“Sidney,” I called from the yellow room where I sat reading through the local gossip columns online. A hobby I’d picked up out of boredom.
“Yeah?” he replied, his voice was muffled and seemed to be coming from our bedroom.
“Have you been fucking Taylor Swift without me?” I hollered back. It had become common for me to share the funny media stories with him, he didn’t pay much attention to gossip but we both got a kick out of it
“What did you say?” he said from the door, coming to stand behind me.
“Well it says here that you and Ms. Swift have been spotted together. I just wanted to make sure you’re not the reason for the tear drops on her guitar.” I leaned back and looked up at him. His face was confused, but slightly amused.
“I don’t recall meeting or mating with her,” he crinkled his brow.
“Good, because if you’re going to cheat on me with someone like her, at least have the decency to invite me to join,” I laughed as I watched his face change from confused to aroused then back to confused.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he kissed my forehead and placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Y’know, if we just went public these stories wouldn’t appear so often,” I suggested, knowing I was brining up a touchy subject.
“Right,” he snorted, dropping his hand from my shoulder. “So we can deal with you being hounded instead. No thanks, I’ll take my pretend life with Taylor Swift and every other pop star over that.”
“Fine,” I groaned and pulled his hand into mine. “Just tell me I’m prettier than your pretend girlfriend and I’ll leave it alone for a few weeks.” I smirked, batting my eyelashes at him.
“You’re prettier than Taylor Swift, sweetie,” he said dutifully. “Shouldn’t you be packing? We have to leave in two hours.” He tugged on my hand and pulled me to my feet, kissing me lightly then sending me in the direction of our bedroom with a pat on the bum.

“Bea, we’re going to miss the flight!” Sidney called up the stairs impatiently.
“You can’t miss a chartered flight,” I hollered back, rushing to shove my computer in my carryon.
“I’m not in the mood to test that theory so get a move on,” he replied with a huff.
I’d started packing the day before, but even after a year of travelling I hadn’t learned to avoid the last minute rush of throwing things into the suitcase. Knowing my tendency to leave things to the last minute, Sid had not so subtly suggested that I have my bags waiting at the door four hours ago. After dropping Luna off at the very lively Dupuis house, Sidney came home and had his bags ready forty-five minutes later, I on the other hand decided to check my email, and the gossip columns, and spend some time in Pinterest. It was becoming abundantly clear that he was more disciplined than I was, although I suspected we already knew that based on his six back abs and my slightly convex belly.
“I swear to god Bea,” he said a little louder as I moseyed to the stairs.
“Would you relax?” I pulled two suitcases behind me and had my backpack on. “Can you get my last bag?” the two suitcases bumped down the stairs behind me loudly and he stared at me in horror.
“Three bags?” he sputtered. “What in the hell do you think we’re doing there?” he pushed past me, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Love you,” I called up to him giggling.

We arrived just in time... for the flight crew to compliment Sidney on how early we were and show us to the lounge.
"If we have to wait, I'm going to drink," I scowled at him and flagged down the bartender, ordering a Malibu and coke.
"You go right ahead, honey, but I'm not cleaning up your puke or explaining to my parents why you can't stand up on your own." He pat my leg patronizingly and ordered himself a beer. Sidney wasn't exactly a big drinker but when he did it was never enough to lose control.

"Y'know what I like about you?" I giggled, three drinks in and already hanging off of him.
“My body?” he suggested with a smirk and wrapped his arm around my shoulder to keep me from losing my balance. He took a sip from his beer, the same one he’d ordered half an hour earlier.
“Oh hell yes,” I groaned and let my head fall against his shoulder. “But I was goooing to say that you were born near where I was born so we can go home together.”
“I knew you only liked me for my province,” he laughed and gave me a squeeze.
“And your body,” I added, finishing off my third drink and ordering another one.
“What about my NHL contract?”
“Meh,” I shrugged. “It’s just a signing bonus that comes with your body.”

Sidney dozed in and out of sleep with his head rest against the wall of the plane while I flipped through a tattoo magazine I’d bought at the airport. As much as I tried I couldn’t focus on the images in front of me. My mind still under the influence of Malibu was racing in circles. Giving up on the magazine, I set it on the table in front of me and closed my eyes, but my mind kept racing and I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that began to settle in. My thoughts kept drifting back to Pittsburgh, back to Serena, back to the ache. There as something so horribly unfair about my moments of drunken glee, how could I possibly deserve to be excited and in love when she was forced to rebuild her life. The memory of her unwashed hair and the purple circles under her eyes as she sat in the chaos of out apartment without moving, refused to leave me. I wondered what she was thinking, while I sat on a plane headed home, my blood mixed with the false relief of alcohol, was she having a good day? Or did it feel like the sky was falling again? I’d spoken to her briefly that morning but not long enough to know if she was faking it, she’d sounded okay but that didn’t tell me anything. I wanted her to be okay more than I’d wanted anything in my life. But I had no control over that, no one did, and the truth of that was more painful than anything else. Taking a long drink of water I reminded myself to call her when we landed. I couldn’t fix anything, but I had to tell her I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’m going left, take the guy to the corner then find me. If I can’t find a clear shot I’ll drive it to the net or Kuni can take it around,” Sidney mumbled, his head still leaning against the window and his eyes closed. I’d heard him talk in his sleep before, usually asleep myself I’d kick him until it stopped.
“Then what?” I asked, curious to see if he could hear me.
“Then we score goals and win cups and I go to Tiffany’s,” he replied clearly and repositioned his head in the headrest.
“What’s at Tiffany’s Sidney?” I tried to stifle my giggle.
“Lamps for Beatrice. I’m gonna light the lamp then buy the lamps.” He twitched and rubbed his face with the back of his hand, still asleep.
I left him to sleep in peace, deciding not to fixate on his desire for couture light fixtures. His mention of Tiffany’s sent my mind down a road I’d been trying to avoid. A very official road littered with caution signs and no exits. I’d long since given up fighting my feelings for him, and I no longer hesitated to tell him that I was undoubtably and immutably in love with him. If it didn’t make him so uncomfortable I would gladly and freely tell every single person I encountered that I, Beatrice Keller, was happy to spend every single moment of my life with Sidney Crosby. That I was one-hundred percent enamoured with him and it would take an apocalypse to change that. Nothing in my life could compare to the way I felt around him and nothing had prepared me for how hard I had fallen in such a short time. I watched him sleep, so peaceful and unbothered by the world, but couldn’t stand being so far away from him. Those few feet separating us felt torturous and I slipped out of my seat, quietly tip toeing across the plane and curling up in the vacant space beside him. My head gently resting against his shoulder and my hand over his, I knew I didn’t need Tiffany’s lamps or Stanley cups, I didn’t need chartered flights or financial security, I just needed him. And should those things become unattainable, I’d be perfectly happy to sit in nothingness beside him, just as long as I had him.

We landed in Halifax around dinner time, and after a breezy conversation with customs, a couple of pictures of Sidney with local fans, and a few more autographs, we gathered out luggage and met his very excited parents at the front doors.
“Beatrice!” his mother wrapped her arms around me before even acknowledging his presence. “How are you? It’s so good to see you again,” she squeezed me tightly, the way that only mothers do.
“I’m good,” I hugged her back, the initial awkwardness fading into a sort of comfort. “Glad to be home,” I let my arms fall to my sides and she let go. I was relieved to have sobered shortly before we landed.
“Welcome home,” his father hugged me briefly while his mother switched her attention to him and we swapped parents.
“Thank you,” I smiled, still nervous and unsure how to behave. I had an unquenchable thirst to please his parents, to prove that I was good enough to be with their son. I was sure they’d heard all about the the break up and I needed them to know how much different it felt this time. Not being with him for those weeks was hard enough, I knew more definitely now that there was no way I could survive it again.

“Are you guys hungry?” His mother asked from the front seat of the car as we drove away from the airport and towards our summer together.
“Do I ever say no to that?” Sid laughed and reached for my hand.
“Good point,” his father smiled from his position behind the wheel. “So the question is where do you want me to stop. We could grab some steaks, or stop at a restaurant, your call really.”
“Sidney,” I motioned for him to lean towards me. “If you can convince them to stop at Greco I promise I will make it worth your while,” I whispered in his ear playfully.
“Did you just offer sex for donairs and pizza?” he said quietly, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
“Maybe,” I bit my lip and shrugged.
“Greco,” he exclaimed loudly to his parents. “I really want Greco.”

“I forgot what it feels like to be this full,” Sidney groaned and flopped onto the couch. After eating with us at lake house, Sid’s parents headed home, giving us the privacy I’d never get enough of.
“I’m pretty sure if you popped me I’d explode grease and happiness right now,” I sat beside him and let my head fall back.
“I have a feeling we’re not going to get that unpacking done tonight,” he turned his head to the side and faced me, our noses just inches away from each other.
“Mmm, I’m trying to be bothered by that, but it’s just not happening,” I grinned and moved closer to him.
“Good,” he pressed his lips against mine gently. “Because of all the things on my to do list tonight, it’s not very high.”
“To do list?” I giggled. Of course he had a to do list on his vacation. “Where do I rank on this list?”
“See that’s the thing,” he reached over and pulled me closer to him, so I was nearly in his lap. “You are the to do list. After you I just didn’t bother with anything else,” he nuzzled his face into my neck and I felt myself blush. His corny, goofy, romantic comments still got to me, I suspected they always would.
“I think I like this list,” I beamed and snuggled closer to him. “But I wasn’t kidding about the grease thing, we might want to wait a few hours because I cannot be responsible for my body right now.”
“Good point,” he chuckled and hugged me gently.

“For fuck sakes!” I screamed from the bedroom. After concluding that it was best we postponed our naked frolicking, we sat pressed against each other and watched a TV airing of The Notebook, which only made me want him more.
“What’s wrong?” Sidney ran into the room with the plastic pitcher of milk still in his hand, “are you okay?”
“I’m pretty sure I left my make up bag on the counter in the bathroom… in Pittsburgh,” I sulked and looked at the three open suitcases around me.
“And this is a big deal?” Sid clarified, setting the milk pitcher—complete with fresh bag of 2%— on the dresser.
“Yes,” I groaned. “I had everything in there. Make up, hair stuff, tooth brush, all the important things.”
“All things you can buy in Halifax,” he knelt down in front of my and took my hands in his. “Don’t let this become something to worry about, okay? We can go in the morning and replace everything and tonight you can use my toothbrush.”
“Does Halifax have a Sephora?” I asked after taking a few seconds to breath with him.
“Where do you think we are? Charlottetown? Of course there’s a Sephora!” he teased. “Gosh Bea, we’re like civilized ‘round these parts.”
“Hey!” I cried, pretending to be offended. “We have traffic lights in Ch’town now! We’re getting there.”
“Baby steps,” he laughed and kissed my nose. “Besides, as long as you remembered to pack your swimsuit you don’t need anything else.”
“Swimsuit?” I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.
“Mhm, the minute it gets warm enough I plan on establishing a minimal clothing rule,” he winked and kissed me again, this time on the lips with a little more excitement.
“About that,” I broke the kiss, blushing. “I don’t…”
“What?” he looked alarmed.
“Yeah, I just don’t really have one,” I shrugged.
“But… you come from an island,” he stammered. “You can’t come from an island and not own proper swimwear! Wait, you can swim right?”
“Of course I can swim!” I rolled my eyes at him, slightly offended.
“Oh good,” he dramatically sighed in relief. “You had me worried there. I guess we have tomorrow planned for us,” his eyes lit up as I imagined he was envisioning me modelling skimpy bathing suits. I didn’t look forward to telling him there wasn’t enough money in the world to get me to wear a string bikini or anything like it.

“Oh shit,” I groaned, laying naked beside a half asleep Sidney. He lay on his stomach, his arm draped over my chest.
“I know,” he chuckled sleepily. “I just keep getting better at this.”
“No,” I sat up panicking, throwing his arm off me.
“What?” he sat up slowly as I jumped out of bed and riffled through my purse.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck, shit.” I dumped the contents of my purse and carryon bed onto the floor. My pill bottles rattled and the change that had fallen out of my wallet jingled.
“What’s wrong?” Sid crawled out of bed and sat on the floor beside me.
“One, two, three, four, five,” I counted the pill bottles in front of my and groaned.
“You have enough for the summer, we triple checked” he rubbed my back trying to calm me down.
“I only have two kinds of pills here,” I looked at him with fear in my eyes and my chest tightening.
“Right,” he nodded. “The quetiapine and the citalopram.”
“Sidney I take three pills!” I cried, dropping my head into my hands and groaning loudly.
“Oh shit,” he dropped his hand from my shoulder.
“I put the boxes in my makeup case…” I sobbed, tears pouring from my tired eyes.
“It’s okay,” he pulled me against his bare chest. “You took it last night so we’re fine for tonight. Do you need to take it? Can’t we just use something else?”
“I have to take it,” I cried harder. Anxiety and panic taking over my mind. I couldn’t think about anything other than how irresponsible I’d been. It wasn’t not having the birth control that worried me, he was right, we could use something else. It was knowing that without it I’d have no control over my periods and my skin would likely return to a state of chaos.
“It’s okay,” he smoothed my hair and held me tighter. “You know how we have Sephora in Halifax?” he said calmly.
“Yeah,” I squeaked, my face still in his neck.
“Well, we also have doctors. Better than that we have healthcare,” he chuckled and rocked us slowly.
“We can do that?” I asked, my tears slowing to a halt and the anxiety slowly easing.
“Baby, I’m Sid the Kid, we can do anything,” he roared with laughter and fell back, taking me with him.
“You’re going to use your name to get me a prescription?” I sniffled. My body was pressed against his, his arms holding me there. I could see the amusement in his eyes, his warmth and logic once again talking me off of a ledge.
“If I have to, but you can probably just give them yours and make an appointment,” he kissed my cheek and his laugh shook my body.

Sid took our hour long visit to Sephora like a champ. I steered him in the direction of the male fragrances and left him to smell the hundreds of different colognes, and had a good half an hour before he emerged with a handful of samples to find me. I filled my basket with the basics: BB cream, moisturized, face wash, toner, makeup remover, mascara, liquid eyeliner, and a pallet with eyeshadow and blush. As I looked through the shampoo I wondered if it wouldn’t have been easier to get someone to send me the bag, but with Serena headed to Russia I didn’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. I was ashamed of my large collection of cosmetics and birth control, but buying new things just seemed easier than explaining my forgetfulness. Sid found me in hair care debating hair straighteners.
“Wow,” he looked down at the basket in my hand. “I didn't realize there was so much.”
“This isn’t even the half of it,” I laughed and tried to mentally calculate the total. I had at least $300 in the basket alone. “If I get the straightener and shampoo it’ll be almost a full paycheque.”
“Insane,” he shook his head in horror.
“It makes me happy,” I shrugged and dropped the cheaper of the two straighteners in my basket.
I cringed when the cashier read off the total as nearly $600. I’d hoped to be spending my money on something a little less vain. Sid chuckled at my pain stricken face and took the debit card out of my hand, replacing it with his barely used gold credit card. When I tried to hand it back to him he shook his head and nudged me towards the counter. I felt weird taking his money for something so unnecessary, but he assured me it was fine and he had more than enough to share. I thanked him repeatedly and kissed him gently.

After a quick trip to the drug store where we stocked up on condoms and everything else I’d left in Pittsburgh, Sidney pulled me into the direction of a fancy swimwear boutique. Resistance was futile as he pushed me through the open doors and guided me into the depths of bathing suit hell.
“I still can’t believe you don’t have a swimsuit,” he shook his head and browsed through the rack of spandex attire in front of him.
“I also don’t own an electric chair, in fact I kind of make it a rule not to own torture devices,” I groaned, looking for a black one piece in my size just to appease him. I dreaded the idea of pulling the clingy fabric over my usually covered body.
“Oh honey, you can take more than one,” the sales lady caught me as I tried to sneak into the dressing room with the single one piece and the last shred of my dignity. “In fact, let me just bring you a few while you try that one,” she added, leaving before I could argue.

“I still don’t see why this is such a big deal,” I wiggled the bathing suit over my hips and tried to stuff the rest of my body into it like a sausage into its plastic casing.
“Because you’re from an island…” Sid said from outside the curtained dressing room
“So?” I struggled with the shiny fabric. “I also can’t fish, are you going to take me to lobster catching classes?”
“Do you want to take lobster catching classes?” he asked excitedly.
“Those don’t actually exist,” I rolled my eyes and opened the curtain to show him the embarrassment I was experiencing, my body awkwardly covered in stretchy black fabric, every lump and bump visible. “Just like I wish this thing didn’t exist,” I pointed to the monstrosity that flattened my boobs and accentuated my stomach.
“It’s not horrible,” Sid shrugged, trying to hide the look of horror on his face. “It’s just… a lot of fabric.”
“A lot?” I looked at him alarmed. “I was thinking I’d like twice this!” My pale thighs looked exposed and out of place and I had the urge to wrap myself in the curtain that hang beside me.
Before he could reply the sales assistant came back with her arms full of different coloured pieces. She took one look at me and shook her head. “No no honey!” she pushed me back into the room where she’d hung up the other choices. The hooks were covered in various tops and bottoms. Bikinis I’d never in my life consider squeezing into.
The first three were so horrific I refused to show Sidney, in the interest of our sex life I tossed them in the no pile along with every other skimpy stringy thing she’d brought me. If I had more ass than it had fabric there was no way I was wearing it. After eliminating the more revealing options I was left with three options; one a pink and white polkadot tankini with halter straps and a modest cut, the second a blue dress-like one piece that made me look like I was thirty pounds heavier, and the third a pair of high waisted, ruched black bottoms and a navy and pink floral top that had just enough cover and lift to make my less than perfect breasts worth looking at.
“Can I see?” Sid asked patiently, after I’d stood in the dressing room looking at my reflection and trying to decide exactly how I felt about it.
“I don’t know,” I opened the curtain hesitantly to show him. “I can’t decide if it’s bad news bears or the least horrible of them all. I have a lot of ass and…”
“You’re adorable,” he interrupted my self deprecating rant, getting up from his seat to get a better look at me.
“Adorable? Like a kitten or a baby?” I looked at him confused.
“Adorable like you should throw away all your clothes and just wear that for the rest of your life,” he kissed the tip of my nose.

“I have a feeling the NHL wouldn’t like that very much,” I smirked and slipped my arms around his waist.

Notes