We Are Here and Now

Sidney was pretty proud of himself for having finished the cupcakes that CiCi left behind. In fact, he thought the icing he made was the best he had ever tasted. With a smug smile he finished cleaning up the kitchen, put dishes in the dishwasher and wiped down the countertops.

After he decided he needed to keep himself busy because he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, so taking a nap wasn't an option. His head hurt, so turning on the television wasn't going to happen, and he didn't want to leave in case CiCi came home. He knew Pascal and Carole-Lynn were taking care of her, and that she would return today. The time of day wasn't really specified.

He began wandering through the downstairs rooms to see if anything needed cleaned, but he knew that wouldn't be necessary. The cleaning company was just in the other day. So cleaning was out. He thought about going through their immense DVD collection, but he didn't want to get rid of something that maybe CiCi would want to keep. He walked to his office and sat for a second. Looking around his desktop he noticed a post it reminding him to write his vows for the wedding.

"Fuck," Sid groaned and flopped his head against the back of the seat. He wasn't good with words. He'd have to google some ideas to help spark his writing, but he didn't want to fire up his laptop just yet. The glaring screen would bother him as much as a TV would. He got up from his seat and decided to snoop through CiCi's studio. Not that she would care that he is in there. He just wanted to check out what she had been working on recently, not that she has had much time as of late.

When he walked in with the door clicking closed behind him, he was blown away by the canvas she had set up to paint on. He felt that maybe he wasn't meant to see it because it was a portrait of him lifting the cup, or from what he could tell it would be. The cup wasn't quite finished and the background was not done at all. He only knew it was him based on the impeccable detail she applied to the jersey. It almost looked like a photoshopped portrait and not one hand painted. And she didn't have a photo around to copy everything from, she was doing all of it from memory.

This was what she had been working on the previous night when he was with the guys, essentially cheating on her. He felt his heart wrench and he moved to sit down on the chaise when he saw a notepad opened and her handwriting all over the page. He didn't want to peak, but he did anyways and what he saw made his head throb. It was at least a rough draft of her wedding vows.

'Sidney, you know me better than anyone else in this world and somehow you still manage to love me. You are my best friend and one true love. There is still a part of me today that cannot believe that I'm the one who gets to marry you.'

He collapsed on the lounge and broke down into tears. What was he going to do? He knew she was coming home, but in what state? Would she want to get past this? Would she be mad? Did these words still mean what they meant to her when she wrote them?

He scrambled to find his phone and dialed her phone number. It rang and rang, but she never answered. He could feel a panic attack coming on, so he quickly found Marc's number and called him. Hopefully his friend could talk and maybe calm him down.

"Hello?" Marc greeted when he picked up.

"You busy?" Sid asked quickly in an attempt to hide his emotional state.

"No, Estelle is sleeping. What's up?"

"She left, dude. I told her what happened and she left. I'm losing my mind here."

"You haven't heard from her since she left?"

"No she won't answer her phone when I call."

"How many times have you called?"

"Just a few times."

"Why don't I believe that? Sid, you did the right thing. You needed to tell her and not hold back. Don't for a minute think it wasn't right. It was. Do you have any idea where she went?"

"She is at Duper's house. He texted me to tell me that she was there and she would be home later. But I don't know what CiCi I'll be getting. Will she be willing to forgive me or want to just leave? And I came into her studio and found her vows she wrote and it just broke me. What am I going to do?"

"I don't know man."

"You're not helping me. I was hoping you would."

"Sorry, sorry! Okay, look at it this way. Telling CiCi what happened was the best thing to do. She is acting exactly as Pascal said she would. And she clearly intends on returning home to you. Let her be mad, let her yell at you and just take it because she is by far your greatest accomplishment. She is better than any trophy or award or ranking you can get. Because when hockey is done she will still be there by your side."

"I don't deserve her."

"You're right. You don't. But not because of last night. Because CiCi is your diamond in the rough."

"What should I do when she gets home?"

"Just tread lightly around her. Let her be the one to speak first. Listen to what she says and respond accordingly. You want her to stay, so don't push her away."

"Okay."

"Feeling better?"

"I won't feel better until she comes home and we can talk and I know she is at least going to try to forgive me."

"Alright, listen. CiCi isn't going anywhere. She will get angry, she may walk away from you to cool off, but she is just as devoted to you as you are of her. So stop wallowing in self pity, sober up some more and just relax. She is going to marry you and this can all be put behind you."

"Yeah, okay."

"You read her vows. How are they?"

"Better than anything I could ever come up with. Fuck, she is perfect."

"Yeah, well I'm biased to my ladies. But she is definitely your equal. You both will do things to anger the other one. If you didn't then you'd be pretty damn boring. Just remember that. And know that you guys will get past this, okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No problem. Now go write your vows and show her up." Sid snorted a short laugh and hung up. He glanced back at the notepad in front of him and sighed. Even in writing she was amazing to him. He needed to prove her worth to him tenfold. He decided to lay back against the arm rest and re-read what CiCi wrote. But as he read the words over again, he felt his eyelids droop and sleep begin to creep over him.

*****

CiCi arrived home late into the evening. It was nearly dark out and the outdoor lights were on for CiCi. She knew Pascal had let Sidney know she would be home, she didn't mind. At least someone was willing to keep him updated on her whereabouts. She, on the other hand, ignored his phone call and texts. She hadn't been ready to talk to him and she appreciated the Dupuis' for letting her crash at their house for the day.

But she knew she needed to return home. Quite frankly she was missing him. She wanted to let him know that stewing over everything all day put the events behind her. And she was ready to look ahead and not dwell on the past.

When she walked into the kitchen from the garage she was not surprised to find the mess she left cleaned up, but was shocked to see that Sid had finished the cupcakes. He actually iced them and from scratch. They looked damn near perfect in her book and couldn't wait to taste what he accomplished. But she wanted to find him first and given the hour she imagined he would be stationed in front of the tv watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory.

She didn't find him in the entertainment room, though, so she continued through the house. She ruled out the dining room, the den, his office and the family room off of the kitchen. She noticed the door to her studio was closed and figured she would give that room a shot before going upstairs in search of Sid.

She didn't have to go any further. Draped across her chaise lounge she found him, clutching his phone to his chest and her notepad with her vows on the floor next to him. He was sound asleep, and looked peaceful given the angle he was sleeping and the size of the couch he was on. She walked over to him, sighed because her vows would need changed and her gift for him ruined. But she couldn't be mad at any of that. He had only been trying to find some comfort in the house while she was away. She pushed the pad away and leaned down over his sleeping form.

"Sidney, wake up," she whispered. He shifted slightly in his sleep, but didn't move. "Babe, I'm home. Let's go to bed."

Sidney opened his eyes to see CiCi standing over him, and all thoughts of being tentative around her went out the window. He quickly reached for her and pulled her down to him, wrapping his arms around her thin frame. "I'm so happy you came home."

CiCi couldn't push away from Sid even if she tried, he held her so tightly. She hadn't realized how incredibly scared he had been when she left instead of staying behind to talk. His reaction to her return only solidified what she already knew: it was an accident. He didn't do it to intentionally hurt her. He loved her unconditionally. But why, in the back of her mind, did she have this nagging feeling? That what happened was a foreshadow to something big?

She pushed those fears aside, placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek and finally pushed up off of his form. "Let's go to bed."

"It's barely nine, really?" Sid asked as he looked at his phone when he raised his body up to a seated position. She placed her hands on his shoulders and leveled her face with his.

"I said...let's...go...to...bed," she emphasized each word with a kiss until finally Sid smiled and stood, turning to follow CiCi wherever she went.

She led him up the stairs and he paused to secure the alarms on the doors downstairs before closing the door behind him into their bedroom. Sid refrained from reading too much into what CiCi meant about going to bed and hung back as she stripped out of her shorts and tank top leaving them in a pile on the floor. He kept his eyes on her while she sauntered into the on-suite.

"Want to take a bath with me?" CiCi asked when she reappeared in the doorway. Sid could hear the sound of rushing water and the smell scents of her bath salts filtering through the air. Sid started to refrain, he didn't want to appear too eager. "Come on," she encouraged while she removed her bra exposing her breasts. Sid immediately reached for the collar of his t-shirt and began to tug, stumbling over his feet as he followed her into the steamy room.

*****
"After my horrifying experience two weeks ago, you're still having a party?" Sid asked warily as he sat on the foot of the bed and watched CiCi shimmy into a skin tight dress that fell just above her knees. It showed off her curves, but not too much of her legs. Which he liked. She looked tasteful, and much skinnier than she had been looking lately. Should he worry? Has she not been eating? He shook the thoughts out of his head and reminded himself that things were going so well, he didn't need to stir the pot.

"Babe, the girls are just taking me to dinner. We are having some drinks there and then I'll be home. You have to remember one of them is pregnant, and three are mothers. They want to all be home at a decent hour. Much tamer than yours." She laughed at the irony while she slipped on a pair of heels to match the black dress and secured a pair of stud earrings that Sid had gotten her what felt like ages ago to her lobes.

Sid picked up on her sarcasm. "Yeah, yeah. Call me if you need a ride?" Sid got up and stood behind her in the dresser mirror where she was straightening out her long bobbed hair.

"Of course. But I shouldn't." She shrugged her shoulders and made eye contact with him in the mirror.

"I know. You keep telling me that." He slipped his hands around her waist, noting how he could feel her hipbones jutting out just a bit more. He rested his chin on her bare shoulder and stared at them in the mirror. The heels made her nearly as tall as him, so he didn't have to lean over her as much.

"How do I look?" She asked softly.

"Like you can get a lot of free drinks." He hadn't meant to say it, but it was true. She looked stunning. Any warm-blooded man in the restaurant they were going to would be able to see that.

"Thanks? Not the compliment I was fishing for, but I like it nonetheless ." He squeezed her sides making her squeal. She turned to face Sid and placed her hands on his shoulders.

"You look beautiful. You always do," he said sincerely. He leaned over and pecked her color stained lips. She smiled and slowly opened her eyes to look at Sid, who was already watching her move.

"Thanks!" CiCi glanced at her phone that just lit up, "They are here. I'll see you later tonight." She pulled away from their embrace and grabbed her wristlet, flashed Sid her phone and turned to leave the room.

"Have fun." Sid had stayed near the dresser, turning around to watch her walk out.

"Bye." She waved back at him and blew him a kiss before walking out of sight.

*****
"Girl! You look fantastic! What have you been doing?" Julia asked when CiCi came into Sienna Mercato.

"Oh, just amped up my running a little. Nothing major." CiCi shrugged off the noticeable change in her appearance as if it were nothing.

"You've dropped a bunch of weight." Of course Julia, her friend whom she sees the least would notice.

"I toned up, the number hasn't changed much." Which was partially true. She didn't have weight to lose so much as muscle to tone.

"What made you do it?" Julia asked. 'Because my fiancé let another woman touch him and now I feel like I am inadequate,' CiCi thought.

Instead, she responded with, "Have you seen my husband to be? Every muscle in his body is completely toned. I need to look good next to him!"

"His ass still big?" Julia had a weird obsession with Sidney's butt. As time progressed and he got to know Julia he found it funny.

"Ha! Yeah. Love it!" CiCi laughed.

"Let's get this girl a drink!" Julia exclaimed.

CiCi laughed and let her friends escort her to the long table set up for their dinner. The wags managed to have some pull and took the entire second floor reserved for their party. The bar had a bartender to serve them drinks, one corner of the second floor had a table with gifts set up, and music was playing from an MP3 player set up my the wait staff. It managed to drown out the noise from the first floor restaurant, and make the atmosphere feel even more private than it already was.

"So are you going out to Vegas with Sid on Monday?" Maria asked as she sipped on her glass of sparkling water. She had a healthy glow about her and her baby bump looked adorable on her tall frame.

"He convinced me to, yeah. We fly out Monday and come back Wednesday. Thank God the wedding is relatively local!"

"Just think, a week from now you will officially be Mrs. Sidney Crosby! How exciting is that?" Caroline gushed, anticipation evident on her face. After this wedding meant hers was next.

"It's really exciting," CiCi said then proceeded to take a gulp of her champagne. Nerves were setting in. And not just excited jitters because she would be married, but nerves stemming from her insecurities. She knew Sidney meant nothing by what he let the stripper do at his bachelor party, but it raised some flags still anyway. And those flags she just couldn't express to Sidney. So she stepped up her workout regimen in hopes that even if she couldn't give him children she could still remain as attractive to him as possible. She may have started skipping a meal or two a day, unbeknownst to Sidney. Which made sipping the very expensive champagne go right to her head.

As the evening progressed, CiCi didn't let up on the drinks. And as she consumed more she continued to have these thoughts that Sidney would leave her for someone younger, or with a body that worked, or someone who wouldn't rely so heavily on him. She kept wandering what the stripper looked like, and letting herself get psyched out by thoughts of them together. What if Rob hadn't busted in on their private party? How far would they have gone? Would he cheat if he were sober? What is keeping him from cheating right now?

She gulped down her glass in front of her and began to let the girls shower her with their gifts. She signaled to the bartender that she wanted another glass of champagne when Vero noted, "Ci, you're going to get sick."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine!" CiCi claimed as the bartender set a new champagne flute in front of her. She took one more sip before opening the first gift. It was from Katherine and the content in the gift bag was a very risqué nighty.

"That thing will be on the floor in a tenth of a second!" Carole-Lynn proclaimed causing the crowd of girls to laugh. CiCi looked at it without humor. "CiCi, what's wrong?"

"Did I get the wrong size? Do you not like it?" Katherine asked, nervous by how silent CiCi was being. A single tear drifted down CiCi's face and Vero was by her side in a second.

"Talk to us sweetie, we are all your girlfriends here. What's wrong?"

"Jus...jus...just seeing this reminds me of what he did!" CiCi broke down and leaned into Vero. Not everyone at the party knew of what happened and many began to speculate that Sidney did something to harm CiCi.

"Did he hurt you?" Caroline asked quickly.

"He's got us all fooled. I knew it!" Maria exclaimed.

"No!" Carole-Lynn started, "It's not what you girls think."

"You know what she is talking about?" Julia asked.

"CiCi, what are you talking about? I thought you and Sid worked this all out? I thought you weren't mad anymore?" Katherine asked.

"I'm not! But look at me? Why would he want to stay with me? Maybe letting that," she shuddered, "woman do that was his way of saying he isn't satisfied with me?"

"Ci, is that why you've been losing weight?" Vero asked.

"Wait! Hold up! The three of us have known you the longest and we have no idea what the hell is going on," Julia announced halting all conversation and attempts to keep CiCi calm.

Carole-Lynn spoke first after checking that the wait staff was nowhere to be seen. "Sidney's teammates threw him a bachelor party a couple weeks ago and it didn't end on a good note."

"What happened?" Maria asked. She moved to sit next to CiCi and provided a shoulder for CiCi to lean on.

"They got a few strippers and one of them went to third base with Sidney. The next morning he had no recollection of it at all. He was completely devastated when the guys told him what happened."

"Wow." The expressions on all three women's faces showed surprise and sympathy for the betrothed couple.

"But I got over the fact that it happened! But I'm scared that there are these little, tiny voices in his head that are telling him that there is someone better out there for him!" She cried.

"Nonsense Ci," Caroline claimed. Having her oldest friend say that did little in making her feel better.

"You don't know! There are men out there every day who get married, but don't find their women worth it. What if I'm not worth it?" By now CiCi was in tears, had finished nearly two bottles of champagne on her own and was becoming illogical and incoherent. She wasn't having fun anymore.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's go to the restroom and freshen up," Vero said as she got CiCi to stand and follow her down the stairs.

When they were inside, Vero checked to make sure the stalls were empty before turning to CiCi, who was dabbing her eyes with a wet towel, and said, "I'm going to call Sidney. He should come get you and maybe you two can discuss all this. Get everything out."

"No! I can't have him see me like this!"

"Like what? Drunk?"

"Crying over him! I need to calm down."

"You need to stop drinking too, sweetie."

"Okay, I will. Just don't call him yet. Let me collect myself then you can call." What CiCi didn't know was that Vero had already texted Katherine to tell her to call Sidney.

"He's already on his way," Katherine texted back before the girls made their way out of the restroom. When they got back upstairs, CiCi sat with Julia, Caroline, and Maria. She managed to sip a little more champagne from Julia's flute and focus on conversation about Care's wedding plans. But it didn't last, and she was crying silently next to her oldest friends.

She didn't know how long she had been a mess, but it felt like minutes when Katherine disappeared from the private party and reappeared with Sidney right behind her.

"Whe..whe..where did you come from?" CiCi sobbed when she saw him.

Sid knelt in front of CiCi and gripped her thighs for balance and comfort. "Kath called me, babe. Let's go home."

"No! It's my bachelorette party! I wanna have fun!" CiCi said while a fresh batch of tears rolled down her face.

"Sweetie, come on. You're a mess right now. Let's go home, the girls can come there to hang out with you. I'll even hide out upstairs so you won't even know I'm there."

CiCi finally nodded in agreement, and went to stand up. She lost her balance and began to fall backward when Sid caught her and held her up in his arms. "We're going to go down the back stairway, okay?"

"No!" She pushed away from Sid and stumbled over to Julia. Julia supported CiCi against her and looked sympathetically at Sid.

"How about we go down the front steps and Sidney can meet you at the car?"

"Okay." CiCi let her Julia and Caroline lead her down the stairs towards the main entrance. Maria followed behind them.

Sid stood back and watched as his fiancé wobbled down the steps away from him. Vero, Carole-Lynn and Katherine stayed back, collecting the gift bags to take to Sid's car and to explain what happened.

"She is scared you don't want her. It's stemming from the incident a couple weeks ago," Vero said.

"She can't possibly believe that sober, do you think?" Sid asked.

"I don't know, but you two need to seriously talk. I hope when you are flying out to Vegas you will. You can't start a marriage off on a bunch of insecurities," Vero stated. Sid knew that, but until that point he hadn't thought that CiCi was insecure in their relationship at all. He assumed that how fragile the relationship had become was all in his mind. He thought about her recent behavior over the last couple months and then the last two weeks.

"Did she...eat...anything?" Sid asked cautiously.

"Oh thank God you noticed too!" Katherine exclaimed gripping Sid's forearm.

"She ate plenty. Like she hadn't eaten all day. Which I'm assuming she didn't," Carole-Lynne said.

"I don't know. We didn't have any meals together today." Sid racked his brain to think why that would have been. Aside from a morning run, he was home all day.

"We need to stop that. Before it becomes a major problem," Vero said, concern etched on her face.

Sidney couldn't imagine that CiCi's recent behavior was all due in part to his misstep at the bachelor party. Had he not noticed her weight loss before? And why would she even consider needing to lose weight? Hadn't they talked about just staying fit so her hormones stayed balanced? Didn't he assure her enough that he found her to be the most beautiful woman he ever set eyes on? Could she no longer see how entirely important she was to him?

His thoughts were running wild when Julia came running back up the steps. "You're going to want to hurry, Sid. Ci just got sick in the street." And now he had a drunk sick fiancé to deal with.

Notes

Thanks for all the new subscribers! I hope you kids are still enjoying CiCi and Sid as much as I enjoy writing them! Let me know what you think!