As much as I wanted to, I knew better than to fall asleep in Sidney’s warm embrace. Neither of us were ready to define our relationship, and spending the night together while Serena, Evgeni and Beau sat in the living room below us would be asking for speculation.

At the rink the next day, we both tried to keep things casual and professional. With the home opener that Saturday, the team had an important practice Friday afternoon and while most of the players were on the ice, I was in the trainers room experimenting with kenisio tape on Ben Lovejoy’s torn quad muscle. I wasn’t sure if I believed in the magic of the overpriced tape like many athletes did, but I was willing to give it a try if it had the chance of helping him recover from a fluke injury. After sending Ben off to the physical therapist I took a few minutes to tidy up the cupboard where the tape and wraps were kept. It wasn’t overly messy but I needed something to do. Standing on the tips of my toes I started moving the plastic wrapped packages into groups according to their use and fabric I had just piled the non-adhesive wrist and ankle wraps on the left side of the cupboard when I felt someone behind me, a hand tenderly brush the exposed skin on my back between my pants and shirt.

“Did I do that?” Sidney whispered in my ear, his hand still on my back.

“Do what?” I replied, turning to him slightly but trying to keep a professional distance.

“The bruise,” he looked at me concerned.

“The one on my hip?” I tried not to laugh at the serious look on his face.

“Yeah, it’s like black,” his voice was still low.

“Unfortunately you can’t take credit for that,” I pulled down my shirt and smiled at him. “That’s from falling at practice yesterday.”

“Oh good,” he let out a sigh of relief. “I was worried for a second.”

I turned to face him completely, my back now against the counter. “I’m okay with bruises,”I whispered in his ear seductively. “I can handle it,” making sure no one was around, I kissed him softly on his unsuspecting lips. Before he had time to react I pulled away and snuck out of the room, leaving him alone and visibly aroused.

After the first few games of the regular season, the team was off to a good start, having won 5 out of the 6 games. Following a 4-2 win over New Jersey the boys were in high spirits and I was proud to be a part of it all. Injuries were still at a minimum and my job in the trainer’s room was post game was quite dull.

“You coming out tonight?” Beau asked, walking past me in nothing but a towel.

“Probably not,” I replied, trying to remind myself that he was significantly younger than me and his stellar physique didn’t change that fact.

“You should,” he sat on the table in front of me, “bring your friend, the hot blonde one.” He smiled at me somewhat innocently.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him, thankful to see the other medic was free and could look after the nearly naked teenager in front of me. As I was about to reply I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Sidney:

I want you, all tattooed, I want you bad.

Come over?

His text was straightforward and quoted The Offspring, I had to respect that. I smiled absentmindedly, a habitual reaction to seeing his name pop up on my phone, and looked up to see him dressed and leaning against the door.

Bea:

Complicated, X-rated?

Nice use of early 2000s punk lyrics.

Serena’s at her parents’ for the weekend, come to mine.

After reading the message he smirked and motioned for me to meet him in the parking lot. I quickly gathered my things, double checked that I was done for the night and raced out to the parking lot where he stood next to my car.

He followed me back to the apartment and I led him up to my humble home. It was strange coming home to silence, and I was glad to having him with me, for company among other things. I opened the front door, which Serena and I had painted purple on a whim one weekend and flicked on the lights. Our apartment was nothing special. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room, as well as a tiny balcony that overlooked the city. Our walls were white but colourful paintings hung everywhere. The living room had a comfortable black couch and a reclining chair, as well as an average sized TV the was mostly used to play Xbox, and three giant bookshelves.

“I like it,” Sid looked around at the surprisingly clean apartment. I silently thanked Serena for cleaning before she left that afternoon. “It smells good, like girls live here.”

“Thank you?” I looked at him confused, he wasn’t wrong, it did smell good, but I’d hoped that most people’s homes smelt good. I slipped off my shoes and coat and tossed my purse on the counter. “Do you want a drink?” I asked, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. He nodded and I tossed it too him, taking another one out for myself. We sat on the couch side by side, I looked around for Luna but she wasn’t in her usual sleeping places.

“Is that an Xbox I see, Miss Keller?” Sidney looked at my quizzically, a smile creeping onto his lips.

“I believe it is, Mr.Crosby, and I reckon if you look closely you’ll notice an admirable collection of games.” I replied, glancing at him sideways.

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” he rested his hand on my thigh.

“Surprises?” I asked confused.

“I don’t know many girls who voluntarily play Xbox.”

“We all have our own interests,” I replied, not wanting to relate my interest in video games to my gender. “If you take off that tie I can show you how it’s done,” I winked, stroking his competitive side.

“You think you can beat me?” He laughed, loosening his tie.

“You have no idea,” I got up from the couch and grabbed two controllers, choosing my favourite pink one for myself and giving him the generic black.

“Pink?” He looked at me amused.

“It sparkles too,” I held it up to the light. “But more importantly it helps me kick your ass.”

“Cute,” He nudged me affectionately.

“Not cute,” I glared at him. “Serious and wonderful.”

“Just as long as it isn’t Hello Kitty,” he laughed.

“And if it was?” I placed the controller on the coffee table and got up to change out of my work clothes. I walked into my room and left the door open. I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it in the laundry basket.

“Well?” I asked, poking my head out the door.

“Hello Kitty is just a little...lame,” he replied hesitantly.

I grabbed a white tank top with the logo from my derby team out of the drawer and pulled it over my black bra.

“No,” I began, pulling my khaki pants down over my hips, knowing he couldn’t see all of me. “What’s lame is disregarding something as ‘lame’ because it’s not mainstream,” I pulled on a pair of black shorts and went back out to the living room.

“I guess,” he looked at me embarrassed.

I put my iPod on the dock and pressed play, adjusting the volume so we could still talk. I stood behind the couch and slid my hands over his shoulders and down his chest. “It’s not Hello Kitty,” I whispered, sure to keep my tone light and amused, and kissed his neck. He moaned as my fingers undid the buttons of his shirt, my chilly fingers brushing against his warm skin. “But even if it was,” my breath was hot against his ear. “You’d still find me incredibly sexy right now.” I nipped at his ear lope playfully and walked towards the TV, once again leaving him aroused and glaring at me.

“You’re right,” he said, his voice was tight raw.

“Good,” I smiled and popped Left for Dead in the Xbox. I sat down next to him, pulling my legs under me and starting the game.

Sidney pulled his tie over his head and tossed it on the floor beside him, preparing himself for the zombie killing ahead. Green Day played in the background as the campaign started and the groans of the undead came through the speakers of the TV. Our fingers hitting the buttons furiously, we dominated the enemy, our only conversation relating to the game as we sat side by side but barely touching. After making it onto the rescue helicopter the credits rolled and showed that I had the most kills and head shots of anyone. Seeing this I grinned and nudged him with my shoulder.

“Okay, I’m impressed,” he laughed and put his controller on the coffee table. I shut off the Xbox and leaned against him.

“I told you,” I rest my head on his shoulder and took his hand in mine.

“How did you even get that good?” he asked.

“I’ve had a lot of time on my hands,” I sighed and snuggled closer to him. “When Millie and I would break up, I’d go days without sleeping and playing video games was a good distraction.”

“Oh?” he turned his head towards me slightly. “You never did tell me about her,” he was treading carefully. I know he wanted to know about my past, I wasn’t sure how much he wanted to know though. I wasn’t sure how serious I should get or how serious we were.

“What do you want to know?” I sat up a little straighter and pulled away from him.

“Anything you want to tell me,” his eyes were kind and his smile was warm, in that moment I felt like I could open up my mind and let him inside, show him everything and still be safe. I was walking the thin line between complete confidence in him and pure resistance. While I wasn’t one who would be considered guarded or haunted by the past, a voice inside my head reminded me not to say too much. It had been ingrained in me my whole life that over sharing was a definite way to scare someone off. As I grew older I slowly realized that this patriarchal concept was just a ploy to convince women to say less. But sitting with my hand between his, our bodies touching, the contact sending waves of shivers throughout my body, I realized that I was farther in than I had previously thought. What I had hoped would be a fun and simple relationship was turning into so much more.

“I’ve only ever been in love once,” I began, my eyes focused on his hands and the curve of his fingernails, rather than his face. “That was with Millie. When I met her it was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I’d always known that I was attracted to girls, but I didn’t think I could ever fall so hard for one.” I looked up to see him staring back at me attentively. “At first everything fell together perfectly, so much so that I was waiting for it all to go wrong. I’d never been so attached to someone before and I could so vividly imagine myself doing something to ruin it all. Before Millie my only relationship was in high school. A guy named Jack who tried to convince me not to go to university. After that I dated a bit but nothing serious, and I was okay with that. I was scared of serious after Jack.” My throat felt tight at the realization that I had said so much already. I often forgot that those around me were not privy to the memories and thoughts that swam around my tireless mind.

“Where did it go wrong?” He asked with genuine concern in his voice.

“I don’t think I can pin point a single time, because for so long we were on and off. We’d break up and get back together. I’d hate her more than I thought possible, but the second she left I felt like I was dying, like I couldn’t breath without her.”

He nodded and squeezed my hand. “I can’t say I’ve ever felt that, but I can imagine it. Then again I can’t say for certain I’ve ever really been in love either.” His statement shocked me. I had assumed that he’d had a string of beautiful girlfriends in his life.

“I dated a girl in high school,” he continued. “But with being all over for hockey it was too hard. She was great, but I don’t think I can say I was in love with her.”

“Do you ever wonder what your life would be life if you hadn’t left Nova Scotia?” I asked, studying his face.

“I do,” he smiling, crinkling his eyes. “I have a lot of friends who still live there, and sometimes I can’t help but envy how simple their lives are and how close they are to their families. I would like to be closer to my family, or have one of my own. But I know I’m lucky to be where I am today, and I’m happy here. Not a lot of people get to be here.”

“You’ve sacrificed a lot haven’t you?” I rested my head against his shoulder.

“In some ways I guess you could say I have. I haven’t had the most active of personal lives because so much of my time has been dedicated to hockey, but it’s more than worth it.” He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close enough that my head was on his chest. “I get paid stupid amounts of money to play a game that I’ve loved my whole life. How cool is that? How many people can say they get paid this much to play?” he chucked.

“But you wish you had a family?” I asked, purposely focusing the conversation on him.

“I’ve always wanted kids, and if I wasn’t playing in the NHL I’d probably have a few by now, but I’ve got plenty of time.” His optimism was refreshing. “What about you?” He turned the conversation back on me. “Do you want kids?”

Loaded question. Sure I wanted kids, I loved the idea of raising a little colony of mini Beas and dressing them in baby converse and little band T-shirts. I just didn’t like the idea of being stuck in one place or one relationship.

“Someday,” I replied smiling. “When the time is right.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He brushed my hair back gently with his free hand. I looked up at his big brown eyes and his tempting lips. The sincerity his voice and his trust worthy demeanor were enough to suck me in completely. In a few short months he’d gone from being a sort of celebrity who made me nervous in his presence, to a man who had me so completely and deeply interested in everything he was. I reminded myself not to become to invested. Although he said I was more to him than just a good time, I couldn’t allow myself to be hurt again, after everything with Millie, I couldn’t be certain that I would bounce back from another heartbreak.

Notes

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update guys! I was finishing up a spring course and now I'm in England traveling around. Not much time or access to WiFi in London. Hopefully I will get some time to get another chapter out, but if not I will update when I'm back in Canada. I look forward to your comments, they are the fuel to my writing fire. xx- T