The minute Sidney walked through our front door I was on him like white on rice. I didn’t care that his agent and the Penguins’ publicist had followed him into the house, or that I usually wasn’t the overly affectionate clingy type. All I could think about was overwhelming sense of relief that came when his face appeared in the door way. Having him home gave me a calm I’d been desperately craving, like I could finally breathe after holding my breath for so long. I held onto him as if my life depended on it, as if somehow having his arms around me was my only hope of finding true repose.

“I missed you too,” he chucked in reaction to my body colliding with his and my arms snaking around his waist.

“Missed is an understatement,” I said with my face pressed into his neck. “I’m locking you in the basement for the next month if you try to leave me again. 18th century France style with a pole and a short chain.”

“That’s so romantic,” he kissed my cheek and guided me backwards into the kitchen, shuffling with our arms still wrapped around each other. “I’d like nothing more than to stay like this for the rest of the day, Sweetie, but we have to talk to these guys about some important stuff. They hijacked me as soon as I landed.” He held my face between his big hands, squishing my cheeks as he kissed me.

I glared at him for a minute, annoyed that he couldn’t have at least given us a day alone before bringing people over to talk shop. But it was impossible to stay angry with him after spending so many nights apart yearning for his presence. Leaving my left arm around his waist I turned to our guests and channeled my inner happy wife.

“How are y’all doing?” I grinned at them, laying it on thick as if I was Pittsburgh’s answer to Tami Taylor. “Can I get you anything?”

“Do you have any sparkling?” Dominic, the team’s publicist who I’d met only a few times before, asked before taking a seat at the dining room table.

“Still water for me, Beatrice,” Pat, Sid’s agent, replied taking another chair at the table .
“I’m good, babe,” Sid followed suit and I was left without his touch, expected to bring the drinks. Despite my offering I was taken aback by their expectation that I would cater to them. An experienced wife of a high profile athlete might not have given the role a second thought, but being only a few weeks into the job I was not impressed with their requests.

I opened the fridge, searching for a bottle of mineral water I thought I’d seen hidden at the back, muttering to myself about the ridiculousness of requesting sparkling water at someone’s house. Was I the only person in the world who thought carbonated water was disgusting? I found it tucked between a bottle of wine I wouldn’t be able to drink and a jar of maraschino cherries I couldn’t wait to pound back, and begrudgingly filled a glass for Dom, then joined them at the table with both still and sparkling water in tow.

They’d already started without me, so I sat quietly with my arm wrapped around Sidney’s. I hadn’t previously disliked Dom or Pat, but the longer I sat while they ignored me in my own home, the more I could feel the anger rising in me. They talked back and forth, deciding things that would directly impact my life, without giving me so much as a look. Sid occasionally squeezed my thigh, as if trying to assure me that he knew I was here, but it did little to comfort me. Pat and Dom were discussing Sidney’s sponsorship deals for the upcoming season when I felt my patience run out.

“Do I need to be here?” I interrupted them loudly slapping my hand against the table. “Because if I don’t need to be involved in this I’m not sure why you all had to meet today, in my house, when I haven’t seen my husband in a week.” I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as suddenly all eyes were on me. It was Sidney’s gaze though that worried me the most. I refused to look him in the eyes, but I could he him staring at me slack jawed and alarmed. No one said anything, the three men just sat there, watching me as if I’d broken some kind of unspoken rule. A rule stating that I should be seen and not heard.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… tired and…” I stammered, trying to backtrack and fix what I might have done.

“No, don’t be sorry,” Sidney slipped his fingers between mine. “She’s right guys. I’m not exactly sure why we need to do this at my kitchen table before I’ve even unpacked. I was under the impression we were here to talk about a media statement. But if somehow I’m mistaken, we need to reschedule, perhaps to a time when my wife and I have had a chance to discuss the coming season in private.” He spoke with such certainty and dominance that a part of me swelled with pride. I’d never seen him address anyone so strongly. It was evident to all of us that Sidney was on my side and the empowering feeling that came with that made it hard not to grin.

“Right then,” Pat shuffled the papers in front of him and shot Sidney a look. It occurred to me that he probably thought I was some kind of controlling bitch. A gold digger who had coerced him into not signing a prenup and gotten pregnant on purpose. But I was surprisingly unfazed by that possibility. I usually hated the idea of someone thinking ill of me, perhaps it was my growing frustration as a result of pregnancy hormones, or knowing that Sidney would defend me, but I couldn’t make myself care about Pat or Dom.

“So Sidney has informed us that you two got married,” Dominic began. He spoke with little emotion in his voice, as if my slight outburst had sucked all the energy out of him.

“That’s correct,” I matched his tone and met his eyes with an icy stare. I could play his game just as well as he thought he could.

“And you’re pregnant,” Pat added, avoiding my eyes.

“Yes,” I turned my attention to him, the same monotone coldness to my words.

“Our concern with this of course is how it will be received by the media. We’d like to release a statement sooner rather than later about this development in Sidney’s life. Given that in their eyes he’s continued to be a bachelor this past year, you’ll have to understand how this might not be received too kindly by the public,” Dom enlightened me. As if I didn’t already know.

“I don’t see why we can’t just hold a press conference, answer the questions they have, and leave it at that.” Sidney shook his head in frustration and and ran his free hand through his wavy hair.

“Are you willing to sit there for three hours and answer everything?” Dom turned to Sidney. “Better yet, are you okay if there is fallout? Releasing all the information at once might be too much. You’ll be hounded.”

“You’re saying this as if he isn’t already followed by the media,” I rolled my eyes. We’d spent the duration of our relationship hiding from the public, avoiding public displays of affection, telling anyone who asked I was a team representative sent to help him. I was tired of hiding and more than willing to answer questions if it meant living an honest life.

“It will be worse,” Pat warned. “This is a lot to put on people at once.”

“I think you’re underestimating fans.” Sid closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “But that aside, I think I can speak for Beatrice too when I saw I’m sick of hiding from people. I want to ensure our safety of course, and that this works out positively for the team, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my personal life any longer.” I was falling in love with him all over again, watching him speak with such finality, his jaw set and his hair pushed back.

“Fine,” Dom sighed. “If you want to do a press conference I’ll arrange it for this week. We’ll need you both present and I need a day before to have a P.R team brief you on everything.”

“Great,” he finally smiled and I watched the tension start to fade from Sidney’s face. “But we’re covering everything within reason. No secrets, no stories,” He looked from Dom to Pat then back to Dom and they both nodded in agreement.

“I’ll call you with the details,” Dom gathered his papers and stood from the table, we all joined him and the men shook hands, our guests barely acknowledging me before letting themselves out.

We stood in silence for a few moments before I turned to Sidney with a rush of emotion coursing through my veins.
“What the fuck was that?” I cried, pushing back the tears that threatened to spill out of my eyes.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he chuckled and pulled me into his chest. “I’ve never seen anyone stand up to them like that.”

“Sorry about that,” I looked up at him, my chin leaning against his chest and my hands holding tightly to the fabric of the back of his shirt. “I need to work on keeping my mouth shut.”

“No way,” he scoffed, a sly smile appearing on his lips. “It was kind of hot.”

“Was it now?” I looked at him seductively and let my hands slowly move to his front then down to his belt. I fiddled with the metal buckle at looked up at him with a lazy smirk.

“Absolutely,” he pressed his lips roughly against mine and gently pushed my back and onto the table, his hand moving to cradle my head. I briefly considered that our concentrated weight on the middled of the dining room table might break it, but my focus quickly shifted to the feeling of his hands slipping up my shirt. After a long, lonely week apart, I was more that thrilled to be laying under him in the middle of the dining room.

“Sidneeyy,” I whined from the bathroom, where I sat on the edge of the tub with my head in my hand.

“What’s wrong,” he ran in, shirt half buttoned and pants still open. His hair was still wet and shaggy, the ends starting to curl around his neck and face.

“I don’t know what to wear,” I looked up at him pathetically. This was a serious situation, now well into the second trimester of pregnancy the struggle to find clothes that were comfortable and appropriate was real. Sidney had told me on more than one occasion to take the credit card and ‘for the love of god go buy what ever you need to be happy,’ and while I appreciated the gesture, the thought of trying to find clothes to accommodate my now even larger body made me squirm with anxiety. So instead of venture out to the mall or a big box maternity store, I lived in oversize t-shirts and leggings, and complained about it regularly. Given that we hadn’t gone anywhere more exciting than the rink or the grocery store since he got home, it didn’t seem like that big a deal.

“I told you this was going to be a problem,” he shook his head and continued buttoning his shirt. It was true, he’d suggested days ago that I buy something to wear for the press conference.

“Well it’s too late now,” tears of frustration form in my eyes and I tried to wipe them away with the back of my hand, which caused my eye make up to smear and the tears to come even faster. “We have to be at the rink in an hour, and I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Sidney shoved his shirt into his pants then did up the button. He was wearing the white dress shirt and dark grey pants combo I’d laid out for him the night before. He looked like he belonged in a magazine spread.

“I am,” I sobbed. “My shoes don’t even fit properly anymore,” I motioned to a pair of red heels that lay discarded next to the toilet.

“Are you sure nothing in your closet fits you? Not even one of poofy dresses?”

I shook my head and cried even harder. It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought about this day and what I’d wear. I’d thought about it everyday for the past week. I’d just spent so much time focusing on the briefing notes Dominic had given us than I’d neglected to actually check my closet. My original plan had been to wear a black A-line dress with my favourite yellow cardigan. But instead of being the perfect outfit I had in mind, the dress had refused fit my stomach and suffocated my chest causing it to spill out over the top. The black dress I’d once regarded as a staple in my wardrobe met the same fate as the shoes and was crumpled on the floor.

“Okay,” he let out a sigh and pushed his hand through his hair. “Fix your makeup and I guess we’ll stop along the way, if you’re quick I think we’ll have enough time.”

“Really?” I sniffled and wiped at my cheeks with both hands.

“Well it’s not like you can meet the press in a hoodie,” he finally cracked a smile, then turned back to the bedroom.

I quickly brushed my teeth and wiped the smudged black marks from under my eyes and down my cheeks. My hair, no longer bleach blonde but rather an auburn brown, was curled and sprayed firmly into place. I zipped one of his hoodies over my hips and chest, then raced down the stairs to meet him at the front door, checking the time along the way. We had forty-five minutes to find me an outfit and make it to the rink in time.

“Why are you wearing those?” Sid pointed to a pair of his black converse that I was shoving my feet into. He’d worn them maybe four times but they’d come in handy with my feet too swollen and big to fit into my own collection of shoes.

“Because I can’t wear flip flops?” I shrugged and knelt down to tie the laces.

“And my shoes aren’t too big?” he cocked an eyebrow and I could feel him watching me fiddle with the white laces.

“They’re prefect actually,” I pulled the bow of the last shoe tightly and stood up slowly. “Your feet are like a size bigger than mine, we’ve gone over this.”

He didn’t say anything, instead just shook his head and opened the front door, ushering me out before him.

It took twenty minutes of Sidney pointing out different dresses in the store for me to find something I deemed acceptable. I settled on a stretchy black v-neck dress that came just below my knees and didn’t make me feel like a sack of potatoes, and a green cardigan. I figured it was about as NHL WAG as I was going to get in such a short timeframe, and with my white and grey striped scarf looped around my neck, it didn’t look half bad with the converse.

I’d been waiting for the nerves to set in all morning, but it wasn’t until we pulled into the parking lot of CONSOL that I started feeling light headed and uneasy. I knew that on the other side of the big metal door a large group of reporters and media personnel had gathered to hear what Sidney had to say, completely unaware of the news he was about to drop. It wasn’t abnormal for the Penguins to call a press conference, especially not this close to the season starting, but this wasn’t like the normal media statements. Sidney wasn’t there to talk about his health or the games he planned to win, he was there to divulge the status of our previously clandestine relationship. They’d all warned me- the PR staff, Sidney, and Pat- that after today my life wasn’t going to be the same. And while I claimed to understand the gravity of that, there was no way I could have. Although I’d seen what Sidney went through on a daily basis, trying to dodge the attention, I’d never been the recipient of the attention and it was that focus that terrified me the most. But I reasoned that a little media scrutiny was far better than living life in hiding.

“Ready?” he squeezed my hand as we stood at the door to the rink, flashing me a wide smile as if to tell me it was going to be okay.

“Yeah,” I let out the deep breath I’d been holding and dropped his hand.

We walked down the hallway like strangers, not touching, not interacting, just two people headed to the same room. It was an act that had become second nature to me. I watched him walking casually a few feet ahead of me, his grey suit jacket moving with every wide stride he took. His outfit was perfectly tailored, his hair was neat and pushed out of his face, I felt awkward and underdressed in comparison. My body felt like it belonged to someone else and although I liked my new dress and sweater, I felt like an impostor, some raggedy girl off the street who was just pretending to be the wife of a public figure.

Pat greeted us outside the door of the press room, still cold and uncomfortable around me. After exchanging a few words with Sid motioned for us to follow him, and before I could prepare myself we were face to face with at least thirty people who were all waiting to hear from him. I tripped on my own feet and stumbled through the door, holding onto the frame to steady myself, then leaning on the wall between Dan and Mario who were in a group of team executives. I was given the option to sit with Sidney on stage, but in that moment I couldn’t find the courage to walk under the bright lights.

“Thank you all for coming,” Sidney began. He spoke so calmly and stood in front of the cameras and curious eyes as if it was completely natural. “With the season only a few weeks away, I thought it was important I personally call a press gathering to discuss a few things.” He glanced at me so subtly only I would notice and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

“As I’m sure you’re all aware, I very rarely discuss my personal life. I am of the firm belief that what I do on-ice is far more important than what I do off of it, but today I make an exception. This past August I gathered with friends and family and in a small ceremony married my girlfriend, Beatrice Keller.” Sidney paused as the rest of the room came to life. Quickly, the reporters began firing questions at him as he stood at the podium grinning, eyes focused on me.

“I promise I’ll answer any questions you might have in just a few minutes,” he continued, speaking over the crowd and suddenly seeming more relaxed. “First of all, I can’t believe I can finally say that out loud,” he chuckled. “Beatrice and I met in October of last year when she joined out medical team. You might recognize her as the woman behind the bench at many of our games. Our relationship quickly evolved into that of a romantic nature and I am confident in saying the past year has been the best of my life. We chose to keep our relationship out of the public for many reasons, but both feel it is important that our marriage not be a secret. I’m actually kind of amazed no one caught onto it.” Everyone laughed and waited for him to continue, like dogs waiting to be fed.

“While the new of my recent marriage may come as a shock to you, I promise I have more. Shortly after our engagement, Beatrice and I found out we’re expecting a new member of the family in the new year.” Once again the room was full of chattering voices and Sidney watched with the same smile plastered to his face. “With that said, I’m not open to taking any questions you may have.” He’d barely finished speaking when hands shot up in the air. I held my breath and hoped their questions were what we’d rehearsed.

“Congratulations,” a balding reporter began. “Really exciting news. Just wanted to check in and see how you’re recovering from jaw surgery.”

“Fully healed,” Sid answered. “Everything went well and I’m more than ready to get back to the game.’

“Just to clarify, Sid,” another spoke up. “By new member of the family you mean your new wife is pregnant, right?”

“Yes, with a baby, a human baby.” He glanced at me again and I had to fight back the giggles at hearing out private joke out loud.

“How is Beatrice doing? Do you know what you’re having?”

“I’m not a pregnancy expert but I’m told that everything is going smoothly and we can expect the baby will be here before the Olympic break. I’m also told we won’t know what we’re having until he or she is born.”

“Can we meet the new Mrs. Crosby?”

“I was waiting for this one,” Sid laughed. “I would advise not calling her Mrs. Crosby, we have both chosen to hyphenate our last names to Keller-Crosby. I’m not sure how she’s feeling right now, but I’ll let you guys know.” Everyone began looking around the room, searching for the mysterious wife of Sidney Keller-Crosby. I wanted to fade away, sink into the wall and become invisible. Without a word, Dan shifted so he was half in front of me, and taking the coach’s silent cue, Mario did the same. I stood in the safety behind them, able to catch my breath and evaluate the situation.

“Does that mean you’ll be changing the name on your jersey?” the questions began again.

“Not at all. My name change is purely a personal legal choice and will not effect my career at all.”

I went over the pros and cons in my head, joining him on stage seemed daunting, but not joining him meant putting off the inevitable. We both knew that the more open we were the better the interactions with the press would be. It was like ripping off a bandaid, it needed to be done quickly and that moment was as good as any. I gave myself a second, then tapped Mario on the shoulder.

“I want to go up,” I whispered to him, my voice shaking and palms sweating.

“That’s a good choice,” he smiled and moved to my side, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving me a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry, you’ve got this,” he said before dropping his hand and nudging me forward.

I slowly made my way to the front of the room, trying to ignore the people around me and focusing instead on Sidney, who continued to answer questions. My hands were shaking and the edges of my vision felt blurry, but kept moving, one foot in front of the other, my heart beating so strongly I could feel it in my jaw. There was a fluttering in my stomach and my knees felt knobby, but I didn’t turn back. I’d reached the edge of the stage before Sidney stopped talking.

“It looks like we have an answer to your earlier question,” he stopped in the middle of telling them about how excited he was about the players acquired in the off season. I felt the attention shift to me, I couldn’t meet the eyes of the crowd watching me and instead watched as Sidney walked towards me, grinning. He took my hand in his and helped me up the stairs, then together, in public for the first time, we walked hand in hand to the podium.

Notes

Taking 27 days to update is kind of a dick move, sorry about that!
I'm going through a lot of really lovely health issues lately which affect the way my mind works and how I put words together, so it takes me a bit longer than usual to do everything. I tend to forget words, mix words up, or misspell things more than usual, so if you notice any seriously messed up sentences I apologize. No kidding though, my mind is so silly lately I forgot the word (I originally forgot to put word in there... yay proofreading) pineapple for three days!! I spent three days trying to figure out what it was called until I finally just googled "spikey fruit". The shame.

Anyway, as per I am delighted by your comments and read and vibes of happiness. I hope you enjoy this update and I hope to hear all about. (Not to be bribey or anything, but comments are very inspiring for me to update quicker-- because they remind me that I have hobbies other than netflix, boybands, and sleeping.)

xx-T