Don't Tell Me

I was laying in bed with Aaron, fully clothed I might add, almost asleep. I had on a hoodie and sweats but was still cold. I didn't understand how my house could be this cold in June. Our legs were tangled together and I was using his arm as a pillow. He was running his fingers through my hair, making me fall asleep.
"Maggie, I have to go. Mom needs me at the clinic." I groaned, not wanting him to leave. Even if I did have to get ready for the concert soon. "I'll be back later."
"I'm going to the concert with Matt, remember?"
"Oh. Yeah. Right. I'll text you later then." He kissed my forehead and went out the door. No long goodbye. No I love you. Nothing. This relationship is pretty much on the outs. As much as it hurt, a part of me wanted it to be over with now.
I eventually got off my bed and took off my sweatshirt. I did the thing with the curling iron that made my hair look fantastic. I didn't really know what I wanted to wear, so I sat in front of my closet, trying to figure that out.
"What are you doing?" Jared walked in, giving me a funny look.
"Praying to the concert clothing gods, hoping that they would give me some advice on what to wear." I said, dramatically. Figuring out what to wear has never been this hard before. I don't know when it became so hard because it definitely was not like this when we went to Brad Paisley.
Then again Angie kind of told me that I had to wear a dress. Whereas now, I'm a little torn between cutoffs and and a dress.
"Sundress and your converse." He suggested.
"It's a country concert, Jared." I rolled my eyes and tried to find the red one that I always wore. I usually had boots with it, but it was too hot for them today.
"You're probably going to be the most country person there."
"Yeah, yeah whatever." The doorbell rang. I turned to my brother, "Can you go get that? It's probably Matt. I need to get dressed." He nodded and closed my door on the way out.
I quickly put on my dress and found some socks. I checked how I looked in the mirror before I walked down the hall. I grabbed my old hi tops and slipped one on each foot, lacing them up.
"Damnit Maggie, you can see up your dress when you sit like that."
"Calm down, I'm wearing spandex underneath it. It's not like I'm going to have to tie my shoes at the concert."
"Good thing. Don't need you flashing guys tonight." Matt stood by the door, laughing at the two of us.
"Alright, let's go." I walked out the door and climbed into the truck. I had seen Dierks Bentley in concert before, but everything was always so much better there. Not to mention, tailgating.
We met a few of his teammates there. A few of them brought girls. I mainly stuck to Matt's side though. The other females just reminded me of the one I found in bed with Aaron. Fake. Bleach blonde. Obnoxious.
Eventually we found our seats. Well, they were more like sections where you were supposed to stand. We drank overpriced beer and waited for the opening act to start. Randy Hauser made me realize I wanted to start most nights I spent with Matt with a goodnight kiss. Kind of like Dierks Bentley made me want to close my eyes. But hey, I'll take what I can get.
"Where are we going?" Matt had grabbed my hand and was taking me somewhere, "Matt, I don't think we're supposed to go back here.."
Dierks Bentley was in the middle of his set and I didn't exactly want to miss it.
"Matt Duchene," he said to the security guard who let us backstage, "Stay here."
He went on stage and started performing with my favorite singer. This can't be happening. I just stared at the two of them with an open mouth. I knew Matt was a decent singer, but I didn't realize he would ever want to sing in front of an audience like this. I was still shocked when they were finished and both looking at me.
"Maggie, I hear you can sing," I started shaking my head no. I mean, I can sing for the drunk people after the rodeo, but that's it.
I also specialize in shower singing, but we won't go there.
"Come out here," I grabbed a mic from one of the crew members and slowly made my way out to the middle of the stage. He didn't say anything, just started singing.
"That first kiss, shook me up. It rattled my cage with a tender touch." Oh God. He wants me to sing my favorite song with him. I'm going to be compared to Allison Krauss.
Breathe Maggie, breathe.
I started singing the harmony part with him. I didn't mind that part. I was pretty sure that everyone was paying attention to him, not me. But I knew that soon, I would be singing by myself. I looked over to see Matt filming both of us with a big smile on his face.
"And though it's been years and miles, I see that fire flicker in your smile. Sweet and wild."
Once we were done, everyone started clapping for me. I cuoldn't help but smile. I just sang with one of my favorite artists. I wasn't sure how other concerts would be as great as this. I got a hug before the two of us left stage.
We got back to the pathway to our seats and I turned around to hug him. "Matt, you're the best." I nuzzled my face into his neck, taking in his scent.
"Anything for you, Maggie." He held me close for a minute, before going back to our place in the crowd.
The drive home was good, until we got to my town. He mentioned something about going on a date and I decided to tell him that I still haven't broken up with Aaron.
"Why haven't you?" He kept his eyes ahead of him as he turned off the paved road
"It's just every time I'm with him-"
"You've been hanging out with him?" He asked through his teeth. The conversation hadn't been going five minutes and he was already pissed.
"Yeah, Matt. He is my boyfriend after all." I defended. I get why he's upset, but he really didn't need to be an ass about it.
"You didn't answer my question." He still wouldn't look at me.
"Whenever I'm with him, I remember how great everything used to be. How much we loved each other and the traveling to rodeos together. It makes me want to know if we could go back to those times."
"Well, you can't, Maggie." He snapped. "He's been cheating regularly, you and I both know that."
"That doesn't mean-"
"Maggie, when are you going to get this through your head?" He stopped in front of my house, putting his truck in park. "He's not going to quit. He's going to keep her around so that when you go off to college, he can regularly get laid."
"Yeah well what about you? I'll be at college and you'll be wherever you are, playing hockey and getting hit on by girls that only want you because you're a hockey player."
"So are you saying that you only want to be with me because I play a sport for a living."
"My God Matt. No. I want to be with you because the minute I met you, I needed to know everything about you. I craved your touch and when I finally got it, that wasn't good enough. You're like a fucking drug." I started running my hands through my hair, pulling at it.
"Then maybe you should leave him."
"How do I know that you won't do the same?" Tears started to spill over. The thought of Matt cheating on me came into my mind thousands of times, but I usually pushed it to the back of my mind. It just didn't seem like him. Then again, I thought the same about my boyfriend.
"Because I'm not Aaron."
"I love him, Matt. You don't just give up on someone that you love."
"No. Don't tell me you love him more than you love me, Maggie. If you did, you would be with him right now and not me." He raised his voice. I never thought Matt was intimidating until now.
"I don't-"
"You do." He interrupted me again. "I know you do. You wouldn't have slept with me while you were still dating Aaron." He slammed his fists against the dash, "You can't keep pulling this shit anymore. I'm not going to wait for you to leave him any longer, Maggie."
I grabbed my phone from the console and got out of the truck. I ran into the house as he sped off. Murphy came running towards me as soon as I walked in the door."
"How was the- Maggie, what happened?" My dad asked.
"I'm an idiot when it comes to guys." I openly sobbed, "Aaron's cheating on me and I won't leave him so Matt said he's done waiting."
He came over and wrapped me in a hug, letting me go after my shoulders stopped shaking.
"Go change and we'll watch movies. I'll make a pizza." He kissed the top of my head and I went to find my favorite pair of sweats and curl up on the couch with my dog.
I didn't really start dating until I was 16, so my father had to figure out how to help me deal with a break up almost all by himself. I'm sure he did have a little help from my mom. And within the three years before I met Aaron, he got pretty good at it.
I walked out of the bathroom, meeting my brother in the hall. "Boys are assholes?"
"How did you know?" I wiped my eyes and leaned against the wall.
"I've seen you get stepped on by thousand pound animals and get thrown off and break your femur, but the only time I've ever seen you cry, has been when you're upset over a boy. They aren't worth it, Maggie." He messed up my hair and went back into his room. I guess he didn't want to watch movies with me and dad.
I cried myself to sleep that night a few nights after. Aaron was starting to get worried, but I didn't know how to tell him that it was because of Matt. He didn't try to text or call or anything. I still talked to Landy and Nate, I even had dinner with them while I was in Denver, but they were pretty good at not mentioning him.
At this point, there was really no point in breaking up with Aaron. Especially not if he's with me almost all the time. I went from pretty much done to maybe we really can work this out. It showed that he cared about how I was feeling and that he really loved me. It just didn't compare to anything - and everything - that happened between me and Matt. I was being the biggest hypocrite and that didn't bother me the slightest bit.
My dad and brother started mentioning depression and what not, but that wasn't it. This hit me hard and I didn't know how to deal with it besides sleeping. I knew I'd get over it eventually.

Notes