You and I

It’s been three weeks since Sidney and I decided to try out pre-dating. Somewhere down deep I know that this is dumb, but we’ve been having so much fun. We’ve picked up from where we left off for the most part, minus any public outings. The two of us doing whatever we are doing is a secret just for us. Of course, it’s not perfect. Everyone once and a while I think we both realize that we still have major issues. And each time I’m tempted to bring up those issues to settle them, but fear holds me back. What if Sidney and I can’t survive taking this deeper just yet? My phone beeps and I glance down noticing that I have a text from Sidney, Can I come over? Before I answer I turn on the television quickly and discover that the guys did indeed lose tonight and in a shootout. Usually I watch the game, but tonight I had to get work done for filming tomorrow. And Sidney knew that so he must be in really poor shape after the game. Sure. Almost instantly there is a knock on my door. I glance down at my clothes. My hair is up in a messy bun and I’m in leggings and an old college long sleeved t-shirt. Hardly the most attractive thing I own. I debate changing but the knock on my door increases and I rush over. “So you were outside my place when you asked?” Sidney is smiling sheepishly in my small entryway. He is still in his suit from tonight, but his hair is a mess, a sign that he rushed out of the locker room. Leaning down he places a quick kiss on my forehead. “I was coming over regardless of your answer.” I laugh and open the door wider so he can come in. “Honestly, I’m surprised you even asked. You know you’re always more than welcome.” I walk towards the kitchen. “Drink?” “Just water, thanks.” I nod and pour him a glass before we walk over to my living room and find a seat on the couch. I let him get settled in. “So the game?” He sets the glass on my coffee table. “Brutal. I’m glad you didn’t watch it.” “I love watching you play though.” Sidney stretches out and pulls me over so I lie on top of him. The television is playing softly in the background. “But you had work to do, speaking of which are you done?” “For now, yes.” His smile is breathtaking and I feel his arms tighten around me. “So you’re all mine?” “I suppose.” We sit in comfortable silence for a few moments. “You should have given me more warning, I would have changed.” “What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?” I scoff and rest my head on Sidney’s warm chest. “It’s just not the most attractive thing I own.” “Have I ever once cared about what you wear?” I don’t have to see Sidney to know that he is rolling his eyes. “Well you did care that first night I wore your jersey.” He groans. “Damn, that was a good night. You should start wearing my jersey again, just you know from a fashion standpoint.” “And it would have nothing to do with the fact that it turns you on?” He struggles to keep a straight face. “I think it’s very stylish as well.” “Sure, sure.” To tell the truth I was wondering where we stood on the whole jersey thing. I didn’t know if I was allowed to wear one or if I should. We really need to discuss this, but I’m too busy enjoying Sidney’s hands wrapped around my waist. “I’ll get you one, don’t worry.” I bite my lip. “You don’t have to do that. I already have one.” Suddenly Sidney pulls me up so we are face to face. “You still have my jersey?” I nod and Sidney’s face softens. “Where is it?” I stand slowly and walk towards my bedroom. Heavy feet behind me tell me that Sidney is following. He has been here before of course, but this feels different. In one of my drawers, neatly folded and all the way at the bottom is the game-worn Crosby jersey from over two years ago. I pull it out reverently. Usually, I don’t wear it or touch it. I just could never bring myself to throw it away or give it back. I hold it up. “See?” He nods and then licks his lips. “Put it on.” It’s obvious where this is going but I’m lost in the moment. I turn, needing to take off my shirt first when I feel Sidney’s hand on my waist. “Please, don’t turn away from me.” His voice is full of longing and I oblige his request. As I change his eyes don’t leave mine. Once the large jersey is in place Sidney’s heated gaze finally moves down. My eyes, still trained on his see his pupils darken with desire. I fidget under his gaze. “Beautiful.” I shrug, desperate to break this spell. “I can return it.” “No. Keep it, I like that you have it.” He takes a step forward, slowly as if I would disappear. “Have you worn it?” “During each playoff game last year. It became a bit of a superstition of mine.” He smiles and I decide to share the rest of the truth. “And, every night after I wrote you the letter until it stopped smelling like you.” My gaze falls to the floor so I miss any visual reaction but I hear his faint inhalation of breath. Then, I feel his hand, rough yet comforting caress my face. “You should have just come back to me.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to you.” He sighs. “I never knew you were so selfish.” My eyes pop open. “What?” “You get to keep a piece of me, something to comfort you remind you o me, but you leave me nothing, except a letter, an empty house, and a broken heart.” Sidney stops touching me and takes a few steps back. His voice his disturbingly calm and quiet. “You keep saying that you broke up with me for my own good, my own benefit. I think we both know that it’s a load of shit.” “Sidney, you don’t understand, I’m not good for you.” “I’m a grown man Brooklyn; I think I can decide for myself. Do you still think that?” I nod. “Then what are we doing right now? I thought this arrangement was going to be a step forward for us, but you still don’t see a future for us.” That’s not true at all. I dream of a future with Sidney, of course that’s all it will ever be, a dream. “Can we not discuss this please?” He runs a hand through his hair. “Admit it, you were scared then and you’re scared now. You were afraid of the unknown and instead of facing the future together you bailed.” “Well, you didn’t try very hard to win me back.” I cross my arms, preferring to focus on safe emotion like anger instead of dangerous ones like fear and love. “So it was a test then? And I failed.” He sits down on the bed in defeat. “But we are different people now Brooklyn. You’ve changed and I have too. I think you need to consider that before you continue to make the wrong choices about us.” I open my mouth to speak, but Sidney holds up a hand. “No, we’re done for tonight. You need to think about how we’ve changed, how our lives have changed and then we can discuss it again.” His hands cup my face forcing me to look at him. “And no more big decisions by yourself. Talk to me first, okay?” I nod because I don’t really have a choice. “Fine.” My word comes out jumbled, but Sidney seems to understand because he releases my face and rolls us both flat on the bed. He looms over me, with a smile on his face. Any trace of anger or frustration gone for the moment. Sidney looks happy and I hope that I’m at least a little part of that. Leaning down he blows a raspberry on my cheek loudly. I squirm in laughter as Sidney’s hands find the ticklish spots around my ribs. “And now, I really, really want to sleep with you.” I continue to squirm, but it’s useless. Simply I surrender and laugh along with this gorgeous man whose happiness and playfulness in infectious. “About damn time.” ****** The next morning I wake up with Brooklyn’s head resting on my chest. Her blonde hair is fanned out over the pillow and I can’t help but run my fingers through it. To this day her beauty takes my breath away. I can’t believe that I have her in my arms again, even if our future isn’t secure. Frowning I remember our conversation from last night. Slowly, I’m beginning to understand why Brooklyn left. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but maybe with a few more clues I’ll be able to piece everything together. And once I piece everything together, I can convince her to give us another shot. My hands slowly trace her face, relaxed in sleep and I smile. This might be what I miss the most, just laying with her. No one else gets to see her like this and the competitor in me roars. Here in my arms Brooklyn is mine, regardless of what she thinks. My phone starts to ring loudly from the other room and I curse. Brooklyn’s forehead crinkles before she groans. “What is that horrible noise?” I chuckle lightly, “That would be my cell phone.” She groans and buries her face into my shoulder. “Do you have to leave?” “Probably.” Finally she looks up at me. “My least favorite part of the day.” Her words make me smile again. “Are you sure I can’t persuade you to stay?” Her lips find my shoulder and then my chest. “’I have no doubt, but I need to get to practice and tomorrow I have to pick up my parents from the airport.” Brooklyn’s trail is forgotten and she sits up in surprise. “You’re parents are coming into town?” “Taylor too.” And I now remember that I never told Brooklyn about their visit. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you.” “Not a problem, really.” She gets out of bed and throws on a pair of shorts and a hoodie. Pointedly she avoids my jersey on the floor. “What are you guys doing?” “They are coming to the game tomorrow.” Only silence. “I haven’t told them about us or anything.” Shrugging Brooklyn leaves the bedroom. “Nothing official to tell.” “Don’t be like this, please. Deep down you know that they would be confused, just like we are and probably judgmental.” She just pours some cereal and nods. “Have you told your parents anything?” “Good point.” Sighing she puts down the Cheerios and looks at me. “I’m sorry I reacted that way, it was immature. But please tell them I said hi. It can’t hurt for them to know that we are at least friends again.” She pauses. “We are friends right?” I walk over to her and pull her into a hug. “You know we are much more.” Grabbing a handful of cereal I disappear into the bedroom to get dressed. When I emerge Brooklyn is eating and scrolling through her tablet. Hair unkempt, makeup free and completely at ease, she still takes my breath away. “What are you looking at?” “The most beautiful girl in the world.” She frowns for a moment before smiling fully and I know then that today will be a great day. “Back at you stud.” I give her a quick peck on the forehead and walk towards the door. Before I leave though something strikes me and I turn around. “Why did you keep it, my jersey?” She looks down sadly like remembering some old, painful memory. When she looks back up I see tears in her eyes. “Because I thought that as long as I had your jersey there was hope for us. Deep down I never wanted it to end and as long as I had your jersey I could pretend. I could pretend that you could home to me and I could pretend that I hadn’t made the biggest mistake of my life.” My heart stops. and it takes me a full minute before I can react. I make a motion forward and Brooklyn waves me off. “You need to go. You have things to do.” “You’re not going to leave?” I wish I was joking. She shakes her head. “I don’t make the same mistakes twice. Once your parents leave we will talk.” With that I leave and contemplate her words, trying vainly to not read too much into them. It wasn’t a declaration of love or a promise of something more, but it was a huge step in the right direction. We’re getting closer and closer to where we belong, together. ****** “Brooklyn! Come on in, I just put Marjorie down for a nap.” I walk through the front door of the Fluery household the next day. Since it’s a Saturday the guys have an afternoon game and Vero invited me over to watch it. When we get to the living room Estelle is sitting quietly playing with a stuffed penguin. She immediately crawls onto Vero’s lap. “So, Sidney’s family is in town?” I nod and shrug off my jacket. “Yeah, the three of them are at the game, so I figured it would be best if I wasn’t there. I mean Sid hasn’t told them about us or anything.” “You two are just in a really weird place right now. I’m sure Sid is just trying to figure out where you two stand.” “That makes two of us. Every time it seems like the two of us take one step forward it leads to an argument that forces us three steps back.” Vero nods sagely before answering. “Well, what do you want?” And that is the million dollar question. “I want him back. I want a future with him.” “And I’m pretty sure he wants that too. It’s not going to be easy.” “I know.” Vero smiles. “The best things never are.” We settle in to watch the game. It’s going well and the guys are playing great. Vero and I talk about little things throughout. The camera finds Sidney’s family. “Oh look, there they are.” “Yeah. Why does Troy never look happy?” “I’ve always wondered that too.” We fall back into silence and watch the beginning of the third period. With about five minutes left in the tied game, Sidney is on the ice chasing after a puck towards the wall. The defenseman checks him hard and then the rest happens in slow motion. Sidney’s head was down during the contact and is forced into the board headfirst. I gasp and so does Vero as Sidney falls to the grown limp. He stays there motionless as my heart lurches. “Why isn’t he getting up?” Vero doesn’t have an answer to my question. We watch in tense silence as a trainer comes out to look at Sidney. Geno and Pascal circle him with looks of concern on their faces. I’m biting my nails as they motion for the stretcher. “Vero, what’s wrong, why isn’t he moving?” “Brooklyn, breathe.” We are holding hands tightly as we watch in horror. Still immobile and now I fear unconscious the medics get Sidney onto the stretcher. This doesn’t look good not at all. Stupidly I want to call him to see if he would answer. I sit helplessly wondering what I’m supposed to do as the game clock expires. “They are going to take him to UPMC.” I stand and put on my jacket. “I should be there to see what’s going on. To see if he needs anything.” “Brooklyn, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” “No, I need to be there.” She nods and walks me to the door. “I’ll give you an update when I get there.” She holds up her phone. “Marc just texted me, he’s going over once they are done with interviews. They took Sidney to the ER as a precaution.” I nod and we hug. “He’s going to be okay right?” “Of course.” I drive like a maniac to the hospital and head through the main entrance. After a quick scan of the map I make my way to the ER. The floor is busy and I approach the reception desk. The nurse doesn’t even bother to look p from her paperwork when I tap on the desk. “I’ll be with you in a minute.” “Please, I just have one question.” She holds up another hand and I roll my eyes before pulling the nail file out of her hand. Now she looks up indignant, but then she gasps. “Are you…?” I nod. “Yes I’m famous, I know, but more importantly I need you to tell me where Sidney Crosby is.” Her face blanches. “I can’t do that unless your family.” I narrow my eyes. “But I can point you towards the waiting room closest to his room, just around the corner.” She gestures to the right. “Great, thanks.” I walk briskly and find the waiting room, when I walk in I immediately see Geno and Marc. They smile and I walk over giving them brief hugs. “Have you guys heard anything?” They shake their heads. “Not yet.” “Did you see what happen?” Geno frowns. “Just the end. It didn’t sound good.” “It looked like he was unconscious on TV….” I trail off and Marc just nods to confirm my fears. Collapsing I sit in a chair. “Oh my God.” “Brooklyn?” I look up in response to my name and I panic. Across the room from me is Sidney’s family. “What are you doing here?” Shit. This isn’t good. Somehow though I stand and walk across the room. I give a quick hug to Taylor and then Trina kisses me quickly on the cheek. It’s clear that she’s been crying. “I was watching the game and I just uh felt like I should be here.” She nods and I know that she must be fairly hysterical. “The doctors haven’t said anything yet, but we’re pretty sure it’s a concussion. Troy went to get us coffee.” Concussion? That can’t be good. Troy walks into the waiting room then and looks at me. Promptly he frowns. “Brooklyn?” “Troy.” We nod and he gives coffee to his wife and daughter. Awkwardly I stand there wondering what I should do. “Sidney said that you two were talking again. I think it’s lovely.” I notice that neither Taylor nor Troy agree with her statement. Again I stand there in silence. Luckily Geno calls for me from across the room. I smile gently to the Crosbys and then walk over to Sidney’s teammates. “Thank you for saving me.” “Anytime.” We are all waiting until another person enters the room. I look up expectantly, but I don’t recognize the woman. Next to me Geno curses. “What?” The brunette walks over to Sidney’s family and I can clearly hear Trina. “Oh Grace, we were wondering when you would get here.” Grace? His fiancée. I feel like I’ve been punches in the gut. I take a moment to examine he girl who had everything I wanted. She is gorgeous of course. Her brown hair is perfectly manicured and I self-consciously touch my messy bun. Her face is kind and open. She looks like a wife. Frantically I search her hand for a ring, but I can’t see from this far away. It looks like the Crosbys like her though. Next to me Geno and Marc are whispering. “What is she doing here?” “I don’t know.” Geno squeezes my hand. “Are you okay?” “Is she nice?” I ask looking at the woman across the room. “Do you really want to know?” I nod and he continues. “She’s nice yes, but something was always off. We all knew she wasn’t the one, it just took Sidney a little longer.” “So it’s really over?” “Yeah, before you came back” Pascal interjects. “Some of the other WAGs kept in touch; apparently she hasn’t quite accepted that it’s over.” I nod and once again look over at my rival. She is sitting with Sidney’s family like nothing is wrong. Taylor looks at me and smiles sadly. I return the gesture. A doctor emerges shortly and walks over to the family. Those of on the other side of the room strain to hear what’s happening. I pick out words like concussion and consciousness. It makes me woozy and I have to sit. The doctor leaves and the Crosbys along with Grace look grim. No one speaks and now a nurse comes in. “The first two who would like to visit can follow me.” There is some discussion and then Troy and Trina leave. Finally Grace notices me. She’s shocked and then a cool mask of determination settles on her face. I stand. “I’m going to get some coffee. Anyone need anything?” I collect orders and then leave. When I get back Grace stands as I reinter the room. She greets me. “Brooklyn, right? I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Grace Cavanaugh. It’s so great that Sidney has friends who care about him.” She stresses the word friends and smiles sweetly. “Don’t forget ex-fiancées.” Behind her Taylor gasps in surprise. I walk away from Grace and return to Sidney’s teammates. When Troy and Trina return the nurse calls for two more people. Taylor stands automatically, as does Grace. “Brooklyn should come.” Everyone turns to Taylor in confusion. The nurse looks confused and checks her paperwork. “I have a Miss Grace Cavanaugh as an emergency contact.” My gut twists as Graces smiles. “I’ll go then.” Taylor won’t let it go. “Grace and Sidney aren’t engaged anymore.” Trina gasps. “What do you mean?” “Look at her finger. There’s no ring.” Wait, Sidney never told his family. Oh, I’m so pissed at him. “Grace is this true?” Trina asks. She waves a hand dismissively. “We were going through a rough patch. It’s not serious.” “Taylor is telling the truth; Sidney broke it off weeks ago. It’s a permanent thing.” Marc adds and then looks at me. “And he is seeing Brooklyn again.” I glare at Marc and he shrugs apologetically. Before anyone can respond the nurse sighs in exasperation. “I just need two people please.” We all look at Trina, who clearly has the power to choose in this situation. She sighs. “Taylor, follow the nurse and Brooklyn you go as well.” I don’t move right away, too surprised by Trina’s decision. Troy doesn’t look happy and Grace’s face is red as a tomato. Ignoring any glares I leave with Taylor who immediately intertwines her arm with mine. We walk in silence until we are right outside his door. “I’m glad you’re back in his life.” I smile, “Thanks, Taylor I…” “Stop. I’m still pissed at you for leaving in the first place, but it’s good for him that you’re back.” She doesn’t say anything else, but walks in. I decide to let her have a moment with her brother. ****** My head hurts as my parents walk into my hospital room. I have a concussion, again. It’s minor though and I should be back in plenty of time for the playoffs. Needless to say I’m still nervous and scared. These injuries are hard to understand and difficult to treat. “Oh honey, how are you feeling?” My mom pats my arm. “Not too bad.” I sit up with a wince. “I hope I didn’t scare you guys too much.” “Well you did, but the doctor told us the prognosis is good.” My dad coughs. “The Penguins’ doctors want to look at you too of course.” I nod and my head swims. “Got it.” “We were worried, son.” My dad fidgets with his watch. “Thanks dad.” “Brooklyn is here.” I can’t help but smile. I couldn’t be happier that she’s here, that she’s worried about me. “I want to see her.” My parents exchange a look that can only be described as confusion. “And I need to tell you something about Grace…” “Oh, Grace is here as well.” My mother interrupts me and I try to roll my eyes, but it hurts and I wince. “Sorry, we are monopolizing your time, we will send two more people in.” They leave and I know that I have to tell my parents about Grace, tonight. In a few minutes my sister walks in. “You doing okay, bro?” I nod and she smiles before hitting my shoulder. “You’re an idiot.” “What?” “You didn’t tell us that you broke up with Grace! And you never took her off your emergency contacts. So now your ex-fiancee is here with your ex-girlfriend turned new girlfriend!” “So you figured everything out, huh?” “It wasn’t really that hard.” “Are you upset that I’m not going to marry Grace?” I ask hoping that she says no. She laughs. “Of course not. I always liked Brooklyn better even when she left you.” “So I’m not an idiot for going back to her?” My younger sister is serious now. “No, you’re an idiot for not chasing after her two years ago.” Well at least she’s honest. “Can you send her in?” “Sure.” She hugs me. “I love you Sidney, please don’t ever scare me like this again.” When she pulls away there are tears in her eyes. “I love you too, sis.” She leaves and Brooklyn walks in after. She looks tired and like she’s been crying. My heart breaks. “Hey.” “Hey.” I open my arms for a hug and she comes over. Brooklyn lies half on the bed and half on me. “I was so worried.” “Injuries happen all the time.” “Not like this, even I know that.” I realize that injuries weren’t a mainstay of her life like in my family. All of this is new to her and she is handling it exceptionally well. “You have a concussion.” Hearing it out loud practically kills me, but I nod. “And you’ve had one before.” To say the least. “A few years ago, yeah.” “Well I started doing some research. I’ll be your personal chauffer for the next few weeks and I’ll wake you up every couple hours.” I smile, she’s perfect. “That sounds great, but for now just lie here with me please. We can discuss all of this in a few minutes, promise.” I make room for her on the small hospital bed and she curls into my side. I kiss her on the forehead. “Thank you for coming to see me.” “Of course, Sidney.”

Notes

Hope y'all are liking it so far. Thanks for all the messages and comments and such, you guys rock!