Getting fucked up was exactly what happened that night. I woke up with my head feeling like it was hanging on by a thread, and just a sheet wrapped around my body. Once again, tangled in with James. He had a smile on his face while he was sleeping. I groaned and hid my face under a pillow. My whole body hurt, the last thing I remember was taking pictures with James at the club after we had dinner together. I got up and stumbled to the bathroom and stood under the hot water and let it wash away the headache I had. I looked around and washed my body with James’ Old Spice and washed my mouth out with the Listerine he had in the shower. I laughed, at the odd place he kept it. I heard the bathroom door opened, and saw James’ figure coming towards the shower, he opened the shower door, and stepped in next to me. I opened my mouth to spoke and James just shook his head, and leaned in, putting his lips over mine. Flashbacks of last night flooded over, and I felt myself getting dizzy with his touch. He kissed my neck, pushing me against the wall. I sighed out loud exhaling his name. He pinned my arms over my head and moved his free hand under my legs, picking me up against him. “James, I-I…” I started to speak, he kissed me again, and shook his head. I felt him enter me, and I felt tears falling from my eyes as we made love.

I laid my head on his chest, and held tightly onto the shirt that covered his body. He hummed a slow tune, almost a lullaby to me. I felt tears coming back up, and I quickly wiped my eyes. All this time spent with Sidney, had made me forget the original idea I had for James and I, but now it all came flooding back. My heart was running in two different directions. I heard my cell phone ringing in the other room, so I slowly stood up and walked over to it. Sid’s face was flashing across the screen, and my stomach dropped. I turned the phone over as if it wouldn’t like I ignored the call and waited till it was done ringing to pick it up again. I unlocked it and walked back to James’ room where he had turned on ESPN. I crawled back into bed with him, and adjusted the necklace around my neck. “You think they’d let me take you to Nashville with me? Store you away in my suitcase?” He asked, not breaking eye contact with the TV. I laughed and shook my head, looking through the camera roll. I smiled at some of the pictures we had taken last night, but stopped at one in particular. James and I were in the middle of a heated kiss, and I apparently had reached out to take a picture of the moment. I swiped to the next picture one we had gotten someone to take of us clearly, I was sitting on his lap with my arms wrapped around his shoulder, and he was kissing my cheek. I smiled and found a more internet friendly one of us to upload to instagram. It was a picture, apparently taken by the same person who took the last picture but instead of kissing. James and I were deep in conversation, there was a smile on James’ face as I talked. I uploaded it, and captioned it, “Forever talking @jneal18’s face off :/”. A text popped on my screen, “You going to just ignore me after last night?”

“When are we leaving to Nashville?” I asked James. “I have us booked for Wednesday morning.” He answered, squeezing my shoulder. Two days from now. I tried imagining what it would be like coming home to an empty house, surely James would take Nixon and Sadie and I’d be alone and I felt sick. I would be all alone, every night. I sat straight up and immediately started bawling, James pulled me into his arms. “Eisley, what’s wrong?!” He exclaimed. I sobbed into my hands, and pushed him off, standing up from the bed. “You’re leaving! Who am I supposed to make breakfast for every morning? Who am I supposed to make sandwiches for before the game?! Who am I supposed to drink too much wine with every off night?!” I choked. James stood up, his mouth open, his mind was racing a million miles to find the words to say. “I can’t be alone James!” I cried. He jumped over the bed and grabbed onto me, and held me close. “I won’t let you be alone, Eisley. This is just temporary, okay? I love you.” I felt my body getting ready to hurl. I ran to the bathroom, hanging my head over the toilet, while crying. James rubbed my back and kissed my forehead.

Weeks had passed since James had left. He was officially on vacation before the start of the season in Nashville. I spent a lot of time with Sidney, and Samantha, coach’s daughter. Sidney and I hadn’t been the same, since the night I went out with James. I think he had pieced together what had happened, but regardless he remained a good friend to me. The three of us walked in downtown Pittsburgh, chatting about anything but James, I had one arm wrapped around Sidney’s arm, tucked into my jacket pocket. Both his hands were tucked into his pocket, per his usual fashion and hat pulled lowly on his head. James and Samantha were talking about Canada’s Olympic hockey teams. Turns out they were both the captain of them. I kept quietly to myself, knowing I didn’t have anything in common with the conversation. I should have, but life always beats you down, right? We stopped into a small café, and walked into it, ordering drinks. The smell of the coffee was overwhelming, and I felt my head get fuzzy. I tried shaking it off, but couldn’t and grabbed the first trashcan close to me, throwing my head in and releasing all contents from my stomach. Sid grabbed my hair and stood in front of me, so people wouldn’t see what was coming out of my stomach. I finished and looked up, wiping my mouth on my sleeve. “I should go home.” I said. Sid’s eyes were wide and I weakly smiled at him, and hurried out of the café. I power walked to my car, and just as I was pulling open the door heard puppy barks. I turned quickly and saw a sign in the back of a truck “GREAT DANE PUPPIES”. I closed my door, and walked over to them. A lady appeared from the side of the truck. “Hello, interested in a puppy?” She asked, picking one up out of the truck. I looked and saw a tiny black and white one, with grey splashes all over. “Maybe, can I see that one?” I asked pointing to it. “That’s our sweet little runt. Turned out a few times smaller than her brother and sister. The other ones are show worthy but that one not so much.” She said handing me the tiny puppy. The puppy was shy, and licked my face. “How much are you asking?” I asked. She petted the puppy’s head. “For the rest of the litter, 300. But nobody has shown any interest in this one here. So 100 for her.” I dug in my pocket, pulling out my wallet, thankful I just pulled money out of the ATM. I handed her the money and turned walking back to my car. I held the puppy close to me and kissed her head. “I’m going to name you Winter.” I kissed her head again, and drove home.

That night, Winter and I laid in James' bed where I had been sleeping since he had left. I picked up my phone and pulled it off the charger, sighing deeply and unlocked the screen. I opened my text messages and reread the last message he had sent me the day he had moved.
Nealsy :) : Thanks for everything the past week, I can't express how thankful I am for you. You're a great friend, and I hope we stay that way.

I felt my eyes welling up, after everything that had happened, he still thought of me as a friend. Things with Sid were ruined because of him, and he didn't even want me. I quickly dialed his number and put the phone to my ear. I thought to myself, if he answers, he loves me. If he doesn't, I know where we stand. Dumb logic, Eisley, I told myself. The phone rang a couple times and then went to voicemail. My stomach dropped.
"Hey it's Nealer, you know what to do." His voice rang into my ear, sending goosebumps up my arm. I pulled the phone away, and quickly hit end. I choked up on my tears, and Winter jumped on me, licking my face. I smiled through my tears and pet her. "You love me, don't you Winter?" What am I doing with myself?

I opened up my texts to Sid and typed a message quickly.
Come over. I need you.

Notes