Don't Tell Me

Once I realized that I pissed everyone off in my life, I started to just keep to myself and let others help when they offered. I didn't talk to Aaron for a few days. I think it was known that it was over, but I had him come talk to me anyway.
He got here and looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was all over. He didn't even try to hide it with a hat. As much as I wanted to scream and yell, I couldn't get myself to do it. Chances are he's putting himself through hell right now.
"I fucked up." He muttered, running his hands through his hair. I didn't say anything, just let him keep talking. "I'm an idiot and there's nothing I can do to make it up to you."
The tears started gathering in the corners of my eyes. I know how much he's hurting right now, but I know that it's not near as much as he hurt me.
"I'm so sorry, Maggie. I don't know what else to say."
"Yeah," I whispered, "Me either."
"God I'm an idiot." Murphy jumped on the space of couch between us, licking my foot. I laughed and pulled it closer to me, hoping he would stop. The growing puppy jumped on Aaron's lap, making him crack a smile. "Hey Murph."
I didn't know what to say. He was right, there was nothing he could do to make it better. He completely took me for granted and now I was actually breaking up with him. As great as this feels, you know. The whole maybe being with someone that actually wants you and only you. I still love him. I spent the last two years as his girlfriend. Up until a few months ago, things were great.
"How many times?"
"What?" He furrowed his brow, wondering what I meant.
"How many times did you sleep with her?" I don't know why I was asking. It was just going to upset me.
"Five." He admitted.
I laughed, wondering when the other three times they slept together were. It hurts more than I'd like to admit, but shit happens.
"I guess there's nothing left to say." I sighed. Neither of us had to say anything. We've both known for a while that this was over.
"Maggie, I know I fucked up, but I want you to know that if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you." I nodded, getting up to hug him. The tears started to fall and eventually dripped off of my chin. "I'll see you around." He slipped out the door and drove away, leaving me to cry alone on my couch.
I couldn't tell you exactly why I was crying, but the tears wouldn't stop. Maybe it was because I honestly thought we would end up getting married. Maybe it was because I was so relieved that it went so well. Or maybe it was because I could finally be with Matt, but he didn't want me anymore.
My brother got home to see that I was curled up in a ball with my dog. He started to cover me with a blanket, when I sat up. "Can you drive me to mom's?" My voice came out, barely audible.
"Yeah of course." He dropped his keys on the coffee table and threw something in the trash. "l Do you want help packing a bag?"
"Sure." He handed me my crutches and I followed him to my room. I tossed a few things in my duffel bag and had him grab my pillow and stuffed lamb.
"You can take my jeep." I told him, "So you don't have to use your gas." He grabbed my keys from the table and brought everything out to the garage before loading my puppy into the jeep.
The car ride was quiet. It was only 4:30 but I was completely drained out. Jared focused on the road as Sam Hunt played quietly in the background, reminding me of the night I accidentally stole his drink. He followed me on twitter and talked to me for a while the next day. Sam said he didn't know when he'd be back in the Denver area, but I'd be the first to know when he did. He also said he wanted me to get up on stage and sing with him. There was no way I'd be turning down that offer.
He dropped Murphy and me off at the lobby of our mom's apartment building and then tried to find a parking spot. I was trying to read one of my texts when my dog started pulling on the leash, wanting to run towards a familiar face. Two, actually.
"Hey Murphy." Tyson knelt down to pet the cattle dog that was biting his ankles.
"How are you doing?" Ryan asked.
"I'm doing better. I mean, I'm still really sore. But I probably will be for a while. I'm stuck in a cast for a while though so no summer rodeos for me." Actually, once I got a boot and I knew I wouldn't completely fuck up my foot or leg for good, I'd probably just get a stirrup big enough to fit over the boot..
"Well, I'm glad you're okay. We all are."
"Cute lamb," Tyson pointed to the stuffed animal hanging out of my purse.
"Thanks asshole."
"Still the same sass as before." He laughed.
"How's Matt?" I bit at my lip, not really sure that I wanted to hear the answer.
"He's been keeping to himself a lot lately. Doesn't go out. Pretty much just works out in the morning and then sleeps the rest of the day." Complete opposite of what he normally does. I guess it could be worse. He could always be drunk. I mean there is that upside to this situation.
"You didn't make it too far." My brothers voice startled me, causing a crutch to fall and hit Tyson, who was still playing with Murphy.
"That was uncalled for." He mumbled, rubbing the spot on his shoulder that was hit.
"Yeah, sorry. Just catching up with these guys."
"Mom said she's out with Patrick still, she'll be back later."
"Alright, it was nice talking to you guys. I'm sure I'll see you again sometime soon."
"Yeah. We'll let you know if we're out doing anything."
I was happy to finally be on my mom's nice, big, comfortable couch. It was almost as great as my bed.
"I have to head back home. Do you need anything before I go?" He handed me a bottle of coke and the remotes.
"No, I think I got it."
"Are you sure you'll be okay alone?" He was worried about me, I could tell.
"Jared. I'm fine. If not, I'll call Gabe or someone." My twin still seemed hesitant to leave me alone in our mother's apartment. We knew the neighbors pretty well so it's not like I had to fend for myself until next week.
I finally got him to leave and I started up netflix. I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to watch, so I figured you couldn't go wrong with American Horror Story. The first season, that is. Coven is just weird and hard to follow.
My mom got home and was the overly protective mother I have always known. "What made you want to come here?"
"Needed to get away from home for a while." I shrugged, scrolling through the lists of movies.
"Or you wanted to be closer to someone.." I knew what she was talking about and frankly, I was tired of her hints.
"No mom. I screwed up with Matt. I had my chances but I was so damn attached to Aaron, that he decided he didn't want to wait for me any longer which I don't blame him." I started crying. Again. Fucking periods. "He can have whatever girl he wants. Why would he go for me, mom? I'm stubborn, I'm mean, I don't care about what I look like."
"Yeah, but sweetie you care about others, you're hard working, you know what you want and you go for it. Most of all, you're real." She sat down next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "I just know that any guy would be lucky to have you."
"Is it bad that I miss Aaron?"
"No honey. I know how much you love him. It's just going to get a while to get used to it." She pressed he lips to the top of my head, "Let's have some pizza and watch a movie."
>> Can you play Friday night? Last minute cancellation.
<< Like two nights from now?
>> Yes. I'll pay you.
<< Steven, it's a good thing I like you. Make sure there's a stool on stage so I can sit.
I wasn't sure how I just got roped into another gig, but if I was getting payed for it, I might as well.
That wasn't exactly the case when I got on stage. I thought spending two days with my mom would help me clear my mind, but I was still sulking over breaking up with the boy that took me for granted. I started tuning my guitar while people started drinking. Not many people were out, it was only nine.
"So I uh could sing some sappy sad songs about breaking up or I could sing some songs about being cheated on." I had to remind myself that I also cheated on Aaron. Not exactly something I was proud of. "But this girl is a little tired of being treated like a girl in a country song."
In between songs, I scanned the crowd. It was mainly the usual people I see here. A bunch of people that I graduated with were here. That blonde girl - no, I didn't learn her name. She's nothing to me - was there too. She stayed for a while, until I started singing Only Prettier. Then she got the hint.
I was surprised when I saw half the Avs walk in, along with a few other hockey players I didn't know. Must be visiting for the camps or whatever. I know Patrick was talking about something of the sort. Steps behind them, was my hockey player. He looked like he didn't want to be here. I'm guessing they drug him here against his will.
To be honest, I didn't exactly want to be here either.
Some girl kept trying to talk to Matt, but he kept trying to let her down easy. He wouldn't look at me. He actually looked at his phone most of the time I was playing. I guess he still was really mad at me. Then, before my last song, something changed.
"Don't you know I want you with me and it ain't just cause I'm tipsy. You can act like it's all over and you don't miss me. Or you could just kiss me." I finished my song and found Matt waiting on the side of the stage for me. I couldn't hide my excitement any longer, I threw my arms around his neck and he spun me around.
"I know this is kind of fast. But Maggie, I love you."

Notes