I woke up the next morning with Sidney’s arm draped over my shoulder. Panic washed over me at the sight of his bare upper body. While I didn’t regret the more intimate moments of our night together, I did’t know how I’d face him after I’d locked myself in the bathroom the minute his fingers slid south of my bellybutton. The clock beside me read 7:05am, we weren’t excepted on the bus until 9:00am and he’d mentioned as we were falling asleep that he didn’t plan to wakeup until 8:00am and the earliest. With only fifty-five minutes to make a clean escape I crept out of bed, careful not to wake him and headed for the shower. It took 15 minutes for me to shower and chastise myself for my actions the night before and 5 minutes to get dressed. I didn’t bother drying my hair, fearing that the noise from the blowdryer would wake him up, and my makeup was kept to the bare minimum. I tiptoed around the room packing my belongings in my pink suitcase and thanking a higher power that I hadn’t bothered to unpack anything. With twenty minutes to spare I slipped out of my quiet hotel room, leaving Sid fast asleep in my bed.

I made my way down to the hotel restaurant and found a table off to the side of the room. Not even five minutes after I’d ordered a pot of tea and pulled out my well worn copy of Nabokov’s Lolita, Pascal and Dan walked into the half empty room. Noticing me, they made their way over to my table for four and sat down across from me. We made small talk as we ate our breakfast and by the time I was finished most of the patrons in the restaurant were Penguins.

Determined to avoid Sidney, I made an excuse about needing to find a drugstore and left my suitcase to be loaded onto the bus. I found a store less than a block away and figured I would hide out until the very last minute, or at least until most of the team had boarded and I’d be forced to sit with the coaches. Wandering the aisles of the conveniently placed drug store I tried to find something I could buy to make my emergency trip look legitimate. After leafing through the latest edition of Cosmopolitan and scoffing at the ridiculousness of the articles inside I settled on a pack of gum, some Jolly Ranchers and a small box to tampons. I didn’t expect that anyone would question my trip, but I figured buying something so inherently feminine would prevent any questions.

My plan worked and in no time we were on the plane headed for New York. I’d managed to avoid Sid rather successfully by busying myself with a string of nonsensical questions for Larry. I claimed I wanted to make sure I was doing everything correctly, when in reality I wanted to avoid a conversation with Sid that may lead to the whole team knowing I was nearly doing him last night. My luck dissipated as I ran out of questions and was forced to sit alone while Larry joined the coaches in what seemed to be a lively conversation about the mechanical function of go carts. I plugged into my iPod in hopes I could soothe my confused soul with Lucy Schwartz’s melancholy lyrics, and the written words of Vladimir Nabokov. While I tried to preoccupy myself with the disturbing tale of Humbert Humbert and his attraction to young Delores Haze, I found myself reading the same line repeatedly as my mind drifted off to memories of the night before. I had all but given up on reading when Sidney slid casually into the seat beside me. I calmly took off my headphones and put my book away.

“I don’t know how you feel about last night. Probably because you left me in a hotel room this morning. But I want you to know that I don’t regret any of it.” He said looking me dead in the eyes. “This doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. And if you don’t want to talk about it ever again I will respect that.” He continued before I could say anything. “Just don’t avoid me.” His eyes were wide and reminding me exactly why I had kissed him the night before.

“I don’t regret it,” I responded calmly. The statement mostly true, I didn’t regret being with him, I regretted pushing him away and locking myself in a room.

“Then enlighten me, Bea,” his tone was slightly pleading. “I don’t understand you, I want to, but every time I think I have a handle on who you are, you surprise me.”

I smiled to myself, he wasn’t the first person to suggest I was hard to read. All my life I’d been told my complexities and shifting moods were what pushed people away. A string of failed relationships and forgotten friends in my past, I was well aware that I wasn’t the easiest of people to understand.

“Kaleidoscope,” I murmured quietly to myself. My first boyfriend had coined the comparison of my shifting moods and interests to the colourful toy. I preferred to think of it as fluidity. I wasn’t confined to one set of socially accepted behaviors and reactions. In a world of such diversity I couldn’t comprehend restricting myself in anyway.

“What?” Sidney asked, placing his hand gently on my knee.

“Nothing,” I smiled, enjoying the warmth of his touch.

“Last night, you promised I hadn’t done anything to upset you...” he shifted closer to me, keeping his voice low and the conversation ours.

“You didn’t,” my eye were still locked on his, trapped in his gaze. I placed my hand gingerly on his and turned my gaze downward. “I’m not okay with being an impulse decision,” I stated, slightly taken aback by my own straightforwardness. “I’m over being someone’s good time girl and I didn’t want to go too far only to be disappointed.” There was something in his presence that surrounded me with comfort and the confidence to speak honestly. I had never been someone who avoided the truth, but I was very careful about how and when I revealed parts of myself to those around me.

He looked at me confused, his brow knit tightly in a frown. “You, Beatrice Keller,” He took my hand in his and moved to meet my eye level, “could never be a good time girl.”

Notes

Sorry this one isn't as long. I was having a bit of trouble towards the end. I'm hoping to post 8 sooner rather than later :) Love love loving all the comments. xx T