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Stay, Stay, Stay

Chapter Twenty- Seven

I sat with my feet dangling in the warm water of the hotel swimming pool, cursing myself for forgiving him so easily. All it took was one night alone and the feeling of his lips against my neck the next morning for me to give in and forget all the hurt. But the trouble was I couldn’t forget. I told him I was over it, and in some ways I was, I didn’t want to fight with him, yet the hurt still dwelled inside me. The look on his face as he spat cruel words in my direction while we sat surrounded by friends. I’d spent the night brokenhearted and questioning our relationship. When the idea of not being with him became too much to bear I tried to find the words that would explain what I needed from him. Finding the words was one thing, but figuring out what I wanted to say was a whole other challenge. In the end it came down to one thing; I needed to know he was on my side. I needed him to have my back while I battled against myself.
“We can’t keep doing this,” he sighed into my hair, our arms wrapped around each other. He’d woken me up before my alarm could, eager to sort things out. I’d rolled out of bed and into his arms, eye make up smudged all over my cheeks and still in last night’s push up bra that I’d somehow slept in.
“No, we can’t,” I replied. My head was nestled in the crook of his neck, I tried to stop myself from choking up again, wondering how I could possibly still have tears after last night
“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted, opening the flood gates to my eyes. I buried my head against him, my body shaking with every sob. My salty tears stained his soft black t-shirt and he pulled me tighter.
“I’m willing to do anything you ask me to,” his voice was soft, almost pleading. I couldn’t help but cry harder, gasping for air and convulsing. He rubbed small circles in the middle of my back, desperate to provide some comfort.
“Thank you,” I croaked, the only thing I could think to say. We both knew what we needed from the other, but instead of saying it we lay back on the unmade bed and held our bodies as close together as we could, an unspoken promise to sort things out.

I’d been with Sidney long enough that I wasn’t offended when he let go of me and crawled out of bed, it was game day and he had a routine to begin. One that would hopefully lead to a win that night. After showering, hoping to cleanse myself of the night before, I got dressed and headed down to breakfast. Determined to try harder, I sat down at a corner table with two pieces of toast, an apple, and tea. An hour later I had eaten everything in front of me and tried to push away the anxious feeling of failure that threatened to ruin my effort. The voice of the demonic bitch who had infected my life echoed through my head. I needed a distraction and like an unsaid prayer I found him in the elevator.
“How’s it going?” James smiled as I stepped inside the mirrored walls.
“I’m alright,” I replied brightly, hoping to mask my true emotions. “You?”
“I’m alright, just meeting the boys at the pool,” he held up the swim shorts bunched in his hand.
“Sounds like fun,” I reached passed him to press the button for floor 22.
“You should come down,” he suggested, tilting his head to the side.
“I didn’t pack my bathing suit,” I chuckled.
“Come anyway,” his smile was so warm and inviting. He reminded me Simon in a way I couldn’t pinpoint. “We both know Sid’s probably already in the zone,” his laugh filled the small space.
I couldn’t help but smile at how well we all knew Sidney. His reputation as predictable had been rightfully earned. “Okay,” I finally answered. “But if you splash me there will be hell to pay.”

The water moving calmly over my feet reminded me of home. I tried to imagine the smell of chlorine was salty air and the laughing swimmers seagulls. Even if it was just a swimming pool, there was still serenity in the ebb and flow of the liquid.
“Bea,” Geno swam towards me, I noticed the absence of his usual lopsided grin, the sparkle in his eyes clouded by emotion. “Have you…” he paused and looked down at the water, taking a breath. “Have you talk to Serena?”
I froze, unsure how to answer. I cursed my best friend for putting me in the middle of her mess, but quickly forgave her, a twinge in my heart as an image of her alone at home flashed through my mind. I looked at his sad eyes and shook my head, trying to be casual.
“She text me last night,” I added quickly, hoping to comfort him. Ease his mind in anyway I could.
“She say anything about me?” He crinkled his brow confused.
“Just that I should wish you all a good game,” I lied, biting my lip to refrain from losing it.
“Oh,” he looked disappointed, I wanted to dive into the pool and hug him. “She not answer my calls,” he shook his head and tried to force a smile. “I try again later.” I watched him swim off and noted that we’d be home in three days, three days and I could help her figure this all out.

I had just finished lightly taping Beau’s healing wrist and was sitting causally with James, waiting for someone to need me, when my phone began vibrating frantically in my pocket.
“Penguins’ locker room, medical professional and best sister ever, Beatrice speaking, how may I help you?” I answered, knowing my brother was on the other end of the line.
“Hey sassy pants,” John laughed in response. “Are you here?”
“I just said I’m in the locker room,” I scoffed dramatically. “You never listen.” James looked at me confused, giving me the same look Simon gave me when we were kids. I smiled and mouthed the word ‘brothers’ to him. He nodded, understanding the banter.
“Old habit,” he chuckled.
We arranged to meet at a door leading to a back stairwell so I could sneak them into the locker room. “Job perks” I laughed as the ooh’d and awe’d over the privilege of entering the authorized personnel only section of the rink. I warned them that they might not get to talk to anyone due to pre-game rituals and they rolled their eyes, breaking out in a tag team lecture about how everything I knew about hockey I owed to them.
“You guys want to continue stroking your own egos? Or do you want to follow the person who works for the NHL into the locker room?” I stood with my hand on my hip outside the door to the visitors section.
“We should probably follow her,” Simon looked to the other two, smirking.
“That sounds like a decent idea,” Andy replied.
“You’re always full of good ideas, Simon,” John laughed. All of them noticing the irritated look on my face.
“Idiots,” I groaned and pushed through the door, leading them down the long concrete hallway. I could already hear the music from the locker room and the hollering of players warming up. They trailed a few steps behind me talking amongst themselves. I didn’t have the energy to keep up with their conversation, whatever it was about.
We stood outside the dressing room, I’d silenced my brothers and was trying to make eye contact with Sidney from my spot at the door. I didn’t want to distract him if he was in the zone. I finally caught his eyes and he grinned at me, the wrinkles forming around his eyes and his lips spreading to show his straight white teeth. I smiled back at him and cocked my head to the side. Immediately he knew what I was asking and motioned for us to come in.
“Hey,” he greeted us, taking a moment to kiss my cheek before shaking hands with my giddy brothers. “Glad you could make it.”
“Thanks for the tickets,” John beamed, the most rational of the three. Andy and Simon stood wide eyed and in awe, like children entering Disneyland for the first time. If they were amazed now, I couldn’t wait for them to visit us in Pittsburgh.
“Big Brother!” Geno called to Andy from his seat on the dressing room bench. “You come long way.”
John and Simon stared at Andy, slack jawed and obviously jealous of the second member of our family to be on a first name basis with Evgeni Malkin. I glanced at Sid who was trying not to laugh at the dumbfounded expressions on their faces.
“Please tell me I didn’t look that silly the first time I met everyone,” I whispered to him, having to stand on the tips of my toes to reach his ear.
“Nah, you’re way sexier,” he winked and pulled my body against his.

After the past few games of isolation, it was a relief to finally stand behind the bench knowing Sidney wasn’t ignoring me. Even more comforting were the occasional glances and subtle smiles we exchanged throughout the three periods. I hadn’t forgotten how difficult things between us had been, but the satisfaction of watching him, and the freedom to kiss him in the hallway before he went on the ice overwhelmed any animosity that lived within me. We won 3-2. It wasn’t a landslide, or an amazing performance, but it snapped what was threatening to become a significant losing streak.
Outside the locker room I hovered over Geno, he lay on his back, blood pouring from his eyebrow, tears slipping from his eyes.
“What exactly did you do?” I asked, carefully injecting a numbing agent to take the edge off.
“Not paying attention. High stick to face,” he gritted his teeth.
“How do you not pay attention during a hockey game?” I teased, wiping the blood away for the third time.
“I think about Serena, she not call back.” His eyes were squeezed shut and his fists clenched, I slipped the needle into the undamaged area around the wound and began to meticulously stitch the gash. While the players may have claimed they didn’t care about scars, I knew better than to rush and leave them with lifelong marks.
“I’m sure she’s just busy with work and derby,” I assured him, finishing the last stitch and cleaning the area again.
“You right,” he smiled weakly, slowly sitting up.
“You’re good as new,” I pulled off the blood stained gloves and clapped him on the back. He laughed and traced his fingers over the stitches.
I made my way back to the locker room, exhausted and hoping to find the team ready to go. Instead I walked into a full blown dance party. Bass heavy pop music thumping through the speakers and men in various states of undress dancing around in joy. I stood at the door taking it all in. Sweaty bodies everywhere and each face wearing the same relaxed grin.
“There’s my girl,” Sid laughed, wearing only his bottom layer of spandex. He danced towards me and pulled me into the centre of the room with him.
“I can’t dance,” I giggled, pushing his sweaty body away from me. He persisted, holding my arms hostage and moving me around with him. “Apparently you can’t either.”
The song came to an end and he kept his hands around my wrists, kissing me all too passionately for where we were. He’d very quickly abandoned our idea of a professional relationship.
“Go pick a song, Bea,” Marc Andrea called from his stall across the room.
“You don’t want to let her do that,” Beau warned. “I’ve heard what she listens to,” he taunted.
“Yeah I have to agree,” Sid piped up, cupping my face in his hands. “Such a nice face, such questionable taste.”
“Fuck you,” I laughed, pulling away from him and walking to the iPod.
“Do we want to take bets? I’m saying either One Direction or something inaudible like Sex Pistols,” Sidney continued and I shot him an annoyed look.
“Or Hunter Hayes!” Beau added. “Do you remember the day he listened to that C.D on repeat for three hours?”
“Would you two shut up?” I hollered before Sidney could reply. “You wouldn’t want me telling the team about your Mean Girls movie date would you?” Beau flushed crimson and Sid glared at me with wide eyes.
“Beatrice, don’t tell them my secrets!” he hissed, trying to hold back the smile that crept across his face.
I hit play on the iPod and walked back to him, patting his cheek patronizingly before taking a seat by the coach’s board.
“I knew it,” Sid laughed as the music began. “Not Sex Pistols but close.”
“Fricken Green Day,” Beau groaned. “I’ve heard this album fifty times since you moved in.”
“It’s a good album,” I cried. “They’re magnificent!”
“As long as it’s not One Direction or Miley Cyrus, I’m not complaining,” Dupuis added in support.
“We heard Green Day and figured you must be around,” Simon said, I looked up to find my brothers standing at the door,
“Flash backs to high school,” Andy rolled his eyes. “Some things never change.”
“My little punk rock girlfriend,” Sidney whispered in my ear after everyone had returned to their business of getting dressed. He had a towel around his hips, heading towards the shower. “Do you want to go light something on fire and stud our own leather jackets tonight?” he nipped at my ear lobe playfully. Despite his sassy comment I desperately wanted to join him in the shower.
“You smell,” I rolled my eyes and pushed him towards the shower, winking as he turned away from me.

Coming home after even a few nights away, felt like entering the most luxurious of spas. Returning to my apartment instead of going straight to Sidney’s house was like walking into a palace. The smell of warm vanilla candles and the inviting decor gave me shivers. It didn’t have the same amenities as Sid’s McMansion, but it was my home. We left our bags in the car, he’d wanted to go home first but I demanded we see Serena immediately. As per usual the place was in perfect order, which should have surprised me, but did nevertheless. I had expected walk in to a disaster zone, instead there were cookies on the counter. Had I not heard faint the music and muffled sobs coming from her room, I would have thought the place was empty.
“Feel free to turn on the TV,” I told Sid before venturing down the hall towards the noise.
He smiled sadly and wished me luck. Completely unprepared for what I was about to find, I needed all the luck I could get. I expected Serena to be upset, but I could never accurately assume to what extent she would be. I’d seen her bawl over Scrubs and hardly flinch and funerals. Unpredictability seemed to be a common trait in our shared household. I knocked softly on the door, hardly waiting for a reply before opening it. I slipped inside, closing it firmly behind me and looked up to find her. Spread out on the floor staring up at the ceiling, tissues littered around her and the colour drained from her face. For a brief moment I worried she was unconscious, nearly ready to yell for Sidney when she turned her head towards me.

“I am so fucked,” she said dryly.

Notes

Sorry this has taken so long. November and the beginning of December are both painful months in the world of the student, (perhaps in other worlds too but I have never been anything but a student)

I'm pretty sure I'm cursed, Beau hurts his hand in this and a few weeks later he breaks in in reality. Good heavens, I might have to be careful haha.

Love your comments of course.
xx- T

Comments

This was so good!!! I was in tears at the end when thinking about Sid retiring haha

Court31 Court31
2/17/21

Beautiful story.

Aleja21 Aleja21
10/29/18

This story was great and very relatable because of the beliefs that Bea and I share. You really captured the struggle of being in a relationship and making a marriage work. Keep up the good work and don't stop writing. :)

RoxPensChick RoxPensChick
9/17/17

@melindaone
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!! Thanks for sticking through and reading :D :D



TheoAirplane TheoAirplane
9/11/17

Well, that was sooo good. I loved their story. I still do. Their love, strenght, humor..this all made me fall in love. So thank you for a chance to be a part of K.C. family.

melindaone melindaone
9/8/17