distractions.”

“What do you mean?”

He settles into the char. “Brooklyn, if I’m being honest.” I tense and my fists clench on my thighs. “You have to admit there is a lot of baggage that comes with Brooklyn, not to mention the two of you have an…interesting history.”

My head is once again pounding. “And you thought now is the best time for you to bring this up?”

“Better now than on Thursday night when Jonathan Toews is being handed the Stanley Cup. Would you really be okay losing again Sidney? You’re so close, do you really want to piss it away on a woman. Think about the fans, think about your teammates.”

“She’s not just a woman,” I stand and gather my things. “And she’s definitely not a distraction.”

“Sidney…”

“If that’s all, I’m going to head home for a little bit before we have to be back at the hotel.” I don’t know if Mario says anything else because I’m already out the door and headed to my car. On my way I run into James and Flower. We all nod to each other and I can see the tell-tale signs that they are also suffering from varying degrees of hangovers today. Luckily, out in the parking lot all the fans are already gone so we don’t have to linger for too long. The three of us make our way down to the few fans assembled. I just hope I don’t look too worse for the wear.

After a few signatures and photos I stop when someone hands me a photo of Brooklyn and I. Honestly, I don’t remember where this photo is from but I chuckle. “Most beautiful picture I’ve ever signed.”

The fan laughs. “You two make such a gorgeous couple.”

“I’m a lucky man, that’s for sure.”

There’s a pause and another fan chimes in. “How is her dad doing?”

I’m taken aback by the question. Usually, the fans have been pretty ambivalent even hostile against Brooklyn since we got back together. “He had a rough couple days, but he’s doing better.”

Another fan chimes in. “We were wondering why she missed the game in Chicago.”

I nod. “Yeah, she wanted to be there of course, but some things understandably take precedent.”

A few fans agree. “Just tell her we hope everything works out and we know you guys are going to bring home the cup.”
Smiling I say my thanks and then the James and I walk back to our respective cars. Flower is trapped speaking French to some fan and I thank God that for once it’s not me. I’m almost in my car when I remember that James wanted to tell me something. “Nealer, you wanted to talk to me about something?”

*****


I’m looking over some scripts when Sidney finally comes home after practice. He looks tired and a little remote, but I figure he just had a hard practice. “Hey, Sid. How was practice?”

Sid merely shrugs and drops his bag. “Same old, same old.” Once he comes back into the kitchen he gently brushes a kiss on my cheek. “Everything looks good, babe.”

“Thanks.” We eat in silence and for some reason I feel like there’s something that Sid is holding back from me. “So, how were the other guys this morning?”

“Hungover as shit.”

I chuckle slightly. “Do you even remember getting here last night?”

“Honestly, no.” He doesn’t elaborate and I wonder if I should push further.

“Want to talk about the game?”

“No.”

I sigh. “Well, do you want to do anything today, I’m sure tomorrow you’ll just want to be alone.”

He chews and then answers. “Actually, I hate to eat and run, but I think I’m going to head for the hotel the rest of the day.”

I’m a little disappointed of course and a little worried. Sidney likes to have alone time before a big game but even for him this is a little extreme. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just want to avoid distractions you know?”

I try to smile and be supportive, reminding myself that I’ve never seen him in this position before. “If that’s what you want.” He stands and moves towards to the sink. “I’ll get the dishes, don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks.” He leaves without a kiss.

I’m suspicious and also extremely worried. It’s obvious that something is wrong with Sidney, something more than just being a game away from the Stanley Cup. So I call the only person I think will be able to help me, Vero.

Later that night I’m over at the empty Fleury homestead. Their two little children are already in bed and Marc is of course at the team hotel with the rest of the guys. “So, how are you holding up?”

I fidget with my wine glass. “Sidney just seems so distant right now, I mean more so than normal.”

“He’s under an enormous amount of pressure.”

“I know, but this morning he was fine and then after practice it was like a switch had been flipped. He was distant and cold…even after he had some food. It just wasn’t like him.”

Vero simply nods and I wonder if she knows anything more. “You’re right. Yeah, Sidney is usually pretty distant in the media, but never to people he knows.” She pauses for a second. “You know, Marc mentioned something about Mario pulled Sidney aside after practice.”

I wince, Mario isn’t my biggest fan and I can only imagine what the owner told Sidney. “Great.”

“What?”

“Mario doesn’t like me much since I’ve been back in Pittsburgh.”

“Oh.” We sit in silence and sip our wine awkwardly.

“And um, well remember when I called you after they lost yesterday?” She nods and I continue. “We hadn’t talked. I don’t know who he was on the phone with; it wasn’t me and it wasn’t his parents. Hell, he wouldn’t even answer my phone call. Maybe it’s something about that.” Vero doesn’t respond and my mind voices my biggest concern. “What if he’s going back to his old fiancée?”

“There’s no way.” I wait for Vero to elaborate. “I mean we all knew that she was just a placeholder for you. He was just trying to fill a void.”

“He proposed Vero, which sounds a little more serious than ‘placeholder’ to me.”

“You broke his heart! What was he supposed to do?” Vero and I have never discussed Sidney and I, at least not the breakup. “You didn’t see how lost he was when you left. And he asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t tell him, because you didn’t tell any of us! You just left.”

“Vero…”

“We were friends or so I thought, but you would have told me if that had been the case.” She pauses and I realize that she’s right. When I broke up with Sidney I didn’t realize that I was losing so much more than Sid. I really did have a life here.

“I’m sorry. I never realized.” And I know saying that isn’t enough. “But I should have. Clearly, my life in Pittsburgh didn’t just revolve around Sidney. We were friends Vero, we are friends. And I should have known that two years ago.”

She is silent and I wonder if what I said matters or helps the situation. With a sigh I realize it’s probably too little too late. And then she pours us both some more wine. “Thank you. I’m sorry to just throw that on you. It’s just we all missed you and everyone is so protective of Sid.” She breaks off and grabs my hand. “But we love you and we love that you’re back, seriously. You and Sid, you two are the ideal, everything will work out.”

I smile or at least try to. “I hope so.”

The next morning I send Sidney a quick text letting him know that I would be happy to talk to him or grab lunch or something. He doesn’t answer. For the rest of the day I try to keep myself busy and focus on anything but tomorrow or the fact that Sidney hasn’t responded to me. By the time dinner rolls around I’m in full blown panic mode. Part of me wants to give Sidney his space of course, but the other part wants to just talk to him and figure out what the hell is wrong. Finally around 8 I break down and send him one last text wishing him good luck tomorrow and I hop in the shower while I wait for an answer.

When I’m finished I anxiously check my phone. I have missed calls and texts not from Sidney, but from his mom and his sister. Confused I call Trina and Sid’s father answers. Unsurprisingly he jumps right to the chase, “Brooklyn, have you heard from Sidney?”

Before I can answer the phone changes hands, “Thank God, you answered.”
“Trina, is everything okay?”

There’s noise on the other line and then she continues. “Well, we haven’t heard from Sidney all day and we were just wondering if you had.”

“Um, I don’t know what to say Trina, besides no I haven’t. We talked yesterday over lunch and he said that he wanted to be alone and focused.”

“That sounds like Sid,” She half-heartedly chuckles. “But this is just extreme; usually he just sends a quick reassuring text. He never just sequesters himself.”

“He hasn’t spoken to you since Chicago?”

“Correct and we just landed in Pittsburgh this afternoon. Sidney organized the car of course, but he didn’t even acknowledge that we landed.”

This sounds so not like Sid, at the very least he would touch base with his parents. “You know Trina, I’m going to try to get a hold of him one last time. I’ll let you know how it goes. Just get some sleep, please. Tomorrow is going to be a big day.”

“Alright. Thank you Brooklyn, I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Quickly, I dry my hair, throw on a t-shirt and shorts then hop in my car. The quick five minute drive to the hotel gives me just enough time to run through my plan. In the parking lot I take a quick breath and then stroll into the lobby. I walk to the front desk. “Hello, I was wondering which room Sidney Crosby was in.”

The night manager barely looks up. “Miss, the Penguins’ floor is a private level, only those with access are allowed. As far as private rooms go, I’m positive you are not permitted.”

“But, I really need to see Sidney.”

The desperation in my voice makes him look up and he does a double take. “Oh, uh Miss Donahue, um welcome? I’m sorry though, I have strict instructions to not let anyone up to that floor.”

“It’s an emergency though, please I’ve been trying to get a hold of him all night and he hasn’t answered..." I trail off and let my voice crack slightly. If I can’t put on enough of a show to get a room number, am I really an actress?

“Emergency? “ Realization settles over his features. “Oh, is it something with your father?” I burst into tears and let him come to his own conclusions, which he of course does. “Oh, uh okay. Sidney is in room 521. Would you like a key?”

I sniffle. “Oh, no I don’t want to inconvenience you. You’ve already done so much.” I start to walk away and then turn. “Actually, a tissue would be great, please.” He scrambles and then hands me a few tissues. “Thank you.”

*****


After an insanely long day, I’m in the hotel room that I share with Pascal. Usually, the night before a game, even a game this big I’m relaxed by now. Instead, I have a million thoughts running through my head and none of them are particularly helpful. I’m lying on my bed as Pascal uses the bathroom. I can’t stop thinking about the pressure of tomorrow and what happens if we lose or if we win. In addition to all those practical things my thoughts also revolve around what Mario said about Brooklyn and then what James said about her too. Basically, it’s just a mess. And my parents keep calling me. I’m in the middle of a deep sigh when Pascal emerges from the bathroom. “Alright, what has been your problem all day?”

I shrug, wondering how I’m going to voice all of my concerns, or if I even should. “Just a lot of pressure, I guess.”

My roommate simply chuckles. “Okay, so what’s the real reason? You don’t resort to the silence treatment for pressure and you don’t snap at the rookies during practice because tomorrow is the Finals of the Stanley Cup.”

We sit in silence for a moment and I’m about ready to answer his questions when we hear a knock on our door. Pascal sends me a puzzled glance and I merely shrug. He gets up and checks the peep hole before looking back at me with a weird smile on his face. “Hope you weren’t ready to go to sleep just yet.”

“What?”

He opens the door and in walks the last person I expected, Brooklyn. “Brooklyn, this is a surprise! How are you?”

She hugs Pascal quickly. “I’m doing alright. You ready for the game tomorrow?”

“I think so.”

Finally I find my voice and I interrupt the two’s pleasantries. “What are you doing here?”

Brooklyn walks further into the room and I can’t help but admire her long lean legs before I remind myself to focus. “Well, you decided to fall of the face of the earth, so someone had to check in on you.”

“If I was actually in trouble you would know.”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s not the point Sidney. You were ignoring everyone, even your sister. We were all just worried.”

“Clearly, I’m fine.” I gestured to myself and then to the door. Really, I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone, much less Brooklyn. “And now that you’ve completed your mission you should probably leave. We need to get a good night’s sleep.”

“Not so fast Captain, we are going on an adventure.”

As Pascal stifles a laugh I finally get out of bed and walk towards Brooklyn. “I need to go to sleep. Tomorrow is kind of a big day.”

“I know, but I know you too. If I leave now you’re going to spend the next two hours or more running through all sorts of plays and stats and you’re going to drive yourself crazy.”

She’s right of course and I can’t help but groan. I close the distance between the two of us and gently brush a strand of hair off her face, in the hopes of getting her to leave. “Babe, I would love to spend time with you, but not tonight. You need to leave.”

“Nice try, Sid.” Brooklyn steps away. “Get dressed, I’ll even let you drive.”

I look to Pascal for support and he merely shrugs. “Don’t look at me.”

“Fine, but I’m only going so I can come back and finally sleep. No longer than an hour, alright?”

“Promise.”

In the car the only conversation we have is Brooklyn giving me directions and soon enough she tells me to pull over and park. We are in a neighborhood on one of the hills overlooking the city. “Where are we?”

It’s dark so I can’t see Brooklyn, but somehow I know she rolls her eyes. “Come on, you’ll see.”

I follow her and it only takes a few minutes and then I realize where we are. And just like a few months ago Brooklyn and I are on this patch of concrete overlooking the city. I follow her out to the farthest edge and lean against the rail. It’s the perfect night for it really, it’s warm, clear and the city looks beautiful. I wonder if Brooklyn can feel that strange energy in the air too. “So?”

Next to me she is silent and then I hear her let out a deep breath. “What’s wrong?”

“Just thinking about the game tomorrow.”

“Bullshit.” Her word is harsh and then she chuckles. “Sure, the game is important, but you approach each one the same. I know you. In your mind you’re going to walk into the arena tomorrow just like any other game.”

I stay silent even though she’s right. Logically, I know that tomorrow is one of the most important games of my life, but I’m going to walk out on that ice like it’s just another game. Brooklyn sighs at my reticence and I feel her hands lightly on shoulder. I turn in her arms and finally make contact with her clear blue eyes. “Please Sid, I want to help. What’s wrong?”

“You.”

“Oh.” She pulls back from me. “I’ll go then, if that’s what you need to focus. I can go home and we can stop this. If it will help, you never have to see me anymore. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

She’s far from me now, barely on the overlook. Her words scare me and I realize that if she left me again I wouldn’t recover. I refuse to lose her again. Everyone is wrong. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Well, what did you mean?”

I sit down and the concrete is still warm from the hot day. “Mario called me into his office, said you were a distraction. Of course I don’t agree.” She bites her lip, like she wants to say something and I wonder what she’s holding back. Then I remember her fears about holding me back. “Brooklyn, you’re not a distraction, you know that right? I love you.”

“Then why am I the problem?”

“James mentioned something in passing today, about you and Geno…” I trail off waiting to see if she would finish the story.

And she laughs. “Oh Sid, the night y’all came back all of you were so drunk. Geno gave me a quick peck that was it, truly. Ask anyone else.” Her answer confirms what I already thought and part of me relaxes. “Geno is a sweetheart, but it’s you Sid. It’s always been you.”
Brooklyn finally joins me on the ground and rests her forehead against mine. “It was just too much adding up at one time, what James said and Mario said, for a second I doubted this. I was an idiot. And all today I thought that if I could just distance myself from you I would prove you’re not a distraction. I was wrong, obviously. Ask anyone I was a monster at practice earlier today.”

“All of us were worried. Your dad even called me.” She shudders playfully. “He still terrifies me you know.”

“I’m sorry you had to talk my father,” I kiss the top of her head softly. “But you’re going to have to get used to it. In-laws like to talk to new members of the family.” I can feel Brooklyn tense next to me and I realize what I’ve implied. Thinking about it I know that I already decided I was going to propose. I’m not sure when I decided this, but I know that she’s the one. Maybe ever since I talked to her father, or maybe it was before that. Now isn’t the time to discuss this though so I turn her face up slightly. Our eyes connect and I know she’s thinking about my words too. “We can talk later about it later, babe.”

She leans up and her lips gently brush mine softly. “Sounds good.” And then Brooklyn pulls me up so we can look at the city. I wrap my arms around her so she is between me and the rail. “Feeling better?”

I pause and search for the feeling of uneasiness that I had earlier. It’s still there, but barely. “I’m scared.”

“Of losing?”

“No, losing is just a part of my job,” I rest my head on her shoulder. “I’m afraid of what will happen if we lose. Hockey is all I have, the only thing I contribute to this city. If we lose I’m going to lose them.” I gesture to the city. “And then what will I have?”

“You’ll have me.” She turns in my arms and holds my face tightly in her hands. “And you sister and your mom and your dad. You are so much more than a hockey player Sid, you know that. And your fans know that too. You’re a brother, a son, a philanthropist…” She rests her cheek against my chest. “And the man I love.” I inhale softly and hug her tightly too me. In this moment I’m calm and at peace. With Brooklyn here in my arms I don’t fear tomorrow because regardless I know that this amazing woman will be waiting for me.

I turn her around and lean us both against the railing. In a deep voice I whisper in her ear while gesturing grandly to the Pittsburgh sky line. “Everything the light touches is our kingdom.”

She laughs and I feel a punch to the gut. “It’s the middle of the night you dummy.”

I squeeze her small body into mine and she squirms playfully. “You’re the one dating this dummy.”

“I suppose that makes me a dummy too.”

I shrug as she stops struggling and relaxes into my arms. “We can be dummies together.”

“Sounds perfect,” Brooklyn just smiles at me and I smile foolishly back. “I need to get back to the hotel.”

She drives me back to the hotel. When we get there the two of us makeout in the elevator like horny teenagers. And by the time we get to the door we are laughing uncontrollably and loudly. Pascal finally appears in the hallway. “Come on you two, time to be serious.”

We compose ourselves before falling back into a fit of laughter. But Pascal sends us a stern glance and I nod. “I’ll see you after the game.”

Her hands squeeze mine tightly. “I’ll be watching.”

“Good.” We share one last quick kiss. “I’ll be the one with the ‘C’ on his jersey.”

She pulls away and starts to saunter away with a smile on her lips. “Save me some champagne, alright?”

I sleep that night soundly, without a thought in my mind. When I wake up the next morning for our skate, I feel prepared, relaxed, nervous as hell of course, but most of all supremely happy.

Notes