You and I

“Okay, now are you sure you have your medications?” My mom asked for the fourth time today.

Barely, I stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Yes, mom I do. You guys are going to miss your flight.” I try to hint that I’m ready for them to leave. It’s been three days since I was in the hospital and my family, specifically my mom has been hovering. We are all a little shaken up of course, but I’m starting to feel suffocated.

“Your appointment schedule is on the fridge.” She continues and I look towards my father for help; he merely shrugs. “And we went grocery shopping last night.” My mother looks around my apartment in search of something else to do.

“Really mom, I’m fine.” Stiffly I get up from the couch and walk over to hug her. “Thank you for everything, but I’ll be fine.”

She resists at first and then gives in. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I know, thank you.” I squeeze her tightly and then pull away hoping to forestall any tears. I hug Taylor and then shake my dad’s hand. “I’ll be back on the ice in no time.”

He nods gravely. “Just don’t rush yourself. Remember what happened last time?”

His words make the room even tenser than before. We all remember last time. I was out for over a year with concussion symptoms and I can’t afford another injury like that. We don’t talk about that dark time and honestly I’m surprised he’s mentioned it now. All I can do is nod and start ushering my family to the door. “Wait, is someone staying with you tonight? Is someone driving you in the morning?” My mother resumes her personal game of twenty questions.

“Brooklyn is coming by.”

The smile on my mother’s face is large. “I’m so happy you two are dating again. I never truly liked Grace. Sweet girl of course, but not for you. I am upset about you sold your house though.”

It’s my father’s turn to roll his eyes and I repress a laugh and ignore the comment about the house. “It’s nothing official between us mom. We have a long way to go before things get serious again.”

“What do you mean, ‘nothing official’?”

Pausing I try to figure out to explain Brooklyn and I. Taylor, always helpful, decides to chime in. “He means that they screw around with no promises of a relationship.”

I groan. “Taylor.”

And my mother gasps. “Sidney Patrick Crosby, I did not raise you to use a young woman like that. Moreover you should respect yourself enough…”

“Trina,” My father interjects. “The boy is almost thirty, let him make his own life decisions.”

She sighs and I know that isn’t the end of this lecture, it’s just been shelved for now. “Fine. When we visit next, I’m demanding all of us have dinner though, aright?”

I nod and my head still swims slightly. “Sounds fair.” Just then there is a knock on the door. “That must be her. Do you mind getting it dad?”

He opens it and on the other side is Brooklyn dressed comfortably in sweatpants and a jacket. She smiles slightly at my family. “I didn’t know this was a party.”

My mom pulls her into my apartment and into a hug. “We were just on our way out.”

“We’ve been leaving for the past thirty minutes.” Taylor mumbles under her breath and I can’t help but laugh.

“Really, you guys need to go.” This time my family listens and we say our goodbyes. Brooklyn even receives hugs from my family. My mother hugs her and I can hear her from a few feet away. “Thank you for taking care of my baby boy. We know he is in good hands.”

There’s catch in her throat and I can see my dad fidget with his watch. This is tough on all of them. To my surprise my dad now moves forward and hugs Brooklyn tightly I can’t hear what he says but whatever it is my mother starts to tear up. Now it’s really time for them to leave. With one final wave they finally leave my apartment. It’s just the two of us. I haven’t seen Brooklyn since I left the hospital, my mother insisting on caring for me. She smiles sadly and wipes her eyes. “Not you too.”

“They just love you so much Sidney.” And then she takes a deep breath. “Anyways, how are you feeling?”

“Honestly? Exhausted.” I pause. “And hungry.”

Her soft laughter soothes my oncoming headache. “You’re always hungry.” She shrugs off her jacket and walks over to the kitchen. “Make yourself comfy, I’ll cook some chicken.”

About thirty minutes later we are in my bed finishing the food that Brooklyn made. “Damn, you never cooked like that before, that was delicious.”

“Aw thanks.” She stands with a smile and picks up our plates. “I still felt like I was in college from a culinary standpoint, always takeout or frozen foods. Figured it was about time I matured.”

“You can just leave the plates on my dresser.” Brooklyn turns eyebrow raised in disbelief. “I can live with a little disorder now.”

“You’ve changed.”

I remember our conversation from last week. “So have you.”

It’s tense for a moment and I’m tempted to have that conversation I promised her, but she shakes her head. “Let’s not put too much stress on that hard head of yours. We will talk later, I promise. For now, how about we watch a movie.”

Nothing sounds better than cuddling with Brooklyn and watching a movie. To have her fall asleep in my arms, I smile at the thought and motion towards my living room. “My DVD collection is under the television.”

I watch her hips sway as she leaves. In the other room I hear rustling and then a gasp before she materializes in front of me holding six movies in her hand. “What is this?” Squinting I try to focus on the titles until finally she brings them close to me. I wince once I see what they are.

“You know.”

She rolls her eyes. “You bought my movies.” I nod. “You bought my movies.” I nod again. “Why?”

That is an excellent question. I think back to when I made the purchases. The first batch came soon after she left and I needed to have some connection to her. And with the later movies I just felt like I had to. “They’re good movies.” She just keeps staring at me. “Those to me are like my jersey to you. They gave me a connection to you. It wasn’t the real thing and it could never compare, but those got me through the first few months.”

Brooklyn doesn’t say anything and there isn’t really anything to say. We both know that the summer of 2014 sucked and neither of us want to relieve it, not right now. She sighs and places them on the bedside table. “So, what did you think?”

“You are talented Brooklyn, amazingly so.”

She smiles. “That means a lot coming from you.”

I pat the empty bed beside me. “Let’s forget about the movie. Will you lay with me? Let’s just fall asleep together.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

*****


I’m sitting outside of the trainer’s office in CONSOL waiting for Sidney. It’s almost April and it’s been two weeks since Sidney’s concussion. Everyone has been airing on the side of caution and they asked him to take it slow, but now that he’s been symptom free for a while the trainers agreed to check him out. After the checkup they are hopefully going to give him the all-clear to at least start to skate again and maybe even take some light contact. I sigh, and fiddle with my phone gain. I’m nervous for him. He’s been going crazy the past few weeks. More than anything he wants to get back on the ice, especially with playoffs coming around the corner. Hearing footsteps I look up and immediately wish I hadn’t. James Neal is standing there and glares. According to multiple sources, the forward has a major problem with me. I smile and try to act like nothing is wrong, but he continues to glare and then finally he turns to leave.

“Hey wait,” I’m sick of this bullshit. He stops. “What’s wrong?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“We used to be friends. What did I do to you?”

Sidney’s teammate is quiet for a moment and then laughs. “You didn’t do anything to me, at least not directly. But you did break my captain’s heart and that’s enough of a reason for me to dislike you.” I open my mouth to argue but he continues. “Not to mention my captain also happens to be a good friend of mine. So you fucked with a friend’s emotions, that’s a good enough reason for me to hate you. Clear?”

“I know I screwed up okay? And I’m working on that with Sidney. But this isn’t any of your business now. Follow your teammates’ examples; they don’t seem to have a problem with me.”

He scoffs. “Just do us a favor, leave now why he’s not too invested in you.” With that he walks away and I’m left stunned in the hallway. What the hell was that? I don’t have too much time to focus on it though because the door to the trainer’s office slams open. Sidney strolls out looking pissed. I only need one guess to figure out what they said. He looks around for then spots me. “Let’s go.”

I nod and follow him towards his car. His hand holds on to mine painfully and I can’t help but wince. Sidney doesn’t release though, he just walks faster. I hop into the driver’s side even though he was cleared to drive a week ago. Neither of us speak until we get back to his apartment. “So, it didn’t go well?”

“No, it didn’t go well.” He throws his bag on the floor. “Two more weeks before contact. Two more fucking weeks! Do you know what’s in two weeks?” He doesn’t give me time to respond. “The playoffs! This is absolute bullshit.” His breathing is heavy and I approach him slowly.

“Are they going to let you skate?” He nods. “That’s better than nothing.”

“That’s not good enough.” He groans and I reach out timidly. “Will you stop that?”

His voice snaps like a whip, and I recoil. “Stop what?”

“You and everyone else are walking around me like I’m going to break. For Christ’s sake I could bench press you! If one more person asks me if I’m feeling alright I’m going to go ballistic.”

Seems like he might already be there to me. “Sidney, take a deep breath. You need to take it easy.”

He doesn’t hear me. “I’m sick of people telling me what to do. I’m tired of not being in control.”

Finally I still him with a hand on his shoulder. “Sidney, please.”

And then he kisses me. His lips press hard against mine, demanding something, everything. I gasp as I feel his fingers dig sharply and roughly into my sides. He pulls away and our eyes connect. There is something dangerous lurking in his eyes. He is teetering on the edge of his sanity and I’m his lifeline. We both breathe sharply. “Come to bed, now.”

“The doctors…”

“Fuck the doctors.” And then I’m over his shoulder. Sidney carries me to his bed like a conquering knight and throws me down. I bounce once and then his body surrounds me. Everywhere I look there is Sidney. My world is him and as he throws his shirt over his head I know that I really don’t mind. He makes quick work of my shirt and his hands feverishly run up and down and my sides. His lips press against mine hard and relentlessly. I moan as my hands undo his belt and push down his pants. He is all hard and heat underneath my fingers. As he groans I can’t help but smile.

“Brooklyn…” He whispers and runs his chin against my neck, nuzzling. I relax, enjoying the sensation. Then I feel Sidney’s hands lock around my wrists. He traps them with one hand above my head and I’m immobile. “Don’t touch.”

I whimper and wiggle my hips futilely; Sidney just laughs before his face clouds with concentration. Roughly he slides his knee between us to spread my legs. Without preamble he thrusts in fully. My back arches as I feel him along all the most sensitive parts of me. Sidney gives me a moment to adjust and we pause breathing, connected in the most intimate way. Then he starts to move and I feel my eyes drift close. Each movement is forceful and determined. My body accepts each thrust, completely under Sidney’s control. As he picks up speed I fight against his wrist needing to touch him. He chuckles and I bite his lip roughly. Sidney pulls back in surprise and his eyes burn with pleasure and challenge. He thrusts hard as our eyes connect. I moan and arch my back when I feel his hand playing with my most intimate parts. Finally, I feel myself come apart. With one or two more thrusts Sidney collapses on top of me. We stay still and I run my fingers through his hair.

“Sorry.” He whispers against my neck. “I just needed…” He trails off. “To be in charge.”

I laugh. “To say the least.” He rolls off of me and pulls me into his side. “Feeling better.”

“Infinitely so.” Biting my lip I wonder if I should ask what’s on my mind. “What?”

“I was doing some research about concussions, specifically the degree that you had. And it seems that everyone is treating you a little bit different. Um, I mean you’re on a slower pace than normal.” He tenses and I wonder if I’ve touched on a sore subject. “Why?”

“You know that I had a concussion before.” After I nod he continues. “Well, I was out for over a year and I came back and then I was out again. It ended up being more than a concussion, but we were all unsure about the future.”

His hands are running lazily up and down my sides. “What do you mean?”

“They thought I might not be able to play again. And after a concussion you’re more susceptible to more concussions. This time around they didn’t want to take any chances I guess.” He takes a deep breath. “While I was out I was miserable. My head hurt constantly, I always had headaches. It was one of the scariest and worst times in my life. I had no control or choice in my future. I felt helpless and alone.”

“Oh, Sidney.”

He kisses my forehead. “And this time I was afraid again. In that hospital bed I was afraid that it was going to be a repeat of the past. And then I heard that you were there. I couldn’t believe it at first, but you came and I knew it wasn’t going to be like the last time.”

“When I saw it on the television I was so worried Sid. I had no idea what was wrong or if you would be okay. And then seeing you in that hospital bed. You’re not allowed to scare me like that ever again.” I break off, squeezing Sidney’s hand. “I hope that it’s okay that I volunteered to take care of you.”

“I would have asked you, had you not volunteered. You’re in my life Brooklyn. I know that you left and I hated you for a little and I still want to know why you really left. I want to know every thought and every doubt that went through your head. But now I’m just going to enjoy this. I’m not going to let you go, never again. You’re stuck with me.”

We fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon and when I wake up my phone is ringing. Gently I roll out of bed and find my phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Emma. Just wanted to give you a heads up, People broke the story on you and Sidney being an item again. It’s picking up traction, there are tons of pictures of you in the hospital you at his place. This isn’t going to stay quiet.”

I nod. “Honestly, I couldn’t care less. It doesn’t matter what they write.”

“Wow, um, okay. Then I just wanted to remind you that this week is the last week of filming before the season wraps.”

“Sounds good, talk to you later.” I hang up the phone and turn to find Sidney sitting up in bed. The sheet is low exposing his bare chest and I can’t help but sigh. “Well hey.”

“Hey, come back to bed.” I return to bed. “Who was that? Janet?”

“Emma actually, besides I let Janet go months ago.”

“What?”

“I definitely told you that.”

“No, I would’ve remembered.” He laughs. “Finally, good news today.”

I hit his chest. “Oh come on, she wasn’t that bad.”

“She was.” And Sidney proceeds to list everything that was wrong with my former manager.

“Okay fine, point taken. It doesn’t matter anyways.”

He smiles and we kiss softly. “Brooklyn, I…”

My phone rings again. “Hold that thought.” I answer the phone. “Hey Brianna, what’s up?”

“You and Sidney are back together?” She cuts to the chase and she sounds pissed.

I wince. “Well, yeah.”

“Brooklyn, do you really think that this is a good decision?”

I glance at Sidney, who is lying next to me, hair disheveled, eyes still glassy with sleep. He looks perfect and he’s mine. “Yes, I think it’s a great decision. Now, why did you call?”

“Well, I have big news.”

******


“What?” Brooklyn screams next to me. I look at her in alarm.

“What’s wrong?” But she just waves me off and leaves the room. I watch her leave appreciatively. Alone I think about today and about Brooklyn and about us. We are together again, but it feels different. It’s not the same relationship. That being said this feels stronger, more stable. When Brooklyn returns she looks surprised. “What did Brianna want?”

“She’s pregnant.”

“What?”

“Claude Giroux and my sister are having a child.”

We both sit in silence for a second. I don’t know what to say and I can’t tell if Brooklyn is happy about this or frightened. “So it this a good thing?”

She sighs. “They seem happy so I guess. I just hope the poor thing doesn’t inherit Claude’s looks.”

I laugh loudly. “That would be unfortunate.”

“God, I’m going to be an aunt.” She shivers. “That’s so weird.”

“You’ll be great at it, really.”

Brooklyn smiles sadly. “Hopefully. Now though, I have to run to my place and pack a bag. Are you sure you’ll be okay this weekend?””

I nod. “I think I’m going to travel with the guys, you have a good weekend at home.”

“Thanks.”

“You know, once I get healthy again, you should invite your family to come watch a game, the bluejackets are coming to town soon.”

She nods, but doesn’t make eye contact. I know something is off, but I’m not sure what. “That sounds nice, I’ll run it by them.”

“I want to get to know them.”

She’s silent and I wonder if I’ve went too far. “They would to, Sid. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Brooklyn leaves without kissing me goodbye. I know that something is bothering her, but I don’t know what it is. Sighing I hope that Brooklyn and I are on the same page. The next day I do in fact travel with the team and I skate before them in the morning. It feels good to be back on the ice, even if it’s not with anyone just yet. Afterwards I talk to a few reporters. “How are you feeling Sid?”

“Better each day.”

“Any return date set yet?”

I shake my head. “Not yet. We are taking this slow, being cautious.”

“But you’ll be back before the playoffs?”

“Most likely, yes.”

There is a lull in the questions. “Rumors are circling about reconciliation between you and Brooklyn Donahue is that true?”

I try very hard to keep a smile off of my face, when they mention Brooklyn. “Let’s focus on hockey, shall we?”

They chuckle but thankfully move on to the next question. It still amazes me that people care that much about my personal life. Geno comes up to me, “How is Brooklyn?”

I nod. “She’s good. She’s been a big help, but she needed to visit her family this weekend.”

“Good, I’m glad.” He pats me on the back. “We want you to be happy, Sid.”

“Thanks.”

James comes over to us then. “Hey, Sid, my sister knows this girl that I think it would be a good match for you.”

“I’m with Brooklyn.”

He rolls his eyes. “Seriously?”

I nod. “Is there a problem?”

“Well, she treated you like shit.”

“Back off James. This is between Brooklyn and I.”

He backs away. “Fine, reunite with the bitch. It’s your funeral.”

His words make me see red and I grab his shoulder before shoving him into the wall. “Don’t fucking say that about her.”

“It’s the truth, you know it.”

Geno pulls me back and I resist. “Get over yourself Nealer. If I want your advice, I’ll ask or it.”

He walks away and I’m still fuming. This isn’t like him, usually James is the easy-going one of us. I look at my line mate. “You don’t agree with him, right?”

“Nope. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

For the rest of the trip James and I avoid each other. I can’t help but shake the feeling that something is wrong.

Notes