Don't Tell Me

"Gahh," I yelled after knocking down the last barrel, making the total ten for the day. It usually wouldn't bother me, but I was racing in two days. "I can't keep up three barrels to save my life."
"Time for team roping." My dad and brother hopped off the fence, rolling the barrels to the edge of the arena while I grabbed my tea from the post.
"What are you stressed about?" Jared took Cash's head and rubbed under the bridle, murmuring something about being a pretty boy.
"Everything. Racing. Performing. Being with Aaron all weekend."
"Why does that stress you out? You done all of those before." I stayed silent, not wanting to admit the real reason I was freaked out about this weekend. "Its because of that stupid hockey player, isn't it?"
"Don't." I warned, not wanting to get into this conversation. Mainly because I didn't want to admit I had feelings for Matt. Strong, annoying, feelings that won't go away, even though I loved my boyfriend.
"You like him, don't you?"
"I think you already know the answer to that." I kicked Cash in the side, walking him over to my dad to see if he had any tips about the race on Saturday.
We practiced long and hard. Neither of us really cared about this rodeo, but we needed to keep up the work if we wanted to do well with the college team.
Angie came driving down the road, waving as she passed the arena. I could hear her blast the new Miranda Lambert song. I would definitely be adding that to my setlist for this weekend.
We slowly made our way to the barn where my best friend was waiting for me with a fresh squeezed lemonade from her work.
"And that's why you're my best friend." I jumped off Cash and led him into the barn. Angie helped me wash off the sweaty horse and as soon as he was released, he rolled in the small patch of dirt that was in the field.
"So what are we doing tonight?" She asked as we all sat around my kitchen table.
"Well I am going to the bed and breakfast with Aaron so maybe you and Jared can do something." Angie started blushing and Jared dropped his phone. "No need to hide it. I already know. I actually heard the whole thing go down. How is it not awkward for you?"
I got up to grab a granola bar and went to pack a bag for the weekend. Aaron would be here in a few minutes so I did it quickly. I was caught off guard when Matt's name popped up on my phone.
>> We'll all be there to watch you. We made signs too!
<< Oh God. Both days?
>> You bet!
Oh good. The guy that likes me and I just so happen to like will be in the same place as my boyfriend. Who hates him. Turns out Matt's not too fond of Aaron either. My brother hates them both.
"Hey babe." Aaron wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his chin on my shoulder. He must have just showered because I could smell his body wash. "Ready to go?"
"Of course."
I loved that I would be spending my entire weekend with Aaron, but something just felt wrong. Whenever I was around Matt, something about him made me want find out everything about him. How he eats, what his favorite beer is, who he looked up to when he was a kid.
Hunter Hayes was right, knowing somebody so well there's no fire really is overrated. Hell, maybe Matt is my wild card.
After a night of not sleeping, getting up wasn't exactly easy.
"We can go back to sleep after breakfast." Aaron was his normal, cheerful, morning self. Me, on the other hand, probably could have strangled someone.
"Piss off." I snapped as we walked out of the door.
"Have I ever told you how lovely you are in the morning?"
"Do you want to die?"
After eating breakfast and going back to sleep for a few hours and a little bit of shower sex, we were on our way back to my house to help load the horses. I limped my way to the tack room and I could hear my brother start laughing.
"Long night?" He brushed by me, getting the halter for Merle. We may or may not have named our horses after country music legends. I hoped he had said that quiet enough that my dad couldn't hear it from a couple stalls down.
"Jared, don't even think about it." Our dad yelled. Apparently he did hear him. I punched my brother and walked out to find my asshole horse.
I hadn't been nervous for a rodeo since I was little. It might have been because I hadn't practiced roping in a while or because I was going against my boyfriend or because there would be a group of professional hockey players just to watch me.
Probably watch me mess up and embarrass myself, only to make Aaron's stupid fangirls wonder why he's with me and has been for a while.
"Stop worrying, Maggie. We're going to do fine. We'll probably even kick his ass. Cash is looking pretty good lately." He rubbed under his breast collar causing my horse to swing his head towards my brother. "Hey asshole, you're not supposed to do that."
"Boys aren't supposed to cheat on their girlfriend, but hey. That doesn't stop Aaron." I mumbled, heading back to the trailer.
I found my mother and Patrick talking to my father. I was really glad my parents were still friends or shit like this would be awkward.
"How's it going sweetie?" My mom walked over to where Cash was standing, looking up at me.
"Shitty." No need to sugar coat it. I had already told my dad and Jared, but nothing really compared to having a heart to heart with my giver or life.
"Hop down, let's go get something to drink."
I handed the reigns to my father as he talked with my twin and my mother's boyfriend. Weird.
"So what's going on?"
"I think I'm losing feelings for Aaron. Or, I guess I'm just believing the rumors. I don't want to leave, but I'd rather leave before I hurt."
"What if he isn't actually cheating?" She asked as we slowly made our way to the concession stand.
"Do you really believe that, mom?"
"Well, no. But-"
"But then there's Matt and, and I just don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do." My voice was starting to tremble and I quickly rubbed my eyes, hoping the urge to cry would go away. That's when something hit me. Or someone, I guess.
"Margaret Benson, it's been a while!" I was thrown over someone's shoulder. I couldn't tell who it was, but they had a big ass. I was spun around and could see Gabe, Ryan, Matt, and Tyson walking towards us.
"Oh hey, Nate. Care to put me down?" He set me down on my feet but somehow I fell flat on my ass, causing everyone to laugh. That's when I noticed the bright green posterboard that Gabriel was holding. I didn't even want to know what it said. "Are y'all coming to the show tomorrow?"
"Would we miss your wonderful voice? Never."
"Okay, boys. I'll see you later."
Alright, so I didn't mess up. But we did lose to my boyfriend and his partner. Not surprising though, they do go to Vegas every year. I'm just hoping I can get through my show without passing out.
My dad had given me a couple shots and a beer before I went through the setlist a few times with the band. I wasn't a huge fan of talking during my set, so as soon as the band started playing, I walked out and sang.
"I knew the first time should've been the last time I ever let the whiskey touch my lips. Cause the devil wears black and he goes by Jack and he's really good at helping me forget."
I've loved to sing as long as I've loved to ride. It never really was a career choice, but I'm not going to turn down money when it's offered.
Usually, I can't see people in the crowd. Usually, I'm too busy performing to even care what was going on. Tonight was a completely different story. Angie was off flirting with some guy. Nate was attempting to swing dance with one of the girls who graduated a year below me. It was quite comical, really. Aaron was talking to another barrel racer, a little too close for my liking.
And Matt's eyes were fixed on mine.
"It's gotta get better, it can't get worse," I sang, not looking away from Aaron, "Hope it's a blessing not a curse. I don't care who passes judgement on my reasons. I know staying is worse than leaving."
I spent the rest of my set watching Aaron. I wasn't sure why I was torturing myself. Maybe I was hoping for some concrete evidence that he was - or wasn't - cheating on me. I practically ran off stage, grabbing the first cup from whoever I could find.
"That was horrible, oh my God." I handed back the cup and realized there was a very attractive, very talented country singer in front of me. I stood there with a deer in the headlights look, "Oh God. You're-"
"Sam Hunt and you're Maggie Benson."
"I will buy you another drink, I'm sorry. Usually my dad is the first one when I get off stage."
"Don't worry about it." He smiled before I ran off to find someone I knew. The first body I ran into was the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment.
"Maggie, you were awesome." Matt embraced me in a hug and it took all my energy not to cry.
"Thanks, I'll come find you later. I need a drink." Or five. I awkwardly left him standing there, hoping he would just leave me alone and I would be able to find my boyfriend.
Aaron didn't come find me right away. He actually didn't come find me until I was in the middle of dancing with Nate and he was getting tired.
"Hey, want to go?" He didn't seem upset that I was with MacKinnon. I guess the 18 year old wasn't as big of a threat as the 23 year old.
"Yeah, of course."
The ride back to the bed and breakfast was a quite one. As soon as we got there, I changed into the clothes I wanted to sleep in before brushing my teeth and crawling into bed. Aaron followed suit and right before he was sliding into bed, he got a phone call. He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.
I was glad that this was our last night together. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to pretend I didn't notice that he wasn't paying attention to me singing.
When he finally ended the call, I hoped he wouldn't come close to me. As much as I wanted to cuddle and pretend everything was fine, I knew I would cry myself to sleep with Little Big Town's song, "Your Side of the Bed" playing on repeat in my mind.
Staying is definitely worse than leaving, but I can't make myself leave without valid proof that he wasn't faithful any longer.

Notes